Chapter 14
fourteen
Ihate pregnancy.
That is such a shitty thing to think, but it’s true. I mean, I love my baby, but I cannot stand the changes my body is going through. My baby bump is small. I hide it easily with looser clothes, but that’s not all that is changing.
My puking habits haven’t gotten much better.
Sometimes it can be a whiff of someone’s cologne that sets me off.
It’s rather inconvenient. Then I try to sleep and, well, that’s not working out well either.
The only time I have slept well is with Brett, but I can’t move in with him this early.
I mean, we just decided to start dating for real.
I wish my skin would stop, though. I constantly feel like my skin is crawling, and I have no idea how to stop it. I’ve slathered myself in lotion, hoping it helps, but it doesn’t.
I want to feel normal again, which only makes me feel guilty. I’m growing a baby. All the rest of this stuff should be trivial, but it’s making me miserable.
“You look tired,” Brett says as he presses a kiss to my temple.
I ignore the waiting tea and curl myself around him. He wraps me in his embrace, careful not to scald me with the hot beverage.
“How can I make it better?” he whispers against my ear.
How did I miss this about Brett? He is the most caring person I have ever met. In hindsight, he has always been like this toward me, but I brushed it off. I thought it was part of his game. Little did I know he ended his game years ago.
I feel like a fool.
I sniffle, hating the sudden bout of emotions.
“Pregnancy is kicking my ass. Want to carry our baby for a while? I’d love to not cry at stupid shit anymore,” I tell him, nuzzling into his neck.
“You know if I would, I could. I would break every bone in my body if it meant you didn’t have to feel an ounce of discomfort.”
He would too. I know he would, but I would never want him to.
Pulling back, I press a kiss to his lips. “I’m okay. Sometimes I need to feel the emotions and move past them. Thank you for giving me comfort.”
“Always, buttercup. I am always here for your comfort,” he promises me.
Stepping out of his arms, I grab my tea before I turn and start walking. He falls into step beside me, his arm falling over my shoulder.
It’s moments like this that I can appreciate what this pregnancy has done for me. It opened my eyes to so many things.
Do I still want to go for the gold? Of course. It has been my dream since I saw my first Olympics when I was a child. I loved how pretty the girls looked and how they flitted around the ice like fairies. Little did I know the amount of work that went into it.
That’s not my only goal now. I want to be a mom to this child. A girlfriend, and maybe even a wife, to Brett. I want the little family he envisions. I need this right here. Walking side by side under his arm as he rattles on about some hockey thing that I don’t fully understand.
It feels right.
“Did I tell you I’m starting in the game tomorrow?” he asks me.
I shake my head. “You did, and I’m not surprised. I have seen you play before. You are pretty good.”
He scoffs. “You wound me, buttercup. Only pretty good?”
I roll my eyes. “I don’t know enough about hockey to say otherwise. You’ll have to teach me. Then I can see how extraordinary you really are.”
He laughs. “Deal. We will watch some games together, and I can show you some greats and you can see how I can compare.”
“Humble as always, babe,” I tease.
“Always. So, um, will you come to the game?” he asks, looking nervous all of a sudden.
“Of course I will. Was that even a question?” I ask him.
He looks relieved. How shitty I have been to him for him to think I wouldn’t come to his game? I have a lot of shit to make up for.
“I mean, you are growing a baby in there. If you don’t feel good, I don’t want you to come. You come first,” he tells me.
I shake my head. “I want a jersey with my baby daddy’s name and number, and I want to sit where you can see me. If Cora is going, I would love to sit near her. Then she can tell me how amazing you are being.”
He gives me a warm smile. “Done. Cora and Grace are coming. I’ll make sure you are sitting with them, and I would love to see my name on your back.”
I would love to see my name with his last name.
The thought hits me out of nowhere. I know I said I might be his wife one day, but I hadn’t actually thought about it like this.
Could I be Emery Woods?
I think I could be.
All of this has been so scary, but with Brett, it feels effortless. He makes me feel alive in a way that I have never felt, even on the ice.
“Here’s your class. I’ll see you later?” he asks.
I nod as he cups my cheeks. Then he kisses me like his life depends on it. When we finally pull away, my cheeks are heated. I know we have the attention of everyone around, but Brett doesn’t care.
“See you and our little apple later.”
He presses one last kiss on my lips before he turns and walks away.
My hand finds its way to my stomach. I don’t know how I lucked out to get Brett as the man to go through this with, but he makes this all feel worth it.
He makes me feel worth it.
I think I’m falling in love with him.
I’m nervous. Not only about being out on the ice against another team for the first time since my injury, but Emery is in the crowd.
This feels different. She’s come before, but she wasn’t mine then. I’ve watched the other guys skate out and see their women, but I’ve never truly had that chance. I do now, and I’m not sure I’m ready for it.
I mean, I’m ready for her. I want all of her, but this feels monumental.
This will be the first time I’ve had someone in the stands for me. The girl I love wearing my number.
As all the guys filter out of the locker room, Wyatt takes a seat next to me. Coach gives us each a nod before he leaves us alone.
“What is weighing on you?” Wyatt asks.
“She’s out there. She said she would be anyway.”
He nods. “She is out there. Kellan texted with Cora. They are waiting for us to take the ice, so why are we sitting in here?”
I rub my lips together before I can put it into words.
“It doesn’t feel real. I feel like someone is going to pinch me and I’m going to wake up to the night of the injury and all of this will have been some fever dream brought on by the drugs.”
Wyatt leans over and pinches me.
“Ow. What the fuck, man?”
He gives me a knowing look. “It’s real. She’s real. She is pregnant with your child, and she is out there right now waiting on you. She came here for you.”
He’s right. I know he is, but I’m scared.
I’m fucking frightened to death that she is here now, but she won’t always be.
“What if she leaves?” I whisper.
“Then it’s probably because she doesn’t feel well.” He pats my shoulder.
I shake my head. “What if she leaves me? I don’t know if I can handle it.”
He sighs. “You can’t live your life based on things that might or might not happen.
Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed. Anything can happen at any time.
So stop wasting time and be in the present with her.
She is with you right now, man. Do whatever you have to do to keep her happy, and she will never leave.
She might not know it yet, but that girl loves you.
She has to. I mean, she wouldn’t have slept with you for three years if she didn’t.
Girls aren’t like that. They don’t do short-term relationships for the long term if they didn’t care.
She might have been telling herself she didn’t, but she came when you got hurt, man. That says a lot.”
I had almost forgotten about that. I was doped up on pain medication, but she came into the room at the hospital, having told the front desk she was my fiancée. I barely remember her being there, but Wyatt told me afterward.
She came for me.
Taking a deep breath, I stand. “You’re right. I want to see her out there. I want her cheering me on.”
“She’s there, man. Don’t be afraid to grab her while you can.”
We head out of the locker room together to the arena, and the sound hits me first. The screaming and chanting as the guys warm up on the ice.
I skate out and circle the rink until I find her.
Three rows back with Cora and Grace. She has a wide smile on her face as I skate up to her.
She turns, showing me my name on her back.
It feels fucking amazing. If God is willing, she will be my wife one day. I can’t wait for that day, but for now I live in the present.
I live right here in this moment with her.
Pressing a kiss to my glove, I press it to the Plexiglas. The fans in front of me cheer like it’s for them, but she knows it was for her.
Only ever for you, buttercup.
She blows me a small one back, making me smile.
That’s my girl.
All my nerves fade away as I skate away from her and do my warm-ups. Then it’s national anthem time before the hustle and bustle of the pregame comes to an end. Then I find myself on the ice, facing off against an angry Honey Badger.
It doesn’t matter, though. I’ll do my best and help my team win this game. It’s what you do for family, but I also want her to see what determination I have.
I will be a good father to our baby and the best partner to her.
When the whistle blows and the puck drops, I’m off. The puck is passed back and forth between our players before one of theirs snags it from us. I haul ass down to our end as I try to intercept.
I’m too late. The guy takes his shot, but he has no chance against Wyatt. Wyatt catches the puck before throwing it my way. I grab it, heading back down the ice.
I pass it to Jones, who passes it back to me. Then I get it to Kellan, who is lined up and takes the shot.
The horns blare as we celebrate briefly.
When I hear them announce the goal, I smile to myself before focusing back on the game.
“Goal scored by Kellan Cooper with an assist from Brett Woods.”
Yeah, I missed this, but it was never as fun as it is tonight knowing my girl is watching.
I hope I impress her.
Glancing over to where she is in the stands, I see her clapping as she stands. She is beaming.
Oh yeah, she is proud to be my girl. I need to keep it that way.
I refuse to let her down or fail her. I will do anything I can to keep that look on her face.
So I focus back on the game with the intent of helping my team get another goal.
I want her to be able to hear my name again.