Chapter 21 #2
“This will be your allowance, well, technically annual salary.” He flipped to the next page, and pointed at highlighted numbers that blurred my vision.
“If you need more, just say so, but my lawyers did the math and figured this was plenty to cover everything you and the baby could ever need or want and then some. Healthcare, groceries, childcare when you’re ready to work again.
Not that you have to work. I’ll provide more than enough. ”
For a long moment, I couldn’t speak or breathe.
This was what he thought I wanted? What he thought would fix this?
“You’re paying me off,” I said, voice flat.
“No.” He straightened. “I’m taking care of you and the baby.”
“You think this is what I want?” I shoved the folder back across the marble a little too hard. Papers scattered everywhere. “An apartment and a monthly deposit like I’m some mistress you’re keeping hidden?”
“That’s not what this is.” Heat crept into his voice. “This is me making sure you and the baby have everything you need. You’d never want for anything again.”
My laugh came out sharp. Bitter.
“Never want for anything? Griffin, I don’t care about your money.” My voice cracked. “I came to New York for you. I stayed for you and Theo, too. I hoped our baby would have a father, not a landlord.”
“I’ll be involved,” he insisted, gripping the edges of the counter. “As much or as little as you want. This gives you freedom to make that choice.”
“What I want is to be your partner!” The words exploded out of me. “Not your employee. Not your obligation or some problem to solve.” I sucked in a breath, begging to hold it together.
He faced me, locking eyes as his mask slipped. For one second, pain flashed through them, but then it was gone. Buried under layers of control.
“I’m trying to do the right thing here,” he said quietly, shoving a few steps away from the counter.
“The right thing would be to admit you’re scared.” Tears burned in my eyes, threatening to fall, but I blinked them away. “Or how about letting me in instead of throwing money at the problem like you do with everything else?”
“I don’t—“ He stopped. Ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know how to give you what you want.”
“Then learn,” I broke. “Because this baby deserves a father who tries.”
The silence stretched between us.
Griffin scowled at the scattered papers. At the numbers and clauses he thought would be enough, but could never be. He marched back and gathered them into a neat pile, back into the folder. He slid it to me, his fingertips pointed on the top of it.
“I can’t give you everything you want. I’ve been there before. Marriage didn’t work for me. That’s all.”
My breath shattered, along with my heart, from his final blow.
Stunned, I pulled an envelope from my purse and set it on the counter. “Then give this to Theo. Tell him I love him. Tell him none of this is his fault.”
“Jessa, wait. Let’s negotiate—” his voice cracked.
“There’s no negotiating with matters of the heart, Griffin.” I looked over him one last time, the man I’d foolishly fallen in love with. The man who was choosing fear over everything we could have been. “When you’re ready to be a real father—not just a bank account—you know where to find me.”
On the way out, I dropped the diamond ring and earrings on the foyer table.
“Don’t go,” he begged.
I didn’t wait for him to stop me. The silence behind me was deafening, but it was mine.
“I’ll send child support—whatever you need—” he called.
The door clicked behind me.
I made it to the elevator. Made it to the lobby. A subtle wave to McD one last time. I burst outside before the tears came. Big, ugly, angry tears.
Because I couldn’t fix Griffin. All I could do was choose myself, and that’s exactly what I was doing.
A car pulled up I recognized too well. Brock got out and stepped around with his phone in his hand. He held the door open for me. “I’m to take you wherever you need to go.”
I wiped my face and inhaled a breath that tore through my lungs like ice. “Tell him I don’t need help. Thank you anyway.” I rushed past him, shaking my head, nose turned up.
“For what it’s worth, Jessa—” Brock actually used my name for once. I stopped and turned to give him my attention, wet eyes questioning. “I think you were the best thing that happened to Theo and to Griffin in a long, long time.”
Cue the tears again, and this time I couldn’t hold them back. I swiveled and let them go, sobbing down the streets of New York, and no one cared. Just another pitiful lesson in love and loss. The city probably handed out those lessons daily to people like me.
I eventually made my way to the parking garage where Griffin had stowed my original car, now fixed up thanks to him. I’ll send him a thank-you card, I snorted. Behind the wheel, I slid in, basking in the familiarity of it.
It started up, engine purring like never before, brakes without their usual squeak. By this time tomorrow, I’d be home, in the comforting arms of my family.
My hand drifted to my stomach.
This baby wasn’t a mistake, wasn’t a problem. It was my beginning.
If only I didn’t still love the man who helped bring it into the world.