Chapter 51
Arushi'POV
One year na. One freaking year since she vanished like a puff of smoke. No goodbye, no note, no final kiss. She just… disappeared.
Honestly, akala ko kaya ko. Akala ko strong ako. But every night, when I lie down sa bed ko, hoping na papasok siya ulit sa panaginip ko—wala. It’s just me. Empty sheets. Empty air. Empty everything.
Raegan kept telling me, “Arushi, girl, move on ka na. There’s life after that mystery woman.”
But how can I? Celest wasn’t just some girl. She was everything. She was my escape, my sin, my love, my destruction.
One time nga nasa lecture hall ako, I almost cried habang nagle-lecture si Professor Kim. Like, wala namang ginagawa ‘yung prof, pero I remembered how Celest used to stand sa harapan, cold and commanding, then she'd glance at me… and that tiny smile. That goddamn smile. My weakness.
Then one afternoon, after another gloomy class, Raegan practically dragged me to a table sa may cafeteria.
I just smiled weakly. I didn’t even try to deny it.
Min-Jae joined us a few minutes later. “Arushi, I get na love mo talaga siya. But kung ayaw niya na sayo, don’t waste your life waiting.”
I rolled my eyes at them pero deep inside, I knew they were right. Pero paano nga ba mag-let go sa taong kahit wala na, ramdam mo pa rin?
---
Two months later, habang nasa labas kami ng campus, Raegan made a suggestion na sobrang out of the blue.
Forest added, “I wanna buy cute anime merch. And see hot Japanese girls.”
I looked at Citrine who just sipped her milk tea and shrugged. “G lang. I’ve been dying to eat real ramen.”
I smiled for the first time in days. “Okay fine. Sige, Japan it is.”
---
Pagdating ng summer, ayun na nga—we landed sa Tokyo. Ang sarap ng hangin. Ang fresh. Parang for once, I could breathe. Walang reminders of Celest. Walang university. Walang secrets.
First day pa lang, we went to Shibuya. Ang daming tao, ang daming lights. Para akong bata na namamangha sa bawat corner.
Raegan was busy taking pictures with her phone. “Arushi, smile ka nga! For once, girl! SMILE!”
I did. Not because she asked. But because for the first time in a long time, I felt like smiling.
We ate ramen sa isang shop na sobrang authentic. I swear, hindi ko na maalala last time na na-satisfy ako sa food nang ganito. Even Forest said, “Mas masarap pa ‘to kesa sa sex.”
I nearly choked sa water ko. “TMI, Forest!”
---
Sa mga susunod na araw, we went to Kyoto to see temples. Nagkimono pa kami ni Citrine. We looked so elegant, I almost forgot na heartbroken ako. We did some shopping sa Harajuku, even tried the purikura photo booths. It was… fun.
Pero kahit gaano ako kasaya with them, pag humihiga na ako sa hotel bed, tahimik na, the thoughts come back.
What if Celest’s gone for good?
What if I was just a mission? A target? And she succeeded?
Bakit parang ang unfair ng universe? Kung kailan ko na siya mahal na mahal, tsaka siya nawala?
---
Isang gabi, habang nasa rooftop kami ng hotel, nag-iinuman lang casually, tahimik lahat. Tapos biglang nagsalita si Raegan.
I blinked. “Huh?”
I looked away. “Yeah. I guess… hindi madaling mawala ng someone you love.”
Forest took a swig from her beer. “Pero proud kami sayo. At least, you didn’t let it break you completely.”
Min-Jae nodded. “And kung meant talaga kayo, she’ll come back. If not… then maybe she never deserved you.”
Citrine came close and hugged me from behind. “We got you, twin. Kahit hindi mo pa ma-let go ngayon, okay lang. I’ll wait until dumating ‘yung araw na kaya mo na.”
Napaluha ako. Not because of pain. But because for once, I felt seen. I felt supported.
---
Pagbalik namin ng Pilipinas, I felt a little different. May lungkot pa rin, oo. But I wasn’t drowning anymore.
I still visited Celest’s condo once. Locked pa rin. Walang pagbabago.
But instead of crying like before, I whispered, “I hope you’re safe, Celest. Sana kung nasaan ka man, iniisip mo pa rin ako.”
Then I left a letter sa door niya. No idea kung mababasa niya. But I did it anyway.
“I still love you, even now. But I’m choosing to live. Because that’s what you would’ve wanted.”
---
Life went on. The pain didn’t disappear, pero natuto akong dalhin ito.
Celest was my past. But I’ll carry her with me always—until maybe, by some miracle, she returns.
And if not… I’ll survive.
Because that’s what she taught me.
To love deeply.
To live fearlessly.
And to let go—if I must.
---
Grabe… ang bilis ng panahon. We graduated na. As in legit, tapos na ang university life. No more deadlines, no more thesis, no more puyat sessions sa library—tapos na lahat. And for the first time, I feel… free. Happy. But also kinda empty?
We’re here sa penthouse ngayon, naka-chill lang sa mini cinema room while nanunuod ng random romcom movie sa Netflix. Si Raegan, si Min-Jae, si Forest, and of course, Citrine—lahat sila excited about our next trip.
____
Nandito na kami ngayon sa Paris, three days na actually.
Ang saya. As in sobrang saya. Kumakain kami ng authentic croissants, pain au chocolat, at yung legit na French fries—French fries talaga, pero sa Paris!
Nagsa-shopping kami sa mga local boutiques, kahit wala na akong budget.
Worth it naman. Kasi hello, once in a lifetime ‘to.
Pero kahit sobrang saya, kahit surrounded ako ng mga taong mahal ko… may kulang.
Kanina, after lunch, I told them na I’ll go for a walk. Gusto ko lang mag-unwind. Alone time. Kasi lately, kahit tumatawa ako, kahit nagpapatawa pa ako sa group, deep inside… I still think of her.
So here I am, walking alone sa park near our hotel.
May konting lamig pa rin kahit spring na.
I’m wearing this light beige trench coat and scarf, may coffee sa kamay ko, and my earphones are in—playing a soft playlist. Yung mga kantang nakakakiliti ng puso, pero hindi nakakaiyak.
Just enough para maramdaman mo na may kulang.
I sat down sa isang bench near the fountain. Ang ganda ng scenery. May mga lovers na nagho-holding hands. May mga bata na tumatakbo. Ang peaceful. Pero ako? Nandito lang, tahimik, nag-iisip.
Celest…
It’s been a year.
One whole year since she vanished. No messages. No emails. No dreams. Nothing. Parang she got erased from the world. And kahit ilang beses kong sinabihan sarili ko na tanggapin na lang, na baka this is for the best—I can’t. Kasi I loved her. I still do.
I remember how she smiled at me sa last time namin nagkita. Yung smirk niya, yung way she’d call me “mine.” The way she’d whisper in my ear, the way we’d kiss, make love, and laugh afterward like everything was normal.
Pero hindi pala.
Because loving a demon like her… may consequences.
I sipped my coffee, trying to calm myself.
Naalala ko yung mga araw na tinatago ko pa siya from my family. Yung kilig ko everytime I’d sneak food to her office. Yung mga kabaliwan naming dalawa sa secret room niya.
Damn. I miss her.
I leaned back, closed my eyes for a second, and tried to breathe slowly. Arushi, you’re in Paris. Try to enjoy this.
Napadilat ako. A French woman, siguro early 30s, was smiling at me. “Is this seat taken?”
“Ah, no, go ahead po,” I replied quickly, shifting a bit to the side.
Tahimik kami for a while. I took another sip of my coffee. Naglalakad yung isip ko—naglilibot sa lahat ng memorya naming dalawa ni Celest.
Napansin ko yung babae na parang naka-focus sa libro na dala niya. Pero may moments na I can feel her looking at me. Or maybe imagination ko lang.
Bigla niyang sinabi, “You look… lost.”
Napatingin ako sa kanya. “Ha?”
She smiled. “In your eyes. You look like you’re waiting for someone who won’t come.”
I blinked. My chest tightened.
Tumango ako. “Yeah. You're right.”
She smiled gently. “Paris is a city for lovers. But it’s also a good place to heal a broken heart.”
Tumingin ako sa paligid. Ang daming magkasama, magka-holding hands, magka-kiss. Lahat sila may kanya-kanyang happily ever after.
She chuckled. “There’s always a second chance. Maybe not with the same person… but with yourself.”
Napangiti ako kahit konti. “Deep ah.”
I laughed softly. For the first time in a while, that felt… real.
I checked the time. 4:30 PM.
Tumayo ako. “Thanks for the chat. I needed that.”
She nodded. “Take care, stranger.”
And I walked away from the bench, slowly making my way back to the hotel.
While walking, I looked up at the sky. Medyo gloomy, parang uulan. Pero I smiled.