Chapter Eight
The drive to Kai’s is the longest ten minutes of my life. My body pings with anticipation while the nervous churn in my stomach makes me feel half sick.
He wasn’t lying when he told me his building was close to mine. Try the apartment complex about two blocks away. Which is insane considering the only time I’ve even seen him even close to my building is when he was coming out of the room across from mine.
I bury the thought, throwing so much inner dirt on top that it’s not likely to resurface anytime soon. The last thing I want to think about is Kai with other women, especially as he opens his door and ushers me inside, a sense of urgency to his movements, like he can’t get me in the room fast enough.
I barely have time to take in the small space, which I assume is only one bedroom, given that he said he doesn’t have a roommate. There’s a small galley-style kitchen as soon as we enter on the right and a living space directly in front of us.
That’s about the extent of my perusal before Kai spins me around, pinning me to the door we just entered through. I lift my face to look at him, my lips parting in a silent gasp at how incredibly sexy he looks in this moment.
Hair hanging messily across his forehead. Eyes dark. Face flushed. He looks seconds away from completely unraveling, and he’s not alone in that feeling. My insides hum in satisfaction, knowing at least some part of him recognizes this undeniable pull between us. I felt it the first time we met, like two sides of a magnet, each one drawing the other closer.
Suddenly, the small room feels even smaller, the space seeming to close around us like a shrinking box, sealing us in. I struggle to find my breath. Struggle to keep my heart from beating straight out of my chest. Struggle to keep my legs from giving out under my weight as he leans in, his lips touching mine ever so gently.
“Are you sure about this?” he murmurs against my mouth, deepening the kiss just long enough to fill my mouth with the incredible taste of him, like mint and something sweet I can’t quite place.
Am I? Sure about this, I mean.
My brain whispers no. My body screams yes. I listen to the most prominent of those voices, knowing there’s not a chance in hell I’m walking out of this apartment until I’ve felt him inside me.
I’ve never felt desire like this. Never felt so close to crawling out of my own skin that my insides burn. Never wanted someone so badly that I felt like I might literally die if I don’t have them. But that’s exactly how I feel right now.
“I am.” I nod, whimpering when he grazes my bottom lip with his teeth.
“Hard limits?” He meets my confused gaze. “What can’t I do? What don’t you like?”
“I, uh... I don’t know,” I admit, heat creeping up my neck and spilling across my cheeks.
“But you have...” He clears his throat gently. “Done this before, right?”
“Yes.” I bite, defensiveness heavy in my voice.
“How many people have you slept with?” He presses, almost like he doesn’t believe me.
God, do I really come across that way? As someone who’s not even had sex before? And why does this thought make me feel small somehow, like no one really sees me?
“How many people have you slept with?” I fire back.
“A lot.” His answer causes the churn in my stomach to return with a vengeance. Of course, I already knew this fact, and yet, somehow, I find myself inside his apartment just the same.
“One,” I begrudgingly admit, not daring to ask how many is a lot, mainly because I don’t want to know. I’m not sure which is worse, knowing that he’s slept with so many people, or being worried that I won’t measure up.
“One person?” His eyes flare.
“My high school boyfriend.” My tone softens, but I don’t feel the sliver of panic I normally do anytime I talk about Leo, something that’s definitely not lost on me.
“Okay. Is there anything he did that you didn’t like?”
“He, uh...” I stutter, not quite sure how to say it. “Didn’t really do anything but stick it inside me.” I feel so juvenile I could curl up and die this very instant.
“You’re telling me he never touched you?” His hand grazes my pubic bone and I swear I nearly jump out of my skin at the eruption of chaos in my lower belly. His lips move to the sensitive spot beneath my ear. “That he never tasted you?” He licks up the side of my neck at the same time that his hand slips fully between my legs, the dual assault making me whimper shamelessly. “That he never made you come so hard that you were sore for days after?” His hand presses harder, and I gasp, already on the verge of coming apart even though he’s barely touched me.
“No.” I lose my breath when his hand moves, slipping inside the waistband of my shorts before dipping beneath my underwear. The instant his fingers touch my bare skin, my knees buckle, the death grip I have on his hair the only thing keeping me upright.
“Well, then.”
I’m so wet his fingers slide with ease against my seam.
“This is going to be even more fun than I thought.” His mouth closes down on mine, his tongue swallowing my cries of pleasure when he slips a solitary finger inside of me.
My entire body seizes, my walls clenching around the digit as he pumps it in and out, slipping in a second before increasing the pace and pressure.
“I need to taste you.” His lips move from my mouth to my jaw, to my neck, before disappearing altogether as he lowers himself onto his knees in front of me.
I shake uncontrollably, trembling in anticipation as he unlaces one shoe and then the other, pulling them off one at a time, painfully slowly, might I add. When his hands find the waistband of my shorts, I suck in a ragged breath, fighting the urge to cover myself as he tugs them and my underwear down my hips, exposing me in a way I’ve never been exposed before.
I meant what I said. Leo was more of a get on top of me, stick it in, and then climb off as soon as he was done kind of guy. He never took much time to touch me or even look at me, really. The only orgasms I ever had were when I’d touch myself during and even those weren’t mind-blowing or anything. And he certainly never looked at me the way Kai is right now, like he’s about to devour me from the inside out.
“So fucking beautiful.” He stares directly at my private area—still relatively bare from the Brazilian wax Charlotte and Maisie talked me into—licking his lips like he can’t wait to have a taste, and I’m transfixed by the sight of him.
He works my shorts the rest of the way down and I quickly step out of them, trying to hide the tremble of my leg as I lift it. Though there’s really no point in hiding the fact that I’m nervous, I’m pretty sure the proof of that is tattooed across every inch of my skin.
I brace my hands on the door when he lifts one of my legs, draping it over his shoulder as he leans in. I hold my breath, bracing for the moment of impact, but nothing could have prepared me for the onslaught of pleasure that overtakes my entire body when his tongue slides across my most sensitive area.
My head drops back, an almost animalistic sound sliding past my lips when he grips my hip and buries his entire face between my legs, devouring me from the inside out in a way that has me holding onto my restraint for dear life. A restraint that quickly falls away when I feel the undeniable build of pleasure inside me, unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. Like the damn thing might actually rip me apart. That’s when everything fades away, my reservations, my self-consciousness, my embarrassment, all goes up in an epic pillow of smoke as I shamelessly ride his face, chasing the climax that coils so tightly that when it finally snaps, I free-fall into the abyss, falling farther and farther until I’m not sure I’ll ever find the ground.
And then Kai is in front of me, his incredible blue eyes dark with desire, his hands palming my hips like he needs to feel me around him right now or he might also die right along with me.
“I always wondered what it would be like to see you come undone...” He kisses me slow and deep, making sure I taste every ounce of my arousal on his tongue. “Fucking better than I could have ever imagined.” Another long swipe of his tongue.
I slide my hands up his arms and across his shoulders, not missing the raised skin that seems to extend all the way up and over his left side. I briefly wonder what happened that would scar his skin in such a way, but when Kai lifts me up, my legs going around his waist, the thought falls away, replaced by the pleasurable pressure of Kai’s erection pressing against me.
His mouth continues to move expertly against mine as he turns, carrying me across the small space, down an even smaller hallway, before dipping into his bedroom. When he deposits me on the bed, he comes down with me, the weight of him so delicious I groan against his lips.
“Let’s get this off.”
I feel him smile before his lips disappear from mine. Seconds later, my shirt—or rather his shirt—comes off, along with my bra, leaving me entirely exposed.
I move to cover my chest, but Kai catches my hands, pinning them above my head in a way that’s both possessive and oddly gentle.
“Do not hide from me.” He releases my hands but makes sure I keep them in place before continuing his perusal of my body. The way he looks at me—the way him looking at me makes me feel—is intoxicating. I feel drunk at the sight of him.
His fingers slide across my skin, skimming across my ribs, up over the mound of my breasts, across the hard peaks of my nipples, his movements unhurried, like he has all the time in the world.
I watch him in utter fascination, completely captivated by him.
He is hands down, without a doubt, the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen up close. And here he is, staring down at me like he feels the same about me. Which is absurd, I know, but that’s the only way I can describe the way he looks at me.
By the time he reaches into his bedside table, retrieving a condom, I’m so far gone that not even a bucket of ice water to the face could pull me out of the trance that Kai Elliot has placed me in. My mind is enraptured. My body transfixed. And my heart... Well, that’s another thing entirely. And no, we’re definitely not going there right now. I’ll have the rest of my life to overanalyze the way this man makes me feel, but tonight... Tonight I’m going to enjoy myself.
Kai positions himself at my entrance, pivoting forward just enough that the tip of him slides inside. A million tiny explosions go off inside my body.
He’s not hurried or forceful. If anything, he’s entirely too gentle.
Reaching for him, I loop my hands around the back of his neck, pulling his face down to mine, smiling as the weight of him settles over me a second time. He slides in another inch or so and I hiss in pleasure.
“You’re not going to break me.” I throw his own words back at him. “Stop being so gentle. I can take it. Give me everything you’ve got.” I slide my tongue along the seam of his lips, gasping when he enters me fully in one swift motion, stretching me to the point I feel seconds away from ripping apart from the inside out.
Pain and pleasure bleed together in a lethal combination that has my nails digging into the tops of his shoulders, but this doesn’t stop him. He does exactly what I ask. He gives me everything and then some, driving into me with so much force I have to brace my hands against the large headboard to keep my head from colliding with it.
I’m at my peak almost instantaneously, the pleasure clawing up my spine like a wild animal trying to scratch its way to the surface. My back arches as it builds, spilling over seconds later in a wave of pure ecstasy that I couldn’t even begin to describe if I tried. I’ve never felt anything like it. Like a collision of atoms that erupt inside my body with the force of an atomic bomb, shaking the very foundation of the world around me.
“Fuck. You’re going to be the death of me, Converse.”
I shudder out a moan at the gruff way he says his nickname for me. I know it’s silly, but I love that he calls me that. Love that he thought enough of me to give me a nickname to begin with.
Kai responds by increasing speed, so in tune with my body it’s like he’s reading me like a manual. Every touch is intentional. Every kiss purposeful. Every thrust aimed exactly at the sweet spot I didn’t even know I had until now. Seconds after the orgasm passes, I can already feel another one threatening.
His lips are everywhere. My mouth. My face. My jaw. My neck. My ear. Back to my mouth, like he can’t get enough of me, and trust me, I know the feeling.
I hold on to him for dear life as another orgasm rockets through me, even more intense than the first two, which I didn’t even know was possible. My body aches in the most incredible way, in the feeling of being so completely consumed that you’re not sure where you end and he begins.
In this moment, he is everything. The sun. The stars. The moon. The earth. He is the skin that covers my bones. The blood that pumps through my veins. The organ currently beating a hole inside my chest. He is everything. He is everywhere, consuming me from the inside out until there’s nothing left but this.
I fall again, and this time, I take him with me, completely spellbound as I watch his perfect control slip as he comes undone on top of me. It’s the most magnificent thing I’ve ever seen. And as the high of the moment fades and reality seeps back in, I’m left with only one real thought—will anything ever be able to top this, or am I going to spend the rest of my life chasing something I will likely never find again?
And as Kai pulls back and looks down at me with those incredible blue eyes of his, I don’t have to wonder if I’m in trouble. I already know I am. Because even though everything inside of me is screaming not to fall for this man, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t already starting to.
It’s just after two in the morning when I finally make it home, having snuck out after Kai dozed off. I wanted to stay—trust me, it took every ounce of willpower I had to make myself leave—but something told me I needed to. And that something was the fear that he’d wake up and not want me there.
I lay tucked into his side for the better part of an hour, watching his chest rise and fall with every breath he took. I swear, I could have watched him forever, but sleep was threatening to take me under, and I didn’t want to be that girl. You know, the one who overstays her welcome.
Not that he gave me any indication that he wanted me to leave. In fact, quite the opposite, really. I expected him to pull out of me, hand me my clothes, and walk me to the door. Instead, he tugged me into his arms and kissed the side of my head, his fingers tracing circles on my bare shoulder until he dozed off several minutes later.
We didn’t talk. Hell, I can’t remember if we spoke a single word, but it didn’t feel weird not to. If anything, it felt right to just live in that moment with him.
But even with how perfect everything was, it wasn’t happiness I felt when I slipped out of his bed just a few short minutes ago. Instead, it was the same nagging anxiety I always feel when I get inside my head. The topic of the night, how not to fall for the most beautiful man on the planet, especially when said man just showed you the most incredible night of your life, giving you a type of pleasure you didn’t even realize existed.
Anytime I heard my friends talk about how good someone was in bed, I thought they were just being polite and saying what others expected them to say. I know that’s what I did with Leo. Now I see sex really can be that good. No, not just good—life-altering.
I push open the door to my dorm room as quietly as possible, assuming that Charlotte and Maisie are likely already asleep and not wanting to wake either of them for selfish reasons. I just don’t know if I have it in me to answer any questions tonight, at least not where Kai Elliot is concerned.
Tiptoeing across the room, I get all the way to my desk before I hear a throat clear, turning just as a light clicks on behind me to see Maisie is not only not sleeping, but she’s sitting up in bed, almost as if she’s been waiting for me.
Great...
“I was wondering if you’d be coming home tonight.” She smiles, but the action doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Eyes, which when I look closer, I can tell are bloodshot and red-rimmed.
She’s been crying.
“Are you okay?” I drop my phone onto the charger before taking a seat at my desk, working on the laces of my shoes.
Kai on his knees in front of me, untying my shoes, flashes in front of my eyes, but I quickly push the memory away. I don’t think I’ll ever look at my shoes and not think of him after tonight.
“Yeah.” Maisie sighs.
“You sure?” I tug off one shoe before moving to the other.
“Men suck.” She lifts her shoulder in a semblance of a shrug.
“What happened?” I prod, already knowing it has something to do with that guy Mac she’s been talking to, though I have yet to actually meet the guy. All I know is that he’s a sophomore and he plays football.
“Nothing. I just think I need to take a break from guys for a while. They just complicate things too much.”
I don’t voice my agreement, but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree. Kai has done nothing but complicate my life since he entered it. And yet, I can’t stop myself from craving him like he’s water and I’m on the cusp of dying of dehydration.
“I get that,” I say instead, glancing up at Charlotte’s bunk after setting my shoes by the side of my desk. “Where’s Char?”
“She stayed at the party with some friends. Not sure if she’s coming back tonight or not.” Her gaze narrows. “Now stop deflecting and tell me how your night was.” A smirk graces her pretty face.
“It was...” I consider lying. I mean, she’s known Kai for years. I doubt she wants to hear how mind-blowingly amazing he is in bed. “Incredible,” I finally admit, not able to stop a smile from spreading across my lips. “I’m sorry. I know you probably don’t want to hear that, but I just—”
“So you slept with him.” It’s not a question.
I nod slowly, biting down on my bottom lip in an attempt to keep a lock on my emotions. The last thing I want to do is make this a big deal because I know it isn’t. This kind of thing happens to Kai on the daily, I’m sure. The thought instantly sours my mood.
“I know you told me to stay away—” I start.
“Kai isn’t a bad person or anything,” she cuts me off. “And I’m sure he’s a lot of fun, so long as you don’t expect anything from him.”
“I don’t.” The lie sticks on my tongue. I mean, I don’t technically expect anything. Doesn’t mean I don’t want it, though. “So you’re not mad?”
“That you’re finally getting laid?” She snorts out a laugh. “Definitely not mad. Maybe Kai is just what you need to finally shake that dick of an ex of yours.”
“Maybe,” I quietly agree, knowing I already feel different. Don’t get me wrong. It’s going to take a lot more than a night of good sex to erase what Leo and Summer put me through, but for the first time since everything happened, I don’t feel sick to my stomach at the thought of them.
“Given the claim he staked on you in front of all the people at the party, which was super-hot, by the way, I’m assuming this isn’t just a one-time thing?”
“Honestly, I have no idea. We agreed not to sleep with other people while we were sleeping with each other, so that makes me feel like maybe it wasn’t just one time.” I’m hesitant to let myself be hopeful because let’s be real... I really hope there’s more, like so much more.
“Growing up with Kai, I’ve seen a lot of shit, but I’ve never seen him do what he did tonight. I’ve never even seen him act like he likes a girl, let alone enough to ward off any other man who may try to make a move on her.”
My heart kicks against my ribs, but I try my best to keep her in check. The last thing I want to do is get ahead of myself.
“Really?” I croak, trying to fight the excitement that courses through my veins like river rapids. “What do you think that means?”
“With Kai, it’s hard to say.”
My elation dwindles slightly.
“Yeah, he’s a bit of a conundrum.”
“Listen, as happy as I am for you, because clearly the sex was good.” She gestures to, well, all of me, and I can’t help but wonder what she sees that makes her so sure. “I do, however, want you to be careful. Kai is... complicated. And I’m not just referring to the way he goes through women.”
“Complicated how?” I arch a brow in question.
“His childhood was pretty... traumatic, to say the least. He carries scars, and I’m not just talking about the ones he tries to hide with tattoos.”
So it was scars I felt on his left arm and shoulder.
“How did he get them?”
“I’m not sure I should say.” She gives me an apologetic look. “I’m not really even supposed to know. Jackson told me one day after I asked about the scars on Kai’s arm. This was before the tattoos, of course.”
“I won’t say anything to him. You have my word,” I reassure, feeling a little guilty for prying but also so curious that I can’t help to do just that.
“I don’t really know all the specifics of what happened but his apartment building burned down when he was a kid, and he got hurt. I do know that he came to live with his grandma down the street from us shortly after that, but he never really talked about it from what I could tell.”
“Who did he live with when the apartment burned down?” I don’t miss the way she intentionally skips over that very important detail.
“His mom.” She lets out a slow puff of air. “She was killed in that fire.”
I suck in a ragged breath, disbelief and sorrow washing over me in an instant.
“His mom died.” Tears prick the backs of my eyes. “How old was he?”
“Six, I think.”
“Six...”
I can’t imagine something happening to my mom. Jesus, even the thought has me wanting to curl into a ball and sob. And for him to be just six years old when it happened. I just can’t...
“It was a long time ago, and like I said, he doesn’t talk about it. So you can’t say anything.”
“Of course I won’t.” I shake my head, trying desperately to compartmentalize my feelings.
“And you can’t act sad or different around him because if you do, he’ll know something is up.”
“I promise, I won’t say anything, and I won’t let on like I know.” I shake my head softly, sliding pieces of the puzzle that is Kai Elliot into place. “Thank you for telling me.”
“If you’re going to be involved with him, I suppose it’s best that you know. Just...” She trails off.
“Just what?”
“Keep your guard up with him. I’ve seen firsthand what he’s capable of doing with a heart that someone is foolish enough to give to him. I’d hate to see you get hurt.”
“Don’t worry, I’m at no risk of falling for Kai Elliot.” I snort to cover the truth I pray she doesn’t see, which is that I already am. “It’s just sex.”
“Even just sex can get messy when feelings get involved. I should know.” She gives me a sad smile.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” I stretch out my legs, drawing my attention to Kai’s shirt that hangs loosely over my thighs. Since he made me swap his shirt for Owen’s, I had no choice but to wear it home.
“Just had a nice little dose of reality tonight. It’s fine. I needed it.” She plops back onto her pillow. “I should really try to get some sleep. I have practice in the morning.” She groans, rolling to her side.
“Yeah,” I agree, trading my shorts for a pair of pajama pants before climbing into my own bed. And before you ask, yes, I still have on Kai’s shirt, and no, it has nothing to do with the fact that I don’t want to take it off and everything to do with the fact that I don’t want to have to rummage through my clothes to find a shirt to change into.
A lie, of course, but I’m giving myself the rest of the night to live in delusion. I’m sure reality will be there to rear her ugly head when I wake up in the morning.
“Good night,” Maisie calls from her bunk, waiting until I’m settled in mine before clicking off her lamp.
“Good night,” I say back, tugging the blanket up to my chin as I stare up at the now-dark ceiling.
It doesn’t take long for sleep to come, but even there, Kai follows me like a shadow I can’t outrun, no matter how hard I try. The only problem is, I don’t want to escape him. If anything, I want to hold on to him and never let go.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is a very big problem.