Chapter 15
Justin sat behind his desk like any other day I’d had to come to his office.
He’d removed his lab coat, the sleeves of the dark blue button up pushed to his elbows.
I closed the door behind me, the sound unerringly loud to my ears.
Justin leaned back in his chair and took me in. I wasn’t wearing anything special, it was the same slacks—because I only had one pair, a simple green work blouse and the same kitten heels. For the first time, I questioned my appeal.
I shoved the thought aside and lifted my chin. I made my own way and didn’t care what anyone thought. I’d never had a man dictate my feelings and I wasn’t going to start now.
“You wanted to see me.”
I’d had plenty of time to race through numerous possible outcomes of this meeting. There was no way I would sound like an over eager puppy. If Justin wanted me, he would have to come and get me.
That smirk of his was back, and damn if I didn’t want to feel those lips on me right this second.
“I certainly did, please,” he extended his arm, inviting me closer as he got up from his chair.
He stood a head taller than me, his overwhelming presence saturating the room. I slipped by him, making sure to brush against his body.
His jaw clenched and it was my turn to smirk.
When I took the chair behind his computer, his warm hands fell to my shoulders, hot air teasing my ear. “Will this take long?”
His hands were already skimming down my arms.
I was going to lose this battle. Hard.
“If you keep distracting me, it will,” I applauded myself for keeping my voice level.
A thoughtful noise met my ears, his hands toying with the hem of my shirt, easing it up so his hands could tickle the bare skin of my abdomen. “Am I distracting?”
Wiseass. I would not reward him with an answer.
I plugged my USB in and booted up the program installation.
“Do you know what is distracting?” he continued, not caring that I’d ignored him, his questing fingers gliding higher up my torso. “The memories of you coming around my fingers.” He brushed the underside of my breasts.
I jerked as if struck by lightning.
“I couldn’t get the scent of you out of my head,” he slipped beneath my bra, brushing over my sensitive nipples.
I could hardly focus on the installation wizard in front of me. My core started to beat in time with my heart, my breasts growing heavy.
As if sensing my need, he rolled my nipples between his thumb and forefinger, tugging in an erotic rhythm that had me biting the inside of my cheek.
“Ever since I saw you at that gala, Katie. Tell me you felt it too.”
His teeth nipped my ear lobe in time with the squeezing of my breasts and I couldn’t help the moan that came from my throat.
I didn’t want to admit to it. For so many years I’d harbored a grudge against him, but here in his office, a temporary safe space between us, I let the words slip free.
“I felt it too.”
At that moment something seemed to snap inside of him. His body disappeared from around me, the chair spinning, nearly sending me flying. Justin caught the arm rests, stopped me so that we faced each other.
We were both breathing heavily.
If he didn’t touch me soon, I would combust. A man had never looked at me the way Justin did, like he couldn’t get enough, like he’d starve without the sight of me. It was intoxicating.
I didn’t understand it.
“Why?”
At his frown I swallowed the lump in my throat and continued.
“Why do you want me?” I hated that I sounded small, but no one’s wanted me.
My father wanted nothing to do with me—according to my mother.
I was a passing fancy for most of the male ‘relationships’ I’ve had, unable to commit to any of them, but neither did any of them fight for me.
My mother chose to live a life away from me.
And Justin…I didn’t dare dream of knowing what he was thinking.
The fact that I cared what he thought scared me.
He cupped my face, the act so gentle it startled me. A soft tug brought me to my feet where he lowered his forehead to mine. “Because you’re stubborn.”
I frowned and he smiled.
“I saw a girl grow into a woman over a handful of years. You balanced school and work. Multiple jobs. All while maintaining your grades.”
I almost asked how he knew that, but remembered that’d he’d kept tabs on me.
Why would he do that if he didn’t want me around? The logistics didn’t compute. Someone with no relation to another human being other than a fleeting marriage, didn’t monitor said human when the only tether between them snapped.
“You’re determined. Your drive is admirable. You’re bettering yourself and not afraid to put in the hard work to do it. You’re independent to the point that teamwork isn’t even in your vocabulary.”
I opened my mouth, but his thumb pressed against my mouth, quieting my words. The touch resonated to my toes and he didn’t pull his finger away.
I ran my tongue along the pad and watched the azurite of his eyes liquify to blue lava.
His throat worked. “You’re the antithesis of a team player, and yet, you can’t hide your empathy.
I see it when you hold the hands of girls about to go under for nose jobs their mother’s want, or the way you dote on anyone who comes through my door for Botox treatment for migraines.
How you tell anyone and everyone about the clinic when they come in asking about facial reconstruction and unfortunate circumstances.
You try and close yourself off Katie, but you can’t. You shouldn’t.”
I trembled.
Trembled.
Justin saw me. And I didn’t know how to process it. I’d always been my own program, running in the background. Head down—working hard, working for…
I didn’t even know anymore.
Money?
A stable job?
I’ve always chased this end goal. My degree. A job. But once I had those secured, what did I really have? What did I really want when that’s all I’ve ever wanted?
Staring at Justin in that moment, staring at me. There was no doubt what I wanted.
I’d spent so long convincing myself it was wrong—a betrayal to myself and I was sick of standing in my own way.
“Kiss me.”
I expected a frenzied mashing of lips. I craved it. But instead, Justin lifted his thumb, brushing the damp skin against my cheek. Both hands cradled my head, as if I was something precious that could break.
It was that cradling that reached inside and squeezed my heart.
My time with Justin was finite, but now I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it would crush me by the end.
And as his lips brushed against mine, I was okay with it.