Ink For Blood #1

1. - – Tamsin

CHAPTER ONE

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TAMSIN

Some will tell you that death is beautiful when the person is ready, but what about the people they leave behind?

What about the morning after the funeral, and you accidentally call out for them?

I was young when Mom died, but I still remember the way Dad would hide his tears until he was alone at night, but then he’d break down and beg God to bring her back to us.

I remember the pain in his voice when he said, “I’m so sorry, Tamsin. Momma isn’t coming home.”

We’ve seen this coming for months, and we've had time to prepare for the inevitability of when they’d tell us the treatments were no longer working, and Dad would have a short time left with us. This is that moment, and it feels like my world is falling apart all over again.

“How long,” I say, trying to hold back my tears. Dad sits next to me and rubs my back as though I am the one being given an expiration date.

“Weeks,” she says gently. “At most.”

“Fuck!” I shout, angry tears rolling down my cheeks.

“Come here, Bug,” Dad says, weakly tugging on my arm. I let him pull me into a hug as I cry.

“Is there anything you need, Danny?” the doctor asks. Dr. Holly Sparks does home visits, especially for patients like Dad. He had what started as prostate cancer, but it spread to the point that there is nothing left for them to do.

“No, we’re okay. Thank you, Holly,” Dad says, holding me as I cry.

“It’s not fair,” I say tearfully as I sit up and wipe my face.

“I know, baby. I would give anything to change it, but this is where we are,” Dad says. “But… No more poking and prodding. I can just be with my girl and go peacefully.”

“Why are you so calm about this, Dad? She just said you’re going to die in weeks,” I say.

“Tamsin, I am weeks away from finally getting to see your Momma again,” he says with a tearful smile.

“I know it hurts, Bug, but I’m okay. You’ll be okay, too.

It’s going to hurt for a while, but I’ll always be with you.

Every ray of sunshine, every cloudy day, your Momma and I will be right there with you. ”

“I love you, Daddy,” I say, hugging him again.

“I love you too, Tamsin,” he says as he pulls me down to lay my head in his lap. I curl up and watch the television as he strokes my hair.

We used to sit like this when I was a kid.

I thought it was for me, but I think having me right here with him comforted him more than anything else ever could have.

He never moved on after Mom was hit by a drunk driver going nearly a hundred miles an hour when she was stopped at a red light.

He just focused on me and did the best he could.

I hear Dad’s front door open, but I don’t move. “Hey,” I hear Blake say. “What did they say?”

“Weeks at best,” Dad says, staying focused on me.

“Shit,” Blake says. Blake Seranno is my boyfriend of ten years. We got together when he moved into town, and I was sixteen. With him is my lifelong best friend, Ally Barlow.

“I’m so sorry, honey,” Ally says as she kneels in front of me and wraps her arms around my body.

“Kids,” Dad says to Blake and Ally. “She’s going to need you when the time comes.”

“We’ve got her, Mr. Sinclair,” Blake says. “Don’t worry about her. I promise we will take good care of her.”

“As long as I know my baby girl is taken care of, I can pass peacefully,” Dad says, still stroking my hair.

Dad usually isn’t up for this long. He’s had a great day today, but I’m sure he is getting tired now. I sit up again and turn to look at Dad. “Are you hungry? I can make you some soup,” I suggest.

“I’m okay, baby. I’m pretty tired, so I might get some rest,” he says.

“At least a protein shake then,” I say. “You need at least something on your stomach for the pain medicine.”

“Okay,” he concedes with a smile. He knows I’ll worry if he doesn’t eat.

I get up and go into the kitchen to get him a shake from the fridge. He hates the chocolate ones, so he has a bunch of the strawberry shake ones. I set one on the counter and search for a straw. His hands are shaky, so it’s easier for him this way.

“I’m sorry I was late,” Blake says as he stops in the doorway of the kitchen.

“It’s fine,” I reply dismissively.

“Tamsin.” He sighs.

“Stop,” I snap at him. “The one fucking day I needed you to get your head out of your ass and be here for me, you can’t. Ally has to go and fucking pick you up for you to be here.”

“It’s not like that, Tamsin. I…”

“You’re drunk,” I say with a dry laugh. He steps away from the door and sways a bit. “You have been drinking. Haven’t you?”

“I had a few drinks, but Tamsin, I’m not…”

I stop listening and shove past him to return to Dad.

When I get to the living room, he looks like he’s about to fall asleep.

“Here ya go,” I say, sitting next to him before grabbing the bottle of pills off the coffee table.

I get one out and lay it in his palm before closing it up.

I watch as he places it in his mouth, but his arms are too weak to hold the drink. “I’ve got it. Drink slowly.”

“You’re a good kid, Tamsin,” he grunts before sipping his drink to wash down the pill. He breathes in a bit, sending him into a coughing fit. I pat his back as he fights to stop coughing. When he finally does, he is gasping for air.

“Okay. How about you just lie down and rest for a bit?” I say, setting the drink on the coffee table.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Bug,” he chokes out as he settles into the couch.

I pull the heavy quilt over him, and he sighs as he relaxes.

Mom made this quilt for me a few months before she died.

Usually, I have it, but I brought it over here a few weeks ago when he started sleeping on the couch.

Climbing the stairs was becoming almost impossible for him, so the couch was a safer option.

“You have taken care of me my entire life,” I say as I sit on the floor next to him. “I’m just glad I get to have this time with you.”

“Yeah,” he says with a soft smile. “I’m just afraid to let go and not be able to hold you when it hurts the most.”

“I’ll be okay, Daddy,” I say with a smile, fighting back tears. “I promise, I will be okay. As you said, it will hurt, but I will find a way to navigate it.”

“I’m just so tired,” he admits, shutting his eyes.

“Rest, Dad. I am right here. I’m not going anywhere,” I say.

I lean up and kiss his cheek before lying my head on the couch next to him.

He brings his hand up to rest on my head, too weak to stroke my hair like I know he wants to.

It takes him a lot of effort, but he manages to kiss my head before finally settling.

“I love you, Tamsin,” he says weakly.

“I love you too, Daddy,” I say tearfully.

His thumb gently strokes my hair as I stare out into the living room.

Blake and Ally are sitting close by, but staying quiet.

When his breathing slows, I know he has fallen asleep.

I still don’t move. I stare blankly and listen to his breath, knowing this is goodbye.

He fought hard, but he’s tired. He gave treatment everything he could, but he’s ready to go.

I don’t think I will ever be okay with this moment, but sitting here comforting my father as he passes is the least I could do.

If I get up from here and he dies, I’ll never forgive myself that he died alone.

Eventually, I close my eyes and let my breathing even out as well. I take this time to meditate because I know that life will get hectic once he passes.

Dad and I have already planned and paid for his funeral.

He didn’t want me to have to handle it while grieving, so all I have to do is call Ron Davis and tell him that he’s gone.

The plan is for him to be cremated and his ashes mixed with Mom’s so they can be in one urn together.

That was his only wish—to spend eternity with his soulmate.

Mom’s parents should be here soon. They took a trip to see extended family, but didn’t love the idea of being gone for too long. I think we all knew this was coming, though.

After a while, Blake and Ally assume I am asleep. “She out?” Ally asks quietly.

“Yes,” Blake sighs.

“I don’t know what to do,” she admits. “We should have told her a long time ago about us.”

I beg your pardon, bitch? Us?

“We can’t tell her right now,” Blake says. “If he died and she finds out I knocked up her best friend…”

“Fuck, I hate this,” Ally sighs.

“We will figure it out, babe,” Blake says softly before I hear the unmistakable sounds of them kissing.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me… Never mind the fact that he is drinking again.

He is fucking Ally. My best friend of more than two decades is pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby…

Does she know how violent he is when he drinks?

Does she know that the last time he got drunk, he nearly killed me?

I forgave him, and he stayed sober, but he still did it.

He still choked me until I passed out. I still lied and said it was a random attacker to save him from getting killed by Dad.

I decide that instead of reacting, I'm going to get through these moments before finding my way out of this situation. They are expecting me to explode, but not this time. I’m simply going to get my shit and move into this house.

It’s already in my name, so it’s just a matter of leaving.

Ally can move in, and they can be together.

I can grieve it all at once and move on with my life.

Dad’s breathing slows down and becomes ragged. I know it’s a death rattle. The doctor prepared me weeks ago when he had a scare. I don’t move or give any indication that I am awake. Dad’s hand is still resting on my head, so I stay where I am.