Chapter Ten
“You going out with us tonight?” Maisie asks, drawing my focus from the book I’m currently trying to read. Note that I said trying . It’s kind of hard to focus when Maisie and Charlotte are both home, flittering about.
“No, I think I’m going to stay in tonight,” I tell her, marking my page before setting the book face down on my desk, throwing in the towel on getting any actual schoolwork done, at least until they leave.
“What, why?” Char pouts as she reenters the room, now in a fluffy robe, her hair wrapped up in a towel, fresh from the shower.
“I think the better question is who.” Maisie gives me a pointed look. “You two have spent nearly every day together for the past two weeks. I’m starting to feel neglected.”
“It has not been every day,” I disagree, knowing I didn’t see him at all this past Wednesday because he spent the day with his grandma and didn’t get back until late, much to my disappointment.
But she’s not exactly wrong, is she? We have pretty much been inseparable the last couple of weeks, at least physically, anyway. Whenever we’re together, we’re almost always naked. Except on Sunday. Sunday, Kai is all business, saving the bulk of his schoolwork for that day. Though he did invite me to sit with him at his hidden table in the far corner, and of course, I agreed, having studied with him the last two Sundays.
We don’t really talk or anything during this time, but that doesn’t stop him from playing footsie with me under the table or reaching over to brush my hair out of my face when I’m too focused on what I’m doing to notice it has fallen forward. And while I much prefer him naked on top of me, I have come to look forward to our study sessions.
It’s strange being so comfortable with someone and yet feeling like you’re going to jump out of your skin every time they walk in the room, all in the same breath.
“You have to come out with us.” Charlotte pulls my focus back to her. “Hoes before bros.”
“Speak for yourself,” Maisie snaps playfully. “I am no hoe.”
“You two.” I shake my head on a laugh.
“You really should come with us, though,” Maisie continues. “It’s just dinner and drinks. Totally casual.”
“How do you intend to drink when you’re only nineteen?”
“I have my ways.” She grins.
“A friend of hers is bartending,” Charlotte informs me.
“He’ll serve us without IDs,” Maisie finishes.
“What kind of friend are we talking here?” I arch a brow in Maisie’s direction.
“Just a friend.” She rolls her eyes.
“Who desperately wants to fuck her.” Charlotte snickers.
“Shut up.” Maisie sticks her tongue out like a toddler.
“What?” Char smiles. “It’s true.”
“That’s irrelevant. I have not, and will not, be sleeping with him. I will, however, enjoy the delicious cocktails he’ll happily serve me.”
“So what I’m hearing is you’re stringing him along for drinks,” I tease.
“I hate you both.” She stomps toward her wardrobe and starts rummaging through the contents. “Between you and Kai fucking each other’s brains out and Char spending every second texting her new mystery man, I’m starting to think I need to find better friends.”
“Mystery man?” My gaze swings to Charlotte, who blushes uncharacteristically. “Char?” I question, realizing maybe I’ve been a lot more distracted than I realized if I haven’t even noticed she’s talking to someone new.
“It’s nothing. We’re just texting.”
“Who is it?” I pry.
“Don’t even try. I grilled her for two hours yesterday, and she didn’t budge,” Maisie tells me.
“I just don’t want to... jinx it,” she explains.
“Wait.” I sit up straighter. “ You , worried about jinxing something.” I grin. “You really like this guy.”
“Maybe.” She shrugs, not able to hide the smile that tugs at the corner of her mouth. “But it’s still really new. We haven’t even spent any real time together.”
“And you won’t tell us who it is?” Not gonna lie, I’m a bit surprised by this. Charlotte is usually an open book about, well, everything.
“Not yet. I will if it turns out being anything. Until then, it’s my secret.”
“I feel like I’m living in upside-down world,” Maisie grumbles, turning back to face the room. “Lyric has gone bad girl and is getting her brains fucked out daily. And now Char is all hearts in her eyes over some guy when a few weeks ago all she wanted to do was have fun with no commitment. It’s like you two have switched places.”
“You’re just pissy because the guy you liked blew you off.” Charlotte tries her best to line her words with apology, but I’m not sure they help lessen the blow. I don’t have to ask. She’s talking about Macallan.
Maisie opens her mouth, but I’m quick to cut in, desperate to prevent a fight between my only two real friends on campus. Not to mention, I have to live with them.
“Fine, I’ll go.” I stand, drawing Maisie’s focus to me. “You’re right. I have been distracted lately, and we could use some girl time.”
Maisie’s gaze swings back to Char. “You owe her a thank you later,” she tells her, turning back to her wardrobe.
Two hours later, we’re all sitting around a high-top bar table, laughing like Maisie wasn’t about to rip Char’s head off earlier or anything. The Cosmos help, not that I’m the one drinking them down like they’re water. We’ve been here over an hour and I’m still sipping on my first one.
I may be going through something lately, a quarter life crisis of sorts, but that doesn’t mean I enjoy drinking any more than I did a month ago. No, I prefer to get my buzz another way. A much hotter, pleasurable way.
I smile to myself.
“There you go again.” Maisie groans, my gaze pivoting to see she’s looking at me.
“Huh?” I blink, confused.
“Looking off into LaLa land with a smile on your face.” She points at me. “Daydreaming about Kai?” she asks teasingly.
“Shhh.” I hush her, taking another small sip of my drink.
“Please tell me you’re not falling for him.” Her eyes narrow in on mine.
“So what if she is?” Char interrupts and we both look her way. “If she’s happy, what does it matter?”
“Um, did you hit your head recently or something?” It’s my turn to ask because honestly, Charlotte is acting really weird.
“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m sticking up for you,” she tells me pointedly.
“Kai Elliot isn’t the kind of man who makes women happy.” Maisie will not be deterred, now that she now has alcohol fueling her words. “Trust me. I’ve seen his handiwork firsthand. He leaves a trail of broken hearts everywhere he goes.”
“Maybe Lyric is different,” Char offers.
“And maybe she’s delusional.”
My wide eyes swing to Maisie.
“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. I’m just... going through something and seeing the two of you so giddy is... Well, it makes me feel like a shit bag.”
“Maisie.” I reach for her hand, giving her fingers a soft squeeze before pulling away.
“It’s fine. Really. I don’t know why I let a guy get to me like this. I just...”
“You really liked him.” I finish her sentence for her.
“I did. But I guess I was just another piece of ass to him. Should have seen that coming.” Her words hit way too close to home. “The funny thing is, I came into this year wanting to keep things casual, but then I met Macallan, and I don’t know, I guess I was blinded by his... Well, everything. Definitely not anymore, though. In fact, I hope someone breaks his kneecaps at tomorrow’s game, cocky prick.”
“Maisie.” I gasp.
“I’m serious.” She takes a long drink of her Cosmo.
“If it makes you feel any better, I’m just a piece of ass too.” I shrug, trying not to let the ache in my chest show on my face, the ache I feel every time I remind myself what this really is.
“Are you, though?” Charlotte arches a brow. “The man basically announced to the entire campus that you were his.”
“He announced it in front of like twenty people,” I disagree.
“Exactly, and now the whole campus knows,” Maisie agrees. “Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed the way people treat you differently now.”
“I mean, Owen saw me the other day and turned around so fast he nearly fell in his attempt to flee. I just assumed that was because Kai nearly choked him to death for touching me.”
“Listen to what you just said.” Char smiles. “He nearly choked someone to death for touching you. Does that sound like a man who just wants you for sex? If you were just a booty call to him, he wouldn’t care who touched you.”
“She’s not wrong,” Maisie admits. “I meant what I said. I have seen what he’s capable of. But I will say this. In all the years I’ve known Kai, I’ve never seen him act the way he did at the party. He’s usually so calm and collected. But you seem to have a way of ruffling his feathers.”
“It’s not like that.” I shake my head, trying really hard to temper my expectations.
“You sure?” Charlotte asks.
“Can we please talk about something else besides Kai Elliot?” I groan, scrubbing a hand down my face.
“Um... Well, that might be kind of hard considering he’s headed this way.” Char giggles, her eyes locked on something behind me, or rather someone .
“He isn’t?” I’m certain she’s messing with me.
“Oh, he definitely is.” Her smile widens.
“Talk about something,” I hiss.
“Huh?” Maisie doesn’t follow.
“Anything.” I look between them with pleading eyes.
“So, what are your plans for Thanksgiving break next month?” Charlotte asks casually, like there’s nothing out of the ordinary and God, do I love her for it.
“I’m going home for the long weekend to spend it with my family. What about you?” I curse the nervous shake in my voice as I wait on bated breath for Kai to appear.
“Yeah, I’m going home as well.” Char nods. “Though I don’t have nearly as long to travel as you do.”
“It’s only a few hours in a car, not that big of a deal. My parents are paying for a rental for me.” I try not to react when I feel someone step up next to me.
“What are you doing for Thanksgiving, Kai?” Charlotte bats her long lashes at him as he settles onto the stool next to mine, his scent blanketing me in a way that makes it almost impossible not to lean into him so I can breathe him in more deeply.
I glance in his direction, trying not to let on that I’m at all shocked to see him here, even if I am. Last time we spoke, he had plans with a couple buddies of his, none of whom I’ve actually met.
Did he come here for me or is him being here a complete coincidence? No way he just walked in the door and happened to notice us right away, right? Like he had to know we were here. And if that’s true, how did he know we were here?
“I’ll be spending the day with my grandmother and then the evening at...” His hand slides across my leg and I lose my breath.
“My house,” Maisie finishes.
“Me and Jackson have to defend our title.” His hand inches up toward my thigh, squeezing in a way that has me fighting not to jump right out of my stool.
“Title?” I look between the two of them, trying to seem completely unfazed by his hand warming a path straight to my...
“Every year my family does a big football competition after dinner. Kai and Jackson are always on the same team and they always win.” She huffs.
“Sounds like someone is still a little butt hurt over last year’s defeat.” He grins and I’m taken by the history between the two of them. I mean, obviously I’ve known that they know each other since the first night I met him, but I think I’m just now realizing how well they know each other.
“You would be too if you lost over a bullshit call. Whoever thought it was a good idea to put my half-blind grandfather as referee is beyond me.”
“I don’t know. I thought he did a pretty good job.”
“Of course you did. He was the MVP of your team.”
Kai laughs, the sound rich and deep.
“What are you doing here, anyway?” Maisie changes gears, the two exchanging a look that gives me pause.
“I’m meeting your brother here, actually.” His gaze drops to her drink.
Okay, so not here to see me... Noted. And before you ask, no, I am not disappointed by this fact. Not disappointed at all.
“Stop it.” She pales. “He’s coming here?”
“He and Evan.”
“Evan’s coming too?”
“Should be here any minute.”
“Shit. If I had known you were going to ruin my good time, I wouldn’t have told you where we were.” She picks up her drink and downs the entire thing in seconds. “We have to go. If my brother sees me here drinking, he’ll have my ass.” She moves to stand.
Wait... Maisie told him we were here.
“You realize I’m just fucking with you, right?” Kai’s hand releases my thigh and I’m both dejected and relieved, all at the same time.
“Are you freaking kidding me?” She gawks at him.
“I just met them for dinner. They’re likely home by now.”
“You’re an asshole,” she grumbles, dropping back down into her seat.
“Sorry, I just came here to steal this one.” He brushes his shoulder against mine and my heart rattles against my ribcage violently. So he is here for me? “I just couldn’t resist messing with you.” He gestures around the table to our glasses. “Do I even want to know how you got these?”
“No.” Maisie grins sheepishly.
“Right. Okay, then.” He turns fully to me. “You wanna get out of here?”
“I... Um...” I desperately want to say yes but also don’t want to upset Char or Maisie.
“Yes, she absolutely does,” Charlotte answers for me.
“You’re sure?” I ask her before my eyes swing to Maisie.
“Yes, go,” Maisie reassures. “The two of us, who aren’t getting laid, are going to stay here and get drunk.”
Kai stands. “Be safe. And take an Uber home. You shouldn’t be out walking around by yourselves.”
“Yes, dad.” Maisie rolls her eyes. “I bet he’s a hell of a lot more fun with you,” she tells me.
I open my mouth to agree but snap it closed, figuring now is maybe not the best time to voice just how fun he is when he’s with me... naked, of course.
“Ready?” He extends his hand to me and I take it, allowing him to pull me to my feet.
I throw Maisie another look, and despite her shit mood earlier, she smiles widely at me, almost as if to say go get him, girl .
“I’ll see you back at the room later?” I confirm.
“Tomorrow,” Kai corrects, pulling me into his side. “Because she’s actually going to stay this time,” he murmurs so only I can hear.
I do have a habit of sneaking out after he falls asleep. Then again, he’s never given me any real indication that he wants me to stay, either. Well, until now, that is.
“See you tomorrow.” Charlotte waves her fingers at me, a smirk the size of Texas taking over her face.
I roll my eyes, allowing Kai to lead me away without another word.
“You could have texted me ,” I tell him once outside.
“Maybe I wanted to surprise you.” His lips find the side of my head.
“Not tired of me yet, I see.”
“Oh, Converse.” He tsks, his dark eyes finding mine. “I’m only just getting started.”
I wake with a start to a strange sound, blinking up at the ceiling as I try to bring my eyes into focus, when I hear it again, an almost whimper.
I turn my head, finding Kai’s silhouette illuminated by the dim light that spills in from the hallway, just as the noise reaches my ears a second time. Wait, is that... I arch up on my elbow to get a better look at him but regret it immediately when he thrashes, nearly elbowing me right in the face. Thank God I’m able to move just in time to avoid the collision.
“Help me!” His voice tears through the silence. “Help me!” There’s so much emotion in his voice, raw and vulnerable, that I immediately move to wake him.
“Kai.” I’m barely able to nudge him when he thrashes again. “Kai,” I repeat more forcefully as I scramble upright in bed. “You’re having a nightmare.”
He continues to groan and thrash like he’s in... pain.
“Wake up.” I roll to my knees, bracing his shoulders. “Kai, wake up.” I jostle him. “Wake up,” I repeat, shaking him more violently.
His eyes dart open abruptly, finding mine in an instant.
“You’re okay,” I tell him, pushing his hair, damp with sweat, away from his forehead, not missing the way his chest rises and falls rapidly as he tries to find his breath. “You were having a bad dream.”
His hand closes around my wrist, his eyes searching my face wildly like he’s having trouble disconnecting from the nightmare. I recognize this because it’s happened to me more times than I care to admit. Waking to the sounds of my own screams but unable to trust if the nightmare is really over.
“You’re okay.” I rest my free hand on his chest, my stomach hollowing at the feeling of his heart beating so hard I can feel the vibration of his ribcage. “Kai.” I say his name almost like a question.
“I can’t...” He struggles to pull air into his lungs, releasing my wrist.
My God, is he...
“Look at me.” My hands find his face, sliding up to cup his cheeks, much like the way he did me that night, the night when he talked me off the ledge I was teetering on. “Just breathe.” I pull in air through my nose and then slowly blow it out through my mouth, repeating the motion a second time. “Breathe with me.”
He takes a shaky breath in, following along. In through the nose. Out through the mouth.
My heart aches at the way he’s looking at me. Fear is not the only emotion marring his perfect face. I notice the heat of embarrassment there too as if it were my own. Because I understand what it is to let your panic make you feel like less than a person. To let your vulnerability feel like a weakness. It’s exactly how I felt that night at the party.
“You’re okay,” I reassure him, leaning forward to press my lips softly to his. “You’re okay,” I murmur against his mouth. “Just breathe with me.” I throw a leg over his hips, straddling his waist. Thanks to the fact that we never redressed after our last go round, I’m bare against him, and I certainly don’t miss the way his length twitches to life against me. “You’re okay,” I repeat as I kiss him again, sliding my tongue along the seam of his mouth.
If I’ve learned anything from suffering from my own panic attacks, nothing works quite like a distraction. It’s why Kai was able to pull me out of the one that night—he distracted me. Hell, he’s done nothing but distract me since the day I met him. But God, is he the most delicious distraction in the entire freaking world.
I smile against his lips when his hands find my hips, holding me in place so that I can feel every inch of him as he grows against me. This time when I slide my tongue across his lips, he captures it, pulling it into his mouth.
I let out an audible gasp when he flips us abruptly, pinning me beneath the incredible weight of him. He lines himself at my entrance and enters me in one swift motion, causing me to cry out into the silence.
I don’t ask if he’s okay. I don’t try to talk it out or figure out what happened or why. Instead, I give him exactly what he seems to need in this moment... Me .
He kisses me like I’m the air his lungs beg for. Touches me like I’m the soothing balm to his heated flesh. And when he spills his release inside me just a couple of short minutes later, he holds onto me like I’m the only thing tethering him in place, and without me, he’d simply float away.
He lets me take his full weight as he stills, burying his face into my neck. I work soft strokes up and down his back, happy to stay just like this for as long as he wants.
“I’m sorry.” His breath tickles my neck seconds before he rolls off me onto his back.
“You have nothing to be sorry for.” I shift to my side so I can look at him.
“It’s been months since I’ve had one of those.” He doesn’t need to elaborate. I know he’s talking about the nightmare and probably also the panic that ensued.
“It’s okay. Everyone has nightmares,” I tell him, my hand sliding across his stomach, tracing the lines of his muscles. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I expect him to say no. I expect him to shut me down and never tell me anything real . So when he rolls toward me, pulling me flush into him so that our noses are only a whisper apart, I’m more than a little surprised, especially when his lips part to speak.
“I don’t remember the fire.” His voice is so low that if it were any quieter, it would be a whisper. “Not really. But ever since I was little, I’ve had this recurring dream of being trapped by it. Like my subconscious trying to fill in the gaps. I call for help over and over, but no one comes. The room gets hotter, the smoke thicker. And then I’m pinned beneath falling debris. I can feel the way it melts my skin.” He takes my hand, sliding it up his left arm. “Feel the pain of my flesh blistering.” He guides my fingers further, to a point just at the base of his shoulder that has a deep scar, much different from the others, that wraps the exterior of his arm. “Feel the weight of it disconnecting my flesh from bone.” He rests his hand over mine. “But I’m too weak to get it off me. Too young to know what to do. But I’m not just stuck physically. Mentally, I can’t break free either. I’m trapped there, burning, and I can’t get out.” He closes his eyes for a long moment.
I open my mouth to speak, but no words break the surface. What do I say to that? How could I possibly make this better for him?
“When I finally do wake,” he continues before I can think of a single thing to say, “it takes my brain hours to convince itself it wasn’t real. Sometimes the panic is so intense that I feel physically sore from it afterward. But you...” He pulls me closer, which is a hard feat, given that there’s not any space between us to begin with. “Thank you for staying.” His lips brush mine in a way that makes my heart constrict in the most painful way, like it’s realizing it can’t hide from this. That I can’t hide from it.
I’m falling for him...
Hell, I’m pretty sure I’ve already fallen.
All I know is that when he pulls back and his blue eyes meet mine, it’s all I can take not to blurt it out loud in hopes that maybe he feels it too.
But I know better... He’s told me so himself.
And yet, this feels so much deeper than physical. The way he looks at me. The way he touches me. The way he says my name. Nothing about the way he is with me says that this is just about sex to him. I just can’t decide if that’s actually true or something I just desperately want to be true even if it isn’t.
“The debris.” I flex my fingers beneath his. “It nearly took your arm.” It’s an educated guess but one I’m fairly certain is right.
“It did.”
“How did... How did you get out?”
“A firefighter found me just minutes before the building collapsed. I was unconscious by that point, not that I would have remembered it even if I wasn’t. The memory is so muddled. Like it’s there, but I can’t quite grasp onto it.”
“I’m so sorry that happened to you.”
He releases my hand seconds before his arm slips around my waist, his fingers splaying across my bare back. I gently move my fingers down his tattooed arm, feeling each bump and ripple of the scars he’s tried so desperately to hide.
“Me too,” he softly admits.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“What do they mean? Your tattoos?”
I’ve spent so many nights studying them while he slept that I feel like I have every one memorized. And while I obviously know what some of them are, and I have a pretty good idea what they mean, there are others that aren’t quite so clear.
There’s a phoenix that covers the entirety of his bicep—rising from the ashes. A dragon that swirls down his forearm, the tail wrapping around his wrist—strength. A quote from Julius Caesar that reads the fault is not in our stars, but in ourselves —the strength to change one’s circumstances. Those I have figured out. But it’s the others, the ones written in different languages or symbols I don’t understand, that I’m the most curious about.
“I mean, I know what some of them mean. But this one, for instance.” I let my hand drift to the back of his upper arm. “Why a lotus flower?”
“Because it grows in muddy waters,” he says simply. “We have that in common.”
“And this?” I touch the unfamiliar lettering that sits just beneath his elbow— μητ?ρα.
“It’s Greek for mother.”
Oh.
“And this one?” I touch another— Ora ti porto con me.
“It’s Italian. It says, now I carry you.”
For his mom ... Emotion clogs my throat.
“And the night sky?” I run my hand the full length of his arm where the dark ink fills in the remaining gaps between the others, woven so seamlessly that together it looks like a beautiful piece of art, and I guess, in a way, it is.
“That I just got because I thought it looked cool.” A semblance of a smile touches his lips. “What are you doing next Thursday?” The conversation takes an abrupt turn.
“Um... Next Thursday.” I think about it for a second. “That’s Halloween.” I quickly realize.
“It is.” He nods softly.
“Maisie and Char are trying to drag me to some Halloween costume party.”
“Skip it.”
“Skip it? You mean you’re not going?”
“I’m not much for the party scene.”
“Pretty sure I met you at a party.” I point out. “And that you’ve been to basically every party I’ve been to.”
“You just answered your own question.”
“I didn’t ask a question.” I crinkle my nose in confusion.
“I’ve been to every party you’ve been to for one very specific reason... You were there.”
“Yeah, right.” I snort a laugh.
“I’m serious.” And he looks it too. Nothing about his expression says he’s messing with me.
“Why?” I croak, feeling like I suddenly might take flight from the butterflies that have awoken in my stomach, flapping wildly.
“Would you believe me if I said that from the first time I saw you, I felt drawn to you?”
“No.” It’s barely a whisper on my lips.
“That first night, after I left, I looked you up,” he continues.
“You looked me up?”
“Social media. School records... Everything and anything I could get my hands on. Once I had your schedule, I made it a point to be where you were.”
“I barely saw you back then.”
“Just because you didn’t see me doesn’t mean I wasn’t there.”
“So what? You were like stalking me?”
I should be disturbed by this fact, but I feel the opposite of disturbed.
“I wouldn’t say stalking.” He leans in, pressing his mouth to mine. “More like keeping an eye on.” He kisses me gently, testing, teasing.
I melt deeper into him.
“But that first party...” I try not to let him distract me.
“I was there as a favor to Jackson. He knew Maisie would be there. Just wanted me to stop in and make sure she was good. But then you sat down across from me and the room got a fuck lot smaller.”
My heart kicks violently against my ribs.
“You saw an innocent young girl who wasn’t from around here and thought, she looks like a fun little challenge.”
“I did,” he admits unapologetically. “A challenge I had no intention of pursuing. But you did become a bit of an obsession of mine, I’ll admit. And then I started to get to know you and...”
“My award-winning personality won you over?” I bat my lashes at him teasingly.
“Something like that.” He chuckles, the sound like music to my ears, given what I woke up to. “Now, back to Thursday.”
“What about Thursday?”
“Come to my grandma’s with me.”
The request has my mouth and throat going bone dry.
“Your...”
“I hand out candy at her house every year. It’s kind of a tradition.”
“And you want me to come?”
“I do.”
“And it’s not just because you don’t want me going to a party without you?”
“I mean, that’s definitely a perk, but no. I want you to come because I want you there.”
“And your grandma won’t mind?”
“Are you kidding me? She’d be thrilled.” This time, when he smiles, it touches every inch of his face.
“Okay,” I softly agree, knowing there’s no way I could say no anyway. “I’ll go with you.”
Without a word, he pulls me in closer, making it so that my cheek is pressed to his chest while his chin rests on top of my head.
He doesn’t speak again, and neither do I, losing ourselves to our own thoughts.
I’m not sure how much time passes before Kai drifts back off to sleep, his arms wrapped firmly around me like he’s afraid I might try to make a run for it. And trust me, I’ve considered it. Hell, I’m still considering it when the first beams of sunlight break the horizon, and yet, I don’t make any attempts to leave.
I watch him sleep for what has to be hours. Transfixed by the sight of him. Overwhelmed by my feelings for him. Downright terrified of them really. And yet, I stay. Despite every bone in my body screaming for me to leave, I remain, unable to break myself away from the hold Kai Elliot has on me, and quite frankly, I’m not sure I want to. My impending heartbreak be damned.