Chapter 12
twelve
My shit day turned into a great one, but now it’s late and I don’t want to go home, but I have no idea how to ask to stay.
Brett has been great with me. I have no doubt if I said the words, he would accept me with open arms into his bed, but he made his stance clear.
Until I can commit to being with him as his girlfriend for real, he won’t cross those lines with me.
I want to be mad at him for it, but that would be selfish of me.
I know how much he cares for me. Hell, the man admitted he was in love with me, so I know it has to be killing him to be near me and not really have me. I know I would feel the same.
Something is holding me back, though. I can’t be what he wants me to be.
I don’t know how to be. If I give in to him now, I’m afraid I will give everything up for this picture-perfect life he has laid out for us.
No matter what he says about getting me to the Olympics, I know that if I take my eye off the prize, it will disappear.
I can’t be a mother, girlfriend, and an Olympic skater. There’s barely room for one in my life, let alone all three.
Still, part of me wants it even if I can’t admit it.
Standing from the couch, I stretch. “I guess I should go,” I tell everyone.
“No. It’s late. Take my room,” Brett tells me. “I can sleep down here.”
“Yeah, it’s late and you live across campus. You walked here. You shouldn’t walk home,” Cora adds.
My heart warms at how they all look at me with concern. They have been great tonight. Even Kellan and Wyatt have made sure to go out of their way to make me feel at home.
“Okay. I’ll stay. Will you come upstairs with me?” I ask, feeling my cheeks heat.
Brett gives me a soft smile. “Of course.”
“Good night, Em. If you are up early enough, I’ll make you breakfast,” Cora says.
“That’s sweet of you, but you don’t need to,” I tell her.
She laughs. “It’s my turn anyway. We all take turns cooking here. You’ll get used to it.”
I laugh as Brett leads me to the stairs. I’ve been in his room before. More times than I can count, but somehow it feels different this time. Like this means more.
“Feel free to change into anything of mine you can find that will be comfortable for you. I have a mini fridge in the corner with water and other drinks, but the others all have caffeine. I’ll make sure to stock it for the next time.
I mean, if there is a next time. Anyway, I’ll be right downstairs if you need me,” he tells me, standing awkwardly in the doorway.
“Stay,” I whisper.
“What?” His eyes meet mine.
“Stay with me.”
He frowns. “Emery…”
“I know. It’s not fair of me to ask. Not knowing how you feel, but I’m so tired of being alone. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. Please. Stay?”
He looks at me for a long moment before he nods. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll stay. Whatever you need, buttercup.”
The relief is instant. So is the slight guilt I feel. I push that aside, though, as I move to his dresser.
“Anything in here?” I ask, looking over my shoulder at him.
He nods, his hands in his pockets as he leans against the doorway.
I open the first drawer and find boxers and socks. I close it, going to the next drawer, finding T-shirts. I smile when I find one with the Walker U logo, his number, and his name on it. I pull it out then turn to him. “I’ll go use the bathroom and be right back.”
“Okay.”
I quickly use the restroom and change into his shirt, leaving only my panties underneath. When I make my way back into the room, I find him shirtless with only a pair of boxers on as he sits on the edge of the bed.
“I wasn’t sure which side you wanted,” he tells me, looking down at his hands.
The guilt weighs on me as I look at how unsure he is. “If you don’t want to stay with me, you don’t have to. I shouldn’t have pressured you like that,” I tell him.
“I want to,” he tells me, looking up to give me a soft smile.
“Okay. I’ll take the right side, then.”
He nods, moving to get into the bed. I slide in beside him and stare up at the ceiling. He turns off the light, and the room goes dark. It takes a few minutes for my eyes to adjust to the moonlight through the window.
Everything used to be so easy for us, but I guess it would be when you didn’t do much talking. Now I feel like I need to say something. Do something. It feels weird.
Turning over, I put my hand under my cheek. “How was practice today?” I ask him.
He turns to face me. He looks so gorgeous in the moonlight. It reminds me that I picked a good guy to accidentally have a baby with, but also an attractive one. I only hope our baby inherits his genes.
“I got on the ice. It wasn’t easy. I have a lot of hard work to get back up to starting quality, but it felt good,” he tells me.
I smile at him. “That’s amazing. I’m happy to hear it.”
“I wouldn’t have done it without you, so thank you,” he whispers.
“No thanks needed. I’m glad I could do that for you,” I tell him softly.
The room goes silent again as I stare at him. He stares at me back.
It’s not uncomfortable, though. It feels right.
I’ve been so focused on pushing Brett away because I thought it was what was best for me, but now I can’t even remember why.
He doesn’t want me to give up skating. He wants to be all in with this child.
He is willing to do what I need from him, even knowing that it has to be killing him to be so close to me and not actually be with me.
He is a good guy. One of the best I know.
I have feelings for him, and the more time I spend with him, I find myself craving his company more and more.
I know he said I only wanted his cock, but that has never been true.
I have always liked Brett for who he was.
I only thought I didn’t want to be with him because my parents stressed the importance of no distractions.
Could this have all ended up differently if I had agreed to be his girlfriend when he implied that he wanted it two years ago?
“Brett…” I say into the dark.
He shakes his head. “Not tonight, Em. Get some rest.”
I don’t even know what I was going to say, so I let it drop.
How do you tell your baby daddy that you want him to be your man, too?
That’s a tomorrow problem. For tonight, I’ll let my eyes drift shut as I dream about what the future could hold if I’m only brave enough to reach for it.
My mind is halfway between consciousness and sleep. My body is warm and cozy. Emery is on my mind like she always is. The way she smells like ice and berries. Honestly, it’s an addictive scent. One I want to bottle up and keep with me forever.
Or I could keep her.
Images of her play in my head as my cock grows. Only, it’s not growing from her memory. No, her tight little body is pressing against it. Rubbing. Seeking out pleasure.
That has me snapping awake.
“Emery,” I manage to mumble out sleepily.
“Mmm.”
Shit. She isn’t awake, and I am not about to take advantage of this girl. Hand on her hip, I stop her grinding against me. It about kills me to do so when I can feel her warm heat through the thin layer of boxers I’m wearing and the tiny scraps of fabric Emery is trying to pass off as panties.
“Buttercup, as much as I love your body on mine, you’re not in your right mind,” I tell her, searching her face for any sign that she is conscious. I get it when she flutters her eyes open.
“Brett, I’m so horny it hurts,” she admits.
Her brashness makes my cock jerk against her. Emery doesn’t usually speak so crudely, but I kind of love it.
“I don’t want to do this for a momentary pleasure, Em. I respect you too much for that.”
She nods, sucking her lip into her mouth to wet it. “Okay. We don’t have to, but I need to do something about this. The ache won’t go away.”
She runs her hand down her body until I can feel it between us. She starts to move it, pressing against my cock as she plays with herself.
“Emery,” I growl.
“It feels good, but it could feel better. Make me feel better, Brett.”
She is a fucking temptress. Still, I know this has meant more to me than her for a long time. I can’t go there again. Not with my kid involved now.
“I’ll make you feel good, Em, but I won’t have sex with you. Not like this,” I tell her.
She nods, her eyes falling closed as she lets out a little moan.
Fuck, I want to own all of her moans.
Moving back from her, I push the blankets off of us. Then I crawl down her body to where her hands are still playing with herself. I grab her hand, pulling it out before sucking her fingers into my mouth to clean them off. Then I peel her panties down her legs, and she doesn’t hesitate to help me.
I toss them to the side, then fit myself between her legs. I take it slow at first. Wanting to savor the taste of her. It’s something I have always done because I never know which time will be the last. I hate that everything with her feels like it’s slipping out of my hands.
I want her forever.
I guess I got her in a sense, but not the way I had hoped.
Pushing all my thoughts aside, I focus on her. She’s the only thing that matters. I would give her anything if she asked. Even if it meant cutting an organ from my own body so she could live, I would do it with a fucking smile on my face as I took my last breath.
So in this moment, I give her another piece of me as I lick her pussy like it is the last thing I’ll do.
I lick and suck her clit, making her moan out loud.
When I know she’s close, I back away, letting her come back down.
I do this twice more, loving how her hands in my hair become more frantic with each time I edge her.
“Brett.” It comes out almost as a whine that’s how high-pitched her moan is.
I smile to myself. She is right there. I could push her over.
So I do. I give in and give her the pleasure she is chasing. I press two fingers inside of her without warning, curling them up as I assault her clit with my tongue.
When she comes, she covers my face with her release.
Her entire body is trembling with her orgasm as her hands tug at my hair.
I’ll probably have a couple of thin spots in the morning, but feeling her body clench against my fingers and tense against my body before it relaxes completely is worth it.
It’s something I will never get used to.
It’s a gift. One I will always cherish.
I kiss her thighs as she comes down from her high. Then I pull my fingers from her before sucking them clean. Standing from the bed, I grab the blankets and put them over her. Then I grab the closest piece of clothing from my dresser and wipe my face off.
When I climb back into bed, Emery seeks me out immediately. I want to believe this is how it could always be for us. I could give her midnight orgasms and wake up in her arms the next day.
We could have forever.
It’s a pipe dream, though. My girl is cagey. She has spent so long focused on one dream, I don’t think she realizes that life is passing her by. I would never want to get in the way of that dream for her though. I only want to be part of it.
I caress her hair as her breathing starts to even out. She is the most beautiful woman in the world, and she doesn’t even know it. She has no clue how much of my heart she already owns.
I’m afraid that when she is done with me for good, I’ll never recover.
My hand finds her stomach.
At least I’ll get to keep a piece of her when she goes. No matter what, Emery and I will always have this baby.
That is going to need to be enough for me.