Chapter Five
Harley
A family BBQ. The words seem so out of place for me. It’s always been just my mom and me. We didn’t need anyone else. At least, I didn’t ever think we needed anyone else.
But having more people who care in your life is turning out not to be so bad. Although, I didn’t expect this to be where I ended up. Standing in the middle of my closet debating on wearing a dress. A dress.
I shake my head and run my hands down my face with a groan. What am I doing? You want to look pretty for the guys, I remind myself.
Exhaling a shaky breath, I leave the closet and pick up my phone from my dresser. Time to ask for help.
After dialing the number, it rings twice before Brielle answers. “Hey, sweetie.”
“Hi. Um, do you think you could come up to my room? I… Well, I kind of need help.” I grimace, glancing back at my closet again.
I hear other voices in the background and then Brielle chuckles softly. “Okay, I can come up. The other girls are with me. Do you want them to come or just me?”
“N—” I pinch my lips together and try to remind myself that getting to know the people I will be living around is good. It’s something I need to try to do. “They can come.” Fuck, why does saying that make my stomach twist into knots?
We end the call, and I quickly throw on a pair of sweats since the only thing I am wearing are panties and Grayson’s t-shirt that I might have stolen when he left it in here one day. A few minutes later, there is a knock on my door. Opening it, Brielle, Carly, Presley, and Raven come into my room, their eyes all immediately zoning in on my bed.
“Harley, what in the world happened?” Raven asks, biting her lip to hold back a laugh.
Fiddling with my hair to keep my hands busy, I chuckle humorlessly. “Well, this is going to sound ridiculous, but I–I want to dress up a little today. I want to look nice for the guys.”
I clear my throat, glancing down at my bed and the mess of clothes all over it. The few dresses Bri brought, probably every pair of jeans I own, tops, shoes… Basically my entire closet is on my bed right now.
“That’s not ridiculous, Harley,” Presley states softly, the others nodding in agreement. “So you don’t know what to wear?”
I shake my head. “I think I’ve tried on everything I own, and none of it is working, which is stupid because I spent three years making a few old ratty t-shirts, a hoodie, some old leggings—” My ramble is cut off when Brielle steps up to me and puts her hands on my cheeks.
“Sweetie, that is not ridiculous and it’s not stupid. Your life is changing, and that’s okay. Everything is different now, and it’ll take a while to adjust to that, especially being here now, but Harley, this is how you should be. This is normal.” She smiles at me.
“Right. Okay, well… help?” I ask, trying to shove everything else to the side for now and just focus on today.
Today is going to be a good day. Cade is feeling way better. He’s up and moving, just slowly, which is making him extra grouchy. We are having a BBQ with everyone and relaxing. Something I'm not entirely sure I really know how to do.
It’ll be fine. Everything is going to be completely, totally, fine.
“Well, I vote Raven takes this one,” Presley chuckles, glancing at Raven with a grin. “Since you have experience with helping me through Facetime freaking out about what to wear.”
Raven’s eyebrows furrow before she snaps her fingers. “Oh my God, I forgot about that. God, it’s been like two years now.” She laughs and then glances at me. “Well, sometimes we just need something different. Something new. I think you are more my style than anyone else. Well, maybe Carly, too. But definitely not Brielle and Presley.”
Brielle and Presley are both in dresses. Brielle’s is white with embroidered flowers coming up from the bottom of it which hits just above her knees. Presley has on an emerald maxi dress with a slit up the side. Whereas Raven is in all black—jean shorts with a band t-shirt tucked into the front of her shorts, and Carly is dressed similarly.
Presley scoffs lightly, “I’m not going to take offense to that only because I do agree.” She glances at me. “Unless you want brighter colors that are more on the girly—”
“No, thank you,” I say quickly, and they all start laughing.
“Okay, let me run to Stone’s room. I’ve commandeered his closet.” She grins and walks out.
A few minutes later, the others have helped me get the bed cleaned up and the clothes put back when Raven comes back in with her arms full. She drops them on my bed and starts sorting through the pile.
“Right. Because we didn’t just clean that off.” Carly rolls her eyes at Raven.
“Hush, Carls.” Raven waves her off and then points at me. “Okay, I have three outfits here. If you don’t like anything, that is completely fine. But if you do, you are more than welcome to wear it.” She winks at me.
I walk over and look down at the options, and my eyes immediately zone in on the perfect outfit. Before I can even say which one, Raven picks it up and hands it to me.
“I fucking knew it. I’m so good,” she cackles.
“She didn’t say anything?” Bri questions, visibly confused.
“She had the look . Okay, your hair will look adorable as it is, down and wavy. Do you have ankle boots?” Raven asks, and I nod. “Perfect. Wear them.” She claps her hands and waves the others out of the room.
Presley pauses at my side and gently squeezes my arm. “She can be a whirlwind, but she always has good intentions, and if it’s ever too much, say so. Or tell me if you aren’t comfortable telling her to calm down.”
She giggles and then leaves, shutting the door behind her. Taking a deep breath, I look down at the clothes in my arms. You can do this.
Thirty minutes later and about fifty texts from Ryker asking me what’s taking so long, I head downstairs. Yesterday was tense, and I know there is so much we all have to talk about, but this morning at breakfast Gabriel made us all promise to press pause and just enjoy each other's company today.
I wanted to argue that we have more important things to deal with, but Grayson told me that it’s okay to breathe every once in a while. Like we did at the beach before everything went to shit.
We needed that, and it did help. This is the same. We all need peace today.
The main room is empty since everyone is out in the yard, so I head to the back door and step out onto the patio. I barely make it five feet before arms wrap around me from behind.
Ryker hums, lowering his mouth to my ear. “You look fucking gorgeous, little flame.”
A grin breaks out across my face at Ryker’s words. Raven picked a reddish-maroon flowy high waisted skirt that falls to my mid thighs, along with a black deep V-neck bodysuit. It’s simple but different from what the guys have seen me in—hoodies, jeans, and leggings.
“There’s a few others who aren’t here yet, but once everyone arrives, we all will eat. Sugar has been grilling, and the girls prepped all the food. Oh, and Axe’s mom should be here somewhere. She is going to want to meet you,” Ryker says as he releases me.
Taking my hand, we head down the stairs and into the yard.
He continues explaining, “Most of the time, there’s lots of drinking, random games, someone usually ends up wrestling, and we eat lots of food. Oh, and the club sluts would show up afterwards, like closer to midnight, but Gabriel won’t let them come around right now.”
“Because of me?” I arch an eyebrow.
Ryker nods. “Yeah. But don’t worry about it. All the single guys will just go out to Noah’s nightclub later.” He shrugs.
We approach a few of the guys, along with Axe, Noah, and Grayson where they stand with some kind of tilted boards on the ground multiple feet apart from each other. Each board has a hole in it, and they are tossing bean bags into the opposite one.
“What is this?” I ask, pursing my lips curiously.
Ryker grins. “It’s called cornhole. It’s pretty easy to play, but the guys get really fucking competitive.” He chuckles, which draws Grayson’s eyes to us.
He smiles and starts walking around the board to come stand by us but almost trips over his feet and pauses. His wide eyes lock on me. Ryker watches him and begins to shake with laughter.
He grabs my hand, raising it above my head and has me spin in a circle, grinning widely at Grayson. “Fucking perfection, huh?” he drawls.
Gray blinks a few times before he gulps and comes closer. “You are stunning. Every day you blow my mind away, but right now—” He clears his throat, and a flush works its way up his neck. “There are a lot of things going through my mind that I would like to do to you.”
I suck in a surprised breath at Grayson’s words. Ryker seems to be the one who’s the most open and out there. Just saying whatever he’s thinking and having no shame, but Grayson is more reserved and right now, he is showing me a different side of him. One I would love to see more of.
Taking a few steps forward to bring us chest to chest, I slowly run my hands up his arms and murmur, “Maybe you can tell me those things later.”
Heat hits my back, and my hair is pulled to the side. A pair of lips presses lightly to my neck. “Maybe he can show you those things,” Ryker whispers in my ear, pushing his body against my back. His very noticeably hard erection presses against my ass, causing me to gasp.
Before anything else can be said, or maybe we run back inside because I am now aching to know what was on Grayson’s mind, a loud throat is cleared as a raspy voice comes closer to us. “You better take a step back there, boys. Rage is going to be out here anytime soon, and I really doubt he’s gonna wanna see this.”
Noah cackles from somewhere behind us as we all take a step away from each other. “Damn it, Aggie, I was honestly really excited to see what kind of chaos would ensue from them being idiots.”
The woman, who I now can see standing a few feet away with a little boy on her hip, tsks at Noah, shaking her head. Her medium-length brown hair has touches of gray throughout. Her light green eyes are filled with laughter as she responds, “Shut your mouth, trouble.”
I bite my lip to hold back my smile, but she—Aggie—sees it and smirks at me. She walks up to me and twirls a piece of my hair around her finger.
“My goodness, dear, you have beautiful hair. I’m Agnes. But everyone calls me Aggie or Grams. That tall, bearded man over there is my son, Jackson, or you know him as Axe. And this,”—she bounces the young boy on her hip—“is Jayce. He is Axe and Presley’s little monster.”
He stares at me with his big brown eyes, his little lips pulling into a gentle smile that reminds me a lot of Presley. He doesn’t say anything; he just grips Aggie’s shirt and tucks his head under her chin.
Axe appears next to them and swoops Jayce up, tossing him up in the air and catching him before bringing him down to rest on his forearm against his chest. Jayce grins widely and lets out a little squeal. “I know sometimes new people are scary, but we gotta say hi, right Jay?” Axe teases.
Aggie points next to me at Ryker and says, “This is Ryry’s and Grady’s and K’s girlfriend.” She meets my perplexed gaze. “That’s what he calls the boys when he tries to say their names, so we just go with it.” She chuckles.
My mouth opens, but nothing comes out. My brain is swirling. The names, I get. But—girlfriend? I mean, I know Raven joked about it not that long ago, but it feels wrong. We haven’t talked about it, and dating three guys? Why—how did Aggie just say that so easily?
Jayce points a little finger at me. “No talk,” he says in a fairly clear voice. He then points a finger at himself and looks up at Axe. “No talk.”
Axe chuckles. “Got me there, Jay. Maybe we can try to talk to our new friend later, okay?” Jayce just stares up at his dad, and Axe bops his nose, then glances over his head at Grayson and Ryker. “You might want to figure that out.” He raises a brow, and his lips tilt up into a teasing smile.
Turning, he starts walking back up towards the porch, where Jayce spots his mom and lets out a scream of excitement. The most noise I've heard him make since they came out here.
Aggie pats my shoulder. “We’ll visit later, dear,” she chimes as she walks away from us. I just stand there frozen. I’m not even sure my voice or legs work.
Boyfriends? Three of them? How does that even work? Why would they want that? Why would they want to share? Why would they want to share me? I’m broken. Damaged goods. I’ll probably be the world's worst girlfriend. Fuck, I have never even gone on a date or done anything with a guy until I came here.
They just wormed their way into my soul and have taken root there. I didn’t even really notice that over such a short period of time things have changed and shifted so much.
I’m terrified because I do want them. I don’t want to lose any of them. But we can’t do this. This is—it’s weird. Wrong. But my world gets tipped upside down, literally, as Ryker flings me over his shoulder and starts walking. Grayson talks softly as he walks next to us, but I can’t hear what he is saying; my heart is pounding so hard it’s ringing in my ears.
A few moments later, I am being tossed gently onto a couch. I glance around and recognize Gabriel’s sofa. His house. I furrow my brows and look up at Ryker, who is standing in front of me.
“Why are we in here?” I ask, confused.
“Because this is where Cade usually hides when we have any kind of party to avoid people. Figured it’s the best place to do this.” He shrugs.
Cade sits in the corner of the sectional, his elbows resting on his knees as he stares right at me. “How are you feeling?” I murmur.
His lips barely tilt up. “I’m fine. Still tired, but fine. Are you alright?” He raises a brow.
How I am doesn’t matter right now. It’s Cade who had the worst scare out of all of us. A bullshit answer forms in my mind. “I—”
“Before you answer that,” Grayson says as he plops down next to me, taking my hand, while Ryker sits on the coffee table in front of me. “Remember that we are all in this together. So however you feel, whatever is going through your head, tell us. Let us help you navigate it.”
He looks up at Ryker and Cade, narrowing his eyes pointedly.
“The same goes for all of us. Communicate. No matter what the feelings or thoughts are. Honesty is the only way we make anything work.” Grayson locks eyes with Cade, both of them seeming to have a staredown before Cade finally gives a sharp nod and Grayson exhales.
Deciding to just get it over with and not keep overthinking, I squeeze Gray’s hand and then blurt out everything I was just thinking. All the questions, the worries, the fears. All of it comes pouring out until I’m gasping for breath.
“I don’t know how to do this,” I murmur afterwards, keeping my eyes trained on Grayson’s and I’s hands where he runs his thumb in circles over my skin.
“Harley,” Ryker says softly. I meet his dark brown determined eyes. “Do you want this? Do you want to truly try? Being with all three of us? We don’t know what we are doing either, and there’s already been bumps along the way. But you are the most important part. We need to know what you truly want.”
Blowing out a breath, I look at all of them. They each draw something different from me. They bring something different. I know I have feelings for all three of them, and as weird as it feels, only being with one of them would feel wrong.
“Yes. Yes, I want this. I—you all make me feel things in different ways, and it feels right, even when it seems weird and not right,” I whisper.
Ryker gives me a gorgeous smile and leans forward, capturing my lips with his. He pulls back all too soon but not before biting down on my lower lip, causing me to gasp. “Good. It would’ve really sucked to let you know I wasn’t going to give up and just let you go.”
“I feel like you aren’t kidding,” I say, but he just shrugs and sits back. “You all want this, though? Like really? Sharing me? That feels… selfish.” I grimace.
“It’s not selfish. Not in the slightest. First off, this has been a long time coming because of Ryker,” Grayson explains. “He was obsessed with you, honestly. He probably wasn’t very far off from kidnapping you and bringing you here before you ran off.” His lips quirk in amusement. “And secondly, you help all of us in different ways, too. I promise, it’s not selfish. And as for me, I want you. I want you so badly I feel like a piece of me is missing when I’m not with you. I know I don’t show it as easily as Ry does, but it’s there.”
Cade nods. “I maybe said a few words every six months before we met you. Now, well, now I want to talk. But not to everyone. I want to talk to you . And I feel better talking around the guys. I want you with every fiber of my being. Even if it means sharing you with these two. I’m willing to learn how we do this. I didn’t see what they saw before, but I do now. And I'm not letting it go.”
He stands up and walks over to me, gripping my chin in an unrelenting hold and tilting my head up to meet his lips. Cade’s kiss is hard and demanding; he takes full control, and I’m willing to give it to him.
When he pulls away, I try to follow, not even realizing it. He smirks and gently presses his lips to my forehead. “Later,” he murmurs.
“I’ve been obsessed with you since you walked into the piano classroom. It only grew with every second I was in your presence. You’re stuck with me.” Ry grins.
“There’s just…” I pinch my lips together, hesitating.
I’m unsure of whether I truly want the answer to what I need to ask them, but it’s something that’s been bothering me. Since I burned a man alive.
“I killed someone a few days ago.” I keep my eyes trained on the ground. “I killed someone, and I felt no guilt, no remorse, no regret. I, well, I enjoyed it. And I can’t even find it in me to be upset by that. He deserved far worse than what he even got. But I’m damaged. There’s something wrong with me for having enjoyed bringing harm to someone and then watching a building burn knowing they were inside and feeling nothing but triumph and relief.” I look up at each of them. “I’m fucked up. Why would you want that?”
Ryker shrugs. “I killed my dad, babe. I don’t feel bad about it. Hell, I would love to go back and have dragged it out for hours or days. I think about harming others, I have a tendency to let my anger consume me, and I have literally beat people close to death. I love getting my hands dirty, fighting, shooting, watching someone who deserves to die, die. I’m fucked up, too. It’s why we’re a perfect match.”
“I would kill my father. If he got out of prison right now and showed up, I’d give him the same treatment he made me give others,” Cade seethes. “And I would love it. I’m tainted. Scarred, a little broken. I’ve killed and hurt people. Yes, I was forced to do it, but some dark, twisted part of me enjoyed it. The ones that I knew did wrong or harmed innocent people, I enjoyed hurting them. We are all fucked up in different ways. We aren’t normal, but fuck normal.”
“I can’t really say the same things as them,” Grayson starts slowly, “but I have darkness inside me. I think it began after I lost my brother and things just shifted and changed. I spent more time here and around these guys. I’ve learned how to protect myself; I see ways that we can help people, and I want to. It didn’t bother me to see those crappy men get killed, and it didn’t turn me off finding out what you did to David. I thought it was kind of hot that you got the revenge you desperately wanted. You let nothing stop you. I want that for you. I want to help all of you with your demons.”
Wiping a stray tear off my cheek, I smile. “Okay, I understand. I mean, I think it’ll take time for me to truly trust it, us, all of this. But I want to try. With all of you.”
“It’ll take us all time, baby girl. It won’t be easy. It hasn’t been easy.” Ryker scoffs at Cade’s words. “But it’ll be worth it.”
“Now, how about we go spend some time decompressing and having some fun like we are supposed to be doing, girlfriend ?” Ryker purrs the last word, and I giggle as he pulls me off the couch and starts walking towards the back door. “Come on, brother boyfriends, let's go,” he calls over his shoulder to the other two.
“They seem to be getting along with everyone really well,” I say, plopping down next to Bri at one of the picnic tables they have set up in the yard. Gabriel, Colton, Atlas, Lincoln, Ryan, and a few others are all up on the patio chatting away around the grill.
She nods. “This is their kind of environment. They have always loved the idea of being part of a club, but because of other things in Virginia, they haven't been able to join one over there. But I think they are finding a place here.” She smiles softly, watching them before bumping my shoulder with her own. “You have, too. I’ve loved seeing you smile so much today. It’s a nice change.”
Resting my head on her shoulder, my eyes roam around to everyone here. We all ate way too much food when the guys and I came back from Gabriel's house. It’s been peaceful and calm in a way that I haven’t felt in years.
Brielle’s house was always calm, sure, but there was always this intense underlying tension. Here, even with everything we have looming over our heads, I feel a sense of peace right now in this moment.
“Bri?” I whisper, and she hums softly. “I've never asked because it felt wrong to, but um, have you and the guys ever been together? Like together together?” I question.
She giggles softly. “Yes, sweetie. We have been before. But you can’t let what you see between the four of us affect you and your guys, okay? We have, well, it’s a complicated past. There’s a lot to it, and we just don’t truly work as anything more than friends.”
“How did you know that’s where I was going with that?” I huff.
“I just knew. Don’t compare what you have with others though okay? That’s something I really struggled with, and it hurt us more than anything else. There is nothing wrong with loving more than one person. Don’t ever let someone tell you that it is. Those people? The ones who judge, sneer, and make rude comments, they are jealous. They are jealous because they couldn’t open their hearts and minds enough to accept that much love.
“They have issues maintaining one partner because they can’t be open-minded and put in the effort it takes. So when they see you thriving, happy, loved, and enjoying life with your loves, they become bitter, resentful, and hateful. Just be authentically you. Be happy. That’s all that matters.”
She whispers the last part so quietly I sit up straight and look at her. “What happened between you guys? I mean, you all seem so happy now as good friends, but it was more? What happened?” I ask gently.
Brielle gives me a sad smile as her eyes gloss over and become haunted with memories of the past. Glancing over at the guys, she murmurs, “That is a very long story and not one for today.”
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I give her a hug. “Thank you for being here. For not giving up on me. I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetie. And for what it’s worth, I think your mama would be proud of the woman you’re becoming. Even through all the horrors you have lived, you are here stronger than ever and still willing to change and grow. Even after making rash decisions.” She sighs, and I chuckle.
As it gets darker in the evening, everyone is playing yard games including the cornhole one, and Ry wasn’t kidding about how competitive they get. There have been many entertaining yelling matches.
Cade came out for food and then he kissed me and went back to Gabriel’s house.
As much as I wish he was out here with us, with me, I do understand not wanting to be around so many people.
Heading over to the large bonfire some of the guys have gotten started, I take a deep breath and walk over to Gabriel, sitting down in the fold-up chair next to him and pulling my legs up to my chest.
He glances at me. “Doing okay?” he asks, and I nod. “If it ever gets overwhelming, no one will mind if you want to go to my house with Cade.”
“Thanks,” I reply, tilting my lips up. “Can I ask you something?”
He nods and takes a big swig of his beer. “Anything.”
“Ryker told me earlier that you don’t have any club girls here right now and won’t for a while. But yet, Carly is here. Isn’t she still a club girl?”
His eyes automatically gravitate to where Carly stands with Raven, Presley, Brielle, and Aggie. His face softens when he responds, “She isn’t really one anymore. She’s… more. A good friend to me and kind of like a manager around here.” He smiles fondly.
I bite my lip to stop myself from asking why he isn’t with her when it’s so clear that he likes her. Might even love her. And it’s clear she feels the same with the way her eyes always seem to know where he is in the yard. I don’t want to get in the middle of whatever is going on there; we aren’t close enough for that, but I’m curious to know why they seem to keep an invisible barrier up between each other.
“I’m really glad you decided to stay,” Gabriel says softly.
I don’t respond, but my lips tilt up slightly. I am glad I stayed too. Even if I’m not quite sure how to voice that to him yet.
Gabriel adds, “Plus, you’ll get to see Bri’s guys more often since they might be joining us part-time.”
My eyes widen, and I nearly jump out of the chair. “What?” I exclaim. “Join the club? But they live in another state. How would that even work? You’re just going to accept them? Really?” My eyes grow wide with excitement.
He chuckles, “Yes, Harley. I will just accept them. We met with them earlier and talked it through. There are people called nomads who travel freely; they move all around, and most of the time they don’t stop anywhere for long. I know the guys have a home in Virginia, but they will kind of be like nomads to us. Coming and going every so often. When we have big events or rides, they will come down, and they will always have rooms at the club.”
He finishes off his beer and leans forward locking eyes with me.
“I know they mean a great deal to you, Brielle too, so I always want them to have a home here. They were here that first night ready to burn down the world for you, and that showed me a lot.
“That, and Grayson just learned about having a cousin, and this keeps the door open for him to be able to get to know him when he’s ready to. We will be setting up a few rooms in the club for Brielle and the guys. They will be permanent for them.”
Blinking away tears, I whisper, “Thank you. I—”
Thank you for proving who you are. Showing me you’re someone I can trust. Someone who isn’t bad. Thank you for not giving up on me when I tried to kill you—twice. Thank you for becoming my dad.
“Thank you,” I whisper again, hoping my eyes convey everything my mouth can’t say.
Standing, Gabriel rests a hand on my shoulder and bends down, placing a hesitant kiss on my forehead. “You never have to thank me, Harley. You’re my kid. I love you.” With that, he walks away, not expecting me to say anything back.
Regaining my composure, I turn to where Atlas, Lincoln, and Ryan are sitting and visiting with other members. Heading over to them, I walk up between Lincoln and Atlas and lay my hand on the latter’s shoulder.
He grins up at me. “Harls. I take it he told you?”
I nod. My lips slowly spread into a huge grin, and something foreign runs through me: excitement. “So does this mean that if Colton finishes teaching me how to ride, when you guys come next time, we can all go on a ride together?”
Everyone smiles, then begins laughing when Brielle’s groan can be heard from behind me. Atlas shakes his head. “Why am I not surprised that is the first place your mind went, kid?” he sighs.
I just smile and then focus on Linc. “How are you doing?” I murmur.
He shrugs. “Managing. I’ll be alright, though. I’m just glad you’re okay. And smiling. I hope you never lose that smile. I love it, kiddo.”
Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I give him a light hug. “Grayson will want a relationship with you; I know it. He just has to process.”
He nods and hugs me back but doesn’t respond.
As the night progresses on, we somehow get Cade to come out and sit around the fire with us. Not that it took a lot of convincing after I said I would sit with him. He took it literally, and I have been sitting in his lap much to Gabriel’s dismay. It’s been nice just sitting out here watching everyone interact around the fire.
They share stories, joke with each other, and Ryker finds ways to rile people up. Brielle and the guys fit in seamlessly. Even Linc and Grayson talked a tiny bit. Just small talk, but it was still amazing to see.
I wish my mom could be here to experience this large family with me. She deserved to have this instead of it only ever being just her and me. As much as I want to feel guilty about it all, I just want to find a way to embrace everything and enjoy it for her. Experience this family and the happiness I think it can bring for the both of us.
Leaning back against Cade, he tightens his arms around my waist. “What’s that smile for, baby girl?” he rumbles in my ear.
Sighing, I let my eyes fall shut and listen to the laughter and voices all around me. “I’m just glad I’m here,” I murmur, running my fingers over the scar on my arm.
I never thought I would live to see a day that I was thankful Tammy had stopped me when I tried to put myself out of my own misery. A small smile plays on my lips. I’m not done fighting yet.