CHAPTER 28
I’m pacing my room like a caged animal. Why am I freaking out this much? I’ve been on plenty of dates before and none of them caused a sheen of sweat across my forehead like I have right now. This is Bennett. Our date is fake.
There’s no reason to be this nervous.
A knock on the door sends my pulse skittering like a court reporter typing a witness statement. Running my hands down the front of my red eyelet blouse, I blow out a shaky breath. Everything will be fine.
Opening the door, my heart skips. Bennett always looks handsome. But right now? He’s like a perfectly grilled cheese sandwich. So incredibly yummy, I could eat him right up.
The navy button-down he’s wearing has the first three buttons undone, showing off a hint of the muscle on his chest. His white shorts highlight his tan, sculpted legs. He’s nailed the east-coast beach vibe, and I am all for it.
“Hey,” he says, smiling.
I tuck a piece of my wavy hair behind my ear. “Hi.” My heart is swooping like I’m riding a hang glider.
“You look beautiful.”
I glance at my red top and white linen shorts. “Thank you. You clean up pretty nice yourself.” I point to his pants. “Looks like we both got the memo to wear white.”
He smiles. “The only question is”—he strikes a modeling pose—“who wore it better?”
Grabbing my camera bag off the desk, I step outside my bedroom, closing the door behind me. “No contest.” I grin. “Me.”
He walks behind me as we make our way to the stairs. When he doesn’t respond, I turn my head over my shoulder, raising my brows.
His eyes scan my body up and down. “I concur.”
Heat flares in my cheeks, and adrenaline surges through me. This is fake, Mils. You’re on a date, he’s putting on a show. I tell my body to cool it, but it won’t listen.
When we get to the bottom of the staircase, I pause, waiting for Bennett to lead the way.
“The cooler and blanket are on the patio,” he says.
“What did you bring for lunch?”
“Grapes, cucumbers, sandwiches, and cookies.”
We head out the back doors by the informal dining room. Bennett grabs the items needed and we take off to the rock. Our pace is casual, the same as our conversation.
My stomach growls in anticipation. I missed breakfast and fully plan on scarfing every last bite of lunch. “I’m starving. Dearest fake boyfriend, will you feed me grapes and tell me I’m pretty?”
“Do you want me to fan you with leaves while I’m at it?”
I roll my eyes. “Obviously.”
“Your wish is my command.”
I step over a tree root. “Hey, now. If you’re giving me that kind of power, I’m changing what I want.”
“What do you want, Millie?”
For the possibility of our relationship to turn into something real.“You feeding me grapes in Paris. In the fall.”
He cocks his head to the side. “I thought you wanted to go see the tulips?”
“I do, but Paris is also on my bucket list.”
“What I’m hearing is you want to go to Europe.”
“Ding, ding, ding! We have a winner.”
Bennett smiles at me, and the grin that takes over my face cannot be contained.
“Since it’s not fall, I can’t help with that—”
I cut him off. “But you’re saying there’s a chance?” School starts at the end of August, and I’ll hopefully have a marketing job soon as well. Traveling will have to wait until I graduate. But the mere thought of going someday is like Christmas morning.
He chuckles. “There’s a chance.”
“Yes!” I pump my fists in the air. “I have a condition though. You can be my tour guide, but you aren’t paying for me. Understood?”
“We’ll figure that out later.”
I put my hand on his arm. “I mean it, Bennett. We don’t go unless I’m able to pay my way.”
“Alright.”
“Good. Now that we’ve settled that, tell me, where is it you would want to go?”
There’s no hesitation in his answer. “Japan. I’m fascinated with their culture and history.”
Of all the places I want to go, Japan isn’t one of them. “What draws you to Japanese customs?”
“Their focus on family.”
“Considering how close you are to your family, that makes sense.” If only I could say the same.
“You mentioned watching your sister in the summers. Do you have a good relationship with her?”
My lips pull down as I think about Steph and the last time I spoke to her. “Not anymore.”
We get to the rock and Bennett places the picnic basket down. Grabbing on to half of the blanket, we work together to spread it over the ground. We sit facing one another, our knees almost touching. I’m super tempted to scootch that last two inches. My stomach swoops with the thought of our bare skin touching. Yes, it”s knees, which are not something to get excited over, but I still am. Except I stay where I am, letting the gap remind me Bennett and I aren’t actually together.
Bennett opens the basket and passes me a plate. “If I’m prying, you can tell me, but is there a reason you two stopped talking?”
My stomach sours. “I abandoned her when I moved away.”
“What do you mean?”
Bennett hands me a wrapped sandwich. Fiddling with the plastic wrap, I say, “My parents weren’t physically abusive, but they were neglectful. I tried being the constant person in Steph’s life who always showed her love and kindness. When I left for college, she still had two years at home. It took me a really long time to decide if I wanted to leave Ohio because of Steph. But I knew if I didn’t force myself to go, I’d keep trying to make up for my parents” lack in my sister’s life. It wasn’t fair to either of us.” I drop the sandwich onto my plate. “Steph didn’t have a cell phone, and anytime I called the house after I came to Massachusetts, my parents would say Steph wasn’t home or was too busy doing homework to talk to me. I don’t know if that was true, or if Steph had asked them to screen my calls.”
“And you haven’t spoken to her since?” There’s no judgment in Bennett’s tone. No accusations about being a terrible sister.
“We have, but it’s not the same as when we were little. There’s this wall up whenever I engage her in conversation. I don’t know how to knock it down and get back to how we used to be.”
Bennett squeezes my leg. “I’m sorry, Mils. That sucks. I wish I had advice to offer, but I have no clue what to do. I’m here if you ever need to talk about it.”
His offer is sweet. “Thanks, Bennett. That means a lot.”
My stomach gurgles loudly enough to scare away the birds in the trees. Bennett’s eyes widen in surprise. “You should eat. They won’t be as good as anything Clara makes, but I don’t believe Jen ever complained about the sandwiches I made.”
Hearing his late wife’s name is like a sucker punch in the gut. “Can I ask you something that’s extremely direct?”
Bennett sets his sandwich on his plate. He meets my gaze with brows furrowed. “Yes.”
“Are you still in love with Jen?” Duh, Mils, of course he is. She was torn away from him in a tragic accident.
Bennett pointedly clears his throat. “If this were a real first date, this deep of a question might scare guys away. Something to consider in the future.”
Oh. He’s totally right. First dates are for getting to know one another on a surface level, like their favorite drink, movie, or restaurant. Not diving deep into their personal life. Do I always do this to guys? Thinking back to previous relationships, my stomach sinks. I have done this before. Prying too soon. “Thank you. That’s actually really helpful.”
“But since we’re friends, I’ll answer.” Bennett looks out at the lake below us, his fingers fiddling with his left hand, where his ring used to be. I want to see his eyes, but he keeps his gaze turned, so I only get the side of his face. “Yes, I still love Jen, and always will. She was my first love and the person I thought would be my last. I gave her my whole heart, and she owns it.”
Tears sting the back of my eyes. I rapidly blink, clearing the moisture. There’s no chance for us. I knew that when I said yes to fake dating Bennett, but stupidly, I let myself keep the tiniest sliver of hope alive that he might change his mind. Like a bug crushed under a shoe, I squash any remaining possibility of Bennett being ready to move on from Jen.
To give my hands something to do while I process this information, I tear the crust off my bread. “She sounds like she was an amazing person.”
Finally, he looks at me, a sad smile on his lips. “She was.”
The mood of our afternoon shifted with the heavy question I asked. I want to get us back on friendly terms. “Thank you for telling me. I’m ready to try this Bennett delicacy in front of me.”
“I’m starving too, but I think your stomach is way more vocal than mine.” He grins.
“Now you know. I need to be fed, or an angry bear gets released.”
Bennett laughs. “I’ll get a fanny pack and start carrying snacks around for you.”
“That’s very thoughtful of you.” I pick up my sandwich and toast him. “Here’s to me getting more advice from you on dating.” If my dreams won’t come true, I have to focus on what I’m getting out of this.