Chapter 21
Chapter Twenty-One
FEARFUL
Jessa
I woke up on Sophie’s couch with mascara-stained cheeks and a headache splitting my skull.
A wave of nausea rolled through; my palms pressed to my belly—automatic now. Outside, delivery trucks hissed to a stop, and a siren stitched through above the noise. The city kept humming. I didn’t.
I grabbed my phone from the coffee table, noticing a text from Sophie:
Sophie: Had to run to a meeting. Keaton left for Holly Creek. Coffee is in the pot. We’re talking when I get back at lunch. Text if you need anything.
I forced myself to get up and shuffled to the kitchen. I poured myself a cup, warming my hands around it, but forgetting to sip it. Thoughts plagued me, keeping me there, staring off into space.
Everything hurt, emanating from the epicenter of my chest and out through every limb.
I’d known Griffin would be a complicated man when he first ventured into Holly Creek Hops.
But somewhere between telling bedtime stories to Theo and being the fake fiancée Griffin needed, I’d convinced myself he could love me back.
Idiot.
My phone buzzed.
I grabbed it, half-hoping it was Griffin with some miraculous apology.
It wasn’t.
Aunt Patty: We haven’t heard from you lately. Is everything okay?
I’d ignored other texts from my sisters and Mom lately. My eyes burned with fresh tears. Before I could think better of it, I hit the call button.
Aunt Patty answered on the second ring. “Jessa? What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” My voice cracked. “How could you tell?”
“Just a feeling. Oh, sweetheart. Talk to me.”
I told her about the gala and the pregnancy reveal.
“You didn’t tell him yet?”
I continued on about Sam’s cruel words and Griffin’s silence. About the fight in the penthouse and the panic in his eyes.
“I became too inconvenient for his life,” I finished.
She was quiet for a long moment. Then she said, “Men can be absolute fools when they’re scared.”
“He’s not scared. He just doesn’t want to be a father again.”
“Oh, honey—those are the same thing in different hats. He’s terrified. I’d bet my life on it.” Her voice was gentle but firm. “That doesn’t excuse how he treated you. But fear makes people do stupid things. Makes them push away the very thing they want most.”
I wiped my eyes. “What am I supposed to do?”
“You come home to Holly Creek.” No hesitation. “You let him sit with what he’s lost. And you focus on taking care of yourself and that baby.”
“But what if—”
“What if nothing, Jessa Marie. Trust me. You can’t fix him.
You can’t make him ready to be the man you need him to be.
That’s work he has to do on his own.” She paused.
“And if he doesn’t? Then you build a life without him.
You’re strong enough to do that. You have always been stronger than you think. ”
My throat constricted, too tight to answer. After a minute I said, “I don’t know about that.”
“You left him last night, didn’t you? You chose yourself and your baby over a man who couldn’t see what was right in front of him. That’s strength, sweetie.”
A tear slipped down my cheek.
“I think… I love him. I love him so much it’s killing me.” I sobbed.
“Love yourself more, Jess. That’s how you’ll teach your baby what genuine love looks like.”
“I hear you, but it hurts like hell.”
“I know. When are you coming home?”
“Soon.” I looked around Sophie’s apartment. At the packed suitcase by the door. “I need to say goodbye to Theo first. He deserves that much.”
“He’s a lucky boy to have had you in his life. Even if his daddy’s too blind to see it.”
We talked for a few more minutes before hanging up. My coffee had gone cold, but I grew steadier by the minute, because she was right. I couldn’t fix Griffin and make him want this.
All I could do was choose myself.
Didn’t make the pain go away though.
My phone buzzed again an hour later.
Griffin: Theo home by 3pm. Come see him then.
I stared at the text, formal and distant, like I was just another item on his to-do list.
My fingers hovered over the text, debating the response. Part of me wanted to tell him to go to hell. My heart knew I couldn’t walk away without saying goodbye.
Jessa: I’ll be there.
I set the phone down and pressed my palms to my forehead.
Three hours until I had to face that penthouse again, and look Theo in the eye and explain why I was leaving. I hoped above all that he’d want to be a part of the baby’s life.
If Griffin wanted to have a part of it, he’d have to make the next move.
I tried to pass the time thinking about things and sketching, but turned out heartbreak proved a tough topic to write about as a children’s book concept.
Sophie came home around noon with bagels and an expression that said she was ready for battle.
“How are you holding up?” She dropped the bag onto the counter.
“Better. I called Aunt Patty.”
“Good. What did she say?”
“That Griffin’s a fool, and I should come home.”
Sophie nodded approvingly. “Smart woman. Are you going?”
“After I see Theo.” I pulled a bagel from the bag. I had no appetite, but I nibbled on it a little for the baby.
“Do you want me to come with you?”
I considered it. Having Sophie there would make it easier. “No. This is something I need to do alone.”
She squeezed my hand. “You’re stronger than you think, Jess.”
“Everyone keeps saying that.”
“Because it’s true.”
I left early, the cold air outside stinging me awake.
A coffee cart steamed on the corner; I bought hot chocolate for the heat, not the taste.
Ahead of me, a mother adjusted a blanket over a stroller, singing to her baby, and for a second jealousy flared so bright it scared me.
That’d be me soon, only walking down the quiet streets of Holly Creek.
Clouds darkened the sky on this gray day. Buildings stretched upward, nothing but cement and cold glass. So different from when I first arrived here, when the fall leaves and autumn sunny sky spread magic.
Oh, to return to that first day, when my heart was filled with hope, and the endless possibility of a new place where I’d thought I could belong, and where I thought Griffin might give me and our baby a chance. If only I’d told him then about the baby.
I hated being half at fault for all of this, when I wanted to hate him for not being Prince Charming after all.
By the time I reached Griffin’s building, I’d convinced myself I could do this—simply walk in and explain to Theo that he’d have a half-sibling soon.
Somehow make him understand how much I wanted him to have an active role in the baby’s life, that he could be the big brother to it, and that I’d always love him.
He’d always have a place in my family, as far as I was concerned, and Griffin would just have to deal with it. I’d hug Theo goodbye, try not to break down, and leave with my head held high.
I could survive this. I hoped.
The doorman nodded as he held the door for me. “Afternoon, Miss Cole. Let’s get you out of the cold.”
“Thank you, McD.” I managed a weak smile and trudged on.
The elevator ride took longer than usual. My reflection stared back at me in the mirrored walls—pale face, red eyes, wrinkled clothes.
I looked like hell, but I dressed for comfort, without a care in the world for trying to fit into anyone’s expectations.
The doors opened. I stepped into the hallway, inhaled deeply, and knocked on the penthouse door. I didn’t use my card to gain entry; it wasn’t my place to be here anymore.
Griffin answered with dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept.
With his hair disheveled, in jeans and a wrinkled tee, I’d never seen him appear sad like this.
Even at his worst, my body still craved him.
I wanted to run into his arms, hug him tight, and force him to believe we could get through this together.
“Hi,” I whispered.
“Hi.” He stepped back, his jaw scruffy, tight with tension. “Come in.”
I looked around, but no Theo. Was he upset, and hiding away in his room from me, not wanting to see me?
Griffin’s expression flickered. “Theo’s with Clare and Mitch. I thought we should talk first.”
My stomach dropped.
“You told me I could see him.” My voice rose.
“You will, but what I have to say is important.”
“He’s important!” Anger flared hot in my chest. “Maybe you didn’t realize, but we’d grown very close since I arrived. I can’t just leave him without explanation. That little boy has been through enough without adults playing games with his emotions.”
“I’m not playing games.” Griffin’s jaw clenched. “I needed to talk to you alone first.”
“So talk.” I crossed my arms in front of me, and tried to ignore the scent of his expensive cologne lingering in the air, a ghost of every minute we’d spent here pretending we were a normal family.
He gestured toward the kitchen. I followed, striding past him with every nerve on edge.
There was a folder on the island. The sight of it made my skin crawl. Nothing good came in a folder since I stepped foot in Manhattan.
Griffin leaned against the counter, fingering his neckline. “I’ve been thinking about what you said last night.” His voice was measured. Controlled. “And you’re right. Plans change. So I’m adapting.”
He slid the folder toward me, not meeting my eyes.
I stared at it. Didn’t touch it. “What is this?”
“Security for you… and the baby.” He opened the cover, revealing typed documents. “This is a lease I signed for a three-bedroom apartment, just a few floors down from here. Close enough that I can be there if you need me, but you’d still have your own space.”
Just when I thought my heart couldn’t ache more…