Chapter 17
Gramlithyn strode into his apartment on Friday night and once again found Pyxlevir on a kitchen barstool indulging in a snack. Unlike the past few occasions when they’d encountered each other late, there was a light on, so Gramlithyn didn’t have to worry about scaring the elf shitless.
“Hey,” Gramlithyn said as he headed for the fridge to grab some juice. “This is almost becoming a habit.”
“Yeah, I don’t know what it is about this apartment and me needing snacks on the weekends.”
“So, you weren’t sneaking into Ty’s kitchen and helping yourself to treats late at night?”
Pyxlevir shook his head and shifted in his seat. “No, I guess I’m still not used to being here or something. I struggle to sleep on nights I know I don’t need to be up early for work.”
After splashing apple juice into a tall glass, Gramlithyn put the half-empty container in the fridge and faced Pyxlevir. “That’s not surprising. You’ve never lived away from your family before.”
“Honesty is important to me, so I can freely admit that I’ve never envisioned myself calling any place home but Uncle Timotheus’s house.”
Gramlithyn nodded. “You love them. That makes sense.”
“You love your parents, but you haven’t lived with them for over six years.”
Taking a moment to sort his thoughts, Gramlithyn gave his full attention to his drink and emptied the glass. “It’s complicated.”
“I noticed.”
Gramlithyn’s brow furrowed. “What does that mean?”
“Last weekend at D’Vaire, I lost count of how often Semira or Laconifel asked me if I’d seen you. On Sunday, it finally dawned on me you were actively avoiding them.”
The previous weekend at D’Vaire had been a weird experience for Gramlithyn.
Everyone he loved was there, and while they were happy to see him, he was too awkward to engage with people.
Or maybe that was an excuse. Instead of making up for lost time, Gramlithyn had spent every possible minute watching Pyxlevir from afar.
At D’Vaire, the Pyxlevir of old had shined. His face had been lit by his gorgeous smile, and his laughter had filled the air. Memories of their youth had consumed Gramlithyn, and he’d wished for the innocent days before Fate had changed everything.
That was a lie.
What Gramlithyn wanted was for Pyxlevir to somehow get over his aversion to being together.
“Until I discovered our matebond, I’d never lied to them,” Gramlithyn confessed.
If they had any hope for a future, he had to start taking advantage of his opportunities with Pyxlevir, so he forced himself to divulge the truth.
“And I know that I’m bending or breaking tradition in a thousand ways.
I feel guilty. They wouldn’t approve of some of the things I’ve done or the decisions I may have to make in the future.
No matter how I look at it, I’ve let them down. ”
“They love you unconditionally, Gramlithyn.”
“Probably too much if I’m being honest, but I don’t want to dwell on it tonight. My relationship with my parents is one of those things I’m determined to tackle. However, it’s not my priority right now.”
“What exactly is your priority?” Pyxlevir asked, his blue eyes staring almost through Gramlithyn. “You invited me to move in here to settle our matebond one way or another, and we’ve only had a handful of conversations since. We’ve lived together for over a month now.”
“Trust me, I know. I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish. But I don’t even have a job—something Dasan reminds me of daily now that he took one at the library. Someone offered it to him at D’Vaire.”
“If you want to work, you have plenty of contacts. Call up someone and tell them you’re looking.”
Gramlithyn snorted. “Yeah, because I have such an impressive track record. I had a fantastic job lined up at Elven D’Vaire, and I called days before I was supposed to start to say I was leaving town indefinitely.”
“Your parents are on the board of Elven D’Vaire. If nothing else, you have nepotism on your side if that’s where you want to work. Of course, if you don’t want to talk to Laconifel or Semira, that complicates things.”
“Exactly.”
“Call Ardusian,” Pyxlevir advised. “He has an opening on his team, and you don’t need experience in the industry or an education.”
“I’m surprised you’d offer Ardusian as an option. Wouldn’t I be the last person you’d want to work with daily?”
Pyxlevir laughed, and Gramlithyn’s zebra whinnied with joy at the lovely sound. “I’m not on Ardusian’s team any longer. For the past six years, I’ve worked my way up to be a junior executive. I have an assistant of my own, thank you very much.”
“This is going to sound weird, but sometimes it feels like the world stopped six years ago. At least for me. It’s not the same for everyone else. Life moved on. Mine didn’t really change.”
“That’s ironic because I envisioned you on adventures while I was sitting at a desk at work or burying my face in a book to study.
I’m the one who lived in my old room with my family until we started sharing this apartment and has the same beads in my hair that my father started using for me at eighteen. ”
Gramlithyn smiled ruefully as a clear vision of Pyxlevir’s horrified face on the morning he discovered their matebond filled his mind, reminding him that the zebra beads the elf had once worn with pride were gone. “You had different ones the last time I saw you.”
“I was rejected by my mate. Did you really expect me to cling to the past and keep the zebra ones in my hair? You made it clear plenty of times when we were teenagers that the last thing you wanted was to find your other half, but you can’t expect me not to take it personally.
Or maybe I shouldn’t have. I don’t know.
I don’t suppose it matters now. It stung.
I asked for honesty, and that’s something I’m also willing to offer. You hurt my fucking feelings.”
Swallowing thickly, Gramlithyn rubbed his hand over his mouth as he tried to sort his emotions.
Pyxlevir’s confession was shocking, which was stupid.
Even if Pyxlevir didn’t want to be with Gramlithyn, it was still gutting to be rejected.
But it didn’t sit well with Gramlithyn or his zebra to think of Pyxlevir in pain—especially since he was responsible for it.
“I’m sorry,” Gramlithyn whispered. “I’m not sure what else to say.
You cried. The day you learned about Fate.
About you and me. What I remember most is your tears.
I thought leaving would be easier for us both so we weren’t forced into a matebond we didn’t want.
I didn’t want to hurt you, but I guess no matter what I did, that was inevitable.
Fate made her decision, and we have to deal with the consequences one way or another. ”
Pyxlevir scowled. His mouth opened as if he had something to say, but he snapped it closed again without uttering a sound.
He slid off his stool. With his hands braced on the counter, he dragged in a deep breath.
Pyxlevir walked around the island and stood across from Gramlithyn with his chin tilted upward.
Their eyes locked. At twenty-four, Pyxlevir was more stunning than he’d been at eighteen. The overhead light lovingly caressed his high cheekbones. Pyxlevir bit his lip, and Gramlithyn ignored the punch of lust in his gut. His zebra, on the other hand, exulted in the beauty of their other half.
“I did cry,” Pyxlevir eventually said softly.
“Because my head was full of memories. I stood there being bombarded with every time you told me the last thing you wanted was to find your mate. You wanted to be alone. To find yourself. To blaze a future for yourself. You weren’t ready.
And Fate had taken our choices away. In that moment, we were trapped.
That wasn’t what I wanted for either of us. ”
“That’s why I left. So we wouldn’t be trapped, Pyx.”
“Distance changes nothing. We’re still mates.
You can run as far and as fast as you want, but unless we go through with separation papers and have our matebond severed, we’re stuck.
No matter what, we had to face this someday.
You can try to rationalize it however you want, but the reality remains the same. ”
Gramlithyn crossed his arms and squeezed his eyes shut. “You deserve honesty. I’m doing my best to find my courage and give it to you. On some level, I thought you’d be happy I was out of your face.”
“You were my best friend; why would you think that?” Pyxlevir demanded.
“Because being best friends isn’t the same fucking thing as being matched by Fate.”
“Of course not. I’m not stupid, I know that.”
Their gazes locked again. “One thing I’ve never doubted is your intelligence.
You were never shy about what you wanted in life.
We shared everything. You wanted a mate.
I know that. We even had discussions about what kind of mate you envisioned yourself with.
Not once did the words zebra, elf, or hybrid cross your lips.
I figured out Fate had paired us first. I already knew it wasn’t going to be a welcome revelation when I showed up at your house on your eighteenth birthday. ”
“Wait,” Pyxlevir demanded, his eyes narrowing as he took a step closer to Gramlithyn.
“Is that why you accused me of putting other shifters above zebras on that last call when you told me you weren’t coming back?
Because I’ve never thought of zebras as being less than anything else, and it still pisses me off that you think I’m some kind of shifter classist or something. ”
“Shifters are equal in your head. I know that. But that’s not the same as wanting every kind as your other half for eternity.”
“It sounds like you made a lot of assumptions without giving me a chance to defend myself. It pissed me off then, and it’s doing the same right now.”
“Fine. I wasn’t brave enough at eighteen to be direct,” Gramlithyn said.
“But hopefully I’ve matured a little. Here’s what I think.
You like zebras. You like elves. Hybrids are also equal in your head.
But that doesn’t mean you ever envisioned your future with me.
I was who you were rejecting, not an entire group of shifters or whatever. ”
“You’re right. I didn’t imagine a future with you.”
Although Gramlithyn had known that for many years, hearing the words fall from Pyxlevir’s lips was devastating.
Pain tore through his chest, and his zebra whinnied tortuously in his head.
A tear slid down his cheek, but Gramlithyn didn’t bother to wipe it away.
It was no more than he’d expected. If he wanted a matebond, he had to accept the truth and somehow convince Pyxlevir to consider him anyway.
“I’m sorry,” Gramlithyn murmured, but he wasn’t sure if he was apologizing to himself, his zebra, or Pyxlevir.
“No, I take that back. It crossed my mind, but I stopped allowing myself to imagine it once you announced that you didn’t want a mate. Because I didn’t want to be hurt. Guess what? It didn’t matter. In the end, you still tore me apart.”
Gramlithyn threw his hands in the air and admitted defeat.
While he had orchestrated moving in together and wanted a future with Pyxlevir, nothing had prepared him for the bald honesty they were exchanging in the bright glow of the kitchen at nearly midnight on a random Friday night. He supposed nothing could.
“Of course I kept saying that. You were going into excruciating detail about your happily-ever-after with a centaur, or some dragon, or whatever other fucking shifter popped into your head.”
“What’s that mean?”
“What do you think it means, Pyxlevir? I was your best friend. Your parents are best friends. So are mine. It dawned on me pretty early that maybe being matched with your closest pal could be a good thing. The fucking problem was that my buddy was far too busy chasing dreams of being with anybody but me.”
Pyxlevir blinked heavily as he stood staring at Gramlithyn.
Dashing away the wetness on his cheeks, Gramlithyn pulled himself together.
He’d finally bared what he could of his poor troubled soul.
It wasn’t eloquent, nor was it necessarily a good idea, but he couldn’t take the words back.
Nor did he want to. Alongside the shattering pain, there was a sense of relief that he’d at least been honest. That was what Pyxlevir wanted. So did Gramlithyn.
“I don’t understand,” Pyxlevir whispered.
Gramlithyn drew in a ragged breath and put some distance between him and Pyxlevir.
“I’ll make it simple for you. You were what I wanted in a mate.
But for the first time in our lives, we weren’t in sync.
So, I begged Fate and anyone who would listen to spare me from any matebond.
If I couldn’t be with you, I didn’t want anyone.
I saw your tears that morning. You were shocked.
Our matebond wasn’t welcome. I couldn’t handle it.
So, I left. I didn’t have a plan; I just wanted to get away. That’s it. That’s the entire story.”
Desperate for escape now that he’d bared his soul, Gramlithyn headed for the front door.
Although he’d already gone for a run, he and his zebra were frantic for another one.
Pyxlevir didn’t follow, pleasing Gramlithyn.
Their conversation had been far more enlightening than Gramlithyn wanted, but perhaps that was for the best. At least Pyxlevir understood Gramlithyn’s motivation, even if he didn’t agree with the results.
Gramlithyn didn’t bother waiting for the elevator.
Their apartment was on the fourth floor, but he barely noticed the steps as he pounded down to the lobby.
If he didn’t have to pass random strangers, he would’ve shifted the minute he stepped out of the apartment front door.
Instead, he jogged to the bathroom/changing room and moved as quickly as possible to disrobe.
The second he was naked, he charged outside and freed his zebra to take over. He ran until he was too exhausted to think. It was the only way Gramlithyn could cope.