Chapter 6 Glitter After Party #2
‘What does he think of this?’ She pauses but only for a moment. ‘Doesn’t he want to meet anyone and settle down?’
Bloody hell, she’s really found her words.
‘I can’t speak for him.’
‘But you’ve discussed it, surely?’
‘Yeah, we have. And he’s fine with it… He has his own reasons for agreeing.’
The tension in the room is so thick it’s almost a fog. Mauve sighs. ‘Don’t break his heart again, Sienna.’
If I didn’t break his, he would’ve broken mine. There’s only one way it ends when you feel like that about someone.
I had to protect myself.
All I’ve ever wanted to do is protect myself.
Lunch is to the tune of forks scraping across plates, knives sawing through tough chicken, slurping excess gravy with a spoon from inside the Yorkshire pudding before putting nearly the entire thing in our mouths whole.
One of the only things which is actually edible on the plate because all it required from Mauve was putting them in the oven from frozen for ten minutes.
And they’re still pretty cold in the middle.
I take a sip of wine after every mouthful, knocking back the roast dinner with varying degrees of cooked-ness, topping up my wine whenever I’m running low.
Mauve’s eyes are on me every time I do it, but I fix my gaze on the plate, searching for what part of the dinner looks most edible to be my fork’s next victim.
Rory does the same, ignoring our mother as best he can.
When I’ve eaten everything that looks digestible, I push the food around my plate.
I’m safe to put it down when Rory sets his cutlery together.
Mauve puts her fork down at the same time and I jump up, collecting the plates to take them to the kitchen.
I shut the door and turn on the radio, Kind Regards playing quietly in the background while I begin the clean-up.
The song ends and one of Ruby Rain’s new songs plays straight afterwards.
I load plates, utensils and cutlery into the dishwasher to make room on the sides. Grabbing my phone from my pocket, I lean back on the cabinet and text Kareem.
SIENNA
How are you doing out there?
I would offer you some food but honestly… barely fit for a fox.
KAREEM
No trouble, bought a sandwich
SIENNA
I’m cleaning up and then we can leave will let you know when I’m saying goodbye
No messages from Luc. Do I still have to wait for him to message me first?
Or does all the organising have to come from Mimi?
I didn’t really consider how little I really know about PR relationships.
I’ve always known they exist, but I’ve never known anyone in one, and up until now it’s never been on the cards for me.
There are, however, two new messages from Jess.
JESS
Can I come over tonight? As Friend Jess!
I’ll bring wine and tortilla chips with salsa if you say yes!
SIENNA
An offer I can’t refuse
And a great excuse to leave Mauve’s after I’ve washed up
JESS
That must be humbling
I hear Rory before I see him. I focus on the soapy water filling up the bowl below my fingertips.
‘Bloody hell. She must have upset you if you’re cleaning.’
‘Make yourself useful and grab a tea towel.’ I chuck it at him, and he catches it with one hand.
‘Don’t take what she said to heart, Sie.’ Rory sighs, picking up one of the biggest saucepans and wiping the bubbles off. ‘She only wants for you to be happy.’
‘I am happy,’ I protest.
Rory raises an eyebrow at me, pausing for a few beats, and then wincing. ‘If you’re sure. But you know, if you’re not, you can always talk to me.’ He picks up another pan without breaking eye contact, blowing the soap bubbles off the bottom so they fly towards my face.
I laugh, despite myself.
‘You just don’t pick good people, Sie. It sucks, but it is what it is.’ His laugh is soft, quiet. So soft and quiet that it almost doesn’t sound like the insult it is.
‘Woah.’ My mouth drops. ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘I’m just saying, well, there’s a reason that your relationships don’t last.’ He picks up another saucepan and looks me in the eyes again, shaking his head.
‘It’s not a comment on you, or on them. It means you haven’t picked the right person yet.
’ He puts the saucepan back in the cupboard. ‘Your person.’
‘What if I don’t want to pick the right person?’ I question.
‘I know you, Sienna. And I think you do.’
I finally break his eye contact, looking at my hands in the now grey-brown water with little pieces of undercooked potato floating on the top.
‘What about you? Don’t you want to meet the right person?’
‘Yeah, I do. But not yet.’ He shrugs. ‘I’m too busy with work at the minute. I’d like to meet someone when I have time to dedicate to them and I’m not in the office until two in the morning and then getting back on the train at six.’
‘How do you know I want to meet the right person now, and not when I’ve retired from music?’ There’s a lump in my throat again, a soreness down my neck. I’m trying not to think too much about it. It’s just a cold that I need to recover from. No one else has raised any concerns yet.
‘Do you think you will retire from music? Or will you keep going, like Elton?’
I shrug. ‘Probably. The world will get sick of me at some point.’ I pause for a second. ‘Elton is a poor example. Didn’t he retire last year?’
‘Think he said he’ll still perform live occasionally, so I’m not sure if that counts.
’ He puts a roasting tray back in the cupboard underneath its smaller sibling.
‘Sienna, you’ve been going for nearly fifteen years,’ he points out.
‘And the world isn’t sick of you yet. And you love it.
You can see it in your eyes when you think about it. You still get lost.’
‘I don’t think I’ll ever stop writing. I’ll always be writing for other people.’ I itch my nose on my shoulder – why is it that my nose always gets itchy when my hands are wet? ‘But I don’t know whether I’ll release my own music and tour forever.’
Rory blinks hard and shakes his shoulders. ‘God, you’re so good at deflecting, aren’t you?’
‘So good you don’t even notice I’m doing it, yeah.’
We move around each other silently in the kitchen, Rory tidying things away while I wipe down the sides.
‘What are your plans for the rest of the weekend?’ he asks.
‘Jess is coming over tonight.’
‘As your friend… or to help with the, er, Luc stuff?’
‘My friend.’
‘So, I guess you’re leaving as soon as we’ve cleaned?’
I sigh. ‘I wasn’t going to. But I just can’t be here, Ror.’
He looks at me for a few moments, his eyes searching mine.
We’re playing chicken with each other, waiting for the other to speak first, to say what they’re thinking.
There are so many thoughts racing around my brain, fighting for airtime in my consciousness, that I can’t pick one out over another.
One thought doesn’t finish before another takes the mic.
‘Okay, well,’ Rory starts. ‘I don’t know what Mimi has planned, but I presume you’re still coming to my charity gala at the beginning of next month?’
‘Rory, you know I wouldn’t miss that.’
‘Well, bring Luc along.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘It’s going to be very public, so you might as well,’ he smiles. ‘And I want to see you both together for myself.’
I wince.
‘What? You look so happy in these photos, Sie. I want to see that in real life.’
‘I look the same as I always do when I’ve had some wine. Just put a bottle on the table and you’ll see me look that happy.’
‘What about today?’
‘Mauve’s here. It doesn’t count.’
‘Sienna,’ Rory’s voice is firm, almost scolding. ‘Bring him.’
I pause, knowing I probably don’t have a choice in the matter anyway. Mimi won’t want me seen somewhere like that without Luc on the end of my arm, so she’s probably already asked him. She knows what she’s doing.