Chapter 59 Consideration
CONSIDERATION
RAE
Zeke glanced at the bathroom door as he stepped into the bedroom.
“He’ll be out in a sec. He came up to see what I needed done.”
He tilted his head, studying me. “You okay?”
I nodded, turning back to the box of makeup. “I’ll be fine.”
“That’s not a yes or no,” he said, taking a seat next to the mess on my bed.
I brushed my thumb across the eyeshadow palette in my hand, the letters blurring.
“Rae,” he whispered, reaching for my arm and pulling me toward him. “Come here.”
I dropped the palette and let Zeke pull me until I stood between his knees.
His thumbs brushed my arms where he held my wrists, the open affection in his gaze cracking the dam holding back my tears.
I didn’t want to cry in front of him.
After my parents died, I spent years suppressing emotions. Patricia called them “dramatic displays.” Grandma let me cry, but after Papa died, I forced everything down. But something about Ash and Zeke broke through the walls I’d built up to protect my heart.
He pulled me into his lap, holding me like a child with my legs draped sideways over his lap.
“It’ll be okay. I promise.” He stroked the side of my head as I let my tears soak into his shirt.
I heard the bathroom door open, but Zeke didn’t move, and I didn’t dare look up. I didn’t want to see Cyn’s reaction to Zeke holding me, and I sure as hell didn’t want to show him my tears.
“You’ll like Elyrdin,” Zeke said, tracing patterns on my thigh. “There’s all sorts of animals and flowers you’ve never seen before. I can’t wait to show you all of them.”
I sniffed.
“You can have your own room too. We all have a room, plus a couple of guest rooms. You won’t be a guest, so we’ll make it however you like.”
I hadn’t thought about what it meant once we left Earth.
I’d wondered if Cornaith would lock me away the moment we arrived. But the way Zeke talked, I’d be living with them.
“Oh, you’re going to love the pool.” He paused, his fingers stilling. “Wait. Can you swim?”
Laughing, I wiped my nose. “Not really, no.”
“That’s okay. I’ll teach you.” His fingers resumed tracing patterns on my skin. “You know, I can’t wait to see what your alternate form looks like.”
I tensed.
“Rae?”
I buried my face in his shirt.
“What is it?”
I lifted my hand, examining it as if I’d suddenly sprout claws at any moment.
I’d avoided acknowledging the truth since we returned to Earth, not ready to face the life-altering reality my time in Cholian revealed.
I wasn’t in denial.
I knew I wasn’t human. Not wholly.
I felt something stir inside me when Ash threw himself over me in Cholian. My eyes turned black like Cyn’s.
Zeke took the hand I held up, startling me out of my thoughts. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“No, I’m fine.” I looked up at his face. “I’m just trying to reconcile the fact that I’m not human anymore.”
“Well, technically you’re still partially human.” He looked up at the ceiling. “Though, from what Quinfina said, you’re barely human.”
“That doesn’t help,” I mumbled.
He squeezed me against his body. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to make it worse.”
“You didn’t.” I sighed and glanced at Cyn.
He stood leaning against the wall across from us, arms folded over his chest.
He didn’t look angry or agitated. He seemed calm, like seeing me in Zeke’s arms didn’t bother him the way I expected.
I stared down at my hand before looking at Cyn again. “How do you change your hand?”
“What?”
“Your alternate form.” I dropped my hand to my lap, and Zeke immediately grasped it. “If my eyes were like yours, then I figured maybe my hands might be too? Ezra’s looked the same, but his blue eyes didn’t disappear from the middle. His eyes weren’t all black.”
“Your eyes weren’t like mine.”
I frowned, glancing at Zeke. “Y’all said…”
“Your eyes were black, but your skin had a pattern coming from your eyes like Ezra’s Void markings,” Cyn said, scowl deepening.
“Maybe she’s a Void,” Zeke said. “If her magic was suppressed…”
Cyn shook his head. “No.”
“How do you know?”
“Because she didn’t kill everyone when she protected Ash after her magic surfaced.”
My mouth dropped open.
“We should tell her,” Zeke said, meeting Cyn’s eyes over my head.
“Tell me what?”
Cyn chewed the edge of his lip, studying me. Then he sighed and said, “Ezra’s like Zeke.”
“He’s not a Vithrelas,” Zeke interjected. “He doesn’t dreamwalk or anything like that.”
“Right. He’s a rarer type of Shyrlivi than Vithrelas. The deadliest type of Shyrlivi.”
My stomach tightened at his words.
“But he won’t hurt you,” Zeke said, giving my arm a squeeze.
“Nah. Not now that he knows what you are. But most Voids can’t control it.”
Zeke glared. “Ezra can.”
“Better than most.” Cyn shrugged. “Most Voids die young after their powers surface, unable to control it. Their shadows consume them.”
“That’s awful.”
Zeke toyed with the hem of my shorts. “Some think it’s a small mercy that a Void dies that soon.”
“What?” I gaped at him. “Why would anyone think death is a mercy?”
His shoulder hitched. “The shadows do what they want. They lash out at anything they perceive as a threat and destroy it without question.”
“It makes sense if you think about it,” Cyn said. “Voids awaken in the face of tragedy or when their life force is stronger than others. In Ezra’s case, it’s twofold.”
“He lost his sister when he was twenty-one.”
I looked at Zeke. “But Cyn just said they die young. I mean, twenty-one is young, but that’s only three years ago. He’s twenty-four, right?”
Zeke nodded.
“Ezra’s Void powers surfaced in his teens because he’s so strong.” Cyn’s jaw ticked, as though reluctant to say more. “It’s just… when Linara died… if he hadn’t already had control, he’d have killed us all and half of Feranzis. It took him months to get control again.”
“He locked himself away under the palace in the cells so he wouldn’t hurt anyone.” Zeke’s arms tightened around me, and I suspected he did it to ground himself.
I wanted to know more, but asking felt wrong. They’d already shared more than I thought Ezra would like.
“How old was she?”
“Five,” Cyn said.
I’d never had siblings, but I couldn’t imagine losing one of them—especially at such a young age.
I now understood why Cyn didn’t think I was a Void like Ezra.
Even after almost losing Ash, and almost dying myself, I still hadn’t hurt anyone. I felt nothing nefarious inside me that wanted to consume me or the world. I felt something, but I didn’t understand it.
I didn’t want to try transforming my hand anymore. After hearing about Ezra’s sister, I didn’t have the energy.
“We should let her finish packing,” Cyn said, pushing off the wall. “Blue flowers?”
“Huh?”
“The bakeware.”
“Oh. Yeah.” My cheeks flooded with heat. I was surprised he remembered after everything that had happened between us. “If you can make sure they don’t end up with the donation stuff, I’d appreciate it.”
I was convinced Corningware baking dishes could survive a nuclear disaster. Everyone I knew either owned a set or inherited one.
Zeke tilted my face up with his fingers on my chin. “Are you going to be okay?”
“Yeah.” I motioned to the items left to sort through. “This helps.”
“Will you call me if it’s not?”
I looked away instead of answering.
I wasn’t sure I could promise that. I wasn’t used to doing it.
I trusted him. I trusted Ash too. And even though I didn’t trust Ezra and Cyn emotionally, I trusted them physically. So I gave him the answer I knew I could manage. “I’ll try to.”
His eyes softened, as if he understood why I couldn’t give him more. His thumb brushed my cheek.
I cleared my throat and stood when his gaze darted to my mouth.
Cyn turned from the door as Zeke stood to follow him. “Is there anything else you want done before I make dinner?”
“I still need the room y’all are staying in packed up.”
If Ash had already handled the kitchen, and I worked in this room, all that remained was the guest room and the knick-knacks in the living room.
Cyn glanced toward the other room. “What do you want done in there?”
“My books can go in boxes for donation. I’d like to bring my exercise stuff with us, if that’s okay.”
“We have a gym at our house to use when we’re not using the training grounds,” Zeke said.
“Oh. Then you can just pack it all away for donation.”
Zeke’s brows pinched. “You don’t want to keep any books?”
“I don’t wanna bring too much.”
“We told you we have room,” Cyn said, crossing his arms.
“I don’t wanna impose.”
He rolled his eyes. “This whole shitshow is already turning everything upside down. You’re going to split hairs over books?”
My shoulders dropped—not in defeat, but with ease.
I didn’t know what to make of his sudden change in attitude after what happened between us. But a glimpse of his usual surly self eased the tightness in my chest.
I raised an eyebrow at him, crossing my arms to mirror his pose. “Y’all don’t have bookstores in Elyrdin?”
“Have you not been listening? Zeke said we have everything the human plane does.”
I shouldn’t say it—I really shouldn’t—but I couldn’t resist.
“Even sex toy stores?”
Zeke’s mouth dropped open, and Cyn’s face went blank.
Satisfied at finally throwing Cyn off his game, I smirked.
He schooled his expression and crossed the room to me, lips brushing the shell of my ear as he whispered, “We have toys that would put that drawer of yours to shame.”
My eyes widened as I looked at the open nightstand drawer, where anyone paying attention could clearly see the stash of battery-operated goodies.
“Touché,” I mumbled, feeling my face warm as he backed away.
When they both exited the room, I went over and slammed the drawer shut.
I’d planned to pack those, but now I wondered if I shouldn’t toss them. It’d be a shame to waste the money.
Besides, I needed something if I had to live with four hot men—two I’d already fucked.
Nope. The BOBs were coming with me.
I jerked the drawer open, dumped everything into an empty box, taped it, and scrawled KEEP: DO NOT OPEN across the top. I shoved it over beside the boxes marked for keeping.
It took the rest of the day to finish up, but I managed to get my entire room packed away except for my bedding and the essentials I needed for the rest of my time on Earth.
After the first night back on Earth, everything returned to normal.
I wondered if they avoided talk of Elyrdin so I could have a sliver of normalcy before my life turned upside down.
I collapsed on my back, staring at the ceiling.
The scent of herbs and marinara made my stomach growl. Zeke said Cyn was making spaghetti Bolognese after their grocery run.
With nothing left to do for the rest of the week, I couldn’t keep the thoughts I’d avoided at bay. It was time to accept reality.
I wondered what life in Elyrdin would be like. With all their Earth comparisons, there had to be a catch. It couldn’t be as simple as moving states—even if everyone looked human.
I rolled over onto my stomach and buried my face in my pillow.
New world aside, I needed to come to terms with having mates.
Not mate.
Mates.
Four of them.
I groaned.
A few months ago, I didn’t even want a boyfriend. I wasn’t sure how I’d cope with four… Could I call them boyfriends? Not likely. Maybe Ash?
I shook my head.
I didn’t exactly know what being mates entailed, so on our second night back I downloaded a few of Maya’s paranormal books onto my phone to see if I could find answers.
She’d laugh if she knew I’d stayed up reading a book about dragon men until sunrise.
Without the risk of someone fleeing at the first sign of mental illness, I could get on board with some of it. I wasn’t sure I had the stamina to keep up.
I flipped over onto my back. “Oh my god.” I pressed a hand over my eyes, laughing.
It wasn’t as though a magical link alone meant we’d all be together.
Did I even want that?
I could say without hesitation that I wanted Ash. My heart ached at the idea of not being with him. Even Zeke stirred feelings I couldn’t explain. He seemed excited that I was his mate, even if we’d never gone beyond friendship.
Taking multiple partners? It wasn’t a concept I understood.
But for Ash and Zeke, I could see myself trying.
My phone buzzed, and I picked it up.
Ash:
Dinner’s ready.
Zeke:
I wanted to come get u, but Ash said u might want to be alone.
Rae:
I’ll be down in a minute.
Cyn:
hurry up or it’ll get cold
I rolled my eyes and dropped my phone to my side.
Another hurdle I needed to face was Cyn and Ezra. Attraction or not, I couldn’t consider anything more with either of them—not right now.
I didn’t know Ezra. If he actually wanted to pursue this mate thing with me—which I doubted—we needed more than magic. I needed a real bond to be with someone. What sort of life would it be without one?
Then there was Cyn… I couldn’t even begin to unpack the messy feelings he stirred in me. He’d hurt me more than claws ever could.
When my phone buzzed again, I knew I couldn’t dwell on it any longer.
Future Rae could tackle those unpleasant feelings.
Present Rae wanted carbs.