Chapter 40
forty
. . .
Aidan
A knock raps on the door, and Ceci flinches.
“It’s okay,” I murmur, squeezing her shoulder. “It’s only Ryan and Hailey.”
“I know,” she replies, tension lining her shoulders.
“It’s no big deal.”
She shoots me an annoyed glance. “I know.”
“So chill, okay?” I kiss her cheek, breathing in her perfume and settling my nerves.
Her eyes narrow. “Are you saying this to me or to yourself?”
“Yes.”
That seems to break her stone wall, and she chuckles. “Okay. I can chill out.”
I cross the apartment to the door, letting in my sister and her fiancé. They never used to knock, but since Ceci and I started dating, she’s started respecting my boundaries. Crazy how that happened.
It’s Friday night. Tomorrow is our last home game before the All Stars break.
Normally, I’d try to go away somewhere warm for the week, get away from Boston in early February, but Ceci has some meetings with Colt’s company that she can’t miss, plus her work on the helmet sensors. And I wouldn’t want to go without her.
So we’re staying in town. I’m going to sleep in late, eat lots of terrible-for-me food, and play video games. I’m looking forward to it.
Dinner is already on the table, courtesy of Hailey’s favorite Thai place down the street. This is merely a family dinner. Simple, casual. We do this as often as possible during the season.
So why am I sweating?
Ceci shoots me a supportive smile.
Oh, right. Because tonight is the night I tell my sister I’m autistic. No big deal. Not worth freaking out over.
Except I’m totally losing my shit. I told Ceci first because, as my partner, she had a right to know. If it changed the dynamic in our relationship, she deserved to know before we got in too deep.
Hailey doesn’t have a choice to stop being my sister. Sure, I don’t think she’ll excommunicate me over it, especially after the way we lost our parents. But she’ll likely have questions I’m not sure I’m ready to answer.
Ryan side-eyes me. “What’s up with you?”
“Nothing’s up with me.” My voice cracks, and I clear my throat. “Dinner?”
“You’re twitchy,” Hailey accuses as she slides into her regular seat across from me. “Why are you so twitchy?”
“Fuck off.”
She opens her mouth to argue.
“Just… not now.”
Hailey stops in her tracks. “You’re not getting married, are you?”
“Fuck no,” Ceci blurts.
My sister flinches.
“Sorry. No offense. I’m not getting married again. Ever. Once was enough of a mistake.”
Hailey’s face creases with hurt. “You think marriage is a mistake?”
“For me, trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, yes. I’m not meant for it.” Ceci crosses the room to stand beside me, and I slide my hand into hers. “I can have a committed romantic relationship without the legal declaration of marriage.”
Ryan clears his throat. “That’s actually what we wanted to talk to you about.”
“About me and Ceci getting married?”
“No. About Hailey and me.”
My gaze darts to my sister. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong, everything is fine,” she says, but her voice comes out high-pitched. “Why would you think something is wrong?”
“You’re both being weird.”
Ryan takes her hand, running his thumb over the diamond ring on her finger. “We’ve decided to get married.”
Blinking a few times, I try to understand. “But you’re already engaged.”
“This weekend,” Hailey clarifies. “We want to get married now. During the All Star break. We don’t want to wait any longer.”
“Why now?” They’ve been engaged for at least a year. Never so much as mentioned a date.
Hailey bites her lip. “I had a flare last week.”
Hurt smacks me across the face. “You did? You didn’t tell me.”
“It’s fine, I’m fine,” she adds. “I called the concierge doctor, and they gave me an IV and some meds. You guys were away. I didn’t want to bother you. I didn’t even need to go to the ER.”
“You’re never a bother.”
She opens her mouth, but I cut her off, leaning across the table so she knows I’m serious.
“Hailey, you are never a bother. Your health is my priority.”
“It shouldn’t be, though.” Her eyes flick to Ceci, then back to me. “You have other stuff going on. And that’s fine, I get it. But maybe it’s time we cut the cord a little.”
“What cord?”
My sister reaches across the table and pats my hand.
“Aid, I love you, but there’s a reason you aren’t my emergency contact anymore.
Ryan is. And if he and I are going to build a life together, we need to do it on our terms. We’ve waited long enough.
It’s time for us to make things official and get married. ”
My throat spasms around emptiness. “Okay. So you’re getting married.”
“We’ve already applied for the marriage license. The ceremony is on Monday at noon.”
“That’s… soon.” Ceci reaches for my hand, and I grip hers like a lifeline. “And you’re sure about this?”
“One hundred percent,” Hailey says.
I swallow hard. “Okay. Can I be there?”
I’ve always pictured myself walking her down the aisle, the two of us celebrating as our family expands.
If she’s doing something simple and private, will she even want me there?
My heart twists at losing the fantasy I’ve built in my head.
First we lost our parents, and now I’m losing my sister, too.
My sister looks at her fiancé. “We were hoping you would be our witness. Both of you.”
Ceci gasps. “Really?”
“It’ll be really small. Just the four of us to start, plus my parents,” Ryan says. “Then we want dinner with the guys. Something low-key at Quentin’s, that steakhouse in North End. I’ve rented out the back room, and anyone who’s in town will be there.”
“You don’t need to wear a tux,” Hailey adds. “A nice suit will work. That blue one that brings out the color of your eyes.”
I blow out a breath, running my hand through my hair. “I’m sorry. This is a lot to process. My brain’s kind of short-circuiting right now. I need time to catch up.”
Hailey cocks her head. “What do you mean?”
“I think I’m autistic.” The rock in the pit of my stomach doesn’t let me leave it at that. Slowly, I force myself to meet her eyes. “That’s not true. I know I am.”
She gapes at me. “How did I not know this?”
“I’ve never told anyone. Not until Ceci.” I raise our joined hands until I can kiss her knuckles. “I had a lot of shame around it. I haven’t gone through an official diagnosis, and I don’t know if I’ll pursue that, but I’ve been talking to Larsson and doing the research and… I’m autistic.”
My sister’s eyes soften, turning glassy with unshed tears. “Aidan.”
It’s my turn for my eyes to sting. There’s an anvil sitting on my chest, the weight of her disappointment so heavy I want to crumple into a ball.
But that won’t serve me—or her.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don’t want pity. That’s not what this is about.”
She rubs at her eyes. “I don’t pity you,” she whispers. “I’m proud of you. Speaking your truth is fucking hard. It can be terrifying sometimes.”
“It really is.” I squeeze Ceci’s hand, stealing some of her strength. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.”
“I’m sorry you felt like you couldn’t talk to me. To us.” Hailey turns to my partner. “I’m really glad you’ve encouraged him to speak up. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Hopefully, we never have to find out,” I joke.
Ceci gives me a fond smile, but I can see the tightness in her eyes. Too much, too soon. Got it. Cool it with the jokes.
I’m not offended she doesn’t want to get married. That’s not something I personally need either, so even if she wasn’t carrying around a truckload of trauma at the hands of her ex-husband, I wouldn’t push her for it.
As long as we’re committed, as long as we agree on the big, important things, the little ones don’t matter.
Not that marriage is a little thing. It’s a pretty damn big thing. Kids too. We had that conversation on our first date, and we’re on the same page. What that looks like for us won’t be the same as other couples.
But it doesn’t have to. As long as it works for us—and for now, it seems like it does—that’s all that matters.
Ceci turns to Hailey. “Okay. You’re getting married. What do you need us to do?”
“Just show up,” she replies. “Show up and support us.”
“Like there’s anywhere else we’d rather be,” I scoff.
“You have a dress?” Ceci asks. “Shoes? You want hair and makeup done?”
Hailey hesitates. “I was just going to do it myself.”
“You know, Riley used to be a makeup artist before she married Gonzo,” Ceci points out. “If you don’t want her to do it, I can call and get my glam squad to come by.”
“I don’t want to take advantage…”
“It’s not taking advantage. I’m gifting it to you,” she says, leaving no room for argument. “Do we need to find you a dress?”
When Hailey pauses again, I clear my throat. “I want you to have the wedding of your dreams, Hay. Whatever it takes.”
“Well, you can’t bring back Mom and Dad.” Her eyes flood with tears, threatening to fall. Mine get a bit misty too, if I’m honest. “Ryan’s parents are coming in tomorrow. We were going to have dinner with them, then spend the next day getting a preventative IV and maybe a trip to the nail salon.”
She never knows what her capacity is, how many spoons she has on any given day, but there are ways of hedging her bets and trying to improve the odds of a good day. There’s just the risk of fallout.
“Let me make a few calls,” Ceci says. “We can have the nail salon brought here. You can even get a pedicure while you’re doing your treatment.”
Hailey gapes at her. “I can’t ask that of you.”
“You’re not asking. I’m offering. I want to pamper you on your wedding day.” Ceci glances at me, then back at my sister. “I don’t want to overstep. But if you want the rest of the WHAFFLs to join, I’m happy to host them at my house.”
“Or here,” I chime in. “This is still your home, even though you don’t live in this apartment anymore. No matter where I am, you will always have a home with me.”
Ceci gives me a fond smile. You okay? she mouths.
I nod, and she squeezes my hand.
It’s a lot to navigate. The chaotic roller coaster of the last ten minutes has left my head spinning, but if I focus on the wedding, and on trying not to spiral over it, then I can’t think about the complete nonreaction and support for my big revelation.
I’ve been agonizing over telling her for years, and she just…
accepts it? Loves me unconditionally? Sounds fake.
Ryan turns to me. “I was hoping you and I could have a dude day. I don’t want an actual bachelor party with debauchery. Maybe a game of pickup basketball and a few beers over FIFA or Madden?”
“Sure, we can do that.” I have no desire to go to a strip club or any of the other stereotypical bachelor party activities, and I’m glad he’s not interested in them either. No shame for people who like that kind of stuff. Just not for me. “Do you want to invite the rest of the guys?”
He blows out a breath. “Yeah, I think so.”
“Consider it done. Sunday afternoon, while they get their nails done, we’ll hang out. Celebrate you.”
My best friend scrunches up his face. “Gross, dude.”
“Hey, it’s Hailey’s wedding, but it’s your wedding too. You deserve to have at least a little bit of the spotlight on you.”
He shakes his head, running his hand over her ring again. “I get enough attention on the ice. I don’t need it elsewhere.”
“Do you need anything?” Ceci asks. “Photographer, flowers, cake?”
Hailey looks to her fiancé once more. “We wanted to do something small and intimate. Not a huge thing. Just dinner. Send the team a message in the group chat and then they show up.”
“Consider it done,” she says. “I’ll make sure it’s everything you’ve ever wanted.”
My sister swallows hard, then nods. “Thank you, Ceci.”
“It’s my pleasure. Finally, I can use my money for good instead of evil.” She winks.
Hailey opens her mouth to object, and I cut her off. I can barely get her to accept gifts from me, much less anyone else.
“If you don’t want Ceci to pay for it, I will. But either way, we want to do this for you. Whoever hands over the money is irrelevant. This is coming from us, and we want to celebrate you two.”
She sags against her seat. “Thank you. Both of you.”
“You know I’d do anything for you, Hay.”
“I know,” she whispers. “I appreciate it. More than I can ever say.”
“Hey. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean you’re getting rid of me,” I tease. “It only means our family is getting bigger.”
Hailey gives me a tremulous smile. “Any other life-altering announcements?”
“Not right now,” Ceci says with a grin. “I think we’ve had enough for tonight, don’t you?”