CHAPTER 8 #2
He had been through his own version of hell throughout his life to that point.
From a younger age than he probably remembered, he had been raised as the heir to the De Santis empire, and that had come with some brutal and violent training.
He’d been subject to constant abuse, belittling, and control from Marcello, then he’d had to send his own mother and me away to protect us from that monster.
Now he was trapped in a criminal life I was fairly sure he didn’t want a part in, and he’d lost Gia – his only full blood relative left living.
He, more than anyone, deserved a fucking break from the existence he had been born into.
“Don’t do that,” I told him tiredly. “Don’t try to protect me, Rafe. I know something happened. Just tell me. I can handle it.”
“Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should have to,” he breathed out, exasperatedly.
“No. Being a part of this family means that I have to. Don’t try and shut me out. I know you just want to protect me, but we’ve already established that’s not going to happen. I need to know what’s going on,” I pushed. “Did you find Mikhail Kozlov?”
“No. The lead was a dead end last night, but we’re getting closer.”
“Then what? Are you both alright? Are you hurt?” I asked as I looked between him and Dio.
“It’s nothing like that, Carr. We’re both fine,” Dio hurried to assure me, and I let out a deep breath of relief.
“Then what? Just bloody tell me, Rafe!” I growled, losing patience as my anxiety notched up.
“Dario and I were out most of the night. We chased down the lead, then when that was a bust, we went to talk to some of our associates. We didn’t get anywhere really though,” Rafe explained.
“Oh. Is that all? It’s annoying that fucker’s out there, but you’ll get him eventually.”
“No, Gioia. God, I wish that were all,” Rafe rasped, sounding completely exhausted.
“When we got home the security team outside were on alert. Someone tried to get into the house this morning, in the early hours. They hacked our cameras and Dom thinks they also tried to get access to our security system. Thankfully, they weren’t skilled enough to tamper with the alarm, but they still tried to access the house.
Took down two of my men around the back and made it onto the property before a patrol caught sight of them. ”
“Did they catch whoever it was?” I gasped. I had lost the fight not to panic. My heart raced as a sweat broke out all over my shaking body.
“No. They chased them up to the high street, but lost them when they jumped in a car. I have my tech guys working on tracking the car down and getting us more details, but for now we have no clue who it was.”
“Do you think this is Kozlov?” I forced myself to ask. The question came out wobbly and in little more than a whisper.
“Come and sit down, Piccola,” Dio spoke up, and I startled badly. I had forgotten he was even there, in the moment. “Steady. It’s just me,” he whispered as he came closer to me and wrapped an arm around me.
“Sorry.” I blindly reached for him and he gripped my hand in his as he led me over to the counter and lifted me into a stool there.
“I shouldn’t have told you. I knew this would upset you,” Rafe cursed as he appeared at my side. As Dio disappeared back to the food he was cooking, Rafe took my hand in his and held it tightly.
“No, I…I want to know. I’m okay. I just…I freaked a little, but I’m okay. Do you think it’s him? Kozlov?” I asked again.
“It seems the most likely scenario right now. He knows I’m coming for him. Could be this was a last ditch attempt to save his neck. He likely sent some of his men to take me out,” Rafe explained.
“But he didn’t get in, so that…that’s good, right? It means we’re s-safe here. You’re safe, aren’t you?” I couldn’t even stand to consider losing Rafe in that moment.
“Of course,” he nodded. “And as I said, I have tech guys working on the leads this attack gave us. With any luck we’ll have our hands on Kozlov, and what remains of his operation, very soon.”
“And if it wasn’t Kozlov?” I wasn’t sure I really wanted him to confirm what worried me, but I refused to not ask out of fear. “It could be the Armenians, couldn’t it? Adamian might know who I am to him after all.”
“It doesn’t matter who it was, Cara. You are protected in this house, and I will ensure it stays that way until all of this mess is cleaned up. I just need you to give me a little time to do that though. Can you do that?”
“You mean stay in the house?”
“Just for now. I can’t risk anything else happening to you. It won’t be for long,” Rafe almost pleaded.
“Okay,” I nodded. “But what about you? If this is Kozlov and he wants you dead…”
“Let him fucking try. I’m just waiting for my chance to make that bastard pay for all he’s done,” Rafe seethed.
“Just you make sure you watch your back too. You’re not expendable, Rafe. Remember that.” I stared him down until he gave me the definitive nod I wanted from him.
“I’ve got his back, Carr. Everything will work out,” Dio assured me. “Rafe, sit now. Let’s eat,” he added.
He pulled some plates from a cupboard above him, then brought them over.
Rafe sat beside me with a deep groan, like he was in pain. I watched him, pretty sure he was just in desperate need of some sleep. I wasn’t sure I had seen him get a full night in his bed since the day I had arrived there.
“Where’s Terza?” I asked. I laid the plates out at three spaces, one for me, and one either side of me. “Is she alright?”
“I told her to stay home today. She’s still pretty shaken up and worn out after yesterday. I’ll go and check on her after we eat,” Dio replied.
“You need to sleep, Dio. You both do. You look shattered.”
“I’m fine. I’ll grab a few hours later,” Dio brushed me off. “What were you doing downstairs? Did you use the pool?”
“I don’t swim,” I said with a shake of my head. “Cal keeps threatening to teach me, but he hasn’t had a chance with all the drama around here. I just used the gym, then decided to shower down there.”
“You shouldn’t be pushing yourself right now, Tesorino. You’re injured,” Rafe argued.
“Not badly,” I countered. “I needed something to do. Arran had to work and Cal’s meeting at the university ran late. I just need to keep busy right now. I think that’s the best thing to get me through.”
“Well, don’t push yourself with exercise. You’re still dealing with the effects of that concussion, and I know that your bruised ribs must be painful, no matter how much you argue to the contrary.”
“What else do you like to do, Piccola? Maybe we could find other things to keep you out of trouble,” Dio interjected as he set a huge serving dish filled with delicious smelling pasta before us, then took a seat at my side.
“Ideally I’d have a job, but that’s not going to happen right now, is it?” I shrugged.
“What about looking at taking some online course of some kind? You wanted to complete high school, didn’t you? Maybe you could take some GCSE classes? Those are the exams you would complete to finish school in this country,” Rafe suggested.
“Maybe, but I’m not sure I’d be smart enough to start at that level. It’s been years since I was in school,” I admitted with embarrassment.
“We’ll discuss it with Cal, okay? He can help you work out what classes you should enrol in, and he can help you do that, if you decide it’s what you want,” Rafe told me, and when I glanced up at him, the mask was gone and there was a gentle, understanding smile on his face.
“Sounds good,” I nodded.
I watched on as Dio took the plate from in front of me and placed a couple of spoonfuls of pasta on it. I was relieved to see he had kept the portion small when he set it back down before me.
“Try to eat something, please. It’s not as good as my Mum’s, but it should be decent,” he told me.
I pushed the food around a little as Rafe and Dio filled their own plates with ridiculously huge portions, then tucked in like they hadn’t eaten in days, which, with how hard they both worked, was definitely possible.
“Will you both be home tonight? Maybe I could make dinner?” I offered. It would keep me busy and hopefully it would be a way I could help out in the house while they all worked on finding whoever had tried to break in.
“Don’t be silly, sweetheart. We can just order some takeaway. You should be resting,” Rafe cut in.
“I can’t rest anymore!” I snapped instantly.
I knew it was completely unwarranted, but I just needed them to stop trying to shelter me from everything. Them all treating me like I was broken, was only making me feel exactly that – broken beyond repair.
I lowered my head into my hands and forced myself to just breathe. I didn’t want to take out my messed up emotions on Rafe or Dio. They didn’t deserve that.
“I’m sorry, Cara,” Rafe said softly, and I felt his hand rest on my forearm.
“No,” I sighed as I lifted my head and turned to him.
“That was all me. I didn’t mean to snap.
I know you’re right in a way, Rafe. I do have some injuries, and I don’t feel up to much right now, but I have to keep moving if I’m not going to end up rocking in the corner of the room every few minutes.
I don’t want to have too much time to think. Does that make sense?”
“It does,” he agreed. “But I just don’t want you to push yourself too hard. You look so tired, and I’m concerned you’re losing weight too. I don’t want to smother you, Gioia, but I do want to ensure I am taking care of you.”
“You are,” I assured him. “That’s all you’ve done since the day you found me again. But you have to trust me to know my limits too. I spent a long time looking after myself, remember?”
“I, for one, would love to try Cara’s cooking tonight, Rafe. I’m sure Cal will help with the preparation too, as soon as he gets home,” Dio interjected.
“Okay,” my brother gave in. “But take it easy, for me, please? Cook something simple.”
“That won’t be an issue,” I laughed. “I don’t know anything but simple.”
“Shall I make you something else? Have I made that pasta too spicy?” Dio worried as he looked to my almost untouched plate.
“It’s good,” I told him. “I’m just not that hungry. I ate before I hit the gym.”
It was a lie, which I didn’t like, but I also didn’t want them both to look at me with the concern that seemed to have become their most used expression with me. I hated it.
“I have the number of a therapist I want to make an appointment with for you, sweetheart. She’s a trauma counsellor and she was recommended to me by a friend that I trust. She’s based in Cornwall, so sessions with her would have to be done online. Video sessions. What do you think?” Rafe asked.
He caught me off guard and for several moments I just stared at him blankly as panic consumed me. I knew I should do what Rafe was asking of me. I clearly needed help to sort the insanity in my head, but that didn’t make the idea of talking to a complete stranger any less terrifying.
“Can I th-think about it?” I asked eventually.
“Of course, but I’m going to go ahead and make you an appointment anyway, just in case. Apparently this counsellor has a very packed client list so I doubt we could get an appointment immediately.”
“No. I…what if I decide against it?” I stuttered.
“Then we’ll be forced to cancel the appointment, but I really hope you don’t decide against it, Cara. I think taking this step is what you need the most right now. I’d feel better if you would just give it a try, at least.”
“Guilt trip, huh?” I bit back, my annoyance clear.
“Not at all. I would never try to manipulate you like that. I just wanted to be clear how much I think this option could help you. That doesn’t mean you have to do anything about it.
I told you I would never take your choices from you, and I meant it,” Rafe returned calmly, but I saw a flash of hurt cross his face.
“I’ll think on it,” I agreed begrudgingly. “I’ll be in my room for a while if anyone needs me,” I added in a rush before hurrying from the kitchen as fast as I could.
I knew deep down that Rafe wasn’t trying to manipulate me.
He was just worried about me, just like the others were too.
They had all mentioned me getting some professional help, and now it seemed Rafe was ready to push a little harder on the subject.
And why wouldn’t he? He knew I wasn’t sleeping and barely eating.
I had just told him I didn’t dare stop moving for fear I’d fall apart if I did.
I’d had a breakdown that ended with me screaming my lungs out just days earlier.
It was obvious how messed up I was. I did need help.
I just wasn’t so sure that I wanted it though.