CHAPTER 25 #2
He laid me back in the centre of the bed, kneeling on it beside my feet and studying me laid out before him once again.
“It’s my turn to play now. I want you to reach up and hold onto the pillow above you.
Can you reach?” he asked as I did exactly that, grabbing the pillow and wrapping my hands around the top of it.
“That’s right. Good girl. You’re to keep your hands right there and your eyes on mine the whole time, understand? ”
“What if I don’t?” I asked almost teasingly.
“Then I’ll stop, and believe me, you won’t want me to stop.”
I didn’t even have the chance to come up with any smart ass remark as Cal pushed apart my raised knees without any warning or fanfare. When I tensed up and kept my legs open only a little he looked to me.
“Let your knees drop to the bed for me, beautiful. I can’t make you feel good if I can’t touch you,” he told me with a note of firmness. “Just relax. There’s no embarrassment in this room right now, not between us, not when we’re having sex. I intend to know every inch of you eventually.”
“I don’t think you can say things like that,” I groaned.
“I can, because it’s true. You’re mine, and that means that I will know every way to pleasure every part of this body soon enough,” he told me confidently.
“I want to make you feel good too,” I argued.
“You will. I’ll teach you how to make me feel good too, babe. We’ll have mind blowing sex, and that’ll just be another way I prove to you how perfect we are for one another.”
“Cocky,” I teased.
“Confident,” he countered. “Now are you going to do as I’ve said, or are we starting this off with a punishment?”
“Punishment?” I squeaked as images from my past pushed forward in an uncontrollable wave. Men telling me I needed to be punished. Mum’s boyfriend’s hitting me, or forcing me down in the guise of punishment. Mum telling me I deserved to be punished as she watched on while men brutally destroyed me.
“Cara?” The voice broke through the fog of unwanted images. “Open your eyes for me, right now,” Cal ordered and I did.
My eyes snapped open and I met his instantly. He was up on his knees and I was straddling his lap, held up by him in one arm, as the other forced my eyes to meet his.
“I’m alright,” I tried to say, but my breathing was coming too fast.
“Just breathe, slow and steady. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
It only took a couple of minutes for me to calm myself. Thankfully, Cal had noticed and pulled me back before the flashbacks got too bad. Tears filled my eyes as it sunk in what had happened and how much I had messed up my first time with Cal.
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered as I hid my face against his shoulder.
“You do not apologize,” he told me flatly.
“I messed it all up,” I sniffled.
“No, you didn’t. I did. I pushed too hard. I don’t even know what I was thinking threatening to punish you. I’m such an idiot sometimes,” he ground out, frustration lacing every word.
“No you’re not!” I gasped.
“No more talking. Just breathe for now. Deep breaths in and out. Slow everything down,” he said more calmly. He held me closer to his still naked body and I wrapped myself around him as much as I could.
I don’t know how much time passed as we just sat that way, holding one another, but the skin contact and his strength around me and under me helped me to calm down, and pull far away from the past that had reared its ugly head.
“It was the word Cal, n-not you,” I told him calmly as I lifted my head to face him a while later. “That word was thrown around a lot in the name of hurting me when I was a kid,” I tried to explain. “I don’t think…I’m not sure I could ever be okay with us using it…not like this….in the bedroom.”
“Of course not. We won’t use it ever again. I’ll warn the others too. That word will become what we call a hard limit - something you will never be comfortable with.”
“Thank you,” I whispered, suddenly exhausted.
“I need you to know I would never have actually hurt you, Cara. What I said…what I threatened…it was a terrible choice on my part, but I meant it in a playful way. If I’d have taken it further it would only have been a few very light and playful spanks, maybe a little drawing out of your orgasms. I would never hurt you physically. ”
“I know that, Cal,” I assured him fast. I had no doubt about that. “The word was just a trigger, I think. Flashbacks started.”
“Jesus. I’m so sorry,” he uttered with way too much guilt.
“If I can’t apologize, nor can you. And for the record, I am onboard with what you just told me you may do. Maybe just go with the word ‘consequences’ or something in the future though.”
“And you’d be okay with consequences, the ones I mentioned?”
“Yes. Just thinking about it is turning me on already,” I confessed, needing him to know I was sure of that part.
I didn’t want what had happened to have him doubting himself.
I loved who he was in the bedroom, how different that version of him was to the relaxed, easy going version of him he was everywhere else.
It was like that darker, dominant side of him was all for me and that made it special between us.
Not to mention the voice he used and the power that came off of him turned me on to no end.
“Really?” he asked with a smirk and I returned it as I nodded eagerly. His smirk dropped as he seemed to allow common sense way too much pull on the reins, studying me too closely.
“Cal, I’m okay. Please don’t let my past steal this moment from us,” I pleaded.
“No one is ever taking anything from you ever again, gorgeous,” he whispered as he wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and pulled me closer, slamming his lips over mine.
He kissed me hard and I gave back just as ferociously.
I loved this man, and I trusted him with every part of me – body and soul.
My past should never have found its way between us that night, but it had.
Now I wanted to prove to myself that it hadn’t ruined anything with its intrusion.
I was stronger than my past, I told myself, and for the first time ever, I actually believed it a little too.
Cal held me close with one arm as the other snaked its way down between us.
His fingers deftly found my clit and started to rub with just the perfect amount of pressure.
I lifted enough to give him room to move and he didn’t disappoint.
In a matter of seconds I was gasping and moaning, then an orgasm washed over me all at once, catching me off guard and making me cry out way too loudly, but I couldn’t stop it.
I had been worked up for so long, riding my emotions on top of the need, and when I finally got the touch I needed, everything in me relented to the pleasure.
“That’s it. So beautiful when you come for me,” Cal whispered as he trailed kisses down my neck. “So perfect for me.”
When I opened my eyes moments later, I was done hesitating, done being unsure. I knew what I wanted and I was taking it. I kissed Cal hard as I rose up enough to hold his length between us, then I lowered down onto it carefully, every inch of him filling me and stretching me to my limits.
“Cara,” he gasped as he bottomed out inside me. I was so full and the need to move was like a living thing inside of me, driving me without conscious thought.
“Is this okay?” I whispered, realising I hadn’t even asked him. I just sunk onto him without a word.
“Jesus Christ, babe. Yes, of course it’s okay. How do you feel? You’re so tight,” he pointed out, the words almost ground out. I was pretty sure he wanted me to move as desperately as I wanted to.
“It feels perfect,” I told him with a smile, which he returned.
I started to move up and down, trying to find the rhythm that I’d had before with Dario. I was still unsure about being on top like that, but I felt like Cal needed me to take control that night after how much I had freaked out on him. He was understandably nervous about triggering me again.
Cal wrapped his arms around me, one on my butt, the other at the middle of my back and he guided me, finding the rhythm that worked for both of us.
The pace picked up and I followed the rapidly tightening coil of release building inside of me, grinding over Cal hard so every move caused my clit to brush against him.
“So good, beautiful. So fucking good. Keep moving,” Cal panted. I didn’t need the encouragement. There was no way I was stopping. I was so close!
Cal pressed his thumb between us, against my clit and that was it. I started to cry out as my orgasm crept up my body, riding him harder, chasing my ending, and hoping he was close to his.
“Cal!” I cried as it washed over me. I threw my head back, my hands against his chest holding me up.
I felt my body trembling as the intensity of my pleasure seemed to shatter me, then rebuild me all at once.
Cal grunted loudly too, then his arms were around me, pulling me down on top of him, holding me against him and grounding me with him.
“See? Perfect for each other,” he panted as he held me.
I laughed and cuddled tighter into him, knowing he was right.
What we had just shared had felt as close to perfect as I knew, and laid there with him after, that was pretty damned perfect too.
Maybe he was right. Maybe two, or more, imperfect people could come together to make something perfect.
“Cal?” I asked after a while of the comfortable silence.
“Hmm?”
“Will you tell me? About you and Arran? How you came to be with Rafe? You’ve both said things…pieces…but I don’t actually know.”
“It’s not a pretty story,” he leaned down to kiss the top of my head.
“You don’t have to if…”
“I’ll tell you, Cara,” he cut in. “Just let me clean up and get rid of that condom first though, okay?”