CHAPTER 9
CARA
“Dante, it’s me…again,” I scoffed. “I don’t know why I’m leaving another message, but I…I miss you. I’m still mad about what happened, but I miss you too, and I’m worried. Just…can you come home, okay? Please come home,” I sniffled into my phone, then ended the call.
I had lost count of how many voicemails I had already left for him, then there had been the text messages too, but he’d never responded, and he hadn’t come home.
Two weeks had passed since the night we all stepped off of that plane and into a waking nightmare. Two weeks since we lost Gia. Two weeks in which I had tried hard to find any recognisable scrap of myself, and failed.
I’d woken from another nightmare that night, the same nightmare that plagued me every time I closed my eyes – the rerun of the hell in that warehouse, of Gia falling to the ground as blood pooled around her, then of men over me, pressing me down, tearing me to pieces.
With the adrenaline coursing through my system – the fear feeling that real – I had grabbed my phone with shaking, clammy hands and instinctively hit Dante’s contact.
I just wanted him to be there. I wanted him to hold me the way he had in the gym weeks before and make me feel safe.
But he didn’t answer. He never answered, not my calls and not anyone else’s, for that matter.
Arran hadn’t heard a word from him since they parted ways in Chicago, and Rafe was angry because he had no idea where Dante was, so I was pretty sure he’d had no word either.
None of the guys seemed worried, since Dante had taken off like this before, apparently, and had come back again.
But I was worried. Dante disappeared when everything went to hell.
What if he’d been caught up in it all and killed?
His body could have been buried or disposed of and we’d never even know.
We’d never see him again, and just the idea of that was more than I could stand.
The man was a complete overprotective, controlling, grumpy asshole.
He had hurt me that night, but, worse than that, he’d made me doubt the trust I’d had in him.
I didn’t forgive him for that, but that didn’t stop the feelings I had for him either.
He was a messy, complicated, and infuriating man, but part of me felt strongly that he was mine, just as he had claimed I was his.
I took a deep breath and fought to calm myself as I slammed my phone down on the nightstand.
A knock on my bedroom door startled me, but I calmed quickly, knowing it was likely Cal or Arran, probably having heard me either during or after my nightmare. One of them always seemed to be close by, especially when I needed them.
“Come in,” I called, but it came out croaky.
“It’s just me,” Dio said as he poked his head in the small gap he made in the doorway. “I heard you from the hall. Are you alright?” he asked softly.
“Just a nightmare,” I replied. “You can come in,” I added when he just paused there.
“Are you sure? I could grab Cal instead?”
“Dio, I’m fine. I don’t need Cal. Either come in, or go back to what you were doing.”
“I was just checking on you before I went to bed myself,” he rambled as he came into the room and closed the door behind him.
“Do you do that often?” I asked.
“Go to bed?”
“No. I know you and Rafe both don’t do that often enough. I meant check on me,” I clarified.
“I worry about you. I knew I’d sleep better if I saw you were sleeping soundly too. I thought Cal would be in here with you?”
“No. I made him start sleeping in his own bed after I kicked his cast by accident, in my sleep. He was in agony for hours afterwards. I don’t want to risk that happening again,” I explained.
“You should have said something. I would have stayed with you.”
“You would?” I questioned.
“Of course I would. I’ll do anything I can to help you feel safe, baby.”
“You just…after that epic meltdown I had…I thought I’d scared you away,” I tried to laugh it off like a joke, but if fell very flat as Dio just watched me unflinchingly.
“Nothing you ever do could scare me away, Cara. I know I haven’t voiced anything, but I hope you know how much you mean to me.”
“I know you care about me,” I hedged.
I was confused when it came to Dio, not about my feelings.
I knew very well what my own feelings for him had become in the time since we had become reacquainted.
I no longer saw him in the brotherly way I did when I was a kid.
Those feelings were gone, replaced by this strong attraction to him, not just to his amazing looks, but to who he was inside.
To everyone else he was ruthless and meticulous, a planner down to the finest detail.
He could come across cold and definitely dangerous.
I’d seen him lose his shit that day when I was attacked in the parking lot of Jewels – he’d beaten that monster to death with his bare hands.
He was the product of his upbringing, like Rafe.
His father was in the family, and Dio had been dragged into it all, just as Rafe had been.
But I saw Dio differently, because to me he was none of those things.
To me he was only ever caring, and gentle.
His anger was never aimed at me, but used to protect me and the people he loved and cared about.
He knew me better than anyone else, other than my brother, ever really could, because I was also a product of my upbringing – part of it in that life that Dio knew so well, with Marcello.
But I was confused about how Dio felt about me.
Most of the time I was pretty sure he still saw me as the little sister he protected and helped Rafe to raise when I was a small kid, but then other times I’d catch him looking at me in a way that was most definitely not a sibling kind of look.
Plus he called me ‘baby’ which would be weird if he saw me as a sister, right?
“It’s more than that,” Dio sighed as he dropped down to the bed beside me and crawled closer until he was at my side.
He was in dress pants and a black shirt again, the same he’d been wearing all day, and they looked well worn, which was unsurprising, considering it was after three AM and he was only just headed to bed.
“Rafe is very likely to kill me for this, but I can’t deny my feelings for any fucking longer.
I can’t stand back and pretend…fuck!” he hissed as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration.
“Dio.” I placed my hand over the ink on his forearm and just clutched him there. He lifted his head and locked eyes with me, his filled with turmoil, but so much intensity too.
“I’m in love with you, Cara. It terrifies me because I can’t lose Rafe, but I can’t deny the way I feel either.
My feelings for you, ever since we found you again…
they’ve just gone wild and I couldn’t stop them, not that I wanted to.
You’re everything I have ever needed and wanted, baby.
We don’t have to rush anything, but you have to know that I fucking love you. ”
I didn’t know what to say. My instinct was to argue that I could never be anything anyone needed or wanted, let alone be everything.
I should tell him what I had told Cal, and Arran too – that I was a mess, and would never be good enough, or whole enough to make anything meaningful work.
I should have done so many things, but only one impulse won out.
I pushed up onto my knees and straddled Dio’s lap before he even saw it coming.
He only just caught me, wrapping his hands around my hips, before my lips crashed down over his and I kissed him with every little ounce of attraction, desire, and need I had for him.
He caught on quickly and returned the kiss just as ferociously, his hand moving from my hip to my right cheek and cradling it, moving my head to the angle that allowed him to deepen the moment.
“Okay,” he gasped as we pulled apart, breathless. “Out of all the responses I anticipated, I didn’t see that coming.” He smiled softly, and leaned in to peck my lips again, just a peck this time though.
“Sorry, that was a lot, I now realise,” I told him with a blush.
“Don’t you dare apologise. It was perfect.”
I nodded as I sank against him and wrapped my arms around the sides of his waist, clutching him as I caught my breath and allowed myself a moment to take everything in.
It took me less than that moment to realise what a mistake it was to allow myself to think though.
All of my fears and worries flooded in and in a flash I was regretting kissing Dio as I had without laying the truth out for him first. I’d been selfish and just taken what I wanted, not thinking about what he needed.
“You’re getting all tense on me now, Piccola,” Dio uttered as he nuzzled his lips against the top of my head. “Are you regretting it already?”
“No.” I lifted my head and met his eyes, hating I was probably about to ruin the smile that was still on his handsome face. I’d seen him smile so little since I arrived back in London. “But you might.”
“Never. Don’t talk silly,” he scoffed.
I forced myself to sit up and I faced him, making sure my eyes met his so he would see the truth of the words I was about to spill.
“I kissed Dante, Cal, and Arran too…and I…I have feelings for them! I’m sorry. So sorry. I know I’m a horrible person! I should have told you before, but you…”
“Hush baby,” he cut in, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me close until every part of my front was pressed to him. “I suspected as much. You are not a horrible person, alright? I knew what I was getting into when I came to you tonight.”
“You did?” I asked as I looked up at him with surprise.
“I’m pretty observant, not that you need to be to see the bond between you, Cal, and Arran. It’s just been getting stronger and stronger over the last couple of weeks. I was already pretty sure I wasn’t going to get you to myself.”
“I don’t know what’s happening. Cal told me he loves me, and I love him too.
Arran and I have kissed and cuddled, but he hasn’t said much about the way he feels, other than he feels something for me.
And Dante…well, I kissed him, but he’s gone now.
He might not even come back. It’s a mess, and I know I shouldn’t feel the way I do for all of you, but I do, Dio.
I’ve been falling for all four of you since I moved in here,” I admitted anxiously.
“There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, and no one has the right to tell you otherwise. You don’t decide who you love, and, clearly, you don’t decide how many people you love either.
None of it matters here, Carr. What matters is that you want all of us, and we want you.
I’m good with being in a relationship with the others too, if that’s what you need and want.
I’ll take you any way I can get you, as long as I get to call you mine. ”
“But how would that even work? And Rafe….”
“Rafe will get over his issues as long as you’re happy. I’m not saying he won’t lose his shit to start with, but he will come around eventually. You don’t need to weigh that up as a factor.”
“But all of us…four of us…maybe even five…in a relationship? It sounds messy,” I pointed out.
“It would be complicated, I agree, but we’d find a way to make it work. If the others love you the way I do, they’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. Have Cal and Arran not spoken to you about any of this?”
“No. Dante started to mention some things before he disappeared, but it was all pretty platonic then anyway. Cal and Arran know I’m into both of them though, so I guess they’re good with that?”
“We all need to sit down and talk this through as a group, if it’s what you want. I have no idea what Dante is up to, but Cal, Arran, and I can come to some understanding with you for now.”
“Understanding?” I repeated with a frown.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like some business transaction,” he chuckled. “I just meant we should all make sure that we’re on the same page.”
“And if you are?”
“If we all are…” he corrected, pulling me even tighter against him. “…if we all want this, then we work out what’s next. But we’ll need to come clean with Rafe. I’m not sneaking around behind his back.”
“I agree. I don’t want that either.”
“After that, if me, Cal, and Arran survive it, we can see where things go, but wherever that is, it can go at your pace, Cara. No one is going to rush you into anything. Tell me you know that.”
“I do. I know I’m safe with the three of you.”
“Then everything will work out, baby. You’ll see,” he assured me. I only hoped he was right, because as things stood, they were a long way from ‘worked out.’