Chapter 18
eighteen
. . .
Aidan
The longer I sit here, the more I’m in awe of this beautiful, intelligent woman.
My friend.
It’s hard to remember she’s only my friend—or to pretend I want her to stay that way.
She’s kind and well-spoken, and our conversation flows as effortlessly in person as it does over voice chat. We tease and joke, and even though my face flames every time she speaks, she takes it all in stride.
Her harvest bowl salad is as good as she said it was. The last time I ordered it, it went to waste. Now I devour it the same way I want to devour her.
My mind drifts to what it would be like to kiss her. To taste her berry-red smile, to drink in the sounds of her sighs. Run my hands through her hair, breathe in the scent of her perfume, and fucking drown in her.
“Aidan?” Ceci cocks her head, and my pulse thrums at my name on her tongue.
For years, I’ve been afraid of revealing too much lest someone put together the pieces of who I am and what I do for my career.
But she has just as much to risk as I do. She’s a brilliant, beautiful woman. She could have anyone in the world to be by her side and to warm her bed.
I want that. I want her. My body practically vibrates with the pent-up want coiled tightly inside me.
I can’t push her away. I can’t risk alienating her. This is on me; I just have to deal with my baser instincts. Maybe one day I can convince her to go on a date with me.
Baby steps. First, I have to prove I’m not a psycho stalker who wants to peel off her skin. Just sniff it.
In a totally normal way, that is.
“I’m glad we’re doing this,” I tell her, relieved when my voice comes out mostly even. I clear my throat to steady myself further. “I’m sorry about the other night, but now… Now I look back and have to laugh at myself, because this is you, and it’s me, and we’re just…”
“We fit,” she murmurs.
“We do.”
And I’m so fucking glad for that.
We finish our meals and settle the check. She doesn’t fight me about paying. Even though she’s a billionaire, I would never expect her to pay for me. To top it off, this is only Step Two of the apology tour. I’ve got a lot to make up for.
The drive to her place is silent. All my attention is on the road. It has to be. Otherwise, I’ll start daydreaming about what it would be like to kiss her, and that just can’t happen. Not again.
I value our friendship too much to throw it all away.
She’s made clear she doesn’t want a relationship, and I’m not a one-night-stand kind of guy.
As much as I trust Annie, I don’t know if I trust Ceci yet.
Even though I recognize that they’re the same person, in my head, they’re different. I don’t know how, only that they are.
“This is me, up on the left,” she says as I pull onto her street. There’s an empty space right in front of her house, and I parallel park into the spot.
“This is a nice neighborhood.”
Her warm brown eyes go flinty. “It is.”
She’s expecting me to judge her. Or her money.
But that’s the furthest thought from my mind.
I may not have the same kind of money she does, but I’m certainly not in the poorhouse either.
After a certain point, there’s no use comparing millions to billions.
We’ve all got more money than we know what to do with.
“I think Larsson lives a few blocks away.”
She’s cagey as she nods. “Vanessa and I have been friends for a few years. I was at their wedding.”
“I was too.” With a sigh, I run a hand through my hair. “Do you think it’s weird that we’re only meeting now? We’ve known each other for years. I’ve lived in Boston for four seasons. And you’ve been involved with the team foundation for at least that long.”
She’s silent for a long time. “I think it’s happening right when it was supposed to.”
“I guess so.”
Ceci reaches out a hand and cups my cheek. It doesn’t feel romantic; there’s a mocking tinge in her gaze, and even as my stomach flips, it settles me. I find myself leaning into her touch, soaking up every ounce of her affection.
“It gave us seven years of friendship,” she says. “I wouldn’t trade those for the world.”
“Does that mean you don’t want to stay friends?”
“I do. I value what we have.” She pulls away, her eyes downcast. “I don’t know if you want to, though.”
“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my best friend.”
She gapes at me.
“You’re my best friend,” I repeat firmly.
“You give me an escape from the pressure of being captain. You don’t need me to take care of you like I do for my sister and all my teammates.
And you let me be myself. I didn’t realize until now exactly how much that means to me, but damn it, I need it. I need you.”
She gulps. “Wish…”
“Nothing has to change.”
“But what if it does?” Her voice breaks.
“We won’t let it. I won’t let it change.”
Reaching across the console, I take her hand in mine, lacing our fingers together. She looks down at our joined hands, then lifts her chin until our eyes meet. Hesitation is sketched across her face, and fuck it, I’ll do whatever I have to in order to reassure her.
“Nothing has to change,” I repeat. “If you don’t want to play together anymore, if you don’t want to meet up in person again, I’ll understand it.”
It’s not what I want, but if it means keeping her in my life or letting her walk away forever…
This pesky attraction to her is annoying, but I can deal with it. So what if my best friend is a woman who makes my heart beat faster and my hands grow clammy, and all I want to do is pull her into my arms and kiss the fuck out of her? I can push it down, exactly like I do everything else.
We can go back to normal. We have to.
After a moment, I sigh, then pull my hand from hers. I step out of the car and jog around to her side to open her door, then dive into the back seat for her flowers. I used Ryan’s favorite florist, and damn, did they come through. I get now why he set up biweekly deliveries for Hailey.
Ceci starts up the stairs to her house, a red brick townhouse in the middle of the block. There’s a keypad, and she punches in a code, the lock tumbles, and she opens the door but doesn’t go inside.
“Well, um…”
“Have a good afternoon.” I push the vase into her arms, making sure she’s steady.
Then, before I can chicken out, I duck down and press my lips to her cheek, lingering there. Her intoxicating perfume wafts over me, and my blood rushes with the familiar pull of arousal.
Finally, I force myself to pull back. “I’ll see you online.”