Chapter 29 #2
It’s not a thought I’ve had before, but perhaps I should have. Where else would Sterling have trained?
The prince considers the map, his features held still. Too still. “The name is familiar, but I cannot recall more than that.”
He’s lying. I want to poke and prod, tease out the details that Sterling has so long denied me, but the look on Lucky’s face stops me. I’ve seen it before.
It’s heartbreak.
Rocked, I turn and walk to the window, with the pretense of admiring the view. It makes sense. Sterling has never dated since he arrived, and he’s always careful to keep my advances at a distance. I thought he was protecting me by letting me down gently. Now I know there’s so much more to it.
“It’s beautiful,” he says. “What will you miss most?”
Not, Will you miss it? No, there’s no question I will. I’m glad he understands that; it will make things easier. The real, honest answer is not a what, but a who—not that I’ll reveal it.
Instead, I point into the distance, deep into the neighboring forest.
Ferntree is largely flat, far as the eye can see, with rich soil and good seasons. We’ve been fortunate to live off what we grow, and we are careful never to ask for more than that.
Beyond the orchard to the east, the horizon is flush with greenery. Oaks, taller than any home I’ve seen, flourish there, and all of my childhood summers were spent hiding from Louis in the undergrowth.
“Not many know of it, but there’s a cottage one day’s walk from here, where the woodsmen camp.
Otherwise, it’s left empty. All my life, it’s served as a secret refuge whenever I was scared.
I’d wait until the moon was high and the house was still and sneak out.
No one else could find me there, not even my brother. I’ll miss having it nearby.”
“Then we’ll have to visit often,” Lucky says, surprising me with a smile. “And while I hope you will never be scared while you’re with me, I know a few great hiding places of my own that I’d be willing to share with you.”
I want to like him. I think I already do, but nothing new can survive in the shadow of my feelings for Sterling, and I have one night left to rid myself of them.
I owe it to myself to try.
“I’m …” Speechless. “Thank you,” I say, caught off guard by how little I dislike him.
Sterling was right; he’s lovely, so why don’t I feel any better?
* * *
I skip dinner.
Louis will be intolerably angry, but I don’t care. I’m only here for two more nights, and then it won’t matter. He won’t have to worry about me anymore. No one will.
I’ve decided I won’t wait. The prince isn’t a bad man; in fact, he is warm and rather sweet. I could even see myself falling for him one day. The worst thing I could say about him, if I had to choose anything at all, is that he’s perhaps too friendly.
That’s not why I’m leaving.
Something twists in my stomach—part hunger, part frustration. I throw another dress into my satchel. It won’t be enough; nothing will be. I could fit everything in this room into this bag, and I still wouldn’t be leaving with the one thing I want.
I don’t mean to disappear for long, but I need to think. One night in the cottage will be enough to purge these painful feelings.
I step into the hallway …
Straight into Sterling’s arms.
“What’s that?” He’s looking down at my bag.
“You know what it is.”
“No.”
I gape. “You can’t stop me.”
“You’re not running.”
“Why not? You did.”
I’ve never had a reason to believe he ran from Chance, but he flinches, and I know I’m right.
“This isn’t about me.”
Of course he’d think that.
“It has everything to do with you.” He opens his mouth to speak, but I won’t let him; I can’t.
“No. You sing the prince’s praises, and yet you won’t tell me why or how you know this about him.
I know you have a past, Sterling, one you keep hidden from me, but unless you can convince me to choose a loveless life, I can’t stay here.
I thought you’d understand. I thought—hoped really—that you might choose me as I choose you. ”
“Of course I—” He pauses. “Can’t you trust me?”
“I’ve done nothing but trust you since the day you arrived, asking my brother to join the guard. I requested you specifically.”
His expression changes. “And I am grateful for every minute we’ve had together.”
“Then why won’t you let me tell you?” I step closer than I ever have before, past the boundaries I’ve held myself to for so long.
Close enough to touch, as I’ve longed to.
“You’re not a fool, Sterling—we both know that.
You must know—you have to,” I whisper, hearing my own desperation, but this is my last chance.
For years, I’ve held my feelings at bay, never sure of their return, fearful of heartbreak.
Footsteps echo down the cold hallway, too many to be an accident. No doubt Louis has sent more people to find me.
“I love you. I don’t remember when I started, only that it has grown deeper with every day. I know you don’t feel the same way, but I can’t pretend any longer. I have to leave here, and I can’t carry this with me anymore.”
Sterling’s face tightens and crumples. He glances toward the approaching footsteps, his movements quick. Panicked. “Mia, please. We can’t do this now.”
My heart sinks to the stone beneath our feet. “Then leave and don’t look for me.”
A deep sigh emanates from his chest, one I hear every time I test his patience, but it’s the strain in his expression that knocks the air from my lungs.
Voices reach us, closer now, and it won’t be long until we’re found. If I want to leave, it has to be now.
What do I do?
* * *
Make Your Choice:
run (go to 38)
hide (go to 51)
go back (go to 26)