Chapter 22
Lucy paced the living room feeling like a nervous child on the first day of school. Anxiety mixed with anticipation coursed through her veins, and if she couldn’t get things under control, she would wear a hole in the carpet.
After her encounter with Aidan at school last week, Lucy spent the evening talking and baring her soul to Abbey. Abbey had been calm and somewhat smug, swearing she had known Lucy’s true feelings all along. She also told Lucy the only way to learn all the answers was to talk it out with Aidan.
It had taken her two days to work up the nerve to unblock his phone number. Then, another two days to send the first message. While she was dying to know what he had to say, she dreaded the harsh words he would rain down on her. She hoped, at the very least, they could move past all the hurt and stay friends. If they ever were friends.
It would have been easy to talk via text messages, but she needed to see him. She wanted him to see the pain in her eyes, the uncertainty creasing her brow, and the desire she could no longer keep at bay.
Clutching her phone, she read back through their conversation from a few days ago.
Lucy: I’m ready.
She had sent that first text, unsure what to say or where to start.
Aidan: OK
Lucy smiled faintly.
Lucy: Can we meet in person?
Aidan: I’m free on Friday.
Lucy: I moved. I have my own place now. Would you like to come here? I can make dinner.
Lucy remembered biting her lower lip, nervous about the response. She stared at the phone screen. It reminded her of the old saying, “A watched pot never boils.” That saying needed an update, “a watched phone never rings.”
Aidan: I’ll call in on Friday. I won’t stay long. Send me the Eir Code.
Her heart still squeezed at the final message. He wanted nothing more than to say his peace and be gone.
Lucy checked her reflection for at least the twentieth time. Dressed in jeans and a plain white t-shirt, she intended to keep the vibe casual. The last thing she wanted was to come across as desperate.
Abbey, well aware of this meeting, as Lucy now called it, took Kaylee for the night. There had been plenty of innuendos from Abbey, but Lucy figured she would spend tonight crying into some Ben Jerry’s while watching a cheesy rom-com.
The knock on the door sent a ripple of nervous energy through her veins. Her hands shook as she reached for the handle.
Aidan stood in the hallway, his hair a disheveled mess as if he had run his hands through it the entire journey. He glanced up briefly and gave a tight-lipped nod.
“How’re ya?” His eyes dropped down to her feet. She could tell he was nervous, too.
“Alright,” she managed to mumble, swallowing over the lump in her throat. Stepping back, she softly said, “Please come in.”
He gave another short nod and stepped into her home. The electricity was back; she could feel the intensity between them, setting every nerve on edge. Her body’s reaction was so strong she felt forced to grip the doorknob just to stay grounded.
Lucy swiftly closed the door, took a deep breath, and turned to face Aidan. It was now or never. Aidan seemed preoccupied with assessing the living room. He ran a hand along the back of the couch while taking in the small sitting area and TV arrangement. He continued moving toward the balcony, pulling back the curtain and checking the view.
“Nice place. Lucky to ‘ave found somethin’ in this area.”
His tone was cordial and business-like, as if he was here to make a deal and not discuss the downfall of their relationship.
“My sister lives just across the way.” Lucy tried to control the tremor in her voice. “I can see straight into her back garden.”
“Ay.” He dropped the curtain, keeping his back to her. “What happened?”
The words came out in a whisper.
Lucy lost all train of thought. “What happened with Abbey? Nothing, we just––.”
“Not with Abbey,” he interrupted, his voice barely audible. “With us.”
Lucy’s face flushed. Of course, he wouldn’t care about her personal life; that wasn’t why he came today.
Her spine stiffened, and she nervously gnawed at her lip. Her mind raced with a thousand excuses and reasons for her behavior. Finally, she settled on the truth.
“I guess I got scared.”
Aidan turned slowly, his eyebrows furrowed as he studied her face. Lucy moved toward the back of the couch, dropping her gaze and running her fingers along the soft fabric, unable to make eye contact as she awaited his response.
“That wasn’t the answer I was expectin’.” His tone softened but still held its edge. “I was expectin’ loadsa excuses like work is too busy, moving is hard, or it was fun, but you’re borin’.”
Lucy couldn’t help but crack a small smile. Glancing up through her lashes, she was disappointed to find Aidan’s face stoic.
“You’re not boring,” Lucy sighed. “Look, it’s not you, it’s me, but for real, not just the cliché. The truth is I’m scared, and I’m a big ‘ol chicken. I come with a massive amount of baggage and heartache. I have a long history of bad decisions. And I’m really good at running away. That’s sort of how I ended up here, in Ireland.”
Aidan rubbed a hand over his chin. “What are you so afraid of, Lucy?”
Lucy shrugged, turning her focus to a small piece of thread hanging from the couch’s stitching. How was she supposed to answer that? She closed her eyes, searching for the words to make him understand her feelings.
“I thought ya just wanted fun,” Aidan said, stepping closer to the couch. “Come ‘ere, if ya wanted to end things, ya coulda just said so. You didn’t have to block me and treat me as if I didn’t exist. I thought we were a little closer than that.”
Lucy shook her head and let out a small laugh of embarrassment. “I know, it was childish.”
“So, why didn’t ya just talk to me?” Aidan’s expression changed; the serious composure fell away. He looked across at her, eyes pleading for an answer as if he knew she was hiding the truth.
She pursed her lips together and inhaled through her nose. “Because I wanted more!” she exclaimed, dropping her gaze back to the loose thread.
“What?” His face scrunched in confusion.
“You heard me,” she mumbled, toying with the thread.
“But, ya wanted casual,” his voice grew louder. “That was the first thing ya said to me. You weren’t ready for anythin’ serious.”
“No!” Lucy glared at him, a fire igniting inside her. Her fingers dug into the back of the couch, and she forced her voice to remain steady. “You wanted causal. I didn’t want anything. I tried to walk away.”
Aidan huffed out a breath, which sounded like a laugh. “I only said that ‘cause ya looked scared.” He gave her a once over. “Similar to how ya look now.”
Lucy rolled her eyes. “I was scared, and I’m still scared.”
Aidan ran a hand through his hair, turning from her to walk back toward the window. “Maybe the suggestion was half-mad at the time, but I liked ya and wanted a chance to get to know ya better. Plus, we’re pretty good at the bedroom stuff, and I wasn’t ready to give that up.” He hung his head as if suddenly bashful. “Aside from that, I didn’t want to jump straight into a relationship either, but I hoped we could figure that part out together in time. Instead, ya––.”
“Panicked?” Lucy finished. “Ran away screaming?”
He turned to face her. “Yeah. So, again, what happened?”
“I don’t know,” Lucy sputtered. “Everything was great and fun, but then––then––.“
“Then what?” His fists clenched tightly against his thighs. “Tell me what I did.”
“I started falling in love with you.” The words were out before she could stop them. Lucy slapped a hand over her mouth, half praying he hadn’t heard.
Aidan’s jaw dropped, his gaze locking in stunned disbelief.
Lucy’s heart thumped frantically in her chest, the pressure building in her lungs, turning each breath into an agonizing effort. It felt as if she stood on a cliff”s ledge, balancing on one leg. Aidan could reach out and save her or run in the opposite direction as she toppled over the edge.
All she wanted to do was take the words back, but she couldn’t. This was the most honest she had ever been with anyone. There was no point in holding back; she needed to lay it all out.
“I couldn’t get you off my mind,” she said, concentrating on the dark shades of material covering the couch. “I thought about you day and night. When I was with you, I didn’t want to leave, and when I was away, all I could think about was seeing you again. It was too much, too intense, and I know you didn’t feel the same way.”
Aidan didn’t respond. Lucy slowly glanced up to meet his eyes blazing into her.
“That isn’t what you want,” she whispered, swallowing hard.
Aidan cocked his head to one side. “You have no idea what I want, Lucy Saunders.”
His voice came out in a husky baritone as if holding back the floodgates of emotion raging inside him. Lucy expected him to start yelling at any moment. Tears burned the back of her eyes; the last thing she wanted was to have a complete breakdown in front of him. The only way to keep herself from crying was to continue talking.
She broke eye contact, searching the back of the couch for the rogue string to occupy her hands. “I’m afraid of a broken heart. I’m scared you’re only interested in sex, and when you get bored of that, you’ll be done with me. I thought I was okay with casual, but I want more than just sex. It’s not enough for me, and I don’t believe it ever was.
“I hate feeling so strongly about you, yet I mean nothing to you. You hardly speak to me outside the bedroom, as if my presence annoys or embarrasses you. I’m jealous when you flirt with other women in front of me or go out with your friends. I don’t even know your friends.”
“Hold on!” Aidan interrupted her, stepping closer. “Slow down a minute; I can’t keep up. Do you honestly think I don’t feel anything for you? And I never see you outside the bedroom, so how am I supposed to talk to you? You never come to the school; you’re the one who constantly avoids me.”
“I came to the school.” Lucy snapped her head up in defiance. “The day after Thanksgiving, after you went to the bar with your friends. You remember that night? I came to your place; we had good sex, amazing sex. And the next day, you snubbed me.”
“What are you on about?” Aidan looked genuinely confused.
“I dropped off Kaylee; I was giddy with excitement to see you again.” Lucy felt anger surge through her. “You hardly acknowledged me. I think you gave me a nod. A nod! To the woman you just had sex with. That seems pretty emotionless to me.”
Aidan laughed. “Are you being serious?”
“Very.” Lucy stuck out her chin stubbornly.
“Ah, Chicken,” Aidan laughed again. “What’d ya have me do? I’ve been half-mad about ya from the moment I met ya. I never see ya in the daytime. It took me off guard, and I could hardly run across the yard and kiss ya. I was holding back because I had ta.”
Lucy felt foolish; that was precisely what Abbey had told her.
“And if you want to meet me, mates, you coulda just asked,” he continued. “I didn’t think that qualified as casual, though.”
“Clearly, I want more than casual,” Lucy mumbled. “I want something deeper and more stable.”
Lucy felt utterly vulnerable, as if she had sliced open a vein and couldn’t control the bleeding. She turned from the couch, pacing the area beside it.
“I’ve traveled the States, partied way too much, slept with too many people, and had more than my share of hangovers. I’m a hot mess but at a huge turning point in my life. I’m ready to settle down. I want Friday nights on the couch with Kaylee. And I want someone in my life to share all the adventures and laughs with. I don’t want to wake up with a head full of regrets and nothing to show for it.”
Aidan opened his mouth to speak but closed it when Lucy carried on.
“Speaking of Kaylee, what would she think of us dating? Not that we are, but if we did. I mean, how awkward would that be for her? The teenage years are hard enough without your peers picking on you.”
“Yar making my head spin with all these thoughts,” Aidan managed to interrupt her rant.
Lucy giggled nervously, shaking her head. “I’ve been doing a lot of deep thinking lately. I guess I just wanted to share it all with you, you know, in the name of honesty or something.”
Aidan leaned a hip against the back of the couch. “Well, don’t stop on account of me. This is the deepest conversation we’ve ever had, and I’m enjoying it.”
“It’s humbling,” Lucy replied, dropping her eyes. “I feel raw and vulnerable.”
Aidan gave a half-smile. “I like knowing what you’re thinking, even if you’re wrong.”
Lucy laughed nervously. “I’m wrong?”
Aidan pushed off the couch and stepped toward her. Finally, a smug smile creased his lips. “You’re wrong about what I want.”
She couldn’t breathe as he stepped closer, standing directly in front of her. He reached out and lightly grazed her arm. Shivers ran through her body, and goosebumps covered her skin.
His breath tickled her ear as he whispered, “I never wanted to be just casual with ya.”
She shifted, turning her face toward him. Their lips grazed briefly, sending every fear and worry out the window. All she wanted, in this moment, was him, and damn the consequences.
Their lips locked in a passionate kiss, the desire and need for one another as strong as a magnetic pull refusing to be severed. Instinctively, her arms wrapped around his neck, and she tucked her body tightly against his. The way they fit together so perfectly felt natural as if they were handmade for one another.
One hand cupped her face, softly caressing her cheek before sliding back to intertwine in her hair. Tingles shot through her body as pent-up emotions sparked to life.
Aidan broke the kiss, cupping her face in his hands. His bright blue eyes searched hers as she panted breathlessly.
“I missed you,” he murmured, stroking one cheek with the pad of his thumb. “I wish you had just talked to me.”
“I was scared and stupid,” she whispered, her voice trembling.
His expression turned serious, and his voice deepened. “I want ya pretty bad right now.”
Her eyelids felt heavy with arousal. “Me too.”
Instead of kissing her again, he untangled from their embrace and stepped back.
Lucy froze, a hard knot forming in the pit of her stomach.
“As much as I want you, I got a few things to say first.” His eyes smoldered. “I git that you’ve been hurt and you’re scared, but so am I. I was caught off guard, too. I didn’t think I would ever see after that one night together, but then, there you were, in the meetin’ room. A parent to one of my students. I was just as shocked as you were, but I had to finish my work day. You got to go home and process all those feelings. I’m sorry if I came across as cold or unfeeling; I promise you, inside a fire was ragin’.
“I thought after our second night together, surely that would git you outta me system. But it didn’t. As soon as you started ranting about relationships, I panicked. You’re right; casual was my idea, and it was stupid. I never wanted that, and I hoped that after some time, you wouldn’t want that either.”
It was Aidan’s turn to pace.
“I should have––.”
“Wait,” Aidan stopped her. “I’m not done yet.”
Lucy nodded, chewing on her bottom lip to keep from speaking.
“What I didn’t expect was how horrible you would treat me.”
Lucy’s eyes snapped up to meet his, her mouth opening in protest.
Aidan held up a finger to quiet her and continued. “You did, Lucy. Maybe horrible is a poor choice of words, but it”s how I felt. You think I only wanted sex, but you were the one who ran off as soon as we finished. I never asked you to leave; most of the time, I was beggin’ ya to stay, but ya always rushed out and made me feel like the one being used for sex.”
Lucy suddenly felt weak. She dug her fingers into the back of the couch to steady herself.
“And when I finally got up the nerve to confess how much I missed ya, ya ghosted me. Completely shut me off. Blocked me. You broke me heart, Lucy.”
Tears burned at the back of her eyes, and a wave of guilt crashed over her heart. Slowly, she walked around the couch and sat on the edge of the cushion.
“Oh, Aidan,” she whispered, her voice shaking.
“I haven’t been able to eat or sleep or properly function,” Aidan continued, moving around the couch toward her. “I think about you all the time. And you didn’t even acknowledge me at the Saint Paddy’s breakfast. I know you knew I was standing there, but we kept cooking pancakes and never turned around.”
“I couldn’t face you,” Lucy said; her voice broke, and a tear slid from one eye.
Aidan sat on the couch next to her, his face crumpled. “If I acted like I didn’t care, it was because I was willing to be wit ya no matter the cost. Even when I thought you were the one who didn’t care.”
“I was guarded,” Lucy mumbled. “Too guarded. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“You did,” Aidan said matter-of-factly.
“I’m sorry.” Lucy reached across to touch his face lightly. “I should have been honest. I’m so used to being the one who gets hurt; it never crossed my mind that I was hurting you.”
“That’s why I wanted to tell ya in person,” Aidan said, grazing the hand still resting on his cheek. “I was angry and hurt. For a few weeks, I didn’t ever want to see ya again. But, I couldn’t shake ya from me mind, and that made me more angry. Then I realized you probably had no idea how much ya hurt me, because ya didn’t know how I felt about ya.”
“I thought you would be relieved,” Lucy said, dropping her hand onto his thigh. “I felt too much. I didn’t know how to handle it. I have massive baggage I need to deal with.”
“Where do we go from here?” Aidan asked, intertwining his fingers with hers. “We both admit to wanting more. Is that still what you want?”
“Very much.” Lucy smiled up at him. “I want to be with you.”
“Good. I don’t want to pick up where we left off.” Aidan gave her a serious look. “I can’t play this hot and cold game anymore. If we’re together, then we’re together; no ignoring me calls or blocking me. And no more runnin’ out in the middle of the night.”
Lucy hung her head sheepishly. “That’s fair.”
Aidan ran a finger along her jawline. “When I make love to ya, I want to wake up next to ya.” A mischievous smile played upon his lips. “I hate cold sheets.”
“Make love?” Lucy shivered.
“Yes. We’re done with casual sex.” Aidan straightened his spine. “I want ya, just ya. Let’s take a chance on the real thing.”
“I don’t know––.”
Aidan placed his finger on her lips. “Shh, it”s all or nothin’. It’s as simple as that.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready––.”
Aidan cut her off. “Ya may never know––.”
It was Lucy’s turn to put a finger against his lips. “As I was trying to say, I don’t know if I’m ready, but I’m willing to try.”
Aidan’s eyes smoldered as he kissed the finger resting on his lips.
Lucy moved toward him, leaning in and kissing him softly. In one swift movement, he pulled her onto his lap. The warmth of his body radiated against her. For a moment, they sat there, locked in an embrace. His lips gently grazed her forehead as he held her.
“Make love to me,” Lucy whispered.
Climbing off his lap, she pulled him to stand beside her. She reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers as she led him back to her bedroom.
Standing at the edge of her bed, Lucy turned to face Aidan. The look in his eyes took her breath away. They held a sea of emotions. Desire, but something else too, affection? Adoration? It was hard to put a finger on all the feelings dancing there, but Lucy liked how it made her feel.
Gently, Aidan cupped her chin, tilting it until their lips grazed against each other. Fire ignited inside her; she felt as if sparks would shoot out her fingertips and toes.
Aidan deepened the kiss, moving his hands back to tangle once again in her hair while gently nibbling her lower lip. Fingers caressed the soft skin of her neck as his tongue slid into her mouth.
They sighed simultaneously, and their lips both curled slightly at the gesture.
Lucy ran her hands under his shirt, over his stomach and chest, craving his skin”s warmth. Aidan lifted his arms, signaling Lucy to remove the barrier. Returning the favor, Aidan quickly tossed her shirt to the floor, unhooking her bra with a single flick of his fingers.
“Nice,” she breathed, breaking the intensity of the moment.
“I’ve been practicing,” he teased, kissing her temple.
Lucy glared at him. “On who?”
“Just me ole blow-up doll.” Aidan teased.
Before she could respond, he bent down, grabbed her behind the knees, and flipped her onto the bed. Their lips met again as he gently pressed his body against hers. Running her hands over the soft skin of his shoulders, she felt the skin pimple at each touch. His muscles tensed and relaxed as he moved above her.
Each movement was slow and steady, not the frantic maneuvers of two people engaging in causal, needy sex. Lucy closed her eyes as his hands expertly roamed over her, touching and caressing her body. Aidan knew exactly how to please her; they were no longer fumbling around in unfamiliar territory. She moaned as his hand cupped her breast gently, his lips kissing down her neck, squirming as he hit each tender spot, sending her blood boiling.
Aidan moved off her just long enough to remove the rest of their clothing. Her jeans and panties hit the floor as he tugged his pants off.
“Beautiful,” he breathed, kissing her inner thighs. “I missed you so much.”
“Same.” Lucy struggled to get the single word out.
Her fingers twisted in his continued kissing up her thighs. Her back arched as his tongue found the creases and folds between her legs. Unable to hold back, small gasps escaped her lips as the first climax ripped through her body.
As she struggled to catch her breath, Aidan kissed his way up her body, lightly tracing his lips along the sensitive skin of her belly, teasing his way around the outline of her breasts. Taking one of her perked nipples in his teeth; he sent her gasping for air all over again.
Lucy raked her fingers along the muscles in his back. She needed to feel him, know this moment was real; she ran her hands over his back, sliding down his spine to cup and squeeze his buttocks.
He groaned into her neck, taking a break from the trail of kisses he planted along her jawline. Finding her lips, he lowered his body between her thighs. The warm, slick skin of his chest grazed against her nipples, sending a thrill down her spine.
Lucy felt like she was floating, and a cheesy grin crossed her face. Never had she wanted a man more than in this moment. Sliding her hand between their thighs, she lightly stroked his shaft, gently wrapping her fingers around his girth to lightly stroke.
“Oh, my days,” he groaned, breaking their kiss.
Lucy smiled as she toyed with the soft flesh of this foreskin. “I love when you say that,” she whispered.
Aidan looked down at her, his eyes dark and intense with desire. For a minute, they stayed lost in the other’s gaze. She silently prayed he would always look at her this way.
With her hand still wrapped around him, she moved his uncut tip to lightly caress her opening. They both sucked in a breath as she released her hold, leaving his tip to tease her lower lips.
“Yar so beautiful.” The look in his eyes couldn’t deny the truth in his words.
He reached down to grip her wrists and extended both her arms over her head, interlacing their fingers, and he slid inside her. Lucy threw back her head; her eyes closed to concentrate fully as waves of pleasure began to build. Squeezing his hands, she cried out as the waves crashed over and over.
A sheepish grin crossed her face. “Sorry, that was a bit unexpected,” she whispered.
Aidan panted. “That was the hottest thing I ever seen.”
Taking her mouth with his, he began to move again. Her legs tightened around his waist as they moved in sync. Releasing one hand, she stroked and scratched lightly along his back. A low groan rumbled deep in his chest.
He squeezed the hand he still held. His kisses grew in intensity as their movements quickened. Breathing raggedly, he pulled his mouth from hers and let out a low growl. In a quick maneuver, he rolled them over, flipping her up to straddle him. Wiggling his eyebrows, he scanned her body, hungrily taking in every part of her. Still buried inside her, he gripped her hips, guiding them into steady movements that caused his eyes to roll back.
A passionate fire burned between her thighs. She felt both powerful and vulnerable at the same time. Powerful and sexy enough to drive him wild. Vulnerable because her body was entirely on display. She shouldn’t have felt self-conscious; Aidan always looked at her as if she were a supermodel. A wave of raw desire cascaded through her as her body took control.
Aidan released his grip on her hips to explore her body greedily. Ripples of pleasure surged like tiny shocks of electricity with each touch. She sucked in a breath as the pad of his thumb found the swollen nub between her thighs, massaging it gently.
Leaning back, Lucy gripped his thighs, arching her back as her climax claimed every nerve. Fireworks shot behind her eyes, and she yelled out his name.
As the intensity continued, Aidan grabbed her hips again, urging her to keep up the current pace. Sleepily, she looked down at him, thrilled by the pleasure etched across his face. Gathering her strength, she continued moving until the orgasm ripped through him.
He pulled her down to greedily kiss her. Breathlessly, she released him and slid down to curl up next to him. They were both sweaty and completely spent. Lucy never wanted this moment to end.
“I forgot to mention one thing,” he said once he finally caught his breath. “I think I’m falling in love with ya, too.”