CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Nova
MY MOUTH WENT DRY AS MY brEATH CAUGHT IN MY throat. “You want me to tie you up?”
Kol nodded. “You need to be in control. To know that I can’t do anything you don’t want me to do.”
Everything around me swirled just a little too fast. As if I were suddenly able to feel the earth’s gravitational rotation. But as it all moved, some pieces started to come together.
“Do you do that a lot? Get tied up?” That curiosity was back, but this time with some heat. The kind that settled low in my belly and spread out slowly. The image of Kol tied up would now be haunting my dreams in the best possible way.
He barked out a laugh. “No. Never.”
The corners of my mouth pulled down, but realization dawned. “You like to tie up your partner.”
Kol let out a long breath. “I’m not normal, Nova. What happened with my father, it ripped any sense of trust away. And sex? It requires trust. I could give it in some ways, but I still needed … ”
“Control,” I filled in for him.
He scrubbed a hand over his stubbled cheek. “Maybe I can give you the thing that worked for me.”
A buzz lit beneath my skin, and I pressed my thighs together, trying to alleviate the pressure building there.
Kol didn’t miss the movement. “Phoenix,” he choked out.
I moved closer, my fingers running over the loop of rope. I’d been right. It felt like it was silk woven together. “It’s so soft.”
“The goal isn’t pain. That’s not something I’m into.” His voice had dropped the barest amount, as if another layer of sandpaper coated it now. “It’s about control. Choice. Trust.”
My gaze lifted to Kol’s face. He watched me intently. His focus split between my fingers and my eyes. My heart tripped as another discovery hit me. “This will cost you. Giving me control instead of the other way around.”
Two tiny divots hollowed out Kol’s jaw. “You need it more right now.”
“Kol.”
“And I want to give it to you.”
Everything hurt. What Kol was gifting me …
“Okay,” I whispered.
His knuckles skimmed across my cheek again. “Think you’ll be able to talk me through how you’re feeling as we go? If anything’s approaching too much or you want to stop?”
I didn’t look away as I answered him. “You’ve always been the one I could tell anything to.”
The hard lines of Kol’s face softened. “Trusting that. Trusting you.”
And God, I knew what that meant for Kol. Something he never gave anyone but his family. And he was giving it to me.
Kol dropped the rope onto the bed, and his fingers moved to the top button on his flannel.
“Can I?” The words were out before I could stop them, bolder than maybe I felt in the moment, but I went with it anyway.
Kol didn’t say a word, but his hands dropped to his sides. I moved in instantly, my fingers trembling slightly as I unfastened the top button. A dusting of dark hair peeked out from beneath the fabric. It teased my fingers as I moved to the next button.
Each unfastening revealed a little more. Golden skin and muscle that wasn’t overly manufactured but real. Those dips and ridges came from working a ranch, spending time in the field for work, and building me an apartment.
The shirt fell completely open, and I couldn’t help but run my fingers over Kol’s chest, down to the ridges of his abdominals. His ink. He let out a humming growl, his hands fisting at his sides.
And I knew then just how much it was costing him not to touch me.
But I could give him that. Maybe not in the throes of sex, but I could give him this.
I turned, my back to his front, and swept my hair to the side. “Can you get my zipper?”
Air left Kol on a sharp exhale, one so strong I could feel his breath against the nape of my neck. It sent sparks of awareness skating over my skin.
Kol’s knuckles slid along my spine before his hand rose again. The feel of bone against bone had vibrations cascading over me in the most delicious way. My breath caught as Kol’s fingers gripped my zipper.
“Yes?” he asked, stilling.
“Yes.”
Kol pulled the zipper down, the action so painfully slow I could feel the unfastening of every metal tooth and tine, like tiny bombs detonating against my skin. My mouth went dry, and my breath caught.
His hand stilled where the zipper ended, just at the top of my tailbone. The tipping point. I dipped my shoulders, and the dress fell.
The cool air hit my suddenly bare body, nothing but the delicate lace of a thong standing between Kol and me.
He let out an audible hiss.
Kicking off my boots, I turned to face the man who’d been my safe space since the moment I met him.
Kol devoured me with his eyes. Every flicker and spark spoke of hunger and want. And it made me feel powerful for the first time in a long time.
“Most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen. You’re like the moon starting to rise in twilight. You fucking glow, Phoenix. Maybe because you’re made of embers.”
And I felt it. That beauty. Even as my finger traced one of the scars along my ribs.
Kol didn’t miss the movement. “Warrior marks. You made it through the battle to the other side.”
And I felt that, too. Powerful. Strong. I took a step closer. “Touch me, Kol.”
Sparks of light swirled in those dark eyes. “You’re sure?”
“I’ll tell you if it’s too much.” But right now, it felt like I might combust if I didn’t know what it was like to have his hands on me.
Kol lifted his hands slowly, giving me every chance to tell him that I’d changed my mind. But I hadn’t. He palmed my breasts, and I arched into him, relishing the pressure, the feel of his rough skin against my smoothness.
Calloused thumbs circled my nipples, calling them forward. They tightened, right along with my core. Everything in me ached for Kol.
I let out a soft moan.
Kol’s gaze snapped to my face. “More?”
“More,” I breathed.
His head dipped as he crouched slightly. One hand fell away from my breast, and his lips closed around its peak. Then he groaned. He sucked gently, making my body bow. I pressed harder against him as his knuckles skimmed the apex of my thighs.
I let out a strangled sound, and Kol froze.
“More.” The single word was both a plea and a command.
And Kol obeyed.
He stroked me through the lace of my thong, and I moved against him, needing more. His fingers stilled as they pulled the lace to the side, his mouth losing its hold on my nipple. “Yes?”
“Please.” I wasn’t above begging.
Those thick fingers slid under the fabric, through my slick, wet heat.
I gripped Kol’s shoulders, my fingers digging in.
“Give me one right here,” he rasped against my breast. “Let me know what you sound like when you shatter.”
My breaths came in short pants, not because of panic but because I was already so damn close. Two of Kol’s fingers teased my entrance, circling, stretching. As they slid in, his thumb found my clit.
I could barely stay upright. My head dropped back, and I pressed my lips together to stifle my noises.
“I want to hear you, baby. Don’t steal those sounds from me.”
Moving slightly, I straightened, breathing through the war of sensations coursing through me. And then I let go. I let my body move with Kol’s. I soaked up every feeling. And I let him hear it all.
A tremble lit in my legs, spreading through me as Kol’s fingers moved in and out of me. With every thrust, they circled and stretched. My body quaked as his thumb stroked my clit.
A fresh wave of heat and tension sparked beneath my skin.
That thumb circled, edging closer before sweeping up and tipping me past the point of ignition.
Flames licked over my skin as a sound left my mouth that wasn’t entirely human.
And then his name—part breath, part plea, and everything I wanted.
Kol stroked me through wave after wave, and as I came back to myself, I found him watching me through hooded eyes. “That’s my girl.” He pulled his fingers from my body and sucked them clean, never once taking his eyes from me. “That’s my fucking girl.”
A different sort of heat coursed through me. “More.”
It was both a request and a command. But Kol didn’t wait for another. His fingers tangled in the band of my lacy thong, stilling for a moment until I gave him the word he was waiting for.
“Yes,” I breathed.
He tugged the lace down, staring at the apex of my thighs. “Fucking heaven.”
I swallowed hard as he straightened, kicking off one boot and then the other as he dropped his flannel to the floor. I studied him, the way those two tattoos rippled across his rib cage as he moved.
Kol’s fingers came to the button on his jeans, his eyes colliding with mine. “Yes?”
My mouth curved. “Hell yes.”
His beautiful lips twitched, and then he was shoving his jeans down in one rough motion, those black boxer briefs with them.
I couldn’t help but stare, almost slack-jawed, at the man in front of me.
His broad shoulders and thick thighs spoke of power.
The gold sparking in his hazel eyes said things like hunger and need.
And I wanted to experience it all. Kol wrapped his fingers around his cock, stroking once, twice, a drop of precum sliding from his tip. Then he cursed.
“What?” I asked, panicked.
“Condoms. I don’t have any. It’s, uh, been quite a while for me,” he mumbled.
Relief swept through me. “I got a complete workup in the hospital, and I ended up getting on the pill to regulate my cycle last month.”
Kol nodded slowly. “Had a physical last year, all good. But we don’t have to—”
“I want to. If you do.”
Air hissed between Kol’s teeth. “I want. But this is a lot. It’s more than—”
“I know. I want to … ” I swallowed. “I want to try.” I wanted to reclaim this piece of normalcy, and I wanted it with Kol. He was the one who’d helped me find trust when I thought I’d lost it, helped me hold tight to life when that grip felt tenuous at best. I wanted this with him, too.
He moved then, grabbing the rope from the bed. I saw then that there were two lengths, and I watched in fascination as he expertly executed a sort of cuff on each wrist.
“These are half hitches. They won’t tighten if I pull on them, but they will keep me in place,” Kol explained as he climbed onto the bed.
Everything about him was hard lines and smooth planes. Defined muscles I wanted to memorize with my fingertips.
Kol quickly tied the ropes to one of the wooden slats in the headboard. “You’ll have access to the end that unties these, but once I lie down, I won’t. You’ll have all the power. All the control.”
His voice tightened as he spoke. And I could feel his own sort of panic setting in.
I moved closer, getting onto the bed with him. My hand skated over his face, and I relished the prickle of his scruff against my palm. “You don’t have to—”
Kol took my mouth, his tongue stroking in. Not forceful, but not gentle, either. Meeting me where we were. “I want to,” he rasped against my mouth.
And then he dropped to the mattress.
Suddenly, I was the taller one, the one kneeling over him. Looking down at Kol and all his beauty and power. And it had wetness gathering between my legs.
Kol’s mouth curved. “You like me being at your mercy.”
I grinned as I climbed between his legs. “I think I do.”
I wrapped my fingers around Kol’s length, stroking. His back arched, and he let out a moan. But that wasn’t enough for me.
I leaned forward, closed my lips over his tip, and slid down, taking Kol into my mouth. My cheeks hollowed out as my ass lifted into the air.
“Fuck,” Kol growled.
I worked him with my mouth and hand, every second, every sound making me feel more powerful.
“Gotta stop,” Kol begged. “I won’t last.”
My tongue flicked over his tip one last time as I straightened, power and heat surging through me all at once.
He shook his head as he took me in. “I think you’re part demon. My little demon.”
A smile stretched across my face as I straddled Kol. “I’m taking that as a compliment.”
“You should.”
I planted my hands on his chest as I hovered over him, feeling his muscles tense beneath me. This time, it was my turn to ask. “Yes?”
“Fuck yes,” Kol rumbled.
I guided his tip to my entrance, already feeling the stretch.
“Breathe with me,” Kol instructed. “It’s just you and me.”
My eyes found his, and they didn’t leave as I slowly sank down onto him. My mouth fluttered open as I took in the stretch, pausing halfway and trying to adjust.
“We can stop anytime,” Kol gritted out.
I knew how much that cost him, too. But Kol always gave me everything without me having to say a word.
That was him, but so was this stretch, this pressure. This power. And I wanted all the pieces of Kol.
I slid down farther, taking all of him. He let out a groan that reverberated through me in the best possible way. The vibrations made me clench around Kol, and that had him letting out a curse.
“My little demon,” he swore.
I rocked against him, investigating the movement, seeing how it felt, what it did to me. And for the first time in my life, I felt free to do exactly that: find what felt good to me.
Rising up, I lowered again, not losing Kol’s eyes. I could’ve watched the way the light and dark danced across those irises forever. And as I moved again, I realized they also told me what he liked.
My back arched as I took him deeper, faster.
“So goddamned beautiful,” Kol rasped. “Taking me. Owning me. All that control.”
His words sent a ripple of sparks sliding through me, my core tightening around him in a pulsing wave.
Kol gritted his teeth. “Trying to last, but you’re killing me.”
I could feel that restraint wavering in him, and I knew we didn’t have long. But I wanted to see it snap. I found my clit and circled the bundle of nerves.
“Fucking gorgeous,” Kol swore as his hips arched into me, his wrists pulling at the bindings for leverage.
My walls fluttered around him, just shy of that tipping point, as I struggled for breath. Each inhale and exhale was a short pant of need, want—desperation.
“Let me see you fly, Phoenix,” Kol whispered.
I swiped my finger across my clit as I took Kol impossibly deeper, and that combination was all it took. I came in a wave of darkness and light, just like Kol’s eyes. Sparks danced across my vision as he thrust up, hitting a spot that had me closing around him in a vise grip.
Kol gripped the ropes, his teeth clenched as he came. Thrusting through wave after wave as our bodies battled. Shadows gathered at the edges of my vision as I rode out everything he gave me.
My lungs burned, my thighs ached, and as the last pulsing wave swept through me, I collapsed on top of Kol.
My chest heaved, and Kol’s heart beat against my cheek. But some part of my brain remembered the ropes. I reached up and pulled the end that would release them.
Kol’s arms came around me instantly, holding me to him. “Never knew it could be like that,” he whispered.
“Me neither,” I croaked.
And it felt miraculous and terrifying all at the same time.