Chapter 21
How is the new place?” Jenny approached Lucy in the school hall, carrying a clear plastic tub full of decorations. “Abbey’s been talking nonstop about your move. She says it’s too quiet at her place without you. It must be nice to have your own place. Are you feeling more settled?”
Lucy kept opening her mouth to reply, but Jenny rushed on, not giving her a sliver of space to respond.
“Ah, moving is such a nightmare. All those boxes, packing and unpacking. I should have brought you some wine; that always helps me.” Jenny laughed, then turned abruptly as a large clatter echoed through the empty hall. “Oh geez! áine is such a muppet these days.”
Jenny rushed off, leaving Lucy staring after her in confusion.
“Tell us how you really feel, Jenny,” Abbey muttered, sidling up to Lucy.
“A muppet?” Lucy laughed. “As in The Muppet Show?”
Abbey shrugged, kneeling to remove the lid off the plastic container. “Who knows, probably.”
Bright green shamrocks and paper rainbows spilled from the overfilled tub. Lucy bent down to help sort through the decorations. Abbey set the items into neat piles: Irish flags, green, white, and orange striped banners, and a few random leprechaun cutouts.
“It sounded like you and Jenny were having a very intense, one-sided conversation.”
Lucy looked over at her sister. “She’s a spitfire. Twenty questions with no chance to answer.”
“Hang those on the far wall!” Jenny’s voice boomed across the hall in their direction.
Abbey whipped her head from side to side. “Where is she yelling from? How does she even see us?”
Lucy laughed and raised an eyebrow. “I think she just went into the kitchen.”
Abbey grabbed a stack of shamrocks. “Well, you heard her; our fearless leader has spoken. “Do we have tape or Blu Tack?”
“Blue tag?”
“Blu Tack,” Abbey repeated slowly. “It’s sticky tack, and it’s blue.”
Lucy glared at her sister. “You’re in a mood today. What do they call it? Cheeky.”
“I’ve been known to be a bit of a spitfire occasionally, too.” Abbey gave a devious grin.
“Pure evil,” Lucy teased. “I saw some tape and maybe tack-looking stuff on the table over there.”
For the next twenty minutes, Lucy and Abbey hung shamrocks, rainbows, banners, and Irish flags along the walls. Parents arrived to help, each shouting a quick hello before being assigned a task. Tables, covered in cheap green and white disposable tablecloths, were set up in long rows for the classes to sit and eat their breakfast. Stacks of paper plates sat next to serving trays and a line of various toppings. The enticing aroma of pancakes and sausages drifted from the kitchen. Lucy‘s stomach rumbled.
Abbey mentioned she was the lead on this event, but Jenny was clearly a control freak. She rushed around, shouting orders and muttering under her breath, causing Lucy and Abbey to exchange glances while laughing like children. Soon, the hall looked neat, tidy, and inviting. It would only be a few more minutes before kids would file through the doors, leaving a trail of butter, syrup, and sprinkles in their wake.
Lucy wanted to stay and watch the kids’ reactions to the hall. But she wasn’t ready to face Aidan. Her stomach flipped at the very thought.
Shoving those feelings away, she taped the final rainbow to the wall, stepping back to admire their decorating skills.
“Cheesy enough?” Abbey stood next to her, head tilted as she assessed the wall. “I think so.”
Lucy envied Abbey’s carefree attitude; she always appeared calm and laid-back. But, maybe it was all a fa?ade, a front she needed the world to perceive. Lucy knew her sister was in pain, but Abbey had a remarkable ability to hide her genuine emotions behind a smile.
“You sure you don’t want to stay? Kaylee would love it.”
Lucy shook her head. “Can’t. I need to work.”
Abbey nodded. “Mm-hm, work.”
Lucy glared. “Are you mocking me?”
“Yep.” Abbey patted her sister’s shoulder. “I should make sure they aren’t burning the breakfast in there.”
Lucy turned back to the nearly empty decoration bin as Abbey headed in the opposite direction. Placing the lid back on top, she pushed it against the wall just as a sharp cry came from inside the kitchen.
“Oh, Jaysus, áine!” Jenny shouted, bursting from the kitchen just as Abbey pulled open the door. “Oh, sorry, Abbey.”
“áine, are you okay?” Abbey asked as áine rushed past her, clutching a damp cloth to her arm.
Jenny let out a sigh, replying before áine could say a word. “She burned her arm on the grill. I’m sure it looks worse than it is, but she wants to go to AE.”
Lucy gave Abbey a questioning look.
“Accident and Emergency, the ER,” Abbey said.
Lucy nodded. “Sounds painful.”
“It is,” áine replied sharply, glaring at Jenny.
“Yes, of course.” Jenny waved her hand as if scooting áine out the door. “We’re short a parent now; two others have already called out. It will be a struggle to keep up.”
“I’m sorry,” áine muttered, directing her apology toward Abbey.
Abbey shook her head sympathetically as if it wasn’t as big of a deal as Jenny was making it out to be. áine gave a small smile and headed out the door. Instantly, Jenny and Abbey turned their gaze to Lucy.
A hard stone crashed into the pit of her stomach.
“Please tell me you can stay,” Jenny pleaded. “I know you volunteered for decorations only, but I need one more cook.”
Lucy’s eyes lit up. Cook? In the kitchen where no one could see her?
“I can flip pancakes.”
Jenny clapped her hands together. “Oh, thanks a mill. You’re a star. Get in there, and Siobhán will set you up.”
Lucy tilted her head toward Abbey, staring at her with wide eyes. “What did I just agree to?”
“You’re as white as a ghost,” Abbey commented. “Look, I’ll be out here helping the kids. I’ll make sure you know who doesn’t set foot in the kitchen.”
Lucy placed her open palms together in a silent prayer. “Thank you.”
Abbey looked at her sternly. “You should talk to him.”
“I know.” Lucy looked down. “Just not today, okay?”
Abbey nodded as Lucy moved past her into the kitchen. Her heart fluttered as memories flooded back, reminding her of the last time she was in this small room. Halloween. The day things almost got out of hand with Aidan. Her thighs tingled, remembering his hands skimming along her delicate skin as they kissed.
“You’re taking áine’s place?” one of the ladies interrupted her thoughts.
Lucy hoped her cheeks weren’t as bright red as they felt. “Yes.”
“Ah, grand, you can take over this grill,” she pointed with a spatula. “Sorry, I’m Siobhán, and you’re Lucy, right? Abbey’s sister.”
Lucy nodded as Siobhán introduced her to the other helpers, Ciara, Niamh, and Sinéad, the woman from the hallway at the parent-teacher meeting. She felt her face heating up all over again; the last thing she wanted to think about was that awkward meeting when she first realized Aidan was her one-night stand. Quickly, she turned to the empty grill and busied herself, pouring batter in small circles.
Within minutes, they fell into a steady rhythm. Ciara and Niamh mixed batter while Siobhán and Lucy ran the griddles. Sinéad was in charge of grilling sausages. The conversation flowed easily as they discussed families, careers, and travel plans for the upcoming spring break.
As she flipped the bubbling pancakes over, Lucy realized she had never had a good group of girlfriends. Aside from Sherry and Norbert, Lucy had no friends in high school. The friendship with Norbert died off once they stopped sleeping together. When she met Jeremy, he became her whole world. She quit her job at the gas station and stopped hanging out with Sherry altogether.
From the moment they met, her life revolved around Jeremy. Once Kaylee entered the picture, her priorities changed to make her daughter the center of her world. She never stayed in one place long enough to develop healthy friendships; honestly, she didn’t know how.
Talking with these women, she longed for deeper connections. She wanted to do more than live in the community; she wanted to be part of it. Abbey was her best friend, and she loved how their relationship grew stronger each day, but she needed other friends, too. It would be nice to find like-minded women to talk with or even find other single mothers to exchange war stories with.
Abbey was forever talking about the Parents’ Association and how she had bonded with several of the ladies. For Abbey, it was more than just a monthly meeting; these ladies were her friends. They got together for coffee mornings and went out for dinner or drinks. It all sounded so lovely. Maybe she should stop making excuses and join the committee herself, as long as she won’t need to spend time at the school and put herself at a higher risk of running into him.
The thought of him caused tingles to prickle her skin.
No. It wasn’t the thought of him; it was him.
As she flipped another batch of pancakes, she could hear his voice echoing through the hall. Funny, she hadn’t noticed any other teacher even though children had been filing through the hall all morning. It was as if her body was attuned to him.
Every nerve responded to the vibration of his voice. This wasn’t quite the expected reaction; she figured he would come and go without her noticing.
“Hiya, Abbey, how are ya?”
Aidan was right outside the kitchen door.
Lucy’s heart hammered in her chest, and she tried to control her breathing. She could picture Abbey blocking the door and then steering him away.
She hated how he still had this effect on her. Her heart begged her to stop fighting and give in to her feelings. It was difficult to ignore the fairytale playing through her mind. She imagined a love song playing in the background, probably something by Taylor Swift. Aidan would push open the door, and in a cinematic moment, their eyes would lock. Time would slow down, and in perfect sync, they would embrace each other, lips locking in a passionate kiss. Rain droplets would sprinkle over their faces as the students cheered and clapped loudly from behind them, with a smiling Kaylee leading the applause.
It was far too late for any of that now. There was certainly no room for fairy tales or happy endings to this story. Her hands shook as she flipped a pancake, only to toss it directly onto her foot. Batter oozed over the toe of her shoe.
Sinéad nudged Lucy’s shoulder with her own. “Just give that one to the kids.”
Lucy’s jaw dropped.
Sinéad laughed. “I’m only kidding.”
Lucy bent down, scooped up the half-cooked pancake, and dropped it into the rubbish bin. Setting the spatula into the sink, she grabbed a towel and mopped the batter off her foot the best she could.
Sinéad washed the spatula and handed it back to Lucy.
“Thanks,” she grumbled. “Maybe I need more coffee?”
“It’s hard, isn’t it?” Sinéad said sympathetically. “Trying to organize everything for these kids and doing it all on your own? Some days, there isn’t enough tea in the world to get me through.”
Lucy gave a faint appreciative smile, turning back to her grill. She forced herself to concentrate on each step: pour the batter, laugh at jokes, flip the pancake, and place it on the platter. Repeat.
The door creaked behind them.
Lucy’s spine stiffened; she knew Aidan was standing in the doorway. Trying to hide the tremble in her wrist, she stared at the steaming pancakes, praying they wouldn’t need to be turned until he left.
“Thanks, Ladies.” His voice was warm and gentle. “The kids loved the pancakes.”
“Did you get some?” Ciara asked.
Aidan laughed. “I ate a few.”
Lucy’s knees threatened to buckle at the sound of his laugh. She missed that laugh. But it was greater than that; she missed his smile, his face, the way he looked at her as if she were the only person on earth. It was becoming more than she could bear, and she silently prayed he would leave. She needed him to go before she physically fell apart.
The pancakes smoked on the griddle; if she waited much longer to flip them, they would burn.
Feeling his gaze burning into her back, Lucy focused all her attention on the pancakes. Slowly, she moved the spatula under one bubbling pancake and turned it over.
Success!
She continued going with small, slow movements until all the pancakes were successfully tossed over.
The door closed with an almost silent click, but to Lucy, it might as well have been a gong’s echoing chime.
Aidan was gone.
Her shoulders drooped forward as guilt washed over her. It hadn’t been fair to ghost him like that. Aidan had done nothing wrong, and he deserved better. Their relationship was not serious, but she should have been an adult and ended things with a conversation. Instead, she buried her head in the sand and pretended their time together meant nothing.
“He’s so nice,” Sinéad said, pulling Lucy back into the moment. “Cute too. I wonder if he’s single?”
“Geez, Sinéad, is the ink even dry on your divorce papers?” Siobhán took on a matronly condensing tone.
Sinéad shrugged. “Calm down. Is it a crime to look? I’m still a hot-blooded woman.”
Sinéad raised her eyebrows at Lucy and nudged her shoulder as if they were partners in crime.
“You can’t date a teacher anyway,” Siobhán added as if she were the authority on the issue.
Lucy’s throat grew dry.
“Who says?” Sinéad placed the last of the sausages onto her grill. “Seriously, are there rules against it?”
Siobhán stopped mixing batter and looked at Sinéad, a frown creasing her forehead. “You can’t be serious.”
“Ah, com’on, I’m not saying I plan on actively pursuing a teacher,” Sinéad said, lifting her eyebrows to the sky. “But, since you seem to be the expert, is it realistically off the table? Or is it simply discouraged?”
A light crimson crept up Lucy’s neck. Sinéad was asking a question she had never considered. Her ears perked up to hear the answers as she moved pancakes from the grill to the serving plate as if uninterested.
“Surely the dating pool isn’t so dried up you can only find someone here.” Siobhán scoffed, a hand flying to her chest in shock. “It’s a bit—desperate.”
“Dating is hard.” Ciara jumped in. “I hardly have a night out with my husband. I can’t imagine trying to juggle single parenthood and dating.”
“And you would want to complicate that by dating a teacher?” Siobhán wasn’t giving an inch. “How would that look? How do you think your daughter would feel? Her classmates would no doubt tease her to no end.”
Sinéad rolled her eyes. “Wow, tell us how you really feel.”
Siobhán lifted her palms in defeat. “I’m just saying it’s a horrible idea. We haven’t even covered how awkward things would get if the relationship ended badly. It sounds messy to me.”
“It was all hypothetical,” Sinéad promised her. “Aidan’s cute, but I’m sure he has his pick of much younger women with less baggage. But, a girl can have a wild fantasy now and again, can’t she?”
Jenny burst through the door carrying a bin of dirty dishes. “The last class just sat down. We can stop cooking and start the cleanup.” She took the final platter of steaming pancakes and browned sausages. “Lucy, thanks a mill for stepping in. If you need to go, we can finish up. I know you have work.”
Lucy was grateful for the chance to escape; she couldn’t take much more of the current conversation.
“I do need to get going,” she said, wiping her hands on a towel. “I can help with these dishes first?”
Sinéad waved her off. “We’ve got it. You get going.”
“It was great to meet you all,” Lucy said as she gathered her things.
“You too,” Ciara replied.
“Thanks for your help,” Siobhán said.
“See ya at the next one.” Sinéad gave a wink.
Lucy hurried out of the kitchen and searched the room for Abbey. Abbey, who was chatting with a few adults, looked up and gave her the “call me” signal with her finger and thumb.
Lucy nodded and rushed out of the hall, anxious to get out of the school and back into the safety of her new home. Pausing just outside the door, she set her purse down and shrugged into her jacket. Her nerves were shot, and she couldn’t stop shaking. Why had Sinéad started asking all those questions? Was she interested in Aidan? A cold, hard knot of jealousy formed in her stomach.
She couldn’t forget the tone in Siobhán’s voice as she snapped at Sinéad for even thinking about dating a teacher. Lucy had never considered how a relationship with Aidan might affect the other parents. She had gone round and round, contemplating its various effects on Kaylee, but never thought about other parents judging her. Not that it mattered now; there was no relationship. She had bombed that bridge clear out of the water.
Slinging her purse over her shoulder, she headed toward the double doors leading outside. Her brain immediately kicked into work mode; checking her messages was probably a good idea. She pushed through the door with her shoulder while pulling her phone from the purse. Focusing on the phone, she didn’t notice someone entering the building as she exited and crashed directly into them.
“Oh, gosh, I’m so sorry,” Lucy mumbled, fumbling with the phone as it jumped from her hands.
Catching the phone mid-air, she glanced up at her victim.
Aidan.
Of course, it had to be Aidan.
Her cheeks flushed, and her mouth hung open; words escaped her vocabulary.
“You alright there?” he said stiffly, his expression stoic. There was no usual twinkle in his eyes and no smile creasing his lips.
“Ye-yes,” she croaked, automatically clearing her throat.
“How’er ya keeping?” His tone sounded clipped as if he asked out of the politeness that came with Irish culture rather than genuinely wanting to know.
Lucy forced herself to speak the words thundering through her brain. “Fine. You?”
“Not great,” he answered flatly. “We should talk.” He sighed but rushed on before she could interrupt. “Not here, of course, but soon. I have some things to say to ya, and I’d like to know you’ve received the message.” He took a breath and glanced briefly down at his hands. When he looked back at her, his eyes blazed. “I can text or email if you can’t stand my presence, but you’ll need ta unblock me first.”
Pain tore through her gut as if it had been ripped open. She stared at her feet, unable to look him in the eye. Of course, he would be fully aware she had blocked him and was now avoiding him.
“I won’t beg; I’m only askin’ for some respect,” he said curtly. “How about ya message me when you’re ready to act like a grown-up? If ya don’t get in touch, that’s yar choice. I can keep me final thoughts to meself.”
The words sliced like a knife as he moved around her and into the building. Tears burned at the back of her eyes. Maybe he cared more than she had given him credit for. But, it had been childish on her part to cut him out without saying a word.
He couldn’t possibly have anything nice to say to her at this point, but she owed him a chance to say his peace before the final goodbye, no matter how much it stung.
With her head down, she rushed out the school gates, gulping in fresh air as if low on oxygen. Her heart ached more than she wanted to admit to anyone, least of all herself. The way he had looked at her, there was nothing but pain, sadness, and anger in his eyes.
Confusion muddied her thoughts, but it wasn’t surprising; she knew little about genuine relationships. Men had come and gone in her life since she was a child, never once explaining their behavior or caring how she felt. The fling with Aidan wasn’t supposed to mean anything. He was the one who didn’t want a serious relationship; casual was his idea. Why would he be so hell-bent on gaining closure? She thought she had made things easy by walking away.
Had she read the entire situation wrong? Abbey suggested Aidan wanted more, that he had simply gone the casual route as a way to keep seeing her. Lucy’s heart skipped a beat.
Aidan was right in saying Lucy needed to grow up. As much as she told herself Aidan meant nothing to her, the truth was she was head over heels in love with him. Whatever they said at the beginning of this fling no longer mattered; her feelings had evolved. It would be impossible to get over him until she admitted to both of them how she felt.
It was time to lay all the cards on the table; if he rejected her, at least then she could let him go. But, as long as there was a thread of hope for them, she would always wonder.
If Aidan wanted to talk to her, she was ready to listen. No matter the cost. She would risk everything to face him, even if his words broke her heart. It was time to lay her emotions bare, and if that meant crumbling and crying at his feet, it was worth the risk. Because deep down, Lucy hoped the words he needed to say to her were, I love you.