Chapter 21
Adam
Am I going to throw up? I can’t tell. I don’t even feel the pain in my hand. I know I need to wrap it, so I make short work of that while I hyperventilate with the news that Claire is pregnant.
“Holy shit,” I whisper to my reflection. We only had sex once, and she said we were covered.
It’s not mine. That’s the only conclusion I can come to.
And it absolutely crushes me.
One thing I do know is that I need to calm down. Claire is out there, crying her eyes out, and I at the very least need to make sure she’s okay.
A deep breath doesn’t calm my racing thoughts, but it’s all I can do.
As I walk out to the living room, I see Claire curled up in a tight ball in the corner of the couch, hiccupping as she cries.
It breaks my damn heart.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper as I sit next to her. “I just … I’m shocked.”
“I know. I know. It’s my fault.”
“No, it’s absolutely not,” I murmur, desperate to give her comfort. “Can I just … hold you while I wrap my head around things?”
She looks up at me and uncurls from her little spot. There’s hope in her eyes that makes my heart thump even harder in my chest.
Claire naturally fits against me as my arm wraps around her shoulder. In this moment, I realize just how much I missed her and needed her. Whatever her response to the next question, I want to be in her life. In her baby’s life.
“I want to ask a very selfish question,” I whisper.
“It’s yours,” she immediately cuts in. “I don’t know how, but I’ve only been with you for a couple of years now.” Her tears seem to be slowing down.
Emotion strikes me hard. My eyes blur with unshed tears.
The baby is mine. I’m going to be a father.
“I don’t expect anything,” Claire says softly.
“Shh. We’ll figure it all out later. Just … give me the night to get used to this.”
She nods but doesn’t say anything else. Within minutes, her breathing gets heavier as she sinks deeper into my side.
I panic. She can’t be comfortable like that. It takes me five minutes to shimmy out from underneath her and lay her down so she can sleep more comfortably. I don’t want to wake her up to put her in bed.
Then I drop to my knees and, with my good hand, I gently cup her little bump.
My baby.
“Hey there, tiny one. I’m your daddy.” My voice wavers as I press a gentle kiss to her belly. “I promise to do everything in my power to take care of you and your mama.” My forehead presses against the edge of the couch as I try to regain control of myself. “I love you so much already.”
“Did I fall asleep?” Claire’s sleep roughened voice pulls me from her bump.
“You did. Want to come to bed? I promise to be the perfect gentleman,” I whisper.
“Yes please.” I can see how tired she is in the way she doesn’t argue with me. She shifts to stand, but I hook my good hand under her back and the other under her legs.
“You’re going to hurt yourself more. I’m heavy.”
“Shh. I’m strong.” I press a kiss to her temple as she sinks deeper into my arms. It takes me seconds to make her comfortable in bed before I strip down to my boxers and join her.
Sleep doesn’t come soon, though. All I can think about is what I need to do to prove to Claire that I’m in this one hundred percent.
The sun penetrates through the haze of sleep.
My arms reach up as I stretch my tired body, trying to figure out what time it is. That’s when my arm hits another body. Out of instinct, I reach to my nightstand to grab my gun before I remember who is in bed with me.
Claire.
A smile so large stretches across my face.
Six months.
It’s been six months without her smile, her smart mouth, and the companionship I didn’t realize I wanted so badly. And now she’s carrying my baby. God, I never thought I would be a dad, and yet all I can see in my mind is our little family.
“What time is it?” Claire’s gravelly voice is a flame to my dried-out soul.
“Around eight, judging by the sun.” I roll over, draping my arm over her waist and pulling her to me.
“Too early.” She groans.
“I have to call in soon,” I murmur, inhaling the scent of something that’s purely Claire.
“I figured you’d be driving back today.” She hesitates.
“Hmm. You think I only want one night? That I drove over an hour just to sleep next to you? That now that I know you’re carrying our baby I’ll run away?” I ask. My hand splays against her small, rounded stomach as my nose trails up her neck.
“I-I’m honestly not sure. I didn’t want to assume,” she whispers and stops my hand.
“Assume away, Claire. I …” Sighing, I attempt to put my thoughts into words. “I thought you didn’t want to see me. That the lies and undercover stuff was too much.”
“I didn’t realize saying I need a breather immediately after being rushed off would mean I couldn’t see you ever.
I just … Everything was so much. I killed Cano.
Then I was whisked off to a house, alone, with zero answers.
And then I found out I was pregnant, and I think I’m still coming to terms with that. ”
“You didn’t kill Oscar,” I interrupt.
“What?” She turns over to face me.
“The knife didn’t kill Oscar. One of my guys took the shot, and that’s what killed him.
If no one was there, he probably would have bled out from the knife to the neck, but it would have taken a really long time.
” I promised myself on the drive here that I would be honest with her about everything.
We couldn’t have complete honesty before, but we’re damn well going to now.
“Oh.” She rolls over to face me. “I …” Tears well in her eyes, and I realize this has been weighing on her and that Lex didn’t tell her shit. “These damn hormones are going to kill me.” She waves a hand in front of her face.
“Damnit, Lex should have told you.” I curse, pulling her closer to me. She nods but doesn’t respond. “I’m sorry I didn’t come here sooner.”
“It’s fine.” She hiccups on a sob. “It seems I haven’t really processed anything. I’m sorry. For everything. I should have told Lex or Juliette.”
Fucking Lex. This is his job, and yet it seems like he hasn’t done anything to help her in the last six months. He’ll be lucky not to get a black eye the next time I see him.
“It’s not fine, and you have nothing to be sorry about.” My hand runs up and down her back. “We have so much to talk about—”
My phone rings.
“Go. I know you have work,” she says softly, scooting back from me.
It’s the exact opposite of what I want to do, but I can sense she’s shutting down. I’m not sure how to approach things with her, but I do know I don’t want to leave her alone right now. Hell, I’ll never leave her alone again if she lets me.
“Yeah,” I answer, my eyes never leaving her.
“You okay?” Woodcroft asks.
“Mostly,” I clip.
“You still with her? I didn’t exactly expect you in the office this morning, but I assumed you’d be in.”
“Yeah, that won’t be happening.”
“Is Claire okay?” His tone instantly changes.
“Ah …” I hold eye contact with the woman I haven’t been able to stop thinking about. “She hasn’t been told much, but she’ll be okay.” I will Claire to see the truth in my words. If it’s the only thing I manage to do, I will make sure she’s okay. “There’s more, but …”
She nods, giving me permission to let the cat out of the bag.
“She’s pregnant.”
“Holy shit,” he damn near yells. “Lex was told not to give her information other than getting names,” Woodcroft adds.
“Yeah, well, I’m not Lex.”
“I realize that. That’s why I’m telling you to just be cautious. You’re smart enough to not spill the details of the case, but you’re approved to fill her in at your discretion. But if I get a whiff of you telling her more than she needs to know, then I’m pulling you.”
“Yeah.” I chuckle. “I’d like to see you try.”
“Morrison. Don’t fuck with me on this. I mean it. I understand you are connected to that woman, especially now, but we’re still working this case. Her safety is a priority to us.”
“And you think it’s not mine too?” My voice raises as Claire flees to the bathroom. That ounce of fear in her eyes nearly undoes me.
I hear the shower kick on, but Woodcroft’s voice draws my attention.
“Just … be careful. She’s had a hard couple of years, as have you. So just … go slow. This is a huge life change for both of you. You know we’re all here for whatever you need, and you can stay with her while you figure shit out. We still need you on the Cano case too. Did you bring your laptop?”
“I did.”
“Good. I’ll send you the shit I need. Stay available. I won’t ask you to come back unless it’s absolutely necessary or you fuck things up.” He chuckles.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“Adam?”
“Yeah?”
“If you or Claire need anything, let me know. And congratulations. This is a good thing.”
“Will do. Thanks, Woodcroft,” I murmur then hang up.
Last night, I was initially blinded by the sheer relief at seeing Claire again.
Now? I realize just how fragile it all is.
How much of our late-night talks were actually real?
How much of the secrets we told were true?
And now we have, what, four months to figure out things before we have a whole-ass human to raise?
When I said we should start fresh, I didn’t really realize what that meant until now. She’s not just someone I like; she’s part of my job as well, as an informant. Complicated doesn’t even begin to cover it.
I knock on the bathroom door, hoping to make sure Claire is okay.
“I just need a minute.” Her voice sounds sure and calm. It’s how she was when she was Nova, and I’m instantly pissed I scared her.
I grab a pair of sweats and head to the kitchen in hopes there’s something to cook for breakfast.
When I open the refrigerator, it’s my lucky day. Claire has kept things well stocked, and I appreciate it. Maybe some breakfast will help us communicate because I’m not doing such a hot job of it right now.
The bedroom door creaks open, and I spin to find Claire in yoga pants and tank top showcasing our baby. It reminds me of when I was at her apartment and makes me realize that maybe she did let me see some of the real her.
“Breakfast?” I ask.
“Sure.” Her arms wrap around her middle as she walks to the coffee maker. She adds a touch of milk and a couple of teaspoons of sugar, which I file away for later.
After flipping the pancakes and bacon, I face her. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”
“You didn’t. I just … don’t really know what’s real and not. It’s this weird sort of limbo, and I can’t tell if you’re real or just playing a part.”
Sighing, I put the spatula onto the counter and bend down so we’re at eye level.
“I promise honesty. From the moment I walked into this house, I promised myself I would be one-hundred-percent honest with you. The only exception to that are things I can’t tell you about the case.
I intend to stick by that. We’ve had enough confusion and lies. ”
“And what, you’re just staying here? You have a job. Bad guys to catch. I’m nobody.” She huffs.
“First, you are absolutely someone. I’d say you’re very special to me, but I don’t think you’re really ready to hear any of that.
Second, I would like to stay here until I’m forced not to, but that’s also entirely up to you.
I won’t pressure you, but I do need you to know that I intend to be in this baby’s life even while you’re still pregnant. ”
She stares at me for an extended moment. “So much happened all at once that it’s been … extremely isolating. I would really like some company if you can swing it with your job.”
“Done. I’m at your service for anything you need.” I turn back to the food.
“Anything, huh?”
Spinning around, I see the smirk on her face, making me think we’ll be okay.
“Absolutely anything, Claire baby.”
We hold eye contact for a few seconds before her smile grows. “I like when you call me that,” she whispers.
“Then I will keep calling you that. How are you feeling?” I ask.
She sighs. “Mostly good. The first trimester was … really shitty. I was sick all the time and couldn’t eat much.”
My heart sinks. “What did the doctor say?”
“That it’s normal and it would be better once I hit twelve weeks. It did, thank God. I’m still a little gun shy with food, though.” She smiles.
“Okay. Just tell me what you’re craving, and I’ll make it happen. That’s a thing, right? Cravings?” God, I need to do some research. I wasn’t around when my sister was pregnant, so I have zero clue how to handle this.
“Hasn’t been yet for me, but I’ll be sure to keep you updated.”
I plate up our food and sit next to her.
“How long is this whole thing going to be? The case with Cano?” she asks.
“I don’t have a firm answer, but I promise to do everything I can to wrap things up quickly.”
“But you have no real control over things. You’re seeing how deep things go, right? That could take years to uncover.” She sighs, pushing her pancake around on her plate.
“I won’t let it take that long. If all else fails, I’ll figure out a way to bring you back with me and have some semblance of normalcy.”
Her laughter is almost frightening. Nothing about this scenario is funny.
“Sure, you’ll just find all the artifacts and high-profile clients and call it a day.
Hell, I don’t even know what normalcy is anymore.
I haven’t seen normal since Charlie died.
And add to it that I’m about to have a baby in four months …
Yeah, normal isn’t in my future.” She shoves her plate away and teeters off the barstool before heading back to the bedroom.
I reach out, paranoid that she’s going to pass out or something, but she’s back in her room within a couple of steps.
My head thumps onto the island; I’m feeling helpless.
I’ve never pretended to be good with people.
Sure, I can handle my sisters, but Claire isn’t them.
She has been through a lot, and I’m not sure how to tiptoe around it all.
I decide that, for today, it’s best to give her time.
A lot has happened since I showed up, and maybe a little time without me constantly in her business will help her wrap her head around things.
That means it’s time to grab my laptop and start working on what I can to bring down this entire operation, as well as on how to handle her pregnancy.
It’s time to show her I’m all in.