CHAPTER 5
CARA
“Sshh baby. I’m here. You’re safe.”
Those gentle words and the feel of a large, warm hand rubbing up and down my back roused me from whatever nightmare I had started to slip into.
I couldn’t remember what it was about as consciousness returned to me, but I could feel my heart pounding and the feel of sweat covering my skin.
I didn’t even remember falling asleep. I had been fighting not to allow that to happen, but I’d obviously lost that fight at some point.
I opened my eyes with a gasp, and looked up with fear. Dio was sitting on the bed beside me, leaning over where I lay on my side, his weight resting on one hand as he used the other to try and soothe me.
“Deep breaths, Cara. You’re alright now,” he told me gently.
His features were soft as he studied me, but I knew it was a mask. I could see the stress and concern in his eyes.
It had been the same with Arran and Cal too in the two days that I’d been home.
They tried to act as normal as possible for me, but they did a crappy job of hiding their true feelings.
Plus, their act wasn’t fooling anyone. They were acting far from normal, with their fussing, and pussy footing around me.
They were worried about me, and I couldn’t blame them, because I was too.
Rafe was harder to read, his mask, which he had been trained to wear from such a young age, impenetrable.
I knew he was fussing over me a lot, at my side every spare moment he had, but he wasn’t showing any of the grief I knew he had to be dealing with over Gia, or any of the anger and rage I knew had to be consuming him that any of it had happened at all.
He just remained calm, cool, and controlled, doting on me at every opportunity and ensuring the others did when he couldn’t be there. The only sign he was remotely worried was his constant calls to his men regarding security. He had become obsessed with his home being locked down tight.
But that night he and Arran had gone to take care of some business. That was as much detail as anyone would give me, and I hadn’t pushed because I didn’t want to know really.
I was pretty sure Rafe had the men who had hurt me and killed Gia holed up somewhere, and was making them pay dearly for what they did before he ended them, but again, that was just a guess on my part, and maybe a little wishful thinking.
I wanted those bastards to pay for what they did to me.
I wanted them to hurt not just as much as I had that night in the warehouse, but as much as I still hurt for every second following it all.
Not a moment passed, that pain didn’t fill me inside, that the feel of them touching me, tearing into me, and breaking me replayed in my mind, feeling so real I was sure I was starting to lose my mind.
I could smell those monsters, feel their breath against my skin.
I could hear their satisfied grunts and heavy breathing.
It never left no matter how hard I fought to push it away.
No matter how long I showered under the hottest water. The pain and fear never stopped.
“Cara? I need you to take some slower breaths for me, please. Just try to slow everything down. You’re home, baby,” Dio prompted.
Tears started to spill as I took in his words and tried to force them to penetrate my addled and terrified mind.
I looked around me, trying to centre myself in the knowledge that I was in my room at Rafe’s house.
It was my new room, so I was able to see all of the corners in the dimly lit space from where I lay in the bed.
The bathroom door was open and the light inside was on.
I’m home, I tried to convince myself.
“Cal’s just across the hall in his room. Do you want me to get him?” Dio asked.
I knew he had been hesitant to stay with me when Rafe left, but Cal had needed to get some sleep. His ankle was causing him a lot of pain, but he refused to take the strong painkillers when he was with me, too worried they would make him fall asleep.
He knew how badly I needed him, despite my lies to the contrary, and he had been with me almost every second since I got back home because of that.
But he didn’t sleep when he was with me, because I didn’t, and he was exhausted.
That was why I had insisted he sleep in his room that night.
Then Arran, who had been with me, had gone with Rafe, and Dio had been left with me.
I had tried to tell him – to tell them all – that they didn’t have to stay with me constantly, but they refused to leave me.
I was still in quite a lot of pain from the stitches and my badly bruised body.
My head pounded with a constant headache from the concussion, and when I stood I instantly lost my balance and became unsteady.
That alone was enough to have them all refusing to leave me, but add in the fact I was barely sleeping or eating, and the way I was constantly and randomly bursting into tears, and there was no way they’d listen.
Still, Dio had seemed worried when Arran and Rafe left. He had been with me a few times in the last couple of days, but Cal or Rafe had been there too, so if, or usually when, I fell apart, they would soothe me while Dio stood back.
Now he was stuck with me while I panicked and he seemed unsure of what to do about it. But I couldn’t have him wake Cal. He needed some pain free rest.
I just shook my head in answer to his question.
I’d be alright if I could just calm myself down.
He just needed to give me a few moments.
But I couldn’t tell him that, because my body was still stopping me from using my voice.
It seemed to be the only morsel of control I had been able to cling to, and I was pretty sure a part inside of me was terrified if I let that go, I’d have nothing.
Even when I pushed through the anxiety over it all, and tried to force words out, nothing came.
Something was stopping me and I couldn’t get past it.
“Tell me what to do, Cara. Tell me how to make this better for you,” Dio pleaded.
I looked up at him through my blurry vision and lifted my arms towards him. I just needed to not be alone. I needed him to hold me tight so I would feel grounded.
“Shit. I’m such an idiot,” he muttered as he picked me up and cradled me against his chest while he moved to sit at the top of the bed.
Once he was settled back against the cushioned headboard, he placed me in his lap and held me tight as I rested my head against his chest. “Sorry, Carr. I should have worked out this was what you needed a lot sooner,” he sighed as he held me and I fought to calm myself down.
My forehead was touching Dio’s skin, where the collar of his shirt was partly unbuttoned and I wanted more of that.
He was so warm and his skin felt so comforting.
I moved around until I could press my cheek to his skin instead, straining to reach there, but I needed it.
I couldn’t explain why. Maybe I just needed to be even closer to him.
“Do you like touching my skin?” Dio asked, and I looked up at him with embarrassment. I was acting like a frightened child, but in that moment, that was kind of the way I felt.
Dio just watched me, waiting for my answer patiently.
He looked tired, but still so handsome, with his dark hair product-free and looking so much thicker and wilder than usual.
His stubble was thick, and those dark eyes were so intense as he just waited for me.
Finally I gave in and nodded. I hadn’t spoken for days and couldn’t stop crying.
How much worse could admitting I wanted to be even closer to him be?
“Then we can do better than this. Sit up for me for a moment,” he said, and I sat up and moved aside, then watched in relief and shock as he pushed up enough to free his shirt from his dress pants, then started undoing all of the buttons.
I just stared for a moment when he pulled his shirt open, and revealed his bronzed and perfect body underneath. It was lined with tight muscle and covered with tattoos.
“Is this okay, Piccola? Do you want to lay against me like this?” he asked softly.
I glanced up to him and nodded, then settled down against him, this time my whole face pressed against his warm, smooth skin.
I moved my right hand to hold over his stomach too, wanting more contact.
It was the best kind of comfort, and I actually started to calm down, pressed against him like that.
“That’s it. Nice steady breaths for me now,” Dio coached. He started to run his hand through my wild hair over and over again, and before long my eyes were getting heavy.
As sleep came for me, so did terror and I jolted myself awake violently. I wasn’t allowing myself to sleep anymore! I couldn’t take any more of the replays that awaited me there.
“I’m still here, baby. You’re safe,” Dio said quickly, but I pushed from his grip and sat up, by breath coming fast once again.
My only thought was to move and not stop, if that were what it took to stop me from sleeping.
I couldn’t sleep! I was so close to losing my mind, that I was pretty sure one more nightmare could do it.
“Cara?” Dio began, but I shuffled from the bed and pushed to my feet the moment they touched the carpet. “Cara! Slow down. Where are you going?” Dio shot up from the bed and came towards me.
I held a hand out to him, trying to reassure him that I was okay, then I nodded to the bedroom door before heading towards it. I needed coffee, I decided. Lots and lots of coffee.
By the time I had crossed the room and gotten to the door, my head, or the room, possibly both, were spinning and I clung to the door handle as I tried to breathe through it. I had to get out of that room. I was too exhausted to be anywhere near a comfortable bed.