Chapter 13
thirteen
Arms are wrapped around me, holding me close. His chest is plastered against my back. His heart beats in sync with mine. Every so often, I can feel the baby hairs on the top of my head move as he breathes in and out.
This is nice.
Leaning into him, I smile as I start to wake up.
Over the years, when I’ve woken up next to Brett, I’ve immediately worked my way out of his hold and out of his room.
I didn’t want any awkward morning-after encounters.
I didn’t want to hear him tell me he had fun and that he would call me later, nor did I want to say those words myself.
Instead, I snuck out like a bandit, hoping and wishing no one would notice.
This morning is different, though.
For the first time ever, I don’t mind waking up to him holding me. I like the way his body cradles mine. The way his hand rests gently on my stomach, over our child. It’s everything I could have dreamed of and more. In fact, I want to stay right here.
As I wake up, I realize how tense he is, which sends up a giant red flag.
Surely he’s not going to give me the “this was fun speech,” right?
“Good morning,” I say quietly as my heart races in my chest, waiting for the shoe to drop.
“Morning,” he rasps.
I turn over in his arms and look up at him. His hair is mussed from sleep, and his eyes are soft yet guarded all at the same time.
“What’s wrong?” I ask when I notice his frown and how fast his heart is beating under my palm.
He licks his bottom lip as he studies me. “Honestly, I was waiting to see if you would sneak out of my bed like you normally do.”
His honesty makes me tense.
Did he really think I would just leave?
Then again, in the past, I would have. Who can really blame him?
“I didn’t. Actually, it never even crossed my mind.”
Here we are, both worried about the same thing. Have we really screwed each other up so much that we anticipate the worst?
We study each other for a moment as the sun starts to peek through his blinds.
“Do you regret it?” he asks after a moment.
“Regret what?” I ask, completely confused.
“Last night.”
This man. He can’t be for real, right?
How could I regret last night when it felt so right? Just thinking about the way he used his tongue and fingers to bring me to the edge over and over again, only to finally give in and blow my mind.
Again. We should do that again. As soon as possible.
Not right now, though. Not when he is looking like someone kicked his puppy.
Fuck. I didn’t reciprocate. He probably had blue balls all night while I fell asleep in bliss. I’m a shitty person. Still, I feel like this is more than that. He is asking if I regret giving in to him again. Crossing the line I set for us.
Reaching up, I lightly touch his jaw as I lean in for a kiss. At first, he doesn’t kiss me back. Only when I start to pull away do his lips move, giving me exactly what I want. When we’re both breathless, I pull back.
“Did that feel like I regretted last night?” I ask him.
He shakes his head.
“Look, I know it’s never been a secret that I didn’t want a boyfriend and that my sole focus was skating, but I’m not sure that’s the case now.
I told you I needed space, and I couldn’t do this with you because my mind was so messed up from finding out I was pregnant.
I’ve had time to think. Since I got pregnant, I’ve realized that I’ve limited myself.
I thought that I could only have one and not the other, but you’ve shown me that’s not the case.
I can be a skater and a girlfriend, baby momma, or whatever you want to call me. Do you know what I’ve realized?”
“What?” he rasps.
“That I would like to give this relationship a real shot…if you’ll have me.”
His eyes soften as his arms tighten around me, drawing me in closer.
“Buttercup, I need you to be sure,” he whispers. “This would mean more to me than I think you realize.”
“I am. I want you. I want us. I want all of this,” I tell him without hesitation.
He leans down and rests his forehead against mine. “You have no idea how much this means to me. I promise you, Emery, I won’t fail you. I won’t let you down.”
Fail me?
How could this man ever fail me? He’s been showing up since the first day I told him I was expecting. In all honesty, he was showing up before that even. Brett was always there, in the wings, waiting for me to give him whatever I had to offer that day.
If anyone has failed here, it’s me. I dragged him along for years. Granted, at the time I didn’t know it, but I do now. The thought of how I’ve treated him in the past makes me feel sick. I treated him like my dirty little secret, and he went along with it.
Because he wanted me.
Me.
Not the figure skater.
Not the girl from a well-off family.
Not the girl who could get him an in with the right people.
He didn’t need or want any of that. He just wanted me for who I am.
And I treated him like he was beneath me. Like he wasn’t good enough.
God, I’m horrible. How could he want me? After the way I’ve treated him…
“Hey, where did you go?” he asks, pulling me out of my thoughts.
“I’m sorry.”
Brett jerks back, like I’ve hit him.
“What are you sorry for?” he asks reluctantly.
“For not seeing you until all of this. For treating you like a dirty little secret.”
He relaxes back into his pillow. “I don’t care about all of that. As long as you meant it when you said you wanted to be together, then I’m good.”
“I mean it.”
“Are you sure? Because there is no going back for me, Emery. This is it. I’ve already told you I’m in love with you. That hasn’t changed,” he rumbles in a deep tone.
“I’m sure,” I tell him.
There are only three things I’m sure of.
One: I’m meant to be on the ice, competing until I can’t anymore.
Two: That I’m going to be the best mother I can be.
And three: That I’m meant to be with him.
Now I just need to prove to Brett that I’m not going anywhere. Not this time.
“I’m sure,” she says with conviction.
Relief fills me as I study her.
She means it. She really fucking means it.
“I know I have a lot to prove to you and that this won’t be easy, but I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep you happy. I want to make you happy.”
Need to.
Her eyes soften as her thumb moves back and forth over my jaw. “I’m not worried, but for the record, I want to make you happy too.”
“You do.”
For a moment, we just smile at each other, soaking in the promise that we just made to each other. Then her stomach rumbles, breaking the moment and making us both laugh.
“I guess I should probably feed you, huh?” I tease.
She pushes at my chest lightly and quips, “Well, I am growing your kid after all.”
“That you are.” I look down. “I can’t wait for you to start showing and for the baby to start moving.”
“Me too. I wonder how long it will take,” she says wistfully.
Only when her stomach rumbles, do I get up.
“Come on,” I tell her as I drag her out of bed.
Once she’s standing, I go to my dresser and grab a pair of sweats for both of us. She even grabs my discarded hoodie that was on my chair and slips it on.
“Ready?” I ask when we are both dressed.
“Let’s do this.”
Leaving my room, we head downstairs and to the kitchen. Kellan and Wyatt are cooking, while Cora sits on a stool, watching them.
“Seriously, if you don’t tuck your fingers, you are going to end up cutting yourself, and I’m not going to take you to the hospital,” Cora warns Kellan.
“You worry too much,” he teases her.
Wyatt looks up as he sets a plate of bacon on the counter and smiles. “Right on time,” he tells us.
Kellan and Cora look up and smile.
“Well, I’ll be damned, Emery is actually going to eat with us,” Kellan quips.
I look down and see my girl blush as Wyatt reaches up and smacks Kellan on the back of the head.
“Ow, what was that for?” Kellan whines.
“We don’t tease pregnant girls,” Wyatt tells him.
Shocking us all, Emery tilts her head back and laughs.
“I mean, if I would have known this was a full-service place, I might have hung around longer,” she jokes, making us all laugh.
“Do you want juice, water, or your morning tea?” I ask as we all get ourselves under control.
She looks up at me and smiles softly. “Tea would be awesome if you don’t mind.”
“Coming right up.” I lean down and kiss her softly before pulling away.
Cora gets off the stool and links her arm with Emery’s.
“Come on, let’s go sit at the table and make these assholes serve us,” Cora tells her.
“I thought it was your morning to cook?” Emery says to her.
“The guys decided to let me have the morning off,” Cora tells her.
“I put her water on when I came down,” Wyatt tells me.
I look over and see that the electric kettle I bought with her in mind is ready to go on the counter.
“Thanks, man,” I say as I slap him on the shoulder.
Once breakfast and her tea are ready, the guys and I take it all to the table, joining the girls.
“Can I ask how your coaches took it? Your team?” Cora asks right as I set her cup down in front of her.
“Thank you,” Emery tells me before looking back at Cora. “Honestly, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting it to be, but it wasn’t great either.”
“What did they say?” Kellan asks as he sits next to his girl, and I drop into a chair next to mine.
“I mean, the usual bullshit that coaches say when something like this happens, but what got to me was that you could tell that they were disappointed. I swear the disappointment was so thick you could choke on it. I left the meeting so frazzled that I took it all out on Brett when I ran into him afterward.”
“Which is understandable,” I tell her.
“Are they being supportive, though? And your team?” Wyatt asks.
“I honestly haven’t heard from any of them since I’ve told them. I’ve seen a couple of the girls, but let’s just say things are tense right now, and I get it, I let them down.” She looks at her plate.
“You didn’t let anyone down,” I tell her.
“Agree to disagree,” she says.
“Can I ask you something?” Cora asks as she takes a bite of bacon.
“Sure.”
“Is figure skating as toxic as I’ve heard it is?”
Emery tilts her head to the side as she thinks about the question.
“It can be, especially for skaters like me who do individual skating. We are all pitted against each other from day one. The chance of injuries are high, and there are other issues, but that’s typical in sports.
Are there bad coaches? Absolutely, but you also have some really good ones, which I was lucky enough to get. ”
“Do you think you’ll keep your trainer when you get back on the ice or find someone new?” Cora asks.
“I don’t know. Time will tell, I guess.”
A little line forms between her eyebrows, and I hate it so, I change the subject.
“I talked to Coach yesterday,” I say, making everyone look at me.
“And…” Cora says.
“He wants me to start.” I shrug as if it’s not a big deal.
“Brett, this is fantastic!” Emery says, slapping my legs as the other two idiots across from me high-five.
“Fuck yes!” Kellan cheers as if he didn’t already know.
“Have you told my brother yet?” Cora asks.
“Not yet, but I will. I actually need to tell him and Beckett they are going to be uncles too. I just haven’t had time to call them. That doesn’t seem like something you text, you know?”
Emery squeezes my leg. “So make time.”
“What she said. You know they will be happy for you two,” Kellan says.
Cora laughs. “Five bucks says that Peyton and Grace will go shopping for baby stuff immediately.”
“You’re not wrong,” Kellan muses.
The conversation shifts once again. I can’t help but watch Emery as she eats and really gets to know my friends.
I like it.
I like how she fits in here, like she was a missing puzzle piece to our makeshift family.
Permanent.
This feels permanent, and I like it. Like it was always meant to be like this.