CHAPTER 25
CARA
He carried me inside without putting me down once, not that I asked him to. In his arms I felt the peace I had needed so desperately for most of the day.
The bedroom I had woken in, which Cal carried me back into, was dim and warm, curtains left partially open so the city lights seemed to illuminate the white sheets. Cal walked us straight to the bed before lowering me onto the mattress like something precious.
The blanket pooled around me as I sat there, looking up at him with awe.
He looked so perfectly handsome in that light, the bone structure of his model-like face looking as though it were backlit for the perfect cover shoot.
His muscles tensed and bunched with his movements and I found my eyes following, watching the way the tendons in his forearms worked as he released me.
He leaned over me, one hand braced beside my head as he kissed me again, slower this time, thorough enough to make me forget my own name for a few seconds as I became completely lost in him and that moment.
His fingers slipped beneath the edge of the blanket and pushed it aside carefully, exposing my skin inch by inch.
His palm glided over my waist, then my hip, soothing and possessive all at once.
Every touch reassured me that he was there, that he had me.
Every touch drove me higher and higher with need for him.
I arched into him shamelessly, and he smiled against my lips.
“Feeling better?” he whispered.
“Maybe a little.”
“A little?”
I kissed him before he could smirk properly, earning a quiet laugh from him that vibrated against my mouth.
“I’ll have to try harder,” he murmured.
His hand slid up my side slowly, fingertips tracing my skin with deliberate gentleness that made my breath catch.
He paid attention to every reaction, every inhale, every small movement beneath him, guiding the pace without ever forcing it.
Every touch, every kiss, every glance, and soft smile told me I was safe.
Every time I met his eyes, I told him I believed it.
He was so careful with me, so watchful of my reactions, so reverent every time his fingers grazed my skin, or his lips caressed mine, like I was something worth protecting. Something special to him.
I pulled him down closer, kissing him eagerly, wanting him to know what he meant to me too. He gave me a moment, maybe two to have control, then his restraint slipped just enough for the heat between us to sharpen.
“Cara,” he breathed warningly, though he sounded wrecked already.
“Hmm?” I couldn’t hold in my smile.
“Are you done yet?” he asked playfully.
“Not even nearly.”
He groaned softly, kissing me harder. He took back control and I allowed him to, wanting that. He needed it, and I was pretty sure I did too. His kiss became more demanding, and I pushed my hand in his hair, holding on, just trying to keep up.
All I could feel was Cal's hands on my skin, his heartbeat beneath my palm, and the way he looked at me with so much heat.
“Are you sure you feel ready for this, Cara?” he asked softly. I looked up until our eyes met.
“More than ready,” I told him confidently, wanting him to see the truth in my eyes. I wanted him.
“Tell me if you need to stop, okay? I’ll try to curb my bossy bastard side, but…”
“No!” I gasped. “I don’t want or need you to curb anything, Cal. I’m safe with you. I know that. I want to know every part of you. Show me,” I told him firmly.
“Are you sure?”
“Sure of you,” I nodded absolutely.
“Come here, beautiful.” He held his hand out to me and I took it, then stood as he helped me to my feet.
Once I stood before him, he let my hand go and leaned in to plant a small kiss on my lips.
“Stay right there, hands at your sides while I take off these pyjamas,” he told me gently.
There was a note of expectation that I do as he said, but it was soft and soothing.
I stood still, just as he’d said while he slipped the baggy t-shirt I’d worn to bed over my head, leaving me naked once he tossed it aside.
He glanced down my body, but also met my eyes, checking in on me, always caring for me.
My sleep shorts and underwear went next, in one fell swoop, tossed aside with my t-shirt, and I found it harder to stay still before him when he just remained crouched before me, looking up at every inch of my naked, scarred, too pale skin.
“Cal?” I whispered when he still hadn’t moved after what felt like too long.
“Breathe for me. I’m right here. Just taking in every perfect inch of you,” he told me gently.
I glanced down at him and felt marginally less concerned when I met his eyes and saw heat still blazed in them.
He must have liked at least part of what he saw.
“You’re thinking too hard. Tell me what’s on your mind right now,” he told me as he rose to his full height and moved closer.
He was so close I could feel the heat from his body against my skin.
“I’m not perfect,” I whispered honestly. “I’m scarred and too thin…too pale.”
Cal caught my chin between his thumb and pointer finger and lifted it until my eyes hesitantly met his.
“I don’t like to hear you putting yourself down like this,” he told me so seriously it made me listen. It was so unlike Cal to be that serious. “You are beautiful, every inch of you. And you are perfect to me. Do you think I don’t know my own mind?”
“No,” I shook my head. “You’re pretty confident of your own mind.”
“Yes I am, and I believe you are beautiful. I’ll make it my mission to make you believe that too in time. No one is perfect, but that doesn’t mean imperfect people can’t be perfect for each other, does it?”
“I guess not,” I hedged.
I lifted my eyes and met his again. The need and heat within me had receded and I just felt nervous now, the reality of my being naked before the closest to perfect human I had ever seen, stood before me.
Cal must have read my slight hesitance and worry because in a heartbeat his arms were around me and he lifted me until I could wrap my legs around his waist again.
“Is this too much, babe?” he asked gently, his eyes never leaving my face.
“No. I just…naked…stood like that…I’m not a big fan of myself right now, Cal,” I admitted, probably making no sense.
“I wish you would see yourself the way I see you. You really are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, Cara.
I’ve wanted you since the first moment I laid eyes on you.
Now I know you, know how strong, and brave, and special you are, I just want you more.
You’re everything I never knew I needed or wanted, in one perfect package. ”
“I don’t want to stop. I want this with you, Cal,” I almost pleaded.
“Then we won’t stop, but would you feel better with some clothes back on? Believe me when I say I want you exactly as you are, but I don’t want you to feel anxious or worried,” he offered.
“Will you be stripping at some point?” I asked with a smile.
“I can do it right now if it would make you feel better,” he teased with a waggle of his eyebrows.
“Can I do it? Take your clothes off, I mean?” I asked shyly.
“You can,” he nodded. “Are you sure you feel alright now?”
“I’m sure. Sorry I freaked out.”
“No. No apologies. Next time you start to feel that way, I want you to tell me, or simply say ‘stop’ so that we can talk, okay? This is new for both of us and It’s okay if we have to stop and adjust along the way.”
“Okay,” I agreed. Cal leaned in to kiss me briefly, then set me down on my feet before him again.
I looked up at him, unsure what to do next. Was he going to tell me and take back his control, or had I ruined the moment?
“You wanted to strip me, babe,” he reminded me gently as he ran a soothing hand over my head and down my hair. “Kneel and take off my pants if you still want that.”
“I do,” I smiled as I sank to my knees before him and reached up for the waistband of his sweatpants.
I pulled them down and found him naked beneath them, which was somewhat of a surprise.
I had expected him to sleep in boxers, but clearly not.
I only stuttered for a moment as his trousers caught on his sizeable erection, but I forced myself to stay focused and got his pants down to his ankles.
He stepped out of them one foot at a time and I grabbed them to toss them out of the way.
Since that was all he was wearing, that was the end of my undressing him and I sat frozen for a moment, my eyes staring right at his erection.
“Cara?” A hand appeared beside me – an offer of help to stand, but I looked up to him instead.
“C-can I touch you?” I asked nervously. He looked a little pained as he thought it through for a moment.
“Just for a moment. I have plans that don’t involve me coming already,” he eventually gave in. “Take me in your hand and you can explore a little, but keep your touch gentle.”
I reached up and wrapped my hand around his length. It was long and wide. My fingers couldn’t completely engulf it. I moved my hand up and down, then glanced to Cal. I had done this before, but trauma had blocked out a lot of the specific details of those forced times.
“That’s good, babe,” he breathed as his eyes met mine. He was breathing harder now.
I moved my hand up and down more, loving the deep sighs and small moans that slipped from Cal the more I touched him. His jaw was tight, his eyes closed, like he was lost in what I was doing to him.
I ran my thumb over the line at the top and Cal moaned loudly, then looked down at me as I did it again, then moved my hand up and down.
“Okay, enough now!” he ground out as he reached down and grabbed me under my arms, pulling me up.
“Did I hurt you?” I asked, shocked.
“No, Cara. Quite the opposite. I needed you to stop before I came embarrassingly fast in your hand,” he told me, frankly.
“Oh,” I nodded as it made sense to me. “Okay, but can I…another time? I liked it.”
“Definitely another time,” he agreed easily.