CHAPTER 12 #4
“We do need to change things around here though. Cara’s drownin’ and we’re all just standin’ back and watchin’ it happen.” Arran added.
“No. I’m okay,” I argued.
“That has to stop too, Cara. No more telling everyone you’re fine when you’re not.
You can’t heal from everything that happened by shoving it somewhere deep inside you.
It won’t work this time. You have to let it out, be honest when you’re hurting, or struggling, talk to us about what you’re feeling.
Be open and honest so we can all help you through,” Cal cut in, his voice stern again.
“He’s right,” Rafe agreed. “You have the appointment with that counsellor on Monday. I think it’s important you try to let her help too.”
“I just w-want to be better,” I sniffled,
“You will be, Piccola, but it will take time, patience, and trust in all of us - belief that we will be here for you.”
“It’s too hard!”
“Harder than hiding from us all? Harder than crying and breaking down when you’re alone and afraid? Harder than breaking your own principles to take illegal drugs, just to get through the days feeling nothing?” Dio pushed.
“We’re all going to be closer, sweetheart.
We’re not going to leave you by yourself for a moment.
When it gets too hard to deal with, we’ll be there.
You don’t have to do anything alone. Just stop trying to be so damn tough all of the time and let us take care of you, okay?
The time will come for you to be tough again, but this is not it.
This is the time to know your limits, as well as you seem to know your strengths, and accept help,” Rafe explained, and his words struck a chord with me.
It wasn’t like I’d done well dealing with it all without help.
Being alone no longer seemed to be one of my strengths, after all.
***
Worry filled the air as the guys spoke quietly amongst themselves. It felt tense around me, and I knew I had landed a bombshell on Rafe.
Exhausted and emotionally wrung out, I had retreated into Arran’s lap, not even caring what Rafe thought of the situation after I left his arms. I just wanted to be held and feel secure while I closed my eyes and waited for the damn doctor to show up and poke me with needles.
I was sat sideways in Arran’s lap, my eyes closed and my head leant against his chest, over the thrum of his steady heartbeat.
I had zoned out, not listening to anything being said around me, just floating in a place that wasn’t quite awake, but wasn’t asleep either.
Arran had both arms around me, holding me firmly, the soothing scent of his aftershave and body wash surrounding me with familiarity.
“Cara?” Rafe’s voice startled me and my eyes snapped open. He was crouched down low at my side again, his hand on my knee. “Sorry to wake you, sweetheart, but the doctor has arrived. I know you’re worn out, but once he has these bloods you can rest, okay?”
“Okay,” I nodded, the word slightly slurred, sleep clinging around me.
Rafe and Arran helped me to stand on unsteady legs, and I found myself holding onto my brother to stay upright. I was exhausted, more so than I ever remembered feeling.
“Okay, lass?” Arran asked. Rafe had wrapped his arm around me, all but holding me up.
“Yeah,” I whispered.
Rafe started to lead me into the kitchen, but as soon as we passed through the door I froze.
The man sat at the island in the centre, his medical supplies laid out before him, was the man who had tried to inject me with drugs after the night Gia and I escaped the garage.
Just seeing him again had me feeling fear, and as emotional as I was, that came out in tears and upset.
“Ah, good to see you again, young lady,” the doctor spoke as he looked up at me. “It seems your aversion to drugs has changed somewhat,” he added with a chuckle that made me feel sick.
I wanted Dante. He protected me last time. He watched this doctor like a hawk then scared him from the house with a few barked words. Then he’d held me and made me feel so safe.
“That’s enough!” Rafe snapped. “Just do what you came here to do and spare us the commentary.”
The doctor looked suitably nervous as Rafe led me over to the counter and helped me into a stool kitty corner to the doctor. I was relieved when Rafe remained at my back, a steadying hand on my shoulder, assuring me he wasn’t leaving me.
“Have you been injecting any drugs into your veins?” the doctor asked as he pushed the sleeve of Cal’s sweater up my right arm.
“No!” I cried, fighting like hell not to let the tears in my eyes fall.
“Then I shouldn’t have trouble locating your veins.”
“I…I don’t have good veins. They told me before…they couldn’t find one to get blood right away.”
“Well I’ve never had a problem before,” the doctor said smugly. “And I won’t be defeated so easily.”
But twenty minutes later and six attempts in different locations on both of my arms, he seemed pretty defeated to me. I was just trying hard not to cry. I wasn’t great with needles as it was, and blood…well that just took me back to the day I found my Mum.
The doctor wasn’t gentle either. He’d stick the needle in, then when there was no vein, he just kind of spun it around under my skin, from where he’d stuck me, trying to blindly find something. I was so close to a break down, and I knew it.
“Nothing!” he grit out as he pulled out another failed needle and applied a painful amount of pressure over the gauze he pressed over the puncture. “I’ve never had this problem before, You’re sure you’ve never injected into your veins?”
“No!” I cried, but it came out wobbly as the first small sob slipped free. “Rafe!” I turned to him pleadingly. I couldn’t take anymore.
“Damn it, Barnes!” Rafe raged. “You’re supposed to be a trained fucking medical professional!”
“Rafe?” The kitchen door opened and Dio walked in, followed by Cal and Arran. “Everything alright?” Dio asked.
“No it’s bloody not. This idiot has stabbed Cara repeatedly, put her through hell and can’t seem to take a blood sample to save his fucking life, which he very much may well be doing at this point!”
“The girl has no usable veins! Despite her protests, I’m pretty sure she has injected drugs into them at some point. It’s the only explanation!” the doctor, Barnes, cried defensively.
“I haven’t! Dio…I’ve never…this was the only time…” I was almost pleading for him to believe me.
“I know, Piccola. Everything’s alright. I think me and Doc Barnes here might just need to have a little chat.”
Dio’s voice was calm and soft, soothing me and assuring me he knew the truth all at once. But then he grabbed Barnes by the lapels of his jacket and shoved him across the kitchen so violently, the older man went flying backwards through the open door.
“Dio!” I gasped.
“Be right back.” He gave me a wink, then he walked out of the kitchen, closing the door calmly behind him.
“You should go with him!” I cried as I looked to Rafe, but he just smirked and shook his head.
“Dio’s got it all under control,” he assured me.
“Let me see your arms, gorgeous. Are they bruising?” Cal asked as he came closer on his crutches, then collapsed into the seat the doctor had vacated. Arran stepped up to his side and moved his crutches out of his way, leaning them against the counter.
“Probably,” I answered, my voice wavering. “I bruise pretty easily.”
Cal took both of my hands and pulled them towards him until my arms were extended across the counter. I’d been right, several of the points Barnes had stabbed me in were turning colours.
“Fuck! He’s butchered her!” Arran hissed.
“They said at that clinic before that I h-have tricky veins. I’ve never…not before those pills…I never touched drugs,” I defended myself.
“Hush, sweetheart. We know that. The man was just being an arse because he’s incompetent. I’ll make an appointment for you to go to the clinic tomorrow for blood tests, okay? You’ve been through enough tonight,” Rafe told me. All I cared about was that he believed me.
“How would you feel about me giving it one try, Cara? I worked in the phlebotomy walk in department when I did my last rotation at the hospital, so I’ve taken blood a few times,” Cal spoke up.
“You can do that?” I asked.
“Yeah. I wouldn’t put you through anything else tonight, but I’m pretty sure I have my finger on a meaty vein right here. I’ll just try once, no rooting around or hurting you more than I need to, promise.”
“Do it,” I nodded.
“Sure?”
“Yeah. I’d rather you do it than going to the clinic tomorrow. I don’t feel up to leaving the house after today. It’s just one more stick,” I shrugged.
“And ye think yer no’ tough, lass,” Arran scoffed.
Cal pulled on blue surgical gloves, then set out the tubes he needed to fill with blood, and everything else he required.
I felt much less anxious as he wrapped the tight elastic tourniquet around the top of my arm, then prodded for the vein he had found again.
When he looked up to me with a gentle smile, I felt his confidence and knew he was going to do what Doctor Barnes had failed to do, before he even started.
“Okay babe, sharp scratch,” he told me, and that was my signal to look away. I felt the sting of the needle go in, but then there was no moving it around, pulling it in and out. Cal just held it there, and I could hear him picking things up and putting them down.
“Did he get it?” I asked, opening one eye and looking to Rafe.
“First time, Gioia. Just a few moments and he’ll be all done,” Rafe told me, squeezing his hand on my shoulder. He looked as relieved as I felt.
“There, all done,” Cal said, and when I turned he was just holding the small square of gauze to my arm, and not painfully as Barnes had either. “No usable veins, my arse,” he chuckled as he turned his perfect, bright smile on me.
“From now on, if you need blood taken, Cal takes it,” Rafe sighed.
“Do you feel alright? Not dizzy or nauseous?” Cal fussed.
“Just exhausted, but relieved. Thank you.” I gave him the best smile I could muster.
“I’ll just pop a plaster over…” Cal paused as we all looked to the kitchen door.
Barnes walked in, the collar of his shirt and jacket looking a little stretched and damaged, but his face was intact at least. He wasn’t making eye contact with any of us though, and he seemed to be breathing hard.
Dio, who strode in looking calmer, had obviously scared the hell out of him.
“Miss De Santis. I apologise for the earlier accusation, and for any pain I caused. I’ll arrange for someone else to come and take blood from you first thing in the morning,” Barnes said, his eyes still firmly on the ground below him.
Dio coughed and Barnes added, “Someone considerably more proficient at taking blood.”
“That won’t be necessary. Cal has managed to take the blood on his first attempt, without causing my sister any further undue pain or upset.
I trust you will ensure these bloods get to the lab safely, or should I ask Callan to do that too?
” Rafe asked condescendingly, with a bite to every word that made them sound so cold and hard.
I was pretty sure a psychologist would have a field day seeing the distinct sides of my brother’s personality. They were so chillingly different.
“No. I assure you I will get them to the lab and have the results for you as soon as possible!”
Doctor Barnes snapped into action, jumping forwards and all but sweeping everything from the counter into the leather bag he had with him. In a matter of seconds he was scurrying out, Dio following right behind him menacingly.
“Well, let’s hope we dinnae need his help any time soon,” Arran grumbled.
“Barnes will do as he’s told, when he’s told,” Rafe ground out, then I watched as he seemed to force in a deep breath, his hand running through his hair as he tried to cool off.
“There now,” Cal uttered and when I turned to where he still sat at my side, he’d placed a small band aid over the needle mark and was watching me with his usual easy smile.
“Just make sure you stand slowly. I took quite a bit of your blood, and you’ve barely eaten today, so you might feel a little lightheaded when you stand. ”
“You sound like an over cautious vampire,” I joked with a genuine smile.
My smile just got fuller when Cal and Arran both chuckled at my stupid joke. It was a very welcome moment of levity.
“Come on, sweetheart. You need to get some sleep. I’ll sit with you tonight,” Rafe offered as he reached for my hand.
“You don’t need to do that,” I argued. “Don’t you have to work?”
“Nothing that won’t keep for now. After everything that’s just been uncovered, I’d feel much happier having you close for now.”
“Okay,” I agreed. I loved Rafe, and I always felt safer when he was with me, but I couldn’t help but look back to Cal and Arran, as Rafe helped me up and led me from the kitchen.
They both said good night to me, and my eyes burned with tears at leaving them.
I didn’t want to be alone, and I was so grateful Rafe was going to stay with me, but it wasn’t really him I wanted that night, after such a long, gruelling, emotionally exhausting day.
It was Cal, Arran, and Dio…and Dante too – if he’d just come home.