18. Hank
eighteen
Hank
The impossibility of the scene in front of me has me stumbling on my feet. For a moment, I can’t see Indigo. All I see is Cassidy hunched over something at the edge of the bed. As the door softly closes behind me and Nash, Cassidy turns and reveals Indigo on his lap.
“What is happening?”
Cassidy brings her closer to his chest before letting go. “She wants to talk to us.”
Indigo nods and stands. I try to hold myself back, but seeing her eyes brimming with tears makes me want to run to her.
I’ve seen a lot from her—anger, doubt, and fear—but never sadness.
It breaks my fucking heart. I step close enough that she has to crane her neck to keep looking at me.
My trembling hands trace the delicate path of her jaw.
“Are you okay?” The moment those words are out, I realize my mistake. She hasn’t been good for a while now. I shake my head and try again. “Why are you crying?”
Her mouth curves slightly with a smile. I’ve waited a long time to be a recipient of a smile from her, but this one doesn’t sit well with me.
It doesn’t reach her eyes, and it’s given too easily.
I frown. My hand closes firmly on the back of her neck as I search for answers in her gaze before it’s out of her mouth.
Indigo sighs, melting to my touch. Her eyes close, and for a moment, I think she’s going to go on her tiptoes and try to kiss me. I can’t imagine anything better than to be kissed by her, but my dreams fall into reality when she opens her eyes and removes my hand from her face.
“If you want me to make sense, I need you to stop touching me.”
“Sorry.” I quickly step away.
“What do you want to say to us?” Nash clears his throat, giving me a moment to come back to myself. I turn around, unable to look at her and stuff the offending hands into my pocket.
Indigo clears her throat. “I think we’ve finally reached a point where it’s obvious we can’t keep going.”
“Keep going?” Nash asks carefully.
“I want you to knot me.”
Her words have me turning back to them, confusion and hope colliding in my chest, creating havoc.
Confused, my eyes search for Cassidy. He was here with her and must know what this is about, but he’s still sitting on the bed, eyes trained down on the cream carpet, slightly shaking his head as if he knows this is madness.
“You made us promise—” Nash starts, but Indigo interrupts him.
“And that’s why I wanted to be sure I was feeling fully like myself before asking.”
“Are you feeling like yourself?” I arch my eyebrows. “This doesn’t sound like you.”
Indigo is a fighter, and right now, she’s giving up the fight. You can’t convince me this is her.
“I don’t want this suffering anymore. My body is giving up. With every flare, I feel like I lose myself a little more, and—”
“No.”
The short answer comes from Nash. It’s so hard, so cold and definite we all reel back as if he collectively slapped us. Even Cassidy looks away from the carpet. It’s not just the negative that confuses me, but the way he spat it, as if it’s the worst thing Indigo could have asked of him.
“Nash, listen—”
She can’t even finish the sentence before he’s on her. “We promised, and I will make sure to carry through with the promise.”
“To what point? Look at us! This is torture for all of us! I’m not well, and fuck, neither are you.”
“We can fight,” he grits out.
“Can we? Not only how long can we hold on, but what is the endgame? Can we undo a scent-match?”
Christ. My insides turn into ice, and fear like nothing else takes control. Rationally, I know we can’t undo a scent-match, but the mere suggestion has me trembling. I can’t lose her. I prefer suffering the rest of my days because she refuses to lie with us than undoing our connection.
“We can’t do that. I’m sorry,” Nash replies.
She nods, and I try to read her expression. Is she regretful? Did she wish it was possible? She gives me nothing.
“Holding off is only killing us slowly, and I’m done suffering. I want you to fuck me.”
As if I wasn’t walking hard for days on end now, just the words out of her lips feel like a fist to my cock. The temperature in the room rises, and I step back, putting distance between me and the thing I want the most.
“And I said no.” Nash is still firm.
“When I asked, I didn’t think about how hard it would be. But I’m lucid now, and this has to end!”
Her voice vibrates with passion, and once again, I have to hold myself back.
I’m not as strong as Nash telling her no with so much vehemence.
Not as strong as Cassidy, who was able to hold her in his arms and not fold in two.
I belonged to this woman from the moment she scowled at me the first time.
She only has to ask me once, and I’ll do it for her. Anything.
“The answer is no, Indigo. Let’s move on.”
“This is madness. Why are you doing this to us? We can’t keep going like this…unless…” Her voice turns small as she wonders. “Unless you don’t want me. Was I too presumptuous to assume you wanted this?”
I don’t recognize the laugh coming from Nash. It’s dry and sarcastic without any hint of humor. “Not wanting you? That’s not the problem here, believe me.”
Indigo’s cheeks turn pink. “So, well. I want you, and you want me. Let’s do this.”
Nash steps into her space, crowding her just like I did before and tsks.
“The problem is that you don’t really want me, do you?
No. You want the pain to stop. Have you ever thought that’s not the way I want you?
That being forced by your body is not how I imagined this going down?
That I dream about a scent-match my whole life, and now I have an Omega reluctantly taking me? ”
His words hurt, and it’s no denying I feel the same.
I want her more than just willing. I dream when her need for me matches mine, when her sassy smile comes to play, and humor takes over her beautiful face.
I crave the moment when she shares her true thoughts with me, and I’m not seen as the enemy anymore.
The things I crave are impossible, so I pushed them out of my mind and told myself taking care of her was enough.
Yet here comes Nash, spilling all our truths at once.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I just want this to end. I didn’t think that…”
Awkward silence leaves us four standing without managing to look at one another.
I can’t think straight. I found my own mother dead, and for years, my dads made sure I understood that her death wasn’t from lack of love.
I learned not to take her fucking death personally, yet I take every word out of Indigo’s mouth to heart.
I took her rejections. I swallowed it all and let the bitterness fester inside my chest. Now she’s changed the game, and Nash is asking us to read between the lines of this request, and I’m having a hard time holding my ground when the thing I want the most is being dangled in front of my eyes.
Cassidy shakes his head. “She’s right. What are we going to do?”
“We are going to find a way. We’ll keep going.” Nash is quick to reply, but when I look his way, I see how lost he actually looks.
“I’m sorry,” Indigo whispers, fat tears streaming down her cheeks.
Nash wants me to say no until she wants me for the right reasons, but all I prayed for is for her to want me.
Maybe I don’t have the same self-respect as my packmates, but I can’t stand here and watch her cry.
My steps are heavy on the carpet as I cross the room with their eyes on me.
I take her face into my rough palms and tip it up until we are looking eye to eye.
What kind of man leaves his Omega to suffer?
She already owns everything in me, and if she’s taking me for love, comfort, or relief, it doesn’t matter.
I’m hers to be used, hers to be kept. Her mouth parts as she sucks in a breath, and my thumb traces her bottom lip, eyes glued to every reaction.
My gentle touch ignites the perfume, sweet and subtle, and I breathe in before whispering, “How do you want me?”