20. Theo
Chapter 20
Theo
I stared at the tombstone I’d looked at several times before, but now, it felt different.
It felt different because he was there, buried under the surface, in his final resting place until the sun collapsed on itself and brought this entire world into darkness. The watch on my wrist was heavier than the one I used to wear, but the weight was a reminder he was here. Now, he was buried beside my parents. He probably would have wanted his ashes to be scattered in Positano because no one would miss him when he was gone, but I missed him, and that was why I’d put him here.
Astrid was so quiet beside me, I forgot she was there.
My hand reached for hers.
She squeezed it back .
Bolton was buried in this same cemetery. I didn’t want him and my brother to be in the same place, but I didn’t want it to be inconvenient for either of us when we wanted to visit our families. I wasn’t sure if Astrid would want to visit at all. When she’d come to his grave site, she didn’t cry, and our lives at home weren’t restrained by heartbreak.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” she whispered.
“I know you are, sweetheart.” My arm moved around her shoulders, and I brushed a kiss to her hairline.
“Wish I could have met him.”
“Me too.” He would have constantly hit on her to piss me off, but I would have preferred that over his absence any day.
“Is Shayla here too?”
“Yes.”
“We can visit her too…if you want.”
Once I told Astrid I loved her, I let Shayla go. She would always be special to me, but my heart needed to make room for the woman in my life now. The woman who would be my wife. Who would grow old with me. And perhaps be the mother of my children. “I’m okay.”
It was the first time I’d said those words…and actually meant them.
I sat in the Underground with the boys, drinking and smoking, ignoring the topless waitress who kept coming over to me even when I didn’t need another drink. It was a rowdy night because there wasn’t much happening on the streets. The guys were more careless with their booze.
Once the men started to file out, Octavio talked about business. “What do you want to do about Beau?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing?” Both of his eyebrows rose.
“That’s your call, Octavio. Because I’m out.”
“What do you mean?” The eyebrows remained fixed in place.
“I said what I said. I’m done.”
“With Beau or?—”
“I’m done with everything. Become the new Skull King or appoint someone new. I officially resign.” I grabbed the diamond ring off my finger and placed it on the table between us. I’d had the position for years, longer than most of my predecessors, but it was time to move on.
“Theo, you’re the right guy for the job.”
“I know I am. But I have other priorities now.”
“You mean one priority.”
I cocked my head to the side. “I thought you would be happy, Octavio. Don’t act like the position doesn’t tempt you.”
“It does. But I can’t do it as well as you. Nor can anyone else.”
“Life goes on, man. You’ll figure it out.”
“Does this have to happen now? Maybe wait a year?—”
“No.” I finally had peace in my life, and I wouldn’t allow anything to disrupt it. “It’s done.”
Octavio stared for a couple seconds, but words weren’t forthcoming. He finally seemed to accept my decision. “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
“I already have.”
“Fuck, this is nice.” Axel leaned back in his chair, his fingers stitched together behind his head. We sat in the quiet bar, most of the tables empty because it was late on a weeknight.
“We drink all the time.”
“We haven’t talked in five minutes.”
“You’re the talker, asshole.”
“But we haven’t talked about Bolton or Beau or whatever bullshit we used to talk about. It’s just fucking chill, man. ”
Yes, it was chill. I’d resigned a week ago, and Astrid hadn’t seemed to notice I hadn’t gone to work. Maybe she thought I was just on vacation for a short while, even though vacation wasn’t in my vocabulary.
“Scarlett has been fucking me soooo good too. Almost dying really gets her going.”
“You didn’t almost die.”
“Well, I may exaggerate some details to her.” He winked.
Now I understood his obsession with his wife, because I had the same obsession for Astrid. I just didn’t share the details because those were just for me. “I left the Skull Kings a week ago.”
That grin disappeared when he flinched at my words. Then he slowly dropped his hands as he sat forward. “What the fuck did you just say?”
“I said what I said.”
“No fucking way.”
“Yes.”
“ You ?” he asked. “Retired.”
“How many times can I say yes?”
“Wow. That means we can hang out all the time.”
“That’s not what I had in mind. ”
“We can work out together every day,” he said. “Go eat lunch at Scarlett’s restaurant.”
“Don’t you have kids?”
“I’ve got Dante, my parents, and the nanny. We’ll make it work. Dude, I’m so stoked.”
“I was hoping to spend that time with Astrid.”
“You can only fuck so much per day, you know.” He grabbed his glass and took a drink. “Astrid must be happy.”
“I haven’t told her.”
“Why?”
Because it would seal the deal. Put the nail in the coffin. Make all these changes permanent. “Haven’t gotten around to it.”
“I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Now that I have peace, it’s all I want.” I wanted to fade into the background and be forgotten. I wanted life to be simple, even boring. “I can’t keep Astrid safe if I have a target on my back every single day. She’ll have to carry that target too, and I can’t handle that.”
He gave a slow nod. “I get it.”
“There wasn’t another option.”
“I’m still surprised you did this without talking to her.”
“I don’t need her permission or her blessing. ”
“That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. “She would have tried to talk me out of it.”
“You think?”
“She wouldn’t want me to give up what I love for her. I know her.”
“That’s sweet.”
“But we both know it’s the only decision that makes sense.”
“So this is the real deal,” he said with a slow nod. “I like it.”
I was still fucking scared. Never been as scared of anything in my life. But I was already doing it, so maybe it wasn’t as scary as I thought.
“She’s gonna jump your bones when you tell her.” He grinned.
“She’s gonna jump my bones anyway,” I said. “She always does.”
We had dinner together at the dining table. Frank had hired a new personal chef who knew his way around the kitchen. Instead of being confined to our bedroom like we were most nights, we ate together in the dining room.
“How was work?” I asked .
“It was quiet,” she said. “I don’t think a single person came in.”
“What do you do when that happens?”
“I read. Or look at pictures of you on my phone.”
“I didn’t know you had so many pictures.”
“Oh, I snap them when you aren’t looking.” She smiled then dropped her eyes down to her pasta, where she spun it on her fork. “A nice little snack.” Her smile continued, the color coming into her cheeks. Once her pasta was secure on her fork, she placed the noodles in her mouth.
It was hard not to smirk.
“Sometimes when you’re in the gym, I crack the door and snap a photo. Yes, I’m a pervert, and I don’t even care.”
My smile spread wide and couldn’t be contained.
We continued to eat our dinner and exchange looks across the table. The last few weeks had been the best in our relationship because our obstacles were defeated. Now, it was just…easy. I couldn’t compare my relationship with Shayla to this, because even though she had been my wife, this relationship with Astrid had more substance. It lasted longer, and we’d survived more things together.
“When do you think you’ll go back to work?”
The subject had been broached. It was time .
“Not that I want you to go back, by any means. It’s been fun having you at home.”
“I’m not going back.”
“For how long?”
“Ever.” I set my fork down and locked my stare with hers.
She clearly didn’t understand, judging by the confusion on her face. She remained bewildered for seconds, her eyebrows up, her lips pressed tightly together like she tried to complete long division in her head. “I don’t understand.”
“That season of my life is over. It’s time for something new.”
Instead of looking pleased by the decision, she remained perplexed. “You’ve never given any indication that you wanted to retire.”
“I said nothing of retirement,” I said. “I’ll find something else…at some point.”
“Theo…” She pressed her lips tightly together as she found the words to speak. “I really hope you aren’t doing this for me. Because I would never want you to give up what you love. I would never ask that of you.”
“I am doing it for you.”
“Theo—”
“There is no other option, Astrid. Men are always going to want me dead, so you’re always going to be a pawn in this cruel game. I have to choose—and I choose you.”
Her argument died in her throat as the emotion flushed into her face. “I know you would always protect me?—”
“Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not going to find out.”
“I’m touched by this, but?—”
“It’s done.” I’d already resigned my position. There might be a new Skull King by now. Or maybe they were fighting among themselves because everyone wanted the job. It wasn’t my problem, so I didn’t care about their politics.
She was quiet for a long time, just staring at me wordlessly.
“I’m ready to move on with my life, sweetheart.” I felt the sincerity in my chest as I said those words. Felt the cage door open and the dove fly free. I’d tried so hard not to change my life, but change was what I’d needed the entire time.
She remained quiet, just staring at me. “What will you do now?”
“Take it easy. But eventually, I’ll probably start a new business.”
“Don’t you own a couple restaurants?”
“Their sole purpose is to wash my money. I’d like to do something that has purpose.”
“Like what?” she asked .
“I don’t know. Maybe we can run our own art gallery.”
“We?” she asked, a smile moving on to her lips.
“Yes,” I said. “ We .”
Affection moved into her gaze as she stared at me across the table, the love swirling in her eyes like clouds. A lot of women had looked at me in particular ways, but they’d never looked at me the way she did, not even Shayla. “So, if you’re on vacation for a while…maybe we should take a trip.”
“Where would you like to go?”
“Somewhere warm…near the ocean…with a bed.”
I smirked. “I’ll take you wherever you want to go, sweetheart.”