Chapter Nine
After a not-so-sound night of sleep, I crawled out of bed just after Maisie left for practice, thankful that Charlotte did, in fact, stay over with her friends last night, which gave me the room to myself. I showered, piddled around the room a bit, tried everything to keep myself from thinking of a certain someone, though I can feel the reminder of him everywhere . I’m not sure I’ve ever been so sore, not that I much mind, given what, or rather who, made me this sore in the first place.
By eleven, I’m so restless I can barely stand it and equally hungry. After waiting for Charlotte to get home for what felt like an eternity, hoping she would join me, I finally decide I can’t wait any longer and that it’d be better to eat alone than starve to death.
Slipping on the white Converse still spattered in paint from the glow party, I grab my phone and wallet before heading to the door. Tugging it open, I freeze in place at the sight of Kai standing in front of me, hand raised as if he were just about to knock.
“Hey,” I croak, heat sliding up my cheeks when his lips quirk into a smile and I remember exactly where those lips were last night.
“I wasn’t sure if you’d be here.” His eyes scan the length of me in one swift motion, stopping briefly to look at my shoes.
I smile internally.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” I ask, forcing my feet to move as I step over the threshold. He moves back just enough to give me space to enter the hallway, shutting the door behind me.
“It’s Sunday.”
“And?” I quirk a brow, trying my damnedest to seem cool and calm when inside I feel anything but.
“You’re usually at the library on Sunday.” He seems so at ease, like he didn’t screw my brains out less than twelve hours ago.
“How could you possibly know that?” I give him a funny look, or at least that’s how it feels on my face.
“It’s my favorite day to study too,” he says in way of explanation. “Quieter on Sundays.”
“It is,” I agree, wondering how on earth it is that I’ve never seen him there if he does, in fact, actually go on Sunday. “Though I can’t say I’ve ever seen you there.”
“I usually sit in the back. You wouldn’t know I was there unless you were looking for me.”
“And yet, somehow you saw me.”
“Maybe I was looking.” He smiles, giving me a flash of his perfect white teeth.
I’m convinced this man doesn’t have a single physical flaw. And considering I’ve seen him naked... Well, sort of, I’m even more sure of this fact.
“So why aren’t you at the library today?”
“Light load week. You?”
“Same,” I lie, knowing I’ve got more schoolwork to do than I care to even think about but don’t have the mental capacity to focus on it today.
“I like the shoes, by the way.” He gestures to my feet. “You were right, the paint does give them something.”
“Told you.”
“I think I might enjoy taking them off later.”
I gape at his boldness, which is certainly not something I’m accustomed to, but I definitely can’t ignore the way my body tingles with anticipation, especially when his eyes darken. I think I might enjoy him taking them off later too.
“What are...” I clear my throat gently. “What are you doing here, anyway?”
“I wanted to see if you were hungry. I don’t know about you, but I worked up quite the appetite last night.” He gives me a knowing look that has me blushing so deeply, my face likely matches my red top.
“I... Uh... I was actually just about to go grab a bite.” I manage to choke out, giving myself a mental swift kick to the ass.
“Perfect. I’ll join you.”
“A bit presumptuous, don’t you think?” I try, and fail, to keep my smile at bay.
He steps fully into my space, trapping me between his large frame and the door. Memories of last night flood my vision, making my entire body flush.
His hands slide up my neck, tilting my face up toward his.
“Or, we could skip the food altogether...” He leans in so that our lips are only a breath apart. “And I could feast on you instead.”
I open the instant his mouth touches mine, desire rocketing through me when he groans, sliding his tongue against mine.
I had convinced myself that maybe last night was a fluke. Maybe he’d wake up today and decide that once was enough for him and move on to the next. But the way he kisses me, the way he touches me, the way he leans into me, the hardness of him pressing into my stomach, tells me just how wrong I was. And damn if I’m not glad for it.
I’m seconds away from turning and dragging him inside my room when a door slamming pulls me from my Kai-induced haze. We break apart, both of our gazes swinging toward the sound.
“Trying to fuck your way through the entire building?”
My eyes widen on the beautiful blonde from across the hall, the one whose room I saw Kai leaving the night after my panic attack when he brought me home.
An irrational wave of jealousy hits me so hard that if I weren’t leaning against the door, I’d likely have stumbled backward.
“Claire.” He nods, her words having little to no effect on him. Dropping his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me into his side. “Breakfast it is,” he murmurs, leading me down the hallway like the poor girl isn’t even standing there.
“I take it that happens a lot.” I wait until we’re outside to say, my voice betraying my attempt to hide my irritation. “Considering that’s twice now that a woman has confronted you in my presence.” I shrug out from underneath his arm, needing a minute to gather my thoughts.
“It’s happened twice this year. Seems you have a way of ruffling feathers.” He smiles like he finds humor in the situation.
“Me?” I gape at him.
“Considering it only happens when you’re around.”
“I highly doubt it has anything to do with me.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. It has everything to do with you.”
I open my mouth to ask how but snap it closed when he takes my hand, tangling his fingers with mine.
Wait. Is he... holding my hand ?
Men like Kai Elliot do not hold hands, at least not in my experience. Then again, my experience is kind of a moot point considering I have none when it comes to guys like Kai. He’s unpredictable, impossible to read, and has this unsettling way of seeing through me, like I’m completely transparent to him.
“Now, where do you want to eat?”
“I... Uh... You pick.” My goodness, I’m like a babbling toddler today, unable to form actual full sentences.
“Maurice’s it is.” He tugs me toward the parking lot where his car is parked.
Again, memories of last night come flooding in, overwhelming every one of my senses.
“You good?” He waits until he has me tucked inside the car to ask.
“Yeah.” I blow out a slow breath.
“Thinking about the last time you were in this car?” He guesses right, as per usual. “’Cause I know I fucking am. Watching you fidget made me want to pull over and fuck you right on the side of the road.”
“Why didn’t you?” I try to will the blush away, but as always, it touches my cheeks anyway. At this point, I’m basically a walking blush factory.
“You’re not a fuck in the back seat kind of girl,” he tells me, firing the engine to life.
“I’m not?” I question, not sure if that’s an insult or a compliment.
“It’s not an insult.” He grins, and Lord help me if my heart doesn’t skitter around in my chest like an erratic mouse that can’t find its hole in the wall.
“Why am I not a fuck in the back seat kind of girl?” I cringe slightly on the word fuck, mainly just because it’s not a word that frequents my vocabulary.
“Well, given that you can’t even say fuck with a straight face.” He chuckles.
“Shut up.” I gently smack his arm, crinkling my nose at him, which only makes him laugh harder, the rich sound filling the car, surrounding me like a warm blanket that I want to close my eyes and snuggle into. “Tell me why I’m not that kind of girl.”
“I think you know why.” He throws me a sideways glance as he pulls out of the parking lot onto the road.
“Because I’m too uptight?” I wager a guess. “Or because you think I’m too goody-two-shoes?” There’s no anger to my question. I just genuinely want to know.
“Because you strike me as someone who expects more.”
“Do I?” I cross my arms in front of myself.
“Don’t you?” He glances my way for a brief moment.
“I mean, yeah, I guess if we were in a relationship, maybe I would. But this isn’t a relationship, as you’ve made clear. So why treat me any different than you would any other woman you’re sleeping with?”
“Well, as of yesterday, I’m only sleeping with you, remember? That was the agreement, was it not?”
I swallow hard as if just now realizing that this wasn’t just a one-time thing... And why does that thought make me both extremely nervous and extremely excited?
You already know why ...
I was wondering when that little voice of mine was going to input her two cents.
“You were serious about that?”
“You weren’t?” His brow furrows as he glances my way.
“No, I was, I just... I guess I assumed you’d have sex with me, get it out of your system, and that would be that.”
“That would be that,” he repeats slowly, abruptly pulling into a parking lot that looks to belong to a closed bar.
“What are you doing?” I ask, watching him throw the car into park and pivot toward me.
“I need you to listen closely, Converse, and listen good. It’s going to take a fuck lot more than one night to get you out of my system. Just because I can’t give you more doesn’t mean I’m not going to enjoy every single second I get to spend buried deep inside you.”
My breath hitches.
“Are we clear?”
I nod, unable to form words.
“I’ll take you anywhere and any way I can get you. The floor. The wall. The car. The fucking bathroom. Hell, in the middle of a fucking store. All you have to do is ask.”
My body heats to an uncomfortable level as need fills the space between us.
“Anywhere?” His words empower me.
“Anywhere.” His eyes darken.
“Even right here. In the middle of the day. Where anyone can see us...”
“Anywhere,” he repeats a second time, and I don’t have to question if he’s serious. I know he is. I can tell in the way his nostrils flare. In the way his hand tightens on the steering wheel like it’s taking everything in him not to reach for me. In the way his eyes keep darting to my lips like he can’t wait to kiss me.
“My whole life, I’ve been the good girl. The smart girl. The responsible girl. Maybe for once in my life, I just want to do what I want simply because I want to.”
“You have to ask,” he says through gritted teeth.
“I want you to take me.” I accentuate the word. “Right here. Right now.”
That’s all it takes for his restraint to snap. His mouth is on mine before he’s even got his seat belt undone, kissing me like I’m the very thing tethering him to the ground, and I understand the feeling all too well.
We’re a tangled mess of hands and tongues, somehow managing to wrestle our way to the back seat without either of us hurting the other.
I have no idea what I’m doing.
No idea why.
But for the first time in my life, I don’t care.
I don’t care that he can’t be more than this.
I don’t care what other people think.
I don’t care if it’s the middle of the day and anyone could see us.
All I care about is satisfying the deep ache Kai creates every time he looks at me. Every time he touches me. Every time he kisses me. I crave him like my lungs crave air. And I’ll breathe him in for as long as he’ll let me.
It takes more effort than it should to get my shoes and pants off, but he manages just fine, stripping me bare from the waist down before tugging me onto his lap. I straddle his legs, my shaky fingers freeing his erection from his pants as he tears open a condom wrapper. I watch, arousal pulling at my core, as he slides the rubber over his thick erection.
I don’t overthink what I’m doing. I just do. Taking his hefty weight in my hand, he hisses at my touch, spurring me forward. Lining him at my entrance, I take him all the way inside of me in one swift movement, gasping as he fills me impossibly full.
I’m still sore from last night, but that doesn’t stop me from rising up and taking him again, and again. His hands find my hips and he helps me along by raising his hips, pivoting upward. He hits so deep I can feel him in my stomach and my head drops back on a strangled cry.
“Are you okay?” His breathless words reach my ears, but I don’t want to hear them. Covering his mouth with my hand, I look him dead in the eye.
“Shut up and fuck me.” I cry out when he pivots again, not having to be told twice.
Leaning forward, I bury my face into his neck, lifting up just enough to give him the leverage he needs to hit me just where I need him to. The build comes fast and strong, taking me so quickly that I can’t stop it, not that I want to.
I cry out my release into his neck, biting down softly to muffle the sound.
He groans deep in his throat, the sound vibrating through me. Seconds later, he spills his release into the condom on a grunt that I want to record so I can play on repeat for the rest of my life.
“I think maybe I misjudged you.” Kai smiles when I rock back, placing my hands on his chest. “Good girl on the outside, but on the inside, you’re like a caged animal just begging me to let you out.” He grinds his hips upward and I whimper in delight as the waves of my orgasm begin to slow.
It takes me longer than it should to remember where we are and I quickly look around.
“Relax, it’s a vacant parking lot. No one saw us.” He lifts me up and I wordlessly object the loss of him inside me. He rests me on his knees as he slides the condom off, rolling it up before shoving it into the small trash bag hanging on the back of the seat.
I expect him to move me off him entirely once he tucks himself back into his pants, but instead, he reaches for me, pulling me close. Even though I am still naked from the waist down, I go willingly, my fingers tangling in his hair when he looks up at me with a satisfied smirk.
“How do you feel?” he asks, palming my bare bottom in a way that makes me want to go for another round.
“Alive.”
The smile that graces his face could light up the darkest of rooms.
“And hungry,” I quickly add, leaning down to brush my mouth against his.
He catches me before I can pull away, capturing my lips in a world-bending kiss. I swear, I could kiss this man forever. Feel the gruffness of his stubble against my face. Feel the tenderness of his lips. The firmness of his hands. The hardness of his...
I pout when he breaks the kiss, never wanting it to end.
“What do you say we get some food to go and spend the rest of the day at my place instead?” he suggests, and excitement blooms in my belly.
“I think I could get on board with that plan,” I tell him, moving in for another kiss because I simply cannot help myself.
“Keep kissing me like that and we won’t make it out of this parking lot,” he warns, his words vibrating against my lips.
“That could be okay, too.” I slide my tongue along his.
“Not when I want you spread bare in front of me so I can taste every inch of you.”
My body hums in anticipation.
“When you put it like that.” I reluctantly pull away.
Kai helps me off his lap. It takes more effort than it should to get my pants back on and then my shoes, but Kai stops me before I can tie them. Pulling my feet into his lap, he ties one shoe and then the other.
I’m taken by how sweet the gesture is. By how gentle he is when everything about him screams anything but. I’m starting to think maybe we were both wrong about each other. Maybe I’m exactly what he said—a caged animal begging to be set free. But maybe there’s more to him too. Something he keeps hidden beneath that tough exterior of his. Something he doesn’t want people to see.
But I see him... Even if he doesn’t realize it yet.
“Can I ask you a question?” I nuzzle into Kai’s side, having now been fed and very well satisfied in other ways. And by other ways, I mean having spent the last four hours screwing on basically every surface of his apartment to the point that my body couldn’t go again if I wanted to. And trust me, I wanted to. Correction, I want to.
I don’t know how to describe the desire Kai pulls out of me. It’s something so new to me that I still haven’t fully digested it. The way he makes me feel... The pleasure... Two days ago, it was unimaginable. Now that I know this kind of pure ecstasy exists, I’ll never be able to go back.
Kai Elliot has ruined me. Plain and simple.
“Mm-hmm.” He hums, his fingers drawing lazy circles on my back the same way he did last night.
“What happened the day you broke your phone?”
“What made you think of that?” He looks down at me at the same time I look up at him, completely taken by how incredible he looks right now. Naked. Hair a mess. Looking so content it’s almost enough for a girl to hope for...
Nope, not going there.
“I don’t know. I’ve just been curious. I mean, considering you did almost take off my nose.” I smile so he knows I’m teasing.
“Just something with my grandmother.”
“You were yelling about medication.” I pry for more information. After what Maisie told me last night, I find myself almost desperate to know more. To know him .
He blows out a hard breath.
“My grandma is... Well, she’s got a lot of mental health issues. Because I can’t physically be with her to make sure she takes her meds, I hired an in-home nursing company to send someone out every day. Only, they are shit at getting her to take them. She’s pretty stubborn that one.” A smile touches his lips.
“What happens if she doesn’t take them?”
“The day you’re asking about, she stole the neighbor’s dog and took it for a walk.”
“That seems pretty harmless.”
“Then she left it tied to a fence outside of an abandoned warehouse over five miles away.”
“Oh.”
“Safe to say the neighbors were not happy.”
“But they got their dog back?”
“They did. But it never should have happened in the first place.”
“So what did you do?”
“I fired them and hired another service.”
“You must really love her to take care of her that way.”
“I’m all she’s got. She’s all I’ve got.”
“What about your parents?” The question slips out before I can take it back, and I brace for the inevitable shutdown I know is coming.
“I never met my dad.” He surprises me by saying. “And my mom... She died when I was young.”
“I’m...” There are no words. I mean, I already knew this, of course, I just didn’t expect him to tell me. Maisie said he never talks about it.
“It was a long time ago.” He cuts me off before I can finish my sentence. “I barely remember her.”
“Still. I’m sorry that happened to you. It couldn’t have been easy growing up without either of your parents.”
“I managed.” He shifts, rolling onto his side so that we’re facing each other. I slide my hand across his side, the burn scars more evident on this particular patch of skin. “You can ask,” he tells me, seeming to read the direction of my thoughts.
“What happened?”
“When I was young, I got pretty badly burned in a fire.”
My eyes widen and not because I’m surprised by what he’s saying, but that he’s saying it.
“Is that how...”
“My mom died.” He nods, and again I’m taken with how open he’s being. I get the feeling very few people see this side of Kai Elliot, and I can’t deny the funny way my heart stutters in my chest at this knowledge.
“The tattoos...” I don’t have to say more. He understands where I’m going.
“I got sick of people staring. Of my scars being the first thing people noticed about me. The first thing they asked. So I covered them up.”
“Do they have meaning?”
“Every single one of them.” His arm wraps around my back, pulling me closer, so close that our noses nearly touch.
“What about you?”
“What about me?” I snuggle closer, sliding my hand up over his arm to the side of his face.
“What scars are you hiding beneath nonexistent ink?”
“I’m not... I mean, I don’t...” I stop myself from speaking the lie so close to the tip of my tongue it nearly slides off anyway. “It’s nothing compared to yours,” I say instead.
“It’s not a competition. Pain is pain, no matter what causes it.”
“It’s really nothing.”
“I’d like to hear it anyway.” He grazes his nose against mine.
“I... Um... I walked in on my boyfriend and my best friend the night of my senior prom.” I wait for the sting of my words to come, but it never does, somehow eased by the blue eyes that stare back at me, not an ounce of judgment in them. “Told you it was nothing compared to yours.”
“Walked in on them...” He presses me to continue, but not in a way that makes me feel forced. In a way that makes me want to tell him.
“Having sex,” I say bluntly.
He squeezes my hip in understanding.
“How long were you two together?”
“Since freshman year of high school.” I swallow.
“And your friend?”
“A lot longer.” A sad smile turns my lips.
“You want my opinion?” he asks softly, not waiting for me to answer before continuing. “You’re better off without them. Anyone who would do that to you...” He shakes his head. “I can kill him if you want.” He breaks the tension with a smile.
“Charlotte and Maisie already offered. They seem very confident in their ability to hide a body.”
“Knowing Maisie, I don’t doubt that.” His lips touch mine in a kiss so soft, it’s barely a kiss at all. “I’m sorry that happened to you.”
“Thank you.” It’s barely a whisper as we hold each other’s gazes. “Tell me something real, something true.”
“Something true.” He thinks on it for a long moment. “I love kissing you.” He leans in, pressing his lips to mine. My insides somersault in the best kind of way.
“Anything else?” I slide my tongue along his, smiling against his mouth when he rolls us, placing me firmly on top of him.
“I love touching you.” His hands slide up my bare back before tangling in my hair, angling my head just right to deepen the kiss.
“And?” I spread my legs, allowing them to fall to either side of him as I straddle his lap. He’s already rock-hard beneath me.
“I love fucking you.” He groans when I reach between us and take him in my hand, pumping gently.
“And?”
“Your pussy is the sweetest I’ve ever tasted.”
I gasp, his words hitting me right where it counts, making my need to have him inside me almost unbearable. But there’s something else I want to do first. Something I’ve never done before, and honestly, have never wanted to until now.
I break away from his mouth, my lips finding the muscular round of his chest as I kiss my way down, down, down until my face is level with his stout erection. I kiss the tip, looking up to see his hooded gaze locked firmly on me.
I kiss him again, this time swirling my tongue over the head.
“Teach me.”
He groans again, this time deep in his chest.
“You’ve never?”
I swirl my tongue again, tasting the saltiness of his arousal. At least I’m not off to a bad start, if his body’s reaction to me is any indication.
“No,” I finally answer, not the slightest bit embarrassed by my confession.
I know my time with Kai is limited. I don’t know how much or how little I’ll get, so I’m going to take full advantage of every second I get with him.
“Take me in your hand.”
I do as he says.
“Put your mouth around me.”
I do, smiling around the thickness of him as he hisses.
“Now move your hand...”
I pump my hand along his base, sucking him deep enough into my mouth to meet my hand. He doesn’t have to elaborate further. I get the gist quickly enough.
Matching my hand and mouth, I move up from the bottom and down from the top, meeting in the middle with each pull, swirling my tongue in one direction and my hand in the other. I’m enjoying myself so thoroughly, enjoying watching him come apart beneath me, that when he sits up abruptly and drags me up his body, I physically pout.
He turns, planting me firmly beneath him.
“Are you sure you’ve never done that before?”
I shake my head, smiling.
“A natural.” His smile matches my own. “Perhaps you’d like to show me what else you’re naturally good at.”
“Perhaps I will.” I wrap my legs around his back, causing his hard length to slide through my folds.
The look on his face spurs me on, so I grind into him a second time. He practically melts.
“You keep doing that and I won’t be able to resist.”
“Resist what?” I play coy.
“Fucking you bare.” He leans in, tangling his tongue with mine.
“Have you done that before?” I don’t know why I’m asking. It’s not like I’m going to let some guy I barely know stick his dick in me without protection, right?
Right?
“Fucked without a condom? No.” He shakes his head, an animalistic growl leaving his throat when I angle my hips and push, taking the tip of him into me. “Lyric.” He pins me in place so I can’t move further.
“I’m on birth control. It’s okay. You’ve been so many of my firsts already. I want to be your first of something.” And I do. God, do I ever. I want to give him something to remember me by. Something that every time he thinks about, it’ll be my face he sees.
Maybe it’s careless to trust him. But I trust myself. And for me, that’s enough.
“Lyric.” The pleading way he says my name, like he wants to tell me no but can’t decide if he’s able to.
“It’s okay,” I whisper against his lips, smiling when his hold on me slackens. I push up further, taking more of him into me. “I want you to feel me. I want to feel you.” I urge his hips forward and slowly but surely, he concedes, giving me his full weight as he enters me completely.
“Fuck, you feel like silk.” He husks, kissing me as he moves. “Fuck.” His entire body shakes and I’m taken by just how vulnerable he seems in this moment.
He moves slowly, like he wants to savor every second, and I understand the feeling all too well. Unfortunately, it doesn’t matter how long he wants to draw it out. It takes only minutes for us to fall over the edge. Kai goes first, exploding inside of me with so much force that it rockets my orgasm to the surface. He keeps going, milking every last ounce of pleasure from my body, and from his, before he stills.
We lie like that for several long moments, his heart beating so hard that it feels like it’s ricocheting off my own.
When he finally pulls back and looks at me, the sheer beauty of him takes me aback.
“That was—”
“Yeah,” I agree, not letting him finish.
He slides out of me, rolling to his back as he pulls me into his side, kissing the top of my head as he does.
“Keep that shit up, Converse, and you’re likely to never get rid of me.”
Maybe I don’t want to get rid of you, I think but don’t say. In fact, I don’t say anything at all.
I fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat against my cheek and when I wake several hours later, I’m still in the same position. Still tucked into Kai’s side, his arm wrapped around me. His soft breathing filling the otherwise silent room.
I don’t want to get up. Hell, I could stay right here for the rest of my life and never tire of the sight of the beautiful man next to me, but I force myself upright just the same. Force myself to slip out of the too-warm bed without waking him. Force myself to leave when all I want to do is stay.
I’m already in way too deep. I can feel it in my bones, a rattle I can’t shake. He’s gotten to me, even when I swore he wouldn’t, couldn’t.
It’s just sex.
Just sex... I repeat the mantra in my head.
I ran into this to numb my broken heart, but I have a feeling I won’t have a heart left at all if I stay on my current path. But even knowing that I’m on a collision course with destruction, I can’t turn away. Not from him.
Sometimes, we just have to lift our hands and let fate take the wheel and hope it doesn’t run us straight off a freaking cliff in the end.