Chapter 26
Chapter Twenty-Six
Jackson
M y second cross-country drive feels a helluva lot different than my first. Sure, it’s the same Jeep, packed to the gills, just like it was on the trip out. The same endless stretches of highways, same cheap hotels to catch some sleep along the way.
The main difference? This time, my old crew, my friends, are checking in. Talking to me through endless miles, keeping me awake, and helping to pass the time.
“Hello, jackass. Are you awake?” Kate’s voice rings through the speakers.
“Don’t be a dumbass. If you’re tired, don’t push it. Pull over. Make it easy on the poor bastards who’d have to come cut you out if you wreck. Be smart, Kermie,” Cal chimes in.
“Man, I fucking hate that name,” I grouse.
“That’s the only reason we use it. But we can also start calling you jackass regularly, if you’d rather.”
It’s the middle of the night where they are, and luckily for me, they’re awake after a call, filling me in on what I missed, giving me shit about the most ridiculous stuff. The call came in response to my message to them both that I needed to talk to them when I got back to town.
“I probably deserve that,” I admit. “Wait. Kate, are you on the engine with Cal? How are you two together?” Then I yawn. It’s going on fourteen hours of driving today, and I’m looking for the next hotel to stop at. If I can’t find one, a parking lot will do for a couple of hours.
“Yeah, we’re on rescue this week. Leo is off, so Chief let me ride with pretty boy over here after I told him I’m thinking of going for my fire cert.”
“I never knew you were interested in being a hose-dragger.”
“Yeah, well.” Her shrug comes through in her voice. “I got to thinking after you left. Started wondering if maybe I shouldn’t see what else is out there.”
“Tell her, Jackson. There’s nothing better out there. That’s why you’re coming home,” Cal interjects.
“Actually, he’s coming home to get his girl,” Kate retorts. She’s not wrong. I just don’t know how I’m going to go about it. When I mention as much, Kate asks, “Well, have you talked to her? Does she even know you’re on your way back?”
“Well, no.” The leather of the steering wheel creaks under my grip. “I haven’t called because I don’t know what to say.”
“Oh, for god’s sake. You said it yourself, multiple times, might I remind you, that you and Mags were best friends. Lemme tell ya. Best friends talk shit out.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Uh, yeah. It is,” she argues.
Cal scoffs in the background. “Kate, you’re saying this to the man who didn’t even tell us he was leaving until it was a done deal. Didn’t reach out for a whole two weeks after he left but hits us up on his way home because he’s bored and needs entertainment. Communication isn’t in his wheelhouse.”
I sit higher in my seat as the anger in his tone washes over me.
I deserve it. I did wrong by them. Maybe it’s Cal laying things out so matter of fact that makes it click.
I’ve hurt my friends. They weren’t just my coworkers, even if it took me leaving to understand.
We were friends. We are friends. And I’ve treated them like shit this whole time because I’m a damn coward who can’t face his emotions.
“Dammit, Cal. Now he’ll do his Houdini act again.”
They continue arguing with each other as if I’m not listening in on the other end of the phone line.
“Cal’s right.” My voice is low, and neither hear me. I try again. “Kate, Cal’s right.”
They fall silent, and I suddenly wish I could see their faces. I can’t tell if it’s a good silence or a bad silence.
“I’m a coward. I’m an asshole.”
Signs for the next exit flash by, and I spot one with a hotel. I need to get off the road before I get too distracted by this admission.
“I should’ve told you my plans first, not let you find out through the grapevine. That’s partly why I called tonight, to let you know I finally got the balls to ask Chief if I could have my job back. I didn’t want you to find out from anyone else.”
I blink against the neon lights as I pull into the parking lot of a decent-looking place. All the things that want to be hidden are thrust into view. Nothing can hide from the harshness of the light.
“I thought I was following a dream. And I’m sorry I hurt our friendship in the process.
There’s more to it, but I need to speak to Maggie first, if she’ll even talk to me.
” Fire burns in my gut at the prospect that maybe she won’t, and maybe they will refuse my apology, but the simple fact that they called when I texted gives me a sliver of hope.
I kill the engine and wait for a response.
“That’s it?” Kate asks.
“No.” I swallow thickly and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” The words come out on a tremble.
“Are you… crying?” Cal sounds like he’s teasing, but I’m such a mess, I can’t be sure. “There’s no crying in baseball.”
Kate groans. “This is the whole problem with you emotionally stunted assholes. You make a joke out of everything. Let me show you how it’s done.
Listen and learn. Jackson, you apologized.
Thank you for that. It doesn’t change the fact that you hurt our feelings when you pulled that bullshit, and I don’t know if I want to punch you or hug you.
But I do care about you, and I’m glad you’re coming home. ”
“Yeah, if you get reassigned at our station, expect to do all the chores for a while as penance for being such a dick,” Cal jokes, obviously as uncomfortable with this conversation as I am.
I just breathe for a minute, soaking in the words and the knowledge that my friends will continue to give me shit, but it sort of feels like they forgive me.
“Are you going to call Maggie?” Kate breaks the silence.
The other massive question of the day. One I don’t know the answer to. I owe her so much more than a phone call. “Not yet. I don’t know what to say to her, and I think I need to see her face so I can beg her forgiveness if I have to.”
“Aw. It’s cute that you think it’s gonna be that easy. You must be blinded by love. ”
Is that what this emptiness inside me is? Love, or the absence of it?
I sit staring at the front door of the hotel, not really seeing anything but the image of Maggie’s stricken face as I left that night.
She knew I was leaving and never once tried to talk me out of chasing down a dream.
It was the look on her face when she found out the why behind the dream that haunts me.
I don’t know if she’ll ever forgive me for not being honest with her.
“Why’s it suddenly quiet?” Cal asks.
Running a hand down my face, I try to wipe away the image of her tear-stained face. “I, uh, stopped for the night.”
“So what are you going to do for your grand gesture?” Kate asks. “You know she loves a good romance book, so you better make it good if you want to win her back.”
“Just friends, my ass,” Cal declares. It’s low, but it’s quiet enough in the wee hours that I hear him.
“You two were never friends, even I could see that,” he says, louder now.
“Kate’s right. Whatever you do better be good.
Jules says Maggie looked like she’d aged ten years, especially after her mom and sister left the other day.
The next step is her glow up, and then all bets are off on her finding some other guy to fill your shoes. ”
“Her mom and sister were there?” If they were mean to her, I’ll… but if I’d been there, I would’ve known, and I’d be able to comfort her. And then the rest of what he said registers, and nausea rolls through my gut. Dammit, I fucked all the way up.
Maggie doesn’t need a damn glow up. She’s perfect just the way she is. And fuck that on some other guy swooping in. Maggie’s mine.
“You need to talk to her,” Kate says quietly. Like she knows more than she’s letting on and won’t tell me the details.
Fuck.
“I don’t know that she’ll listen to me.”
“Maybe not.”
I glance at the clock. I’ve still got two days of travel left, which puts me back in town by Sunday, her one day off. An idea forms, and once it takes root, I can’t let it go. It sucks to have to ask this question, because if I hadn’t been such a dick, I’d know the answer.
“Kate, do you and Maggie happen to have plans this weekend?”
“Yep, we’re hiking, and it’s my turn to choose the trail. What are you thinking, Kermie?”
“Mind if I tag along?”
Kate’s answer sounds like a smile and feels like hope. And when I walk into the hotel lobby, my steps feel lighter. I’m going home, back to my friends, and I’m going to get my girl back.