CHAPTER 16 #2
“Well, it might kill me,” I confessed feeling equal parts confident and out of my depth.
“I love you, Arran…you and Cal. I feel safe with you both, so consider this, right here, me moving our limits.” I kissed him chastely, exactly as he’d just kissed me, then I turned and left the room before he could say anything else.
My heart was racing as I got to the stairs and headed to my room, but it wasn’t through fear – it was excitement and anticipation.
The tension had been building between Cal, Arran, and me for weeks, to the point laying with both or either of them had become torture.
I wanted to know what came next. I wanted to know what sex was like when it was heated and loving.
I’d never had that, because I’d never loved anyone I slept with before.
They’d never meant anything, just random hook ups.
Before that…well that had been abuse and violence.
It had been terror, fear, and always against my will.
I was pretty sure none of that had anything to do with what sex was supposed to be, and I knew for a fact that none of that would come into what I would share with Arran or Cal.
They would never hurt me, never force me, and never disregard my will.
They would take care of me, whatever transpired. Of that I was completely certain.
While in my room I took a quick shower to wash away the anti-septic smell that seemed to cling to me from the hospital, then changed into a pair of sleep shorts and a baggy t-shirt that felt comfortable.
Ove the top I pulled on an emerald-green coloured sweatshirt that I had stolen from Arran earlier in the week.
It had some brand name emblazoned across the front of it, but all I cared about was that I could smell his aftershave on the fabric even still.
Pushing my feet into my slippers I grabbed my cell phone from the dresser near the door, then headed back downstairs, the whole time wondering what had come over me when I had said the things I said to Arran.
Would he act on my suggestion? Would he come to my room with me that night, or ask me to go to his?
I didn’t know, but I sure as hell knew I was going if he asked.
I could hear the tapping of rain against the windows as I walked into the lounge. It was softly lit with the tall lamps at either side of the room, and the fire was turned on, the electric flame effect looking and feeling just as authentic as the real thing, I was sure.
“Hey,” I greeted. Cal was sitting in the armchair closest to the door, his computer open and resting on his lap. On the floor before him were a few text books and some sheets of scribbled notes.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes, beautiful,” he sighed as he lifted his eyes from the screen and smiled widely as they locked on me.
“You should have the brighter lights turned on. You’ll strain your eyes working like this,” I told him.
“I’m fine, or I will be when you get over here,” he told me as he held his hand out to me.
“I shouldn’t interrupt you. You need to work. I’m already keeping you from classes,” I worried.
Cal hadn’t been in university all week because he refused to leave me, and as a result he had so much work to catch up on; work that he’d been doing late at night, and in crowded hospital hallways, just so he’d be with me when I needed him.
I’d done nothing but disrupt his education since I arrived and I felt so guilty for that.
“You’re not keeping me from anything other than the kiss and cuddle I want from you right now, babe. Stop working yourself up into a panic and just get over here,” he ordered, using the voice that seemed to almost guarantee him compliance from me.
“That’s only working because I’m so tired and because I want a kiss and a cuddle too,” I warned him as I started moving.
“No. It’s working because you want it to work; because you like when I boss you around. You feel safe when you don’t have to think or make decisions, don’t you?” he asked me knowingly.
“Just kiss me, smart arse,” I groaned as I leaned in over him, bracing my hands on the back of his chair and leaning closer for the kiss I craved.
Cal moved the laptop from his thighs, and to the floor at the side, as our lips met, then he pulled me into his lap and held me close as the kiss went on. He had changed into shorts and a sleeveless t-shirt that clung to him in all the right ways.
I moved my hands to his firm biceps and clung to him there, loving the feel of his skin under my touch. He moved one hand from where it had been wrapped around my back and cupped it beneath my bottom, holding me against him firmly.
I couldn’t hold in my small squeak of protest when he ended the kiss and looked down at me with a wide smile.
“Just a second, Cara. I want to talk, okay?” he laughed as I tried to go back in to continue the kiss that had me all fired up once again.
“About what?” I pouted dramatically.
“Arran told me what you said in the kitchen. I want to be sure we all understand each other,” he began, and I felt my face heat instantly.
“No, don’t do that,” he told me when I tried to lower my gaze to my lap, feeling embarrassed.
“There is not a single thing wrong with telling us what you want. That’s what we asked you to do, was it not? ”
“I guess,” I shrugged. “I just…things have moved on between the three of us…you, me, and Arran. I love him too Cal, and I feel safe with both of you. I trust you, so I think it’s okay, isn’t it? It’s okay if I want to move things on?”
“Whatever you want is okay, beautiful, as long as you’re ready. You don’t need to rush anything. Arran and I…we both love you too. We’re not going anywhere.”
“I know that too,” I agreed. “But I want this with you guys now. I’m not rushing anything. It’s getting to the point where I think I might explode if we don’t move past kissing and holding each other,” I admitted with a nervous laugh.
“So where are you moving the limit, babe? I need you to be clear so we don’t push you beyond what you’re ready for.”
“I’m getting rid of it, Cal. No more limit with you and Arran.
I don’t need that now. I trust you guys to stop if something triggers me while we’re together.
Otherwise I want everything with you both…
well, maybe not everything. There are things…
stuff I don’t think…I’m not sure…” God, I was bumbling.
“I want sex, and all the stuff that can come before. Anything more…um…unusual? Well, we should discuss that, right?”
“Yes, Cara. We would discuss things before if we were going beyond what you’re familiar or completely comfortable with. We’ll discuss things like limits later too. We would never do anything to scare or harm you.”
“Should Arran be here?” I asked as I looked around but found the room empty. “Is it weird to talk about this stuff with me when it’s your brother too?”
“Arran’s just grabbing a shower, but he knows we’re having this conversation. And it’s not weird for me and Arran. We’ve shared women before…way before you ever came here.” He added the last with a slight hint of panic, and I just smiled.
“I know you guys have had sex before, Cal,” I laughed. “What does it mean you shared a woman? Like had sex together?” I questioned, confused.
“Not with each other! Never with each other!” he clarified instantly. “We’ve just been together with a woman before, sharing her, pleasuring her between us. It works for us sometimes. I guess it wouldn’t be for other brothers, but Arran and I have always been incredibly close.”
“So you…do you want to do that…with me….both of you?” I stuttered.
I was getting hotter by the second at just the thought of them both naked and sandwiching me between them.
“How would you feel about that? It’s not something we need to try if you’re not into it.
Like we’ve always said, you’re completely in control of the decisions here.
” He told me as he pulled me closer and settled me so I was sitting in his lap more comfortably.
I lay my head against his chest and held his hand in mine.
“I…I like the idea of the both of you being with me,” I admitted after a few moments of thought about it. “Lying between you two is my favourite place in the world to be, so I think…if it were more than just you holding me…well, that would be pretty awesome, wouldn’t it?”
“I think it would be, babe,” he agreed as he ran his hand up and down my back soothingly.
“I love you so much, you know?” I told him contentedly. “Even when everything is falling apart and I feel like my own mind is trying to drown me, being with you like this…it makes it all stop. It gives me peace to just be, and I’ve never had that before…not that I can remember anyway.”
“I’m going to do everything I can to make sure you have a lot more of that peace in your life moving forward, Cara. I love you too.”