Chapter 6 Glitter After Party
GLITTER AFTER PARTY
You know that feeling when years have passed since an event and now you look back at it with rose-tinted glasses.
At some point along the way, it became the most fun thing you’ve ever done.
‘Glitter After Party’ is about that, but also on the surface about how much more fun an afterparty is.
Everyone you don’t like goes to a different person’s house to celebrate, you can take your heels off and be yourself, have fun with your friends.
Falling asleep in the car – or any mode of transport, for that matter – is great because it’s the closest we’ll ever come to teleportation. Closing your eyes in one place and waking up in another. Delightful.
Kareem’s car seat hugs me, a faint warm breeze flowing through the small holes in the upholstery. Like I’m wrapped up in my duvet again, the movement of the car rocking me to sleep. Having someone else nearby makes me feel safer, protected.
The heat has broken, leaving the rain a sheet of mist in the air, thick but fine, when I leave my house.
I pack my headphones and a romance book for the forty-minute journey to Mauve’s house just outside of north Watford.
The windscreen wipers slice across the glass quickly, smearing the droplets before the screen is completely soaked again.
A very British May weekend. How unfortunate for all those people who have worked through the heat all week looking forward to a Saturday picnic.
They should have known better than planning one.
A message from Mimi stares back at me on my phone screen.
MIMI
Good work last night. Keep it up.
Kareem parks up outside Mauve’s house and pulls out a book. No point in him going home when he wouldn’t be there for long before he has to come back again.
I’ve offered him to come in multiple times, but he prefers sitting in his car, listening to the radio and reading his book.
It’s time he can finally have to himself, especially with a young baby at home.
I always tell him to text me, and I’ll bring him out a drink, a meal, or let him in to use the toilet. He rarely takes me up on it, though.
‘What are you reading today, Kareem?’ I ask him, gathering my things in the back of my car and digging the sleep from the corners of my eyes with my fingernail.
‘The new John Grisham, have you read it?’
‘Not yet. I’ll put it on my list if you give it a good review, though.’
My raincoat in one hand and crossbody bag clutched in the other, I use my little finger to open the car door. I run up the steps to get out of the rain, Kareem watching me until I’m safely inside.
‘Hello.’
Neither Mauve nor Rory returns my greeting, but I can hear them both.
Low, whispered voices. I follow the sounds to my right and into the large kitchen at the front of the house.
My mother sits at the island in the middle of the room, while Rory leans against a cabinet, steam spilling from the spout of the kettle behind him.
Rory clears his throat when he sees me, standing up straighter. ‘Hey, Sie.’ He coughs. ‘Want a cup of tea?’
‘Go on then,’ I reply, dropping my bag outside the kitchen door and slipping my shoes off. The cold floor, even through my socks, makes me feel at home. ‘What were you guys talking about?’
‘Oh, nothing,’ Rory dismisses, pouring water on a teabag.
I pull out a chair at the island next to my mother and it’s immediately clear what they’re talking about.
The Mirror is on the table in front of us, a huge picture covering half the front page.
Me and Luc on my doorstep last night, his lips against my forehead.
The front door has been edited out. The headline is written in capital letters.
Three words. SIENNA’S IN LOVE! Mauve moves the paper to reveal the Daily Mail underneath.
Another picture of me. This time Luc and I leaving the restaurant, with a smaller version of him kissing my forehead.
It’s so zoomed in that only our heads are visible.
The headline is much the same: SIENNA’S NEW MAN.
I expect Mauve to react badly. To tell me that it isn’t fair on Luc that I’m using him like this. That if I want to be on my own, I should be. I expect her to be annoyed that I only told her after the fact.
But when I look at her, there are tears in her eyes and she’s smiling at me. ‘Sienna, this is wonderful.’
How am I supposed to tell her that Luc and I aren’t actually together?
The longer I leave it, the worse it’ll be.
And she’ll be even more annoyed if I tell her after it’s ended that it was never real.
Unless I never tell her? Maybe I’ll always let her think that Luc and I are together and then when we break up, I can say it’s because it didn’t work?
Until I consider I am maybe the worst liar in the world. She’ll guess within minutes of me talking about it. About him.
And it’s in our rules. Our families know it’s fake.
I can’t break a rule already.
‘What’s wonderful?’ I buy myself time, a crack in my voice. I clear my throat.
‘You and Luc. Back together.’ She’s grinning like the Cheshire Cat. ‘You look so happy. I haven’t seen you look this happy in so long.’
I’m about to break her heart and I can feel it. My bones vibrate. Another way I’ll disappoint Mauve.
Rory puts his hand on mine. ‘I’m really happy for you, Sie.’
Not you too, Rory.
‘These pictures are beautiful,’ Mauve continues, opening the paper to show me where there are more photos of me.
There are some of me looking – I’ll be honest – downright miserable when I walked into the restaurant, but when I leave there is something radiant in my complexion.
Maybe it’s my smile. Or sweat. But Mauve and Rory, and hopefully the rest of the world too, will put that down to Luc. Being in love with my ‘new man’.
I say it’s the wine and small portion sizes.
‘But… next time you do go out with Luc,’ Mauve starts. ‘Do you think you could iron your dress? It’s so creased.’
There we go.
‘I did. It’s creased from sitting down.’ I pause. ‘Or do you want me to eat standing up next time, too?’
Rory and Mauve burst into fits of laughter like they’re watching their favourite comedian at The Royal Albert Hall.
‘Maybe wear a crease-free material then,’ Mauve advises.
‘How did you and Luc rekindle things?’ Rory asks. ‘I didn’t know you were back in contact.’
‘They bumped into each other at Eric Lancaster’s Laughs. Didn’t you, Sienna?’ Mauve looks pleased to be in the know of something Rory isn’t for once.
‘It was Mimi, actually.’ Now’s my chance. ‘She reconnected us.’
‘Oh, how lovely of her.’ Mauve holds her hands in a connected fist to her chest and closes her eyes. ‘All we ever want is for you to be happy, Sienna.’
‘Yeah, erm. So, Luc and I aren’t actually together,’ I spit out.
‘Of course not. It’s only been one date.’
‘No, I mean… We’re never going to be.’ Why can’t I get out what I want to say? I’ve been rehearsing all morning. ‘We’re faking it. We’re pretending so that the world thinks I’ve settled down.’
Mauve’s face sours, eyebrows drawing together, lips pinched in a pout. I can’t help but think it kind of looks like a cat’s bum. ‘Why on earth would you ever want to do that?’
Rory’s brow furrows. ‘That doesn’t sound like a good idea, Sienna.’ He folds his arms across his chest. ‘Sounds like a lot of pain waiting to happen.’
I take a deep breath. ‘I know what I’m doing, don’t worry.
Mimi knows what she’s doing, too.’ I shake my head.
‘There’s a lot of negative reaction to the way I’ve been living my life…
not settling down. It’s been going on for years,’ I explain, like they haven’t seen it.
‘But more people are starting to jump on that now.’ I swallow down the excess saliva in my mouth quickly.
‘But Mimi thinks there’s only so long society will…
tolerate a single, successful woman. And that we’re locked into contracts with venues for the tour…
I need to essentially fill those seats to not break contracts and have the tour flop.
’ I run my hands through my hair. ‘Basically, Mimi says it’s necessary,’ I sigh.
They blink back at me.
‘It’s okay. I know you only want what’s best for me,’ I add.
I’m nodding, looking in their eyes and silently begging them to see this from my perspective.
That I don’t want to do this either, but I’m scared to lose my career.
They need to understand that. This is what will make me happy in the long run.
I won’t get hurt. Luc won’t get hurt. It’ll all be fine. We have clear boundaries.
‘But I need to do this for my career,’ I add.
Mauve is still gaping at me, opening and closing her mouth like she wants to say something.
‘If you’re sure, Sie,’ Rory fills in for her. ‘You can always talk to us, if you need to.’
Mauve is still doing that thing with her mouth, like she’s trying to win an Oscar for best fish impression. I don’t think she’s even breathed.
‘Everything will be fine,’ I repeat. If I repeat it enough, maybe I’ll start to believe it. I click my index finger and immediately regret it – I kicked that habit long ago. ‘It’s only until the tour starts anyway.’
‘We’ll support you with whatever you decide.’ Mauve grits her teeth, like Rory has kicked her under the table to prompt a response. ‘But… don’t you ever want to settle down, Sienna?’
My ears start ringing.
‘You are getting a bit older now, and I really thought all these men in your twenties were just a phase,’ Mauve tuts.
The room shifts on its axis.
‘Do you really want your life to look like that?’ she asks.
‘I don’t know what I want my life to look like,’ I say to appease her, when really the answer is yes. ‘I’m just taking each day as it comes.’
I can tell that she wants to say something else and I wonder how long it’ll take.
‘What about Luc?’ she asks.
That didn’t take as long as I thought it would.