Chapter 10 #2
I was impressed when he was genuinely disappointed with himself for not having seen it that way as well. I told him that it made him a gem that he was willing to correct himself and grow instead of dig in his heels and excuse his bad behavior. It made him better than most.
And I put myself in that bucket because we all did that at times. It was something I was working on as well.
We all should.
What tickled me was that the next guy I sat with rambled about not wanting kids…
So the tie-in to my last chat wasn’t lost on me at all.
He’d been clear since the beginning that he didn’t want them ever, but now his wife declared they were going to have them and was throwing a fit he wouldn’t get on board.
She’d really raked him over the coals and I was annoyed with what I was hearing. Yes, I was only hearing his side, but it was different when I could feel desires. His told a lot more than his words.
He desired not to sit for another lecture he was selfish and didn’t love her.
He desired to change how he felt or that he could flip a switch inside of him to want kids.
He wanted to mature to want kids like she kept telling him.
Everything that was seriously over the line and emotionally abusive. It hurt my heart.
“I have only one question before I give you the answer I think you know is coming, love,” I said gently after listening for about ten minutes.
I waited until he nodded before taking in a slow breath.
“Did she always want them or did she change her mind after being married and reaching a new stage in her life?”
She’d always wanted them. It was all over his face and despair, but he wouldn’t say it, glancing away.
“Oh, you’re a loyal one who won’t even snitch on his wife when she’s being a problem,” I mumbled as I rubbed his arm.
“You deserve better.” I nodded when he blinked at me in shock.
“There are a lot of us who don’t want kids, love.
Saying you don’t want them is completely acceptable. Completely. You’re not broken.”
“But—”
“No but,” I said firmly. “You will have broken children. The ones who are pushed or forced to have children become broken and so do those kids. It’s why there are so many of us now who don’t want kids. We were the kids of people who shouldn’t have been parents. We saw the damage that was done.”
“That’s part of it but…” He sighed. He gave me a look and begged me to understand him somehow.
I nodded that I did even if I wouldn’t have had any clue if I wasn’t a demon and felt his desire.
But I did and saw that he looked at kids and felt nothing.
He had nieces and nephews and saw they were cute and would color with them or play for a bit, but he not once thought he wanted ones of his own.
Never.
“Then it’s not for you,” I promised him.
“She says that I’ll die alone and no one will be there to take care of me when I’m old if I don’t have kids,” he worried.
I snorted, shocking him. “If you have kids for such a selfish fucking reason, they won’t be there to take care of you when you’re old either, love.
I promise. They’ll be out the moment they can like so many of us have escaped our toxic homes.
Having kids isn’t a binding contract they’ll take care of you.
Or you could have psychopaths who fuck you over even if you’re the—”
“Yup, got it, thanks,” he chuckled, waving me off like he didn’t need more reasons not to not have them. He chuckled again and shook his head at me. “Wow, who thought coming here tonight to hide from her at the one place she hates like my own defiance would really give me the answers, huh?”
I winked at him. “You find the children of angels in the strangest of places to help you out when you need it.” I rubbed his arm again.
“I can’t tell you what to do, but from an outside perspective and from someone who has an amazingly supportive partner, you’re being emotionally abused.
So I hope you leave and find better. You deserve better, not a liar who wasted your time. ”
“Thanks, Erika. Really.” He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left a fat tip on the table before heading out.
The server nodded for me to have it, but I waved it off. She snorted. “That was for your therapy session, girl. And seriously, you’re good. I want to sit down and tell you all my problems too.”
I was about to give a joking brush-off but then realized that was probably a smart idea.
I smiled at her. “I got time as long as you take me to lunch around here where I won’t fucking get food poisoning.
” I nodded when she hesitated. “Seriously, I don’t mind.
I had a lot of help and people listening to me so… ” I shrugged.
“You’re one to pay it forward,” she surmised.
“That I am,” I promised. I was glad when she took me up on it and gave me her number saying she’d text me. That worked out because I was striking out on info about the club and dancers, but one of the servers could absolutely bitch about work and give me insight.
I ended up learning a lot, simply not anything that could help me with the one I was hunting. So it wasn’t a total loss at least ruling out who to talk with and ideas… Or that was what I told myself so I didn’t get discouraged.
“A demon with a conscience who wants god’s children to find better paths sounds like the ultimate cosmic joke,” a voice said from the darkness as I walked out to my vehicle later.
And the guy from security who had escorted me didn’t react to it.
“Got it from here, love,” I told him with a wink. “Have a good one.”
“Yeah, heard you had a lover and weren’t open to getting hit on,” he grumbled before giving a half wave and heading back to the door.
I continued to walk towards my car as I looked at where the voice had come from. “And someone throwing judgments from the shadows looking down on a child of god’s soldiers sounds like not someone worthy of my time.”
That worked and a massive man appeared about twenty feet away from the car, studying me in a way I didn’t like. I pretended not to care as I unlocked my car and tossed in my purse.
But the real goal was the knife so I could quickly cut my dampeners should I need to… Because I was pretty sure I was going to need to.
“I have been watching you.”
I snickered, which seemed to confuse him. “Most don’t think to brag about being stalkers.”
Anger filled his eyes, but then he was curious again. “You are a smart one. I’ve seen that. You’re stalling to call for help or—”
“I don’t need help to handle you if you are a threat, which you haven’t acted as yet,” I countered.
He angled his head a bit. “You believe that, but that would be foolish. I haven’t—I didn’t think you foolish. Only them for lying and trying to protect you.”
That didn’t mean much for a moment until he took a few steps closer and I realized why I was instantly on edge around him.
Where I’d sensed this energy before.
Archangel.
“If you hurt them, then you should be the one scared,” I said with a growl as I prepared to cut my dampeners.
His face twisted and whatever energy he was using to cover his huge wings flickered allowing me to see them for a moment. “Do not talk as if you are above me, demon.”
I realized confusing or poking him was the better play given he’d been watching me and I was clueless.
“And who gave us that name? Your boss?” I chuckled darkly when he froze.
“Humans would call us Nephilim, right? Children of angels? Who named us demons? One of you at the top who judged even when your boss says you shouldn’t? ”
“Yes.” That one word said a lot but was completely devoid of emotion as was his gaze and face. In a very unsettling way.
And we simply stared at each other for a full minute that way.
“The fact I cannot read you is beyond infuriating.”
But useful to me.
“You will answer my questions though,” he said firmly.
“Or what?” I snorted when he frowned. “You’re not the boss of me, Uncle.” I chuckled when he didn’t like that. “Grandfather or whoever gave us freewill, so use it, and I’ll exercise that as I feel I need to. Let’s just keep it civil and family.”
He studied me again. “Answer me what I want and I will give you an answer you want but have yet to think to ask.”
Now that was a tempting but troubling offer. He seemed unnerved this time when I simply studied him.
“Your hesitation is illogical,” he pushed.
I snorted. “You overestimate yourself because you know who you are and what you know. I don’t.
I don’t know you from Judas or a warlock who can mimic the magic of an angel.
So for all I know, this is a setup for information.
That’s only a good deal if you can trust the one giving the information and I don’t even know your name. ”
“My name would mean nothing to you.”
“It would mean you have manners and respect me enough to—”
“I’m respecting you enough to trust your answers, and that’s a lot coming from me,” he countered. “And my name—this is not a fight I want to involve myself in. I simply need to know the truth for myself because you know what happened will not be left alone by others.”
I raised an eyebrow at him, guessing now what the topic was about. “But what use is telling you and wasting my time explaining myself and situation to you if you’re just going to play fucking Switzerland?”