19. Indigo
nineteen
Indigo
It’s unfair for a man this size to even ask me something like this. How do I want him? He’s at least a foot taller than me and built like a fucking tank, yet he holds me with a gentleness I don’t expect, his gaze full of adoration.
Nash’s words ring in my ears, and I want to tell Hank he doesn’t need to go against his own wishes to satisfy mine.
It’s not fair. Three days ago, I was scared they would take something I was not ready to give.
I couldn’t see anything beyond the need to protect my own body.
The future didn’t matter. All that mattered was that I decided my own path.
But then I lived through three days of hell. Three days when my body begged me for something I wanted to deny it. Three days of crying out loud and dissatisfaction, but it wasn’t only trials that happened in those three days.
They happened.
I watched them take care of me again and again and show more mercy than anyone in my life ever did.
They respected my wishes and not only refused to touch me but also made sure I was comfortable.
Never in my life has anyone looked at me and taken my words as law.
Never have I felt so in control as when I rubbed myself out in front of them, and they took nothing.
They showed care and mercy while I asked for an impossible task, so today when I woke up more lucid than ever, I decided to stop the pain. There was no reason to keep up all the suffering. None of us deserves this.
Sex can be just about bodies satisfying their own needs.
It can be easy and transactional, and now that I know I can trust them, I can do this without hurting.
It all made sense in my head, but of course, the selfish little Indie never thought about what it meant to them.
I only met Alpha packs who trafficked and bred Omegas.
I’ve never thought about the ones who were left in the dark.
How was it for Hank, Nash, and Cassidy growing up thinking they would never scent-match?
I squeeze my eyes shut, and more tears fall. I never thought about them when all they did was think about me.
“Shh, baby. Tell me what’s on your mind.”
Hank’s term of endearment slices my heart in two, and instead of calming me, I find myself crying even harder.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t think about how this felt for you,” I confess, opening my eyes to him. “I was so selfish.”
“You have all the right to be defensive. You’ve been through a lot. It doesn’t matter what it’s like to us.”
He dismisses his own feelings so carelessly.
Fuck, why Hank of all people? I was so scared when I saw him for the first time.
Tall and imposing, I knew I couldn’t win a fight against him.
I remember tipping my chin up and scowling, trying to prove I was not to be messed with when our eyes met.
Fuck, how could I be so wrong? The man is a teddy bear.
“I don’t want to be a bitch anymore.”
“Jesus, Indigo. You’re not a bitch, not by a long—”
“I always try to be. It’s the only defense I have, but I think along the way, I forgot to turn it off. I don’t want to be the Poisonous Omega anymore.”
“What is Poisonous Omega?” Nash asks, making me glance his way.
Hank lets me go, and I miss his warmth right away. I step closer, not ready for the space between us, and I place my hand over his heart, feeling his heartbeat beneath my fingertips before I can talk.
“It’s what they called me back in the breeding house. I miscarried four times, you see. They used to mock that I was such a bitch, nothing would grow inside me.”
Poisonous Omega has been a fact in my life.
It hurt when I was lying on the floor beside a pool of my own blood, feeling like a true bitch because I was relieved I wasn’t bringing a baby into a breeding ring.
I watched the way it broke Manuela. For me, the pain lasted only a moment, but for her, it lasted a lifetime.
Their mockery felt justified. It made sense to blame me because deep down, I was scared shitless to carry a full-term pregnancy just so the baby would be taken away.
Instead of understanding, my explanation brings indignation. Hank reels back, eyes wide, searching mine. Nash pales as if he’s about to puke in the space between us. And Cassidy… oh crazy Cassidy…
“They said what?” He’s up in a second, hands closed in a fist. “Who are those motherfuckers? Where are they?”
“Dead.”
They know this. Dominic and Major infiltrated the breeding house four months ago, guns blazing. They killed our rapists and took us from there. It doesn’t register with him. He shakes his head.
“They died too easily.”
I agree. They died before I could take revenge, before any of us could see their suffering.
They died in a span of a few minutes. One moment they were there, and the next, their blood was splattered around the kitchen.
I was relieved, of course. Even if it was only a small part of me that believed the impossible, I was still relieved, but there was never closure.
They live beyond their graves, inside our heads, dictating our actions.
Before I let myself go deeper into the meaning of it all, Hank’s hands are on me again. My skin heats with the contact, reminding me I don’t have much longer until there’s a new wave of need. It will take my conscience with it. Nothing will be left but the heat.
His chest brushes against mine, and under the thick robe, my nipples pebble, begging for his attention. I feel the start of the fire when Hank’s eyes land on mine. There’s so much passion in one look that my knees wobble.
“You’re nothing but perfect. Extraordinary. You’re strong, capable, and a force of nature. Now tell me, beautiful girl, how do you want me?”
Every whispered word hits me right in the chest. I swallow a sob and shiver as every thought wipes from my mind.
“I want you everywhere, however you want to take me.”
He shakes his head. “I’m yours, baby. I’ve always been yours. I’m your mate to reject and your mate to keep.”
How the fuck does someone like him make me feel this safe?
Swallowing down a sob, I jump on him, my hands closing around his neck until he lowers enough for his lips to brush against mine.
At the first contact, my toes curl, and I whimper between his lips.
I’m hungry and unrefined. The need to kiss him is bigger than the obvious fears plaguing my mind.
I gasp when his tongue brushes against my lips.
He confuses my surprise with rejection and stops, though it’s the last thing I want him to do.
“Would you prefer it if I didn't kiss you?”
“I want to kiss you, but I have never kissed before.”
The confession is embarrassing. I’m old enough, and god knows I’ve lived more than most people.
Kissing is something teenagers are experiencing for the first time.
How stupid of me. But Hank doesn’t give me time to feel stupid.
He places his forehead against mine, and I breathe in his masculine scent.
“Let me teach you?”
It’s a question, a plea. I nod, and it doesn’t take him long until he dives back into the kiss, nipping my bottom lip before pressing firmly against my mouth.
I grip onto his neck, fingers grazing the soft hair until I grow bold enough to pull it slightly.
Hank licks my bottom lip, asking for entrance.
His tongue dives between my parted lips, grazing mine.
When I gasp, he swallows it, groaning in response.
Every cell of my body lights up with his attention. I melt in his arms, and even as the heat grows, I can still think straight. Was it all that I needed? Hands on me and suddenly the heat is not so unbearable.
Hank pulls me into his arms, and I go willingly, legs wrapped around his trim waist. I feel like a monkey climbing a damn tall tree.
I devour his mouth, breathing in peace for the first time after so long.
The heat licks my spine, but it only urges me to search for more, to feel his skin against mine.
When he drops me on the bed, I softly bounce as he puts unwanted space between us, watching me with his knee between my thighs.
With a heated gaze, he takes his T-shirt off and tosses it away.
Every thought flies from my head. My eyes scan the golden skin.
I salivate over the thin layer of dark hair that covers his pecs and makes a path down his abdomen, disappearing below the belt.
“I’m not going to leave her wanting,” he tells the others. “But she needs all of us.”
Uncertainty crashes against me, and my gaze zigzags between Cassidy and Nash, hoping they don’t reject me. Hank is right. While his touch makes me feel better than I’ve felt in the past three days, it won’t work without the three knots. My teeth sink into my bottom lip as I wait for their verdict.
Cassidy watches me with more seriousness than I expected from him. I want a smirk or an inappropriate joke. I need him to take the edge off this moment, to say something to make my eyes roll.
“Is that what you really want, Sour Peach?”
The nickname makes me sigh in relief, and I nod, maybe too eager. Words dry on my tongue. Nothing comes out, but I level him with a look, hoping he knows I’m here and I’m truthful when I say what I need from him.
I’m holding my breath and waiting for his rejection when he takes my breath away with that beautiful smirk of his.
The weight on my chest lessens at once, and I feel lightheaded.
This started with me wanting to end the suffering, but since Nash spelled out the flaw in my plan, I can’t stop myself from feeling insecure.
I know I’m not the ideal mate at this point.
I forgot to factor in their feelings, and that’s a mistake I can’t make again.
My gaze meets Nash’s. “Don’t feel pressured. You have the right to say no.”
There’s no doubt that I’m fucked—and not in a good way—if he says no. But he accepted my stipulations when I needed time. I will accept whatever he says next. It breaks me when he curses under his breath, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them to me.
“Give me one reason, Indigo.” His voice breaks, and I break right along with it. “Give me something that is not just the heat.”
His request shatters me in a way I can’t comprehend. How can someone who has been through everything I’ve been through still have room for sorrow? Nash’s begging eyes prove that I’m not dead inside like I always assumed.
The vision of my dream where I’m alone in a cabin somewhere flashes through my mind.
I always wanted to be away from everyone, but now I can’t stop myself from wishing I could love them.
It’s a foreign feeling. I’ve never wanted to even like someone, not when emotions can be used against you, but right now, I wish this is what I’m about to say.
That in the three days we’ve lived this nightmare, I’ve fallen in love.
That I want forever with them—picket fence, children, and all.
The lies won’t pass my lips. I can’t deceive them. I search my heart for the words to describe what I feel for them.
“I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life.”
The moment I say it, I know it’s true. I trust Manuela, but she’s not here anymore. I thought I trusted Journey, but I left without telling her what was happening. I can sit here and make excuses for why, but in the end, I left in the middle of the night, and she doesn’t know where I am.
But them? Three Alphas double my size, who I promised I’d never be alone in a room with. Not only did I break my own rule, but I’m naked and vulnerable, and I know they wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. This is more than I’ve ever given to someone else.
“Fuck,” Nash curses. For a long moment, I think it’s not enough for him, but then he’s racing toward me.