Chapter 47
Alara
I 've lived in this apartment for a total of five minutes and have already bitten off more than I can chew.
Why the hell did I just freaking stand there?
Why did I go into his room without knocking in the first place?
I know why. I was trying to be a nice roommate and thank him for giving up his space.
Watching their intimate moment felt forbidden, but I couldn't stop. When my eyes landed on the two of them, I was entranced. It brought my body to life in a way I’ve never experienced, sending a thrill to my very core.
I wanted to be on that bed with them, sandwiched directly between the two bodies that I know would keep me nice and warm.
Is it wrong to think about them like that? Nix claims it's not, but I still can't help but feel a bit guilty for letting my mind wander. They both wanted me there. That was evident when I was asked to participate. River was practically begging me with his eyes.
Part of me wants to hop on my new bed, spread my legs, and get off to thoughts of them. That would be crazy though, right? I mean, someone could walk into this room like I did with theirs and see everything .
"Hey, there was one more bag. Security dropped it off outside our front door." Nix interrupts my train of thought as he strides into the room.
My body jolts. See, someone did, in fact, walk in here.
I shake away the thoughts, smiling at him. "Perfect. I was just about to start unpacking."
"Um, what was that about?" His lips purse.
"What was what?"
"You’re being jumpy. It's not like you."
"This is a lot to take in. No biggie," I toss out.
"You don’t have to lie." He tilts his head to the side. "What happened?"
"It's not a big deal." I hold up my hand in defense, not fully convinced I should even tell him.
"Not a big deal. Got it," he repeats.
"I might have walked in on River and Lane um..." I pause, not sure how to word this. "They were together."
"They're always together." Nix shrugs.
"No, they were together… without clothing."
"Oooh." His mouth tilts up, clearly amused by my embarrassment.
"They wanted me to join, but I couldn’t. I watched, though. I just don't know if you want to hear about anything that happens with the rest of them," I confess.
It would be nice to know what the communication requirements look like moving forward. Am I being completely open, or should I be vague? This is complicated enough with me having to live here now.
"Tell me what you want and keep what you want to yourself." Nix brushes a piece of my hair behind my ear.
"Doesn't it bother you? Potentially not knowing."
"It's not about me. It's about you. I know I encouraged this, but if it were up to me, I'd have you all to myself in that little house of yours. None of these ungrateful fucks would even get to glance in your direction."
The possessiveness in his tone sends a thrill down my spine. I knew he might have this side to him, but seeing him openly express it turns me on more than it should. I slide my hand up one of his arms, feeling the bumps from his scarred skin as I go.
"You'd keep me to yourself?" I tease.
"I would own you." His hand wraps around the side of my throat, gripping tightly but not enough to cut off airflow. "I would make sure you never left my sight. That's what you do to me. You take my need for control and twist it into this warped sense of possession. Only for you."
Goosebumps spread across my body.
"That's why I can't be selfish, little sparrow. I'm afraid I'd never let you fly. You deserve to fly. Hell, you were born for it."
"Okay," I whisper, not knowing what else to say.
He steps away, leaving me confused. "You should take the rest of the day to settle in. Spend some time unpacking and figuring out those thoughts of yours. I'll be just down the hall if you need me. "
He walks out of the room before I have a chance to protest. I take a deep breath, trying to acclimate to my new reality as my eyes scan the room. I brought five bags with me, four filled with clothing and one with the few personal effects I never go anywhere without.
My clothes are easy to unpack. There’s plenty of room in the closet, enough that River probably could have kept his things in there, too. There's no way even a rockstar could fill that thing with clothing.
Time to dig into the last bag. I reach inside, grab my journal of poems, and set it on the bed. The rest of the night is supposed to be low-key, so it’s the perfect opportunity to read through what I've written to try and finalize which six or so songs I plan on singing during the tour.
The next thing I grab is a brown scruffy bear and set it next to my pillow.
I got him a few years back and like to snuggle up while I’m sleeping.
A small photo album rests at the bottom of the bag that I set on the small desk in the corner of the room.
They’re the only pictures I have left of not only my parents, but also me as a small child.
The last thing I pull out is a silk flower. When I came home from the hospital, I found it on my doorstep. There was a note that read, 'New beginnings don't have to be scary. Remember what I told you.'
New beginnings don’t have to be scary. It’s exactly what I needed to hear after forgetting a chunk of my life.
I don’t know who left it, but I’ve held onto this flower with the hope that one day the memory will come back.
When it does, I’ll thank its bearer for giving me the hope I needed to push forward when so much was still unknown.
Showing up here is another new beginning. I smile, placing the flower on the small stand next to my bed so it doesn’t get lost. With that, I grab my journal and sink onto the bed. Let's see what kind of work I can get done.