Chapter 16
Rowan
Friendsgiving is hosted by Lana and Christian, who have now been named the hosts for every event for the rest of our lives. To be fair, their house is basically a mansion and they have the space for it. The greatest part about it, in my opinion, is their backyard.
Christian tends to go overboard getting Lana everything he thinks she wants or needs. I’m beginning to think it’s a problem.
But who am I to judge since she’s the reason they have the giant fire pit and outdoor heaters for nights like this.
The table was filled with all kinds of food. Lana cooked her mother’s old recipes, and I brought everyone’s favorite appetizers as well as Natalia’s personal plate of mozzarella sticks with ketchup.
We’re all outside for conversation and drinks under the stars near the fire after dinner. Our plates are empty, stomachs are full, and the homemade desserts are mostly gone.
No one ever likes to be the one to one to take the last piece of anything, but I frankly don’t give a fuck when it’s the last of Natalia’s cupcakes, which are decorated as a turkey per Grace’s request.
“You took the last one, dick.” Luca frowns beside me as I pluck out one of the waffle cookie wings and eat it. “I wanted it.”
I pluck and eat the other waffle wing. “I don’t feel bad for you.” I peel back the cupcake liner and take a giant bite. “You should have gotten here first.”
My girl baked these.
He laughs and grabs the bottle opener from the corner for his soda. “Doubt that would have stopped you.”
I shrug, happily eating the very last turkey cupcake and practically humming as I scan the backyard. Grace dances to a pop song with Lana, their arms swinging and legs kicking. Isabelle sits beside Natalia, practically dead asleep. And Natalia…
I collide with the most mesmerizing shades of hazel, and her eyes roam over me—head to toe. I arch a brow and turn away, pulling my phone from my pocket.
Rowan: You’re staring
She replies quickly.
Natalia: Is that a problem?
Rowan: Yes. Makes me want to go over there and kiss you
Natalia: I never said you couldn’t
Rowan: Oh yeah?
I look across the backyard and she shrugs, eyes round and innocent.
Rowan: You have that look
Natalia: What look?
Rowan: Like you might like me back
Natalia: I never said I didn’t
I blush. Hard. My face is on fire. She might not say it out loud, but she’ll say it here. Where she feels safe. Comfortable. That’s all I want.
Rowan: Oh Nat…
Natalia: Oh blondie…
I huff a laugh and slip my phone back into my pocket, taking a sip of my drink.
“So you guys are hooking up, right?” Luca asks, sipping his soda beside me.
I sniff him, and he reeks. He’s hiding it but he’s drinking, and he shouldn’t be while we’re all here. “How did you—”
“You’ve been obsessed with her for years, RoRo.” I groan at the annoying nickname. “It’s obvious the way you look at her.”
“LuLu—”
“Also, I saw you kiss her on Halloween.” Luca chuckles against the rim of his soda. “You weren’t as quiet as you think.”
“Dick,” I mutter under my breath.
“What’s the gossip?” Julian asks, holding a glass of lemonade.
“RoRo here was telling me about Natalia,” Luca says with a mischievous grin.
“And LuLu was getting all sappy and dickish about it.” I grunt. “And you, JuJu, are now in the know.”
I watch Julian subtly sniff Luca. He shoots me a look and I just barely shake my head to say, Not now. Luca’s recent drinking will be a topic of conversation for later.
After a quiet growl, Julian asks, “Everyone knows. Were you planning to keep it a secret?”
I shrug and take a gulp of my wine down. “No.”
“Christian knows,” Nico says, appearing out of thin air.
I groan. “I assumed as much. Lana tells him everything.”
“NiNi!” Luca sings, clearly a tad inebriated, and throws his arm around Nico’s shoulders. When Christian joins us, he yells, “Coco!”
“Still with those nicknames then,” Christian groans.
“Uncle CoCo!” Grace appears at our legs, reaching up for one of us to grab her, but Coco gets there first. “Thank you.”
“Uncle CoCo.” Julian laughs.
“Shut up, Juju,” Christian snarls.
“Daddy is letting me learn ballet,” Grace tells us.
“He is?” Nico asks, eyes wide and mouth open. He’s a miracle worker with kids. “Oh my god!”
Gracie giggles and points at Nico. “Uncle NiNi.”
Nico’s happy expression drops and he runs his tongue over his teeth. “Damn it.”
“She’s taking ballet with Isabelle?” Luca asks.
Grace nods, curling into Christian as Julian says, “Isa offered us discounted classes.”
“Isabelle’s great with kids.”
“That and Grace got excited about the tutu.”
“Tutu!” Grace yells. “Daddy does my hair and it makes me look like a pretty ballerina.”
“That’s because you are a pretty ballerina, baby,” Julian says and kisses his daughter’s head.
“Gracie! Sweetie!” Isabelle calls out and Grace’s head snaps in their direction. “Come show us your new ballet moves, honey.”
Grace gasps and squirms out of Christian’s hold until he sets her down, and she runs away. “Gots to go!”
I laugh with the guys, watching her little legs try to keep up with her energy. “Be careful! You’ll fall!” Julian shouts after her, his voice softer than the way he speaks to anyone who isn’t Grace. “Grace, please!”
But that little girl doesn’t have a care in the world. She is always moving in her own world, on a mission.
“So, you and Natalia,” Christian says.
My eyes roll. “Stop.”
“It’s nice.” He shrugs. “You’ve always liked her.”
“That’s what I said!” Luca screams for no reason at all.
Each of us grimace, and Nico pats Luca’s shoulder. It seems we’ve all caught on to his drunken behavior except everyone else, and I’m glad for it. He can’t be around Christian right now. “I think it’s time to get you some water.”
“He needs to go,” I mutter.
“It’s Friendsgiving, Luca,” Julian mutters and shakes his head. Luca flips him off and follows Nico inside the kitchen for water.
“Do you guys think she’s okay?” I ask.
“Who?”
“Natalia.”
Christian raises his brows. “I can’t tell you that.”
“That isn’t fair,” I mutter. “Lana tells you everything.”
“To be fair,” Christian says, a smug smirk growing on his face, “they tell me everything. I’m in their clique. I’m one of the cool kids.”
“Shut the fuck up,” Julian grumbles.
I snort. “But can you at least tell me what you think?”
I glance over to the girls, where Grace is twirling with her arms curved over her head.
Isabelle is instructing her, helping her out with some moves and cheering her on with Lana and Natalia, who are taking pictures and videos.
But Natalia’s smile doesn’t reach her eyes and it breaks my heart because I know damn well she loves that little girl.
“Ask,” Julian says.
“Yeah. One sec.” I toss my empty bottle in the recycling bin on my way to the large sofa. I lean forward and Natalia’s head turns to see me just in time. “Can I talk to you?”
Natalia nods and tells the girls she’ll just be a second. I lead us toward the foyer of the house and tower over her smaller frame. “What happened?”
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
‘What do you mean?”
“Natalia, I know you,” I say. “Talk to me, please.”
“Nothing is wrong, Rowan, please.” She exhales and begins to walk away. “Stop.”
I stop her by taking her hand in mine, loose enough for her to keep going if she chooses. But she doesn’t. “Natalia, I’ve been watching you all night, okay? I know that look in your eyes. I know you.”
Natalia’s hand remains loose in mine, tightening enough to tell me that maybe she doesn’t want to let go. So I tighten mine, telling her I’ll never let her go.
“You don’t know me, Rowan,” she whispers, her voice quiet and sad.
“Don’t I?”
“Rowan,” she breathes, shuddering like she might break right before me. “Please.”
“Talk to me.”
“I just really need to go home.”
I swallow everything down, all the words I know won’t work, and release her hand. Natalia exhales shakily, fixes her curls just enough, and pulls at the corners of her mouth and walks around me. I follow behind and witness as she paints a smile on her face and walks toward her friends.
“Hey,” she whispers to them. “I think I’m gonna head home. I’m getting a migraine.”
“What?” Lana frowns. “But…Why? Stay.”
“Please,” Isabelle begs. “Stay.”
Natalia shakes her head. “Really, it’s okay. I don’t feel well.”
She’s lying.
“Bye, Auntie Natty,” Grace says, rushing over to hug her. Natalia squats and catches the three year old in her arms, squeezing tight and shaking her around.
“Oh, I love you, my little ballerina,” Natalia murmurs and kisses Grace’s head. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
Gracie frowns but tosses her arms around Natalia’s neck. “Okay. You promise?”
Frustrated, I escape into the first floor bathroom so I don’t have to watch her lie before she disappears for the night. I rinse my hands under the sink and splash some of the lukewarm water on my face, rubbing at my eyes and cheeks.
Seeing it from the outside, I hate it. I hate what her mind does to her and how it hurts her this way. It hurts me, but not the way it hurts her.
I fucking hate this.
She’s waiting for me to hate her, to be angry and reject her—leave her. She might even be hoping for it because she thinks she doesn’t deserve me. She’s mad because I’m the one who doesn’t deserve her.
I shake my hands in the sink and reach for the hand towel before I storm out of the bathroom, slamming right into Luca with the other guys huddled around. “Sorry,” I groaned. “I gotta—”
“Go after her?” Luca asks. “You sure she doesn’t need space? She’s tired.”
“She isn’t tired, you idiot! Drink your damn water.” I groan again, a loud sound that feels painful in my chest. I tug at my hair painfully.
Julian comes to my side. “Rowan, man—”
“I’m sorry.” I shake my head with an exhale. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to react that way. She’s not…tired.”
“Go,” Christian says with an assuring dip of his chin. “She’ll need you.”
“But you—Are you okay? Can you be—I mean, Luca and—”
“I’m okay,” Christian assures me. “Go.”
I nod, my heart going a mile an hour and chest heaving. “Yeah.”
“You need to breathe,” Julian says at my side, his hand firm on my shoulder. “What’s going on?”
“He’s in love, you jackasses!” Luca slurs.
Nico shakes his head and pushes water into his face. “Drink this.”
Christian and Julian grumble at Luca’s behavior, but I can’t even understand the words they say. My mind is telling me to run, shouting at me like I need to save Natalia’s life.
“How the hell did he drink this much?” Christian mutters. “I thought there wasn’t any…”
“I think he spiked his own drink,” Nico whispers. “I think he was just missing Elena… Obviously, this was not the way to handle it.”
“I’m sorry, Christian,” Luca mumbles. “I swear…I’m—I’m s-sorry. I didn’t mean to drink, I didn’t—”
“You’re being an inconsiderate asshole,” Julian grits at Luca.
Christian growls. “I can’t be here right now. Lana!”
“I’m here!” she shouts back, and Christian follows the sound of her voice.
“You should go, then,” Julian says, bringing me back to our conversation. “If you feel like this…”
“I feel like I’m about to have a panic attack,” I heave, my heart beat loud in my ears.
“You should go,” Nico says. “Breathe first, then go. I would go if it were…You know.”
“Yeah,” I rasp, my voice hoarse and shaky. “Thank you. I’m—Just tell them I said bye, yeah?”
“Yeah, go, go.”
I’m nearly out the door with my coat barely on my shoulders when Christian tosses me a bottle of water. “Drink it and breathe.”
“Sorry about—”
“If it were Lana, I’d be there by now.” He chuckles, his girl coming toward him. “So, go.”
With that, I get into my car and go. The road becomes a blur, my hands on the wheel and foot on the pedal taking me to her from muscle memory alone. The only thing I have to remind myself of is to breathe because for some reason I’m terrified of what I might find when I get to her apartment.
As I switch the car into park just across the street from her apartment, I’m remembering the night she died. All of that hope I had the night before I walked into her hospital room disappeared the moment I heard that flatline.
It’s impossible to forget the sound of a flatline when you know who it’s attached to. You hear it in silence. But instead of ringing, it’s that sound in your ear instead. Sometimes, when a truck backs up, I mistake it as a sign of death. One similar tone, and my heart drops.
Right now, I feel my heart dropping and the sound of a flatline, and I need to get to my girl because it feels like claws are tearing my chest apart—rabid beasts who want me to lose someone else.
This girl though, she isn’t a flatline. She can’t be a flatline, she’s a lifeline. She’s the thing they attach to dying patients to bring them back to life. I know because she did that to me.
So, I run. I jump out of my car, sprinting and locking it behind me. A couple I’ve seen around town and in my restaurant hold the door open for me, saying quick hellos. I opt for the stairs because fuck the elevator.
I hear that beeping again. The long, monotonous noise that shouts at you when it doesn’t detect a heartbeat.
I take the steps two at a time, sweat gathering at my hairline and my upper lip. I manage to get to the third floor in record time, I think. I sprint the short distance from the stairwell to the other end of the hall where 3B is and pound on the door, holding my breath.
And when the door opens, my eyes land on the girl who restarted my heart.