Chapter 52
Chapter Fifty-Two
Noah
The t.v.’s static buzzes through the lonely house.
Laying on the couch, I stare at the ceiling watching the fan turn round and round, counting the blades as they whip overhead.
Looking at my phone on the coffee table, I almost cave and pick it up and call her.
I want to tell her I was crazy, that this is stupid.
But I don’t.
I stare at my phone, willing it to ring on its own. But I know even if it did, I wouldn’t have the strength to answer it and face her.
I called Becky after her confrontation at my mother’s house and met her at the hospital for a paternity test. My decision to do so has nothing to do with the baby, more so with the mother and her lack of honesty in our past.
They said it could take up to three days for results.
Picking up the beer sitting next to my phone, I sit up and down the contents before walking to the fridge for another.
My mother took Anna May to meet Jolene in town after her shift.
Not having to be back at the fire station until tomorrow, today presents itself as the perfect opportunity to drink it all away.
To erase my past, my fucked up present, and the future that I am slowly feeling slip once again from my fingertips.
A car door shuts outside as I take my first sip off the new bottle and wonder who could be stopping by.
I hadn’t talked to Eva since she left the night before last, and I don’t think she’d just show up after the way we left things.
But, then again, I never figured she was one to come across the country, either.
I stand in the kitchen waiting for a knock at the door. Instead, the person just lets themself in. Footsteps sound down the hallway before I see Rex round the corner. I should have known. Instead of greeting his intrusion, I lift the beer to my lips and roll my eyes.
“Well, glad to see you’re taking this so well,” Rex starts in as he glances at the several other beer cans in the trash before walking to the fridge and popping one open for himself.
“Fuck off,” I grumble, trudging back into the living room and taking my position once again on the couch. Rex follows and flops in the chair across the room.
“You know, just because there might be a baby out there with your name on it, doesn’t mean you can’t still live the life you planned on before you found out.”
I roll my eyes. He has no idea that being tied to Becky would never leave enough room for Eva. Becky would make it her life’s work to ruin her. Not only that, but a child is not something that Eva signed up for.
I’m not a fool to believe that a woman would easily forget her future, and stop everything to help me raise a child I didn’t know I had up until a few days ago. Especially not a woman like Eva.
Shit, I almost lost her once to her need for freedom. To her desire to climb the ladder and achieve her dreams. There is no way she’d want to stick around and help me play house for a child that isn’t her own.
When I don’t answer, Rex says. “I told you once, you may just be wrong about Eva and what you’re hell-bent on thinking. Remember? In Memphis. Do I need to remind you yet again that there is more to this, you and her, than you care to admit?”
“She won’t stay,” I whisper. “Not after this.”
“Oh, you think so huh?”
I raise my middle finger at Rex and keep my eyes glued on the t.v. to his left.
“She proved you wrong before, you stubborn ass. What, you don’t think she’d do it again?”
It would never be fair for me to ask her, make her, or even suggest that she stay. And if those test results come back positive, I am not going anywhere.
I lost my father young and swore I would never let my own child grow up without a dad. Like it or not, I am stuck. Stuck with a mess that Eva is too good for.. Stuck with no way out, and a lifetime of maintaining a relationship with a son I have never met and his mother that I can’t stand.
“When do you get the results?” Rex asks.
I shrug. “Anytime I guess. Said it could take three days.”
He takes a sip of his beer and leans forward. “You know, you owe it to her to at least talk to her, Noah.”
I laugh. “Which one? The girl that I can’t bear to see walk out of my life, even though I have to push her away a second time. Or the mother of my possible child who I can’t stand to look at, let alone raise a baby with?”
“You can make this work.”
“No, I can’t,” I insist, hopeful Rex gets the hint and leaves.
“Why would I ever try? Eva doesn’t want to stay here, and I’m not leaving.
So what good does it do to even begin to work this shit out?
To even start to talk. To make her listen.
To what? A sorry excuse for the way her life is going to be. ”
“She loves you, Noah.”
“She doesn’t deserve this, Rex. No one does. Not even the baby. Fuck, I will love the hell out of that kid if it is mine. But the baggage. The bullshit. All the other crap that comes along with it.”
I shake my head, push out of the seat and walk to the window overlooking the front yard.
Taking a deep breath, I try to will myself to walk away, to leave her and it alone when all I want to do is pick up that damn phone and call her.
But I can’t. I can’t make her stay and live a life that would make her miserable.
“You know, love is a crazy thing,” Rex says, getting up out of his seat.
Setting his beer down on the coffee table he walks a few steps in my direction.
“Most of the time, it makes you do some really stupid shit. But, every once in a while, we get a real glimpse of the way God intended it to be. That girl wouldn’t second think staying by your side, Noah.
She’d give up her life to be with you. Kind of like you were willing to do for her once upon a time. ”
“I have no life to give her now,” I say as Rex begins to walk toward the door. His reflection comes to a stop in the window. He turns to look at me. A sadness fills his reflection.
“That’s where you are wrong. I just hope you figure it out before it’s too all late.”
Rex walks out the door, and as I watch him walk across the gravel road to his car, I sigh, “It is already too late.”