Chapter 14
Ispent the next part of the morning packing my belongings and loading them into my car, so I wouldn’t have to worry about it later.
Liv and Talia gather their things and head over to Liv’s parents’ house to spend a few hours before they head back to Columbia as well.
Once my suitcase is packed, I slowly walk into Ethan’s room. I go straight to his bookshelf and grab his copies of The Outsiders and To Kill a Mockingbird.
I used to tease Ethan whenever I saw him mark his books. “Sacrilegious! You are torturing those poor babies!” My books all show signs of being well-loved, but I don’t crease the corners of the pages to hold my spot and don’t write in them. Receipts and napkins happen to make great bookmarks.
But right now, I’m so grateful for his obsession with highlighting his favorite passages and writing notes in the margin. I can’t wait to read the things he found insightful or that stood out to him.
I grab his Letterman’s jacket before exiting his room and softly close the door.
I’m sitting in the kitchen, just breathing and staring out the window, when I hear the doorbell ring just before 12:30. As I reach the entryway, I see Sam walking in, Mom holding the door open.
Sam’s wearing a fitted black T-shirt and dark jeans. Always with the fitted shirts, this man. I don’t stop myself from looking at his muscled arms and tattoos. I hate to admit it, but his tattoos make me weak in the knees. He’s devastatingly handsome.
Finally shifting my gaze to his face, I see him watching me. He quirks up an eyebrow in a I saw you checking me out way.
I groan, grab my bag, kiss Mom on the cheek, and walk out the front door. “I’ll be back soon, Ma.”
“Have fun, you two.” She says it like she’s in on a secret I don’t know about. I roll my eyes as I walk outside.
Sam hurries along, getting to his dad’s SUV first. He opens my door for me.
“Ever the gentleman.” I tease.
“Always, my lady.” He dips into an exaggerated bow, his eyes sparkling. I roll my eyes at his back but watch as he walks around the front of the SUV and climbs into the driver’s seat.
“Soooo,” I drag out as Sam pulls away from the curb. I have to know about this motorcycle accident he mentioned Saturday. “Motorcycle accident, huh?”
Sam snaps his attention to me and runs a palm across his face. “You caught that, huh?” As if I wasn’t sitting there hanging on every word.
“Why didn’t Ethan tell me?” This is the one question that keeps lingering in my mind. I understand why Sam didn’t say anything to me. We hadn’t exactly been speaking regularly enough for him to share that kind of information with me. But Ethan? Why didn’t he tell me?
“Because I asked him not to,” Sam says each word slowly, and I watch as the corners of his lips turn down slightly.
His words hit me like a punch to my gut. My palms start to sweat, and I feel the temperature in my cheeks rise. “You told him not to tell me? Wh… Why would you do that? Why didn’t you want me to know, Sam?”
“It isn’t that I didn’t want you to know.
” Sam’s words are rushed, and his voice rises slightly.
He takes a deep breath. “Kat, we didn’t exactly end things on great terms.” His hands grip the steering wheel as he navigates the streets.
“Despite seeing each other over the years since then, I know you’ve been avoiding me. ”
I was avoiding him. But that doesn’t exactly explain why he didn’t want me to know.
He takes another deep breath before continuing. “I was in a dark place. I was struggling daily with my accident and recovery.”
He glances at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road. My eyes haven’t left his face. I watch every expression flit across his handsome features. I get the sense he doesn’t want to have this conversation, so I remain quiet.
“I’d never been in so much pain in my life before that. There were days it was hard to just get out of bed. My recovery was slow, with physical therapy kicking my ass every day. Truthfully, my mental health kind of tanked.”
He sighs and I can’t stop staring at him. I feel stupid realizing I had no idea any of this was happening.
“I didn’t want you to know because… I didn’t want that to be the reason that you finally let me back into your life.
We have a lot to talk about.” He shrugs.
“I couldn’t stomach my accident and recovery being the reason you—I think I would have always wondered if you felt like you had to talk to me rather than wanting to talk to me. ”
I let his words sink in, and I know he’s right. I would have done anything for him if I had known what he was going through. I would have dropped everything and gone to him.
“I’m sorry, Sam. There’s a lot about how things ended that I wish I could take back. You were a good friend to me, and I acted like a child. You deserved better than that. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” I look at the road in front of us through the windshield, no longer able to look at him.
“That regret goes both ways, you know?” Sam gently bumps my arm with his elbow.
I lean back into the seat, allowing my head to drop against the headrest. I interlace my hands in my lap to keep from fidgeting.
“I wish I had handled things differently. I suspected how you felt. I shouldn’t have sprung that news on you the way I did.
It was insensitive. I’m sorry I hurt you, Kat. ”
We pull up to the restaurant, and I’m grateful for the opportunity to change the subject, even if briefly.
I get out of the SUV before he can open my door for me, and Sam shoots me a teasing scowl. When I give him one back, he laughs. “Come on, menace.” He grabs my hand, and we walk into the restaurant.
Once we’ve ordered our food—brisket and cole slaw tacos for me, and a pulled pork sandwich for Sam—I look around the place. This BBQ joint has always been a favorite of mine, thanks to its casual vibes, great BBQ served on metal trays with paper liners, and fantastic drinks.
“About our conversation in the car.” Sam looks at me like he’s staring into my soul. I want to recoil afraid that he’ll see my every thought of him, but I hold his stare instead. “That is one of the reasons I wanted to have lunch before you left today.”
My attention is fixed on him, silently urging him to continue; my knee bounces slightly under the table.
“I don’t want us to go back to how things have been the last few years. I’ve missed you. I want my friend back.” Sam leans closer and places his elbows onto the table.
There’s that word again… friend. “I’d like that, too.” It comes out more guarded than I intended, and I know it’s because I’ve never wanted to just be his friend. I try to mask my tone with a smile. If a friend is the only way to have him back in my life, I’ll take it.
“Good.” His smile is evident in his tone as he sits back again. “So, I’m going to text you and call you, and you are going to text me and call me, ok?”
I nod at him, knowing he’s referencing my lack of responses to his texts and calls back in Seattle. “Yes. I’ll text and call you.”
I sip on the sweet tea the server brought me and use the moment to collect myself a little more. Even if we could be something more, right now, I need Sam as a friend. Maybe he needs me, too.
“Sooo,” I drag out the word, “are you ok? I mean, after the accident?”
“I still have a pretty bad scar across my chest,” he touches a spot along his ribs on the left side, “but otherwise, I’m good. Yeah.”
“Will you show me? The scar?”
His expression is tight as he searches my face. “Some other time.” Sensing he doesn’t want to be pushed, I drop it.
We eat our food and chat the entire time. We talk about how Charleston has changed since we were kids. We talk about hanging out over Thanksgiving weekend if he can make the trip work with his schedule. We make plans to see each other over Christmas.
Once we’re finished eating, he takes me back to my parents' house. I get out of the SUV, and Sam walks me to the door.
We stop in front of the door, and I turn to look at him, taking in his soft eyes. His body is rigid for a moment before he pulls me into a hug. He steps away sooner than I want him to. His absence makes me feel empty.
“Don’t be a stranger, Kitty Kat.” He kisses my cheek softly and then walks back to the SUV. I reach up and touch the place on my cheek where he kissed me and watch as he drives away.