Chapter 22
Claire
Today has been too damn much. I don’t know which way is up and which way is hell.
Adam is saying all the right things, but how do I even know if I can trust it?
He was undercover, for God’s sake. He knows how to lie convincingly.
Plus, is he just here because of the baby? Or for me? How will I ever know?
But you know he’s not lying to you. You wouldn’t be letting him stay here if you didn’t trust him.
Technically, true, but it also feels stupid as hell to just trust him. I’ve never completely trusted Lex, but our only real contact was through email or video calls. Am I just that messed up?
Probably.
It’s not like I was totally all the there prior to all this shit.
I grab my Kindle off the end table and collapse onto the bed. When I open it up, there are a bunch of new options. It’s not until I click on them as they load that I realize I definitely didn’t send any of these books to my Kindle.
“Uh, Adam?” I yell out.
He’s in my room less than thirty seconds later. “What?” He’s looking around frantically.
“Did you put books on here? How did you even know about my Kindle?” I hold up the device.
His cheeks and neck take on an immediate red hue. He’s embarrassed. It’s difficult to keep my smile in check.
“Uh, yes, I did. I saw it on your nightstand last night. Do you hate them? I can find others. Do you have a favorite genre?”
“How do you know about romance books?” I ask instead of answering him.
If it’s possible, he turns even redder. “I have four sisters,” he mumbles.
“Oh shit.” I crack up.
“Yeah. I’m well versed in all things women.”
“Do I seem like a romance reader?” I cock and eyebrow at him.
“I put some thrillers on there too,” he offers hopefully.
“That’s very kind.” I smirk. “And those are probably my favorite genres, so thank you.”
“You okay?” he asks after a minute.
“I am, I think. It’s just taking me a minute to really grasp … everything that’s happened in the last day.”
“Understandable. Juliette calls me a bull in a China shop most days. I kind of just barrel in with ideas or plans and don’t really think about how overwhelming that can be.” He shoves his hand through his hair.
“It’s not a bad thing; I am just used to the exact opposite. I’ve come to terms with a lot of what happened while I was Nova, and immediately after, because I’ve had nothing but time to think, but you showing up has completely thrown me.”
“I get it. I do. I’ll tone it down.” He nods.
“Please don’t. I like seeing the real you. I have just been alone for so long I have no idea how to behave in front of company,” I joke.
“I tried to come, but …” There’s pain in his words.
“I told Lex I didn’t want to see you.” I sigh. “I didn’t think that meant I’d be primarily alone for the next six months. I was just so overwhelmed with everything that happened that seeing you felt like too much.”
“Lex just kept saying you didn’t want to see me.”
“Gotta love the miscommunication,” I say.
“Makes me want to punch him in the face actually,” he muses.
“He was just making sure I was okay and protecting you. Didn’t want to complicate anything, I bet,” I offer, although I’m not thrilled with Lex’s unilateral decision right now either.
Adam doesn’t say anything, which makes me think he doesn’t agree with me.
Silence takes over, and just when I think he’s going to get up and leave, he looks up at me. “Did you really want to be a travel blogger?”
His question catches me off guard, but I realize he wants to know the real me. I pat the side of the bed next to me, where he joins me.
“I was one. That’s what I was before Charlie died.”
“Really?” He perks up.
“Yep. Travelled all the time. Wasn’t around to see how bad Charlie had gotten. I actually restarted the blog for some income. What about you? Clearly, your dream of always wanting to be a cop came to fruition.” I smirk.
“It did indeed. I’ve worked my way up and have been doing undercover work for almost ten years.”
Ten years. He doesn’t seem old enough to have done this for so long, although he has that weathered feel to him, like he’s seen a lot.
“How old are you?” I ask.
“Thirty-eight.” He arches an eyebrow, asking me silently how old I am.
“Twenty-eight. Almost twenty-nine actually.” I peek at the calendar on the wall. “In one week.”
“I’d say you’re too young, but I also know what you’ve been through.”
“It definitely ages a person.” I agree. “Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Will this ever be over? Like, truly over? Or am I stuck in this limbo?” My whispered words hold a fear that I don’t want to admit to.
“I’ll make sure it’s over; that, I promise you. I just can’t give you an answer as to when.”
I hold his gaze, and I know he truly means that. I’m just not sure how much longer I can stay here. Alone.
Because the truth is, how much longer is Adam really going to stay with me? A week? He has a job to get back to, and I’m not delusional enough to think he can just drop off the face of the planet like I can.
“Can I ask you something?” Adam asks.
“Anything.”
“Can I … feel?” He gestures to my bump that feels like it grew overnight.
“Of course.”
His hand tentatively grazes my stomach before he settles it front and center. “How far along are you?” he murmurs, just watching his hand.
“Just over five months. I have my twenty-week scan in two days.”
“What does that mean?” he asks.
“It’s to make sure everything is fine with the baby. I can find out if it’s a boy or girl then too, but I’m not sure I want to know.”
“I’ve missed so much.”
My heart breaks for him. It’s all my doing, and I can’t go back into the past and change anything. “That’s my fault,” I whisper.
“No, Claire. It’s not. Circumstances have been hell for us.”
I nod but don’t have anything else to say to make the situation better.
That’s when the baby kicks Adam’s hand.
“Oh my God.” His eyes are wide as my hand lands on top of his. He looks up at me with nothing but awe before he shifts and plans a kiss on my lips like he’s been starving to do so for years.
We don’t move for a long time. Adam is content to feel the little kicks when they happen, and I’m just happy to watch his reaction to it all.
At some point, I fell asleep. It was probably the emotional toll mixed with the pregnancy exhaustion.
I’m not entirely sure what to make of Adam, but I do know the attraction has never left.
I want to know more about him, but I don’t want to get hurt again.
Everyone I’ve ever been close to has left me irrevocably. I’m not sure I can handle another one.
But he’s making me want to take a chance. To at least get to know who he really is behind the mask of Chris. The way he’s reacted to the baby makes me want to try as hard as I can to make things work between us.
My door barely pops open, making me jump.
“Sorry,” Adam whispers. “I was just checking on you. You okay?”
“I …” Am I? I’m not sure I have an answer to that. “I have no idea.”
“Understandable. Are you hungry?”
“Not really.”
“You want me to leave you alone?” That smile of his is back in full force.
“Not really.” I chuckle.
“Perfect. Let me just grab my food.” He’s out and back with a sky-high sandwich before I can blink.
“That is a ridiculous sandwich.”
“I’m a growing boy.”
I burst out laughing. “You absolutely are not.”
“Made you laugh, though.” He winks.
That sobers me up. “So, tell me about your team. If you can,” I add.
“Well, you’ve met Lex; he’s our WITSEC bro.
He is also fairly good at research, so that’s what he does when he’s not managing any assets.
Juliette is our computer guru. She calls it Criminal Intelligence, but she’s the one who runs most of the information we gather and verifies it all.
She’s a beast but doesn’t like to go out into the field if she doesn’t have to.
Then there’s Stone. He and Juliette have this thing where they hate each other, but it’s secretly love. ”
“Do they know that?” I ask.
“Nope. Things get tense sometimes. Stone is also our Canine Tactical Operations. He has a dog named Starbuck who is our team’s pride and joy.”
“Like the coffee?”
He cringes. “Don’t say that in front of Stone. No, like the character from a sci-fi series that I can never remember.”
“Battlestar Galactica. It all makes sense now,” I muse. I got a shipment of the entire series, but it didn’t feel like Lex’s doing at the time. Now I know it was really Stone.
“There’s also Sin, or Sinclair, who works on anything international.
He’s cool but keeps to himself. And then there’s the bossman, Kellen Woodcroft.
He used to work in a pair, and then his old partner came across a serial torturer that they had been trying to catch, and it led to Woodcroft’s promotion.
Now he leads the team and fills in any gaps.
He’s one of the best bosses I’ve ever had. ”
“And you work undercover.”
“Mostly drug trafficking. That’s how my stint with Oscar started until we realized there was something much bigger here.
The higher-ups didn’t want to give us the slack, but Woodcroft showed them some of the artifacts and how much money was involved, so they let us turn our focus.
I didn’t think I’d be under for as long as I was. ”
“Seems anything dealing with Cano takes five times as long as it should.” I gesture around me.
“This won’t be forever,” he says as he finishes up his meal. He places his plate on the nightstand before his hand automatically finds my stomach again.
It brings a smile to my face, but I don’t draw attention to it.
“Maybe.” I shrug.
He can’t promise that. Who knows what will really happen in the future. I’m their only real witness, outside of Adam, to many of these guys doing illegal shit. I’m not sure it’ll ever really be over.
Adam’s phone rings just in time to cut through my melancholic thoughts.
No one can promise the future, but I really wish what Adam believes is what will really happen.