Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
Noah
Putting my car in park, I sit and watch the sun starting to rise across the parking lot.
Symbolizing a new day and a new start, I rub my eyes in a sleepy haze remembering how I hardly slept last night.
Tossing and turning, I ached to get back to the hospital and be able to hold Eva in my arms as her words played over and over again in my mind.
Not much could have changed since our last conversation. She wanted Los Angeles. She had made plans without me that I never even knew existed. It’s funny how you can practically live every minute with someone, and they can still have secrets you know nothing about.
I can’t stand L.A. - but, if it means I can be with her, I’d gladly pack it up and follow because watching her come alive and follow her dreams is one of the most thrilling things I have ever witnessed.
The good thing about my line of work is there is always someone needing a helping hand no matter where you move.
Then again, she may still be mad at me and not want me to go with her.
That is an option I sat up all night trying to wrap my brain around as well.
If she was hell-bent on making this move on her own, I finally decided I was going to have to give her the space she wants.
Forcing the issue will not help either one of us.
As much as it would hurt, if I have to walk away, I will, so she can have the opportunity to chase her dream. Even if it’s without me.
Walking away would be heartbreaking, but I’d do it with the hope she will one day find her way back to me, because hell, I could never stop loving her. Even if I had to lose her for a short while to her dreams, to her plans, it could prove to be worth it if life brought her back to me someday.
Shutting off the engine, I grab my coffee and take a sip before exiting the car. My phone alerts a text as I step outside and lock up my truck. The rain has stopped briefly, but the sky looks like it won’t be gone long. Balancing my coffee and keys, I pull my phone from my pocket to read the text.
Rex: Just text Gwen that you’re on your way. We’re right behind you. See you in five.
Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I take the short walk across the parking lot and enter through the hospital doors. After quickly checking in and receiving a visitor’s pass, I take the hallway to the right and start the short walk to the room number the lady at the front desk gave me.
Walking away. Those two words are the most horrifying reality I might just be about to face.
But arguing and fighting is no way to live out a relationship that was so full of love and laughter.
I’d rather remember us just the way we were.
Not drag this out over a few more months and only have nightmares of how it all ended to fall asleep to at night.
If she needs to go, she can go. I can finally let her because of how much I love her. Holding on to her would only be holding her down, and she is far too special to never truly be able to spread her wings and fly.
I stop as I near the door and hear voices coming from inside.
From their tone, I can tell the conversation is not one to just be barged in on.
So I wait, giving Eva and Gwen their space when all I want to do is push past this curtain and take what I hope is still mine.
The room grows silent, and then I hear Eva.
“It can’t work,” she cries.
There is only one thing, one person she could be talking about. My palms go sweaty as anxiety creeps in and I listen closer. My worst nightmare might quickly be becoming my new reality. I just hope my heart is strong enough to bear it.
“It was never meant to be.”
My heart stops. Does she really believe that? She couldn’t. Not after all we shared.
“People change. No matter what, I’ve got to let go. Got to leave everything behind. There is no use anymore.”
The sound of her already making up her mind reaches deep inside and kills any sort of hope I had been holding onto. My heart breaks a little more when I hear her say, “It’s time to say goodbye.”
Goodbye? Time drags as my mind reels attempting to put all I just heard together. Then, Gwen says, “If you’re sure?”
Eva doesn’t hesitate. “I’ve never been more sure of any decision I’ve ever made in my entire life.”
My feet have a mind of their own as I turn and start to walk back toward the doors of the hospital. I knock into a nurse holding a cup of water and receive a glare as I almost spill the container everywhere.
I can’t be here. Not now. Not after what I have just heard.
I pass the front desk, rip off my name tag and throw it into a wastebasket by the front door. Exiting the building, I throw my coffee in a nearby trashcan and run into Michael and Eva’s parents as they are walking in.
“Hey man, where’s the fire?” Michael jokes. I don’t stop to respond, and instead continue angrily across the parking lot. Rex is bringing up the rear, and when he sees the look on my face I hear him holler to Michael that he will be a minute. I’m already halfway to my truck before he can stop me.
“Woah, slow down. We already have one friend in a hospital bed, we don’t need another.” Rex demands as he grabs ahold of my arm, and attempts to pull me to a stop.
I pause at the door to my truck and then begin to pace. Like a caged animal, I blow out breath after breath trying to put out the burn inside. The hurt of a confession I knew was a possibility, but one I was almost positive I was not going to hear.
“What happened? Where are you going? I thought you’d be all over that girl up in there after the way you looked yesterday just waiting for any news?
” Rex looks me over with a worried expression.
Fury fills my eyes as I glance up at him.
He steps back, sensing I need my space as I start to pace again.
I knew it! I knew this could happen. I knew she was free to make her own damn choices, but hell if it doesn’t still hurt like a bitch. I take a few deep breaths trying to calm myself. I need distance. Space. Just like the space and distance I just heard she obviously needs from me.
“You care to tell me what’s going on?” Rex asks, concerned.
“Let’s just say, I heard a conversation just now that pretty much nailed the coffin shut on anything I was going to try and make work out.”
Rex shifts his weight on his feet and waits for me to continue.
“I got to give her space.” I hear myself say the words but I’d be lying if I said I believed them. “She wants other things. I heard her Rex. I will always love her. Damn it, I could never stop. But holding onto her would only be dragging her down - and hell, I love her too much to ever do that.”
“What kind of space do you have in mind?” Rex questions.
There is only one place I can go. Only one place that would not be tied to any memory of her. I don’t stand a chance of staying here and staying away. Her memory would always haunt me. If she needs her space, if she has to say goodbye, then I have to as well.
“I’ve got to go home,” I whisper. “I’ve got to go back to Kentucky. It’s the only place she won’t be. It’s the only place her memory won’t…” I trail off as Rex puts a hand on my shoulder and gives it a light squeeze. “I’m almost done with the construction on the club anyway.”
“Don’t even worry about that,” Rex chimes in. “I trust the guys you have hired to finish it. Shit, I understand man. It is what it is, and you’re doing the honorable thing.”
I roll my eyes and think of another time I had to give myself some space from a certain other woman I needed to escape. This time though, my road is leading me right back to where it all started. Where I first started running, and I realize how important it is that I stop.
Rex blows out a breath and then sticks his hands in his pockets. “When will you leave?”
I look out at the sunrise, squinting as the brightness floods my vision. “The sooner the better,” I answer.
Rocking back and forth a few times on the soles of his feet, he looks off into the distance along with me.
A few minutes pass before he says. “Well, I kinda could do with a little space myself, and God knows there is nothing like your mother’s cooking.
It’s been a long time since I have seen Jolene, too.
” I shoot him a look when he mentions my older sister, which causes his hands to raise in surrender.
“Hold on tiger!” he laughs. “It’s not like you are thinking. But a road trip just might be what the doctor ordered for the both of us.”
I start to add up in my mind how soon I think I can get ready to go. A few days, perhaps a week tops is all I need, and I should be on the road. There is not much to pack, and the rest I can sell, give away, or store at Rex’s until he can get rid of it.
“Hell,” I mutter. “I guess company wouldn’t be so bad. You think you can leave the club that long?”
Rex laughs. “Are you kidding me? Michael would love to be rid of my ass for as long as I am willing to stay away.”
I laugh for the first time in a few days. “I’m guessing it will take me a few days to wrap everything up,” I say as the finality of my decision starts to set in.
“Well, you go ahead and get a start on whatever you need to do. I’m gonna go up in here and say hello, and I will call you later to see what you need.”
Rex starts to walk away., I turn toward my truck, then pause as I suddenly realize I don’t want Eva to know. I don’t want to sneak away, but I need to do this as privately as possible.
“Hey, Rex,” I shout out across the parking lot. “Don’t tell anyone, okay? Don’t let her know I was here, or that I’m leaving, promise me?”
“Don’t worry, I got your back brother,” Rex smiles. “Your secret is safe with me.”