Chapter 10
Chapter ten
Lena
My phone rang again. I glanced at the screen with a sigh, seeing Ironside’s name there. Twelve missed calls in the past hour. Multiple texts that I didn’t have the heart to read. Rejecting the call again, I shoved my phone back into my purse and tried not to think about it.
I woke up this morning at the crack of dawn, when Ironside’s bedroom had been shrouded in the lavender-blue of early morning. He was so warm and strong wrapped around me. Protective and possessive and…perfect.
But the sting of last night’s failed attempt to have sex burned in my stomach like a hot coal.
How could I do this to him? How could I expect him to remain satisfied in a long-term committed relationship with someone who couldn’t have sex?
Thank God my schedule was full today, so I could stay busy and distract myself from thoughts of Ironside. Guilt gnawed at my gut for sneaking out like a coward. I didn’t even say good-bye. I just…left.
But if I looked into Ironside’s face and told him that it wouldn’t work out between us, I would burst into tears.
So I fell back into old habits, dedicating myself to my work.
I had a wedding to set up for today, creating a floral arch for the altar, and placing flower arrangements throughout the church. I couldn’t afford to get wrapped up in my emotions about ending things with Ironside.
Deep down though, I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever. He was tenacious, stubborn. A fighter. He wouldn’t give up that easily.
Sometime around noon—two hours before the wedding guests were scheduled to arrive—I had my arms loaded with miniature flower bouquets for the reception, placing them around the tables, when Ironside showed up.
I swore under my breath, wishing I had more time to prepare for this conversation.
He scanned the staff that bustled around the church, searching for me. And then his gaze met mine and my heart somersaulted.
He headed straight for me with bold strides, unwavering in his determination to reach me.
“What the hell is going on, Lena?” Ironside said. “You’re not answering my calls or my texts, and you took off this morning without saying anything. Are you okay?”
I shook my head, fighting to speak around the lump in my throat.
“I can’t talk right now. I’m working.”
A shadow flickered across Ironside’s face and a muscle twitched in his jaw. He cupped my elbow, gentle but firm, leading me to the side as he lowered his voice.
“Did I do something wrong last night?” he asked softly.
I sputtered a laugh of disbelief.
“No. God, no. You were…absolutely amazing. It was better than anything I could have asked for.”
Ironside arched an eyebrow. He shifted even closer, cupping my chin. He pressed his thumb to my chin, just beneath my lower lip.
“Then what’s the problem? I woke up and you were gone.”
I glanced away, biting the inside of my cheek. My throat was getting tighter by the second. I fiddled with a bundle of peonies and daisies.
“Look, I really need to get this wedding done before the guests arrive—”
“Lena,” Ironside cut in with a growl that took me by surprise. He was usually so soft spoken and patient with me. But there was an obvious edge in his voice this time. “Are you leaving me?”
I swallowed hard and my eyes burned with tears. An ear-splitting clang made me glance up. In the distance, a caterer had dropped a tray of hors d'oeuvres, frantically sweeping them up.
“I have a lot to do,” I said, turning away. “Can we discuss this later?”
Ironside didn’t budge as I hurried to finish setting out the arrangements on the tables. I didn’t dare risk a glance in his direction. I would crumble in a heartbeat.
“I was engaged once, you know,” he called after me.
I froze. My heart skipped a beat, then hammered against my sternum.
“I loved her with everything I had,” he continued.
Part of me wanted to hear more. But another part of me didn’t want to hear another word.
“She slipped out when I was asleep, just like you did,” Ironside went on. “Instead of waking up next to the woman I loved, I was greeted by an empty bed, an empty home. And her engagement ring on my nightstand, with a note that said she didn’t love me enough to make it work.”
I closed my eyes with a pained sound. God, that must have been awful. I couldn’t imagine how gut wrenching that was to go through.
Silence filled the room, stretching between us.
“Do you feel the same way?” Ironside asked.
At last, I placed the final bouquet. There were no more flowers. No more work to be done. Slowly, I turned to face him, twisting my fingers together, feeling bile burn in the back of my throat.
“No,” I said. “That’s not how I feel.”
“From where I’m standing, it looks like you do.”
I pressed my lips together, willing myself to not cry. But a tear still slipped down my cheek anyway and I swiped it away quickly.
“I feel…I feel so broken, Reuben,” I said, my voice cracking.
“I know I’m not supposed to say that. I know you keep telling me that I shouldn’t apologize for my condition.
” I fought back a sob as I pressed my hand to my chest. “I want to have sex with the man I love but I can’t and it’s breaking my heart.
I can’t ask you to commit to a lifetime with me like this. ”
Ironside’s gaze softened.
“Then don’t ask me. I’ve already made my decision. I’ve chosen to be with you, Lena. And I will continue to choose you, every day, for the rest of our lives.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. For so long, I had dreamed of finding a love like this. For years, I had battled doubts that maybe I would watch everyone else fall in love, while I didn’t. Just because of my body, because of my diagnosis.
“Do you really mean that?” I whispered. “Because if you don’t…if you’re just saying pretty words…”
Ironside closed the distance between us and captured my hand in his.
“Look. I know it’s tradition to kneel during a proposal, but my knees won’t go for that shit. If I get down on one knee, there’s a good chance I won’t be able to get back up again.”
I managed a wet laugh, shaking from head to toe with anticipation. He curved his palm around the back of my neck, holding me steady, grounding me.
“I want everything with you, petal,” Ironside continued.
“I want to marry you and call you my wife. I want to smell your rose perfume on my sheets and I want to hold you in my arms when I fall asleep. I want your clothes next to mine in the closet. I want to make you come on my tongue, again and again, until you can’t think straight and my jaw locks up. I want you, Lena. In every way.”
I blinked, surprised at his passion and his tenacity.
“What about…sex?” I asked. “What if I’m never capable of doing it? Won’t you be disappointed?”
He shrugged.
“I’m in my fifties, sweetheart. I’ve had plenty of sex already.”
I gazed up at him, marveling that I had managed to find a man like this. He was my dream come true.
Ironside looped an arm around my waist, pulling me close.
“Ever since my engagement ended two decades ago, I haven’t felt that desire to spend the rest of my life with someone. I thought I was destined to live alone and die as a cranky old bachelor. Until I met you. I want forever with you, Lena.”
I placed my hand on his chest, feeling the steady thrumming beat of his heart. My rock. My biker. Hellbent and determined to stay by my side, no matter how hard I tried to push him away because of my own doubts and misgivings.
“What about kids?” I asked. “We haven’t talked about that. I’d love to be a mother some day, but…”
I trailed off, chewing my lower lip. But I didn’t know if my body would be able to handle it.
“Then we can adopt. Or try to. Adoption agencies might not like my associations with my club, but I can be on my best behavior and play nice.”
I laughed softly, sliding my arms around his neck.
“You have an answer for everything, don’t you?”
“Well, there’s one answer I don’t have.”
“And what’s that?” I mused.
“Will you marry me?”
My breath caught in my throat. Before meeting Ironside, I was beginning to think I would never hear those words. I was beginning to think that maybe I would never get to live happily ever after.
“I don’t want to be a cranky old bachelor anymore, petal,” Ironside said. “I want to be a happily married old man. With you.”
My heart felt like it would burst with joy.
“Then my answer is yes,” I said. “Make me your wife.”
“Oh, thank fuck,” he breathed, sealing his mouth to mine and kissed me until I was breathless.
Two weeks later, The Reckless Order hosted a steak dinner and drinks to celebrate my engagement to Ironside, officially welcoming me into the family. I brought a giant bouquet of flowers from my shop, placing it on the bar for a pop of color amid the black leather, jeans, and Harley-Davidson decor.
“Let’s see that ring,” Shea shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth to be heard over the din of conversation.
Ironside puffed up with pride as he hooked an arm around my waist and drew me close. Then he held up my hand, showing me off just as much as the pink diamond ring on my finger.
Pink, like those flowers you love so much, he told me. Pink, like that pretty blush in your cheeks when I kiss you. Pink, like that perfect pussy I could eat morning, noon, and night.
Which had made me blush even more, and the next thing I knew, Ironside had me stripped naked, spread out on the couch, with his head between my thighs.
“Well, would you look at that,” Psycho said, crossing his arms. “He’s really going to tie the knot, boys.”
“Pay up,” Trooper announced. “Hades, Brass, you lost the bet. Time to fork over the cash. Our bachelor has fallen and he’s getting married. Just like I said he would.”
Hades grumbled and dug his wallet out, slapping a wad of money into Trooper’s palm. Bruiser did the same.
“Sorry, boys,” Ironside said. “But I couldn’t let my lady slip through my fingers.”
I ducked my head with a smile, pressing my cheek to his shoulder. Warmth bloomed in my chest.