Chapter 18
I slid into my car and shut the door behind me. For a long time, I sat in a daze.
What in the name of all hell had happened? I went into his apartment with every intention of being professional. We would talk, make plans, maybe have some food.
I in no way planned to act on the feelings I had for him. He made it clear, in a hundred different ways, that he wouldnt be tied down to anyone, ever. I knew that.
I offered him a way out if sleeping together made him want to avoid me. He wouldnt be the first guy who felt that way. Love em and leave em, and all that crap.
I was surprised when he didnt take it. But then, he made it all too clear that last night meant nothing to him. Nothing at all. I was just another woman he spent the night with, that was it. He said it himself, hed forget all about it.
I slammed the heel of my hand into the steering wheel.
Id made some stupid decisions in my life, like not checking Bam was available for that gala in the first place. Sleeping with him was just about the stupidest thing I had ever done.
And one of the most amazing.
I lifted a piece of his shirt to my nose and inhaled the scent of him embedded in the weave.
After last night, I deserved to get my heart stomped all over, but Id hold myself together until after the party. Then I would stay away from Bam and give myself time to get over him.
Some day, I might even let someone else in.
Maybe.
For now, Id nurse my fragile stupid heart and enjoy the time we had left before it had to end.
I shook my head at myself. No one could say I didnt have my eyes wide open. I saw the trap and stepped into it anyway.
Regrets, oh yeah I had those. Most of them centred around how difficult the next couple of weeks would now be. For the sake of the kids, Id have to put my heart aside and get on with it.
The kids and my career. If Bam was right, Id be back on track after this. Professionally, not emotionally. That would take longer.
I pulled a jumper on over the shirt and started the engine.
Before I drove away, I shot off a text to Bec. She quickly responded that shed meet me in thirty minutes and sent an address. A cafe near the lake. Good, I wasnt ready to face any of Bams friends right now.
I pulled away from the curb and followed the directions from my phones GPS.
The cafe was barely five minutes away. I got there in time to grab a seat inside with a view of the lake.
I ordered a coffee and a muffin. It was never too early for more coffee, and I hadnt touched much of Bams breakfast. Chocolate and more chocolate was just what I needed right now.
That and a do-over of the last month.
Hey. Bec slid her bag off her shoulder and slipped into the chair opposite me. Are you okay? You sounded stressed out.
You could say that, I agreed. I grabbed a napkin and wiped chocolate off my face. I did something.
That sounds ominous. Should I get my notepad, or voice recorder? She smiled, but she wouldnt share anything I told her unless she was allowed to.
In this case, everything I said would stay between us until the end of time.
And then some. If anyone else heard about Bam and I, they wouldnt hear it from Bec or me. I hoped they wouldnt hear it from Bam either, but I couldnt stop him from sharing if he wanted to. All I could do was hope he didnt.
In as few words as possible, I told Bec about spending the night with Bam.
Her eyes widened and her mouth formed an O.
He actually said hed forget all about it? She shook her head. I knew he was a player, but that is cold.
Yeah. I wiped a sudden trickle of moisture off my cheek. I knew what he was like and I did it anyway. What was I thinking? I threw up my hands. I wasnt thinking.
Bec looked at me thoughtfully. Sometimes not thinking things through leads to awesome things.
I snorted. Says the woman who spent years planning your revenge on Hawk after he broke your heart in high school. Like a good best friend, Id encouraged her every step of the way.
She smiled bigger. Yeah, and look how that turned out.
So what youre suggesting is that I now plot revenge against Bam? I joked.
Bec laughed. I hope you dont feel like thats something you need to do. She looked serious for a moment. He didnt laugh in your face, did he?
No. If he had, hed be singing in a really high voice from now on, I said dryly.
Bec snorted a laugh. Lucky I didnt do that to Hawk. Id be regretting it now if I damaged his package.
I made a face. No offence, but I dont want to think about your boyfriends man bits. Or any man bits. Ever again. They brought nothing but trouble for me and the man they were attached to.
Thats probably for the best, Bec said. I dont share. Men or chocolate.
Youve shared chocolate with me before, I pointed out.
Was I feeling unwell? she retorted.
Possibly. That would explain it. I managed a smile. She always made me feel better, even when I was at my lowest. She was a pretty awesome best friend. More than I probably deserved.
Anyway, I said Id work with him on this party of his. I sipped my coffee. It was good, but tasted like water after Bams. Great, I was spoiled now, after one night and one cup.
My life was officially over.
How do you feel about that? Bec asked.
I sighed through my nose. You know me, Ill do it because I said I would.
Im sure hed understand if you dont, she said gently.
Its not his fault, I argued. Its mine for letting things go that far. Its not like he doesnt tell everyone hell never settle down. He waved red flags in my face and I ignored every one of them.
He is pretty cute, Bec said.
Too cute for my own good, apparently, I said. The problem is that somewhere deep down, I wanted it to happen. I mean, I actually thought wed wake up this morning madly in love, or something.
I propped my elbow on the table and massaged my forehead with my fingertips. Oh crap, Im that woman. I groaned. The kind who thinks she can change a man.
Youre not like that, Bec assured me in her best, firm tone. Theres nothing wrong with wanting someone to care about you. Between you and I, I think hes all talk.
I lowered my hands and frowned. What do you mean?
I mean, he says hes going to be single for life, but I think he wants to find love as much as the rest of us. Hes just scared to let his guard down. You might not be destined to be together, but you might. Either way, I think hes going to settle down some day. She gave me a sympathetic smile. Youve got it bad, dont you.
Yes, I said miserably. Is there a cure for this?
Chocolate?” she suggested. Wine? Time?
I think time is all I have. After the party. Until then, Ill have to suck it up and keep my head on straight. I poked my muffin paper, looking for more chocolate.
Bec looked at me for a long while, then said, Youd do it again, wouldnt you? Spend the night, I mean.
Hell no, I said immediately. After a beat, I added, Okay, maybe.
Another beat later I moved everything aside and rested my forehead on the table.
Yes. Yes I would. I care about him and it was so freakin good. I wanted to cry or scream. Maybe both at the same time.
Bec patted my hand. You poor thing. They should make it illegal to be hot and skilled. But then, Hawk would be locked away for life.
I rolled my head to the side and made a face at her. Ill take your word for it. Before anyone could give me a weird look, I lifted my head.
You must think Im nuts. Im usually more worried about cats than my love life.
Its past time you thought about yourself, Bec said. Cats are adorable, but do they keep you warm at night?
I frowned. Yes, they do.
Bec chuckled. Bad example.
I smiled. Yeah, just a bit. I can also tell them anything and they dont talk back.
Mostly.
They cant buy you chocolate, Bec said.
I can buy my own, I said.
My next argument was that cats cant satisfy you in bed, but I guess you can do that yourself too.
I made a face. Well… Its much more fun with someone else. Im sure you didnt come here to talk about that.
Im here to support my friend, no matter what that means, she said. I said Id help with this party. I could act as a go between, between you and Bam. Or Hawk could. Im sure he wouldnt mind.
I think it would be better not to have his friends in the middle of this, I said. It could impact the team. Id be the villain here if I did anything that would risk the Rapids progress this season. Id be hated by fans everywhere if they knew, and myself if they didnt.
I dont even want you in the middle of it, I added. It might end badly for her and Hawk and that would make the situation even worse. Just be around in case I need a shoulder to cry on. Okay?
Always, she said firmly.Anywhere, any time. You only have to call, or text. You know that.
Yeah, I do, I said gratefully. I dont know what Id do without you. Or Ashley. Even Rubie was someone I felt comfortable talking to, although I barely knew her. Each woman was very different, but they all had my back and I had theirs.
Youre the best, I said. Im so lucky to have you as a friend. Too many people paired up with someone else and forgot their friends. Bec wasnt like that. She always managed to squeeze me in, no matter how busy she was.
No, you, she shot back.
We could argue this all day, I said. Lets call us both awesome and lucky and move on. I held out my hand.
She shook it. Deal. After a pause she said, But really, you.
I picked up my empty wrapper and tossed it at her. She caught it and tossed it back. It flew past my shoulder and landed on the floor.
A server gave us a dirty look as she passed the table, and bent to scoop it up.
Oops, sorry, I said, my face red. I really was having a bad day. Normally, Id tell myself I should have stayed in bed, but this morning the bed was Bams. I should have stayed in mine yesterday morning. Or something like that.
We should go before they kick us out, I said.
I dont think Ive ever been kicked out of a cafe, Bec said.
Theres a first time for everything. I slipped an extra note on top of the price of my coffee and muffin.
I gave Bec a hug and promised to text her with a time and place to discuss the plan for the party.
On the way back to my car, I sensed someones eyes on me. I turned to see a man with a camera standing across the street.
He gave me a finger wave and a smug smile.
It wasnt until I was halfway home that I remembered where I knew him from.
Harvey Danbury, infamous reporter and paparazzi.