Chapter 48
Ender
P acing in my bedroom has become my newest form of comfort. It's what I've succumbed to, because anything less might end with me bursting into her bedroom. I don't know why the fuck I ever agreed to this. She's been here one day, and I'm already about to lose my shit.
I haven’t decided if having her close and not being able to have her to myself is better or worse than not knowing what happened to her. I bite at the corner of one of my nails, glancing toward my bedroom door for the hundredth time. Worse. It's definitely worse.
Stress begins to wear me down, and I run my fingers through my hair, almost pulling it out in the process.
She's right there, right on the other side of that tiny bit of wood and drywall.
A simple wall blocks me from the one person who might set my mind straight again.
She might as well be a million miles away.
It's nearly three in the morning, and everyone else is long asleep. Everyone except Dave and me, who is spinning away in his freaking wheel. I should take him out of his cage and use him to entertain myself. He might help me calm down .
I take a deep breath, remembering how badly I fucked up. My actions back then will always haunt me. It's why my selfish ass is alone. Always alone. It's why even in a room full of people, it still seems like nobody sees me.
She was the last person to see the real me before I built these walls. She’s always meant everything, and I would give all of this up in a heartbeat if it meant a chance at resetting my path with my songbird. Her memory loss might be the only reason I get to be in her general vicinity.
I finally stop pacing and stare at my door again. What would happen if I just poked my head inside her room? I could say I was making sure she was okay, that I was checking to see if she was settling in comfortably. It would seem innocent.
Fuck it. I’m doing it. My body propels forward one step at a time before I reach her room and slip inside. The lights are off. Clearly, she's fine, and I should go back to my room, but is that what happens? Nope.
I quietly tiptoe to the side of her bed, feeling content with the decision to come here as soon as my eyes land on her.
Even in her sleep, she’s stunning. This is the first unobstructed look I’ve stolen since our paths have crossed, and everything about her is even better than I remembered.
I especially love the little piece of jewelry she added to her nose.
It gives her an extra edge that she didn’t have before, fitting her personality to a T.
She seems more confident than before, but I guess she's always been like that. Hell, sometimes she carried the confidence for all of us. She knew this band would make it. She just didn’t realize it would be without her… or Rocky.
Sorrow laced with guilt hits me as my eyes flutter closed. I silently curse the tears welling up without my permission. I don’t have the right to be sad over something that’s partially my fault. What will happen if she remembers the past and asks about my brother?
That greedy side of me wants to protect her from not only that, but also the world she's about to open herself up to. I've had to learn the hard way how cruel this industry can be. People don't care about the person behind the music. They care about your image and what they can profit off you.
A sniffling sound from the bed makes my blood run cold. I freeze, not daring to move a muscle, and hope to fuck she doesn’t wake up. How would she react if she caught me in here?
When she rolls away from me, I breathe out a sigh, glancing across the room.
My eyes land on her nightstand, and I stare for a moment, trying to decide if I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing.
Silently, I make my way to the silk tulip before my fingers lightly caress the fabric.
Thoughts of the day I left it on her front porch come to mind.
I was uncomfortably hot, not that the weather was unusual for Arizona, but the sweat coating my forehead was worse due to the massive amount of anxiety I was carrying.
When I pulled up to her house, I didn't know what to expect. I wanted to see her, but was also terrified she would turn me away. How was she going to react to us signing with the record label without her?
The whole thing was so frustrating. She had every right to be upset, but I wished she had been there with us.
That's why I popped up at her house. I wanted to extend an olive branch to see if I could convince her to still go on tour.
She wasn't officially part of the band anymore, but we could have demanded she be part of the deal somehow. Maybe as a solo opening act. She deserved to be with us. The only way for her to realize that was for me to go to her house since she wasn’t taking our calls.
I couldn’t come empty-handed though, so I brought a tulip because I knew it was her favorite. I took a deep breath and pushed my car door open with the flower in hand before striding up to her front step.
When I finally got to her door, I knocked, but it went unanswered. I tried again and waited a few minutes this time. Still, no answer. After knocking unsuccessfully for ten minutes, I decided enough was enough.
I peeked into her window to find the place completely dark.
It didn't seem like anyone was home, so I left the flower on her step with a note that read, 'New beginnings don't have to be scary.
Remember what I told you'. My hope was that she would see my gift and call me, so I waited in my car for hours, but she never came home.
Coming back to the moment, it's obvious she found the flower. Now that I know she lost her memory, it makes sense as to why she never called. She didn't know there was someone to call. Maybe if the accident hadn't happened, she would have.
I take a deep breath, deciding I've been in here too long and should probably go. It’s better to not test my luck, so I steal one last glance, running my finger along the soft skin on her jawline before walking out of her room.