CHAPTER 39
I’m lying in bed writing furiously in my journal, pouring out every pain, sorrow, and ache onto the pages. If I get them out of me, I might feel better faster.
“Knock, knock,” Evie says, coming into my bedroom.
I tense up, ready for Evie to explode on me again. She has every right to. I’ve been a terrible friend lately.
Surprisingly, she joins me on my bed.
“How are you feeling this morning? Did you sleep okay?”
Ha! She’s funny. “Every limb hurts and my head is pounding. I slept terribly and I’m feeling about the same as last night. But most of all? I’m sorry for lying to you. Can you forgive me?”
“Yes. But no more lies, okay?”
“Promise.” I cross my heart with my fingers so she knows how serious I am.
She gives me a quick hug. “Two options. You tell me what sounds best.” She holds up a finger. “Option one is to eat ice cream and watch sappy movies all day.” She holds up a second finger. “Option two is we get Cam, Emerson, and Henry and go out on the lake.”
Option three, stay in my bed all day. But I know Evie is trying to make me feel better, and after the way I’ve treated her, I need to let her help me. Besides, getting out of the house is the best way to avoid Bennett too, and I could do without a five-pound weight gain from all the ice cream I’d have to eat in order to wash the pain away.
“Let’s hit up the lake.” But no tubing. It will remind me too much of doing it with Bennett.
She pats my leg. “You get ready and meet me in the kitchen. I’ll gather the boys. In the meantime, you should read this.” She pulls out a white envelope from her back pocket and hands it to me.
My name is written in all capital letters. “What is this?”
“Open it and see.”
Evie leaves in a hurry. Turning the envelope over, I pull out a folded piece of paper.
Dearest Camille,
Please let me apologize again for what I said yesterday. I know I hurt you and for that, I’ll never forgive myself. My words came out wrong. What I meant was the way you kissed me is how I like it, not that you knew that was how I like it.
I promise with every fiber of my being, you were the only person on my mind. I don’t know what else to say or do to prove that to you. But I am leaving Stokesley for a bit to give you the time and space you need.
You are my sunshine, Mils. The one I want to do dishes for, create a home with, and kiss for the rest of our lives. YOU are the one I think about every minute of every day. Your smile is my kryptonite.
I hope we can talk when I get back. In the meantime, enjoy your surprise.
With all my love,
Bennett
With all his love? He loves me?
Do I love him?
Like him for sure. Am attracted to him and can’t wait to be around him every day, but love?
Setting my current sadness and hurt aside, I recall every moment I was with Bennett this summer. Warmth, like when Bennett hugs me, envelops me, filling my heart.
I do love him.
I hold his letter to my chest. Tears pool in my eyes. A huge part of me wants to forgive him. But the hurt part, the part that’s been ripped to shreds more often than not, is begging for protection. Space apart will do us—me—good.
Tucking his letter in between the pages of my journal, I head to the bathroom and get ready for a day on the lake.
Without Bennett.
I don’t like it.
“You’re a natural, Mils,” Emerson says when I help tie up the boat to the dock. “You should teach lessons.”
I shake my head. “Stop lying, Em. You’re just being nice to me because you know I’m sad.”
He fakes being offended by scoffing and dramatically placing a hand over his heart. “I am not. You’re a natural at skiing and wakeboarding. Your balance is uncanny.”
“It’s called core strength.” I’d tell him to gain some himself, but he’s as ripped as Bennett. Each muscle pops out like he took a chisel and sculpted his abs by hand.
“It’s you.”
“We agree,” Cam and Henry say, hopping out of the boat onto the dock. “We all fell about a million times before we learned to stay upright.”
Their compliments are too much. “Alright, jeez. I get it, thank you.”
“Anyone want to go out tonight?” Emerson asks as we walk toward the main house, our towels and water bottles in hand.
“I’m beat,” I say. “I think I’ll get some work done and watch TV.”
“I’m staying with Millie,” Evie says, smiling at me.
“You don’t have to. Call Eric and enjoy a night out.”
She shakes her head. “He went back to Boston for the weekend for a team meeting or party. I don’t remember what he said. But I’m all yours.”
That sounds as fishy as the trout swimming in the lake. Evie remembers everything her boyfriends tell her. “I’ll be okay for one night.”
“We’ve hardly seen each other this summer. And my nails are chipped and gross. Let’s do a spa night and pamper ourselves.”
My red polish is chipped as well.
“There’s that new movie with Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt,” Henry says. “Let’s watch that.”
I stop walking. Their love and concern is sweet, but smothering. Are they checking in with Bennett? Who is comforting him? “Guys, you know I love all of you. You’re family to me, but I swear if you don’t let me have a few hours of peace before hanging out again, I’ll punch each of you in the gut.”
“Fine,” Emerson says, offended. “We’ll leave you alone.”
“But only so you can spend time with her,” Cam says, pointing to a figure standing on the patio a hundred yards away.
Who is that? We get closer and finally details sharpen. I haven’t seen Steph in years, but there’s no mistaking my little sister. Her tall, slender build is the same as when she was a teen. Her brown hair is shorter and has more red to it than I remember. “Steph?” A thickness develops in my throat.
“Surprise!” Evie says.
I drop my towel and water jug on the grass, not caring that I’m drenched from head to toe. I run and swallow my sister up in a bear hug. “What are you doing here? How did you get here?”
“Hey, sis.” Steph says, hugging me back. “Some guy flew me up here. Said it was important and I had to come immediately. Are you okay? I’ve been freaking out the entire plane ride here.”
My nose stings with emotion. “I’m not one hundred percent, but I’m much better now that you’re here. How long are you staying?”
“Five days.”
She gave up a week of her life for me? “I’m glad you came. Let’s head up to my room and you can get settled while I shower.”
“Uh, Mils?” Henry says like I’ve forgotten him.
“Yeah?”
“Introductions?”
I look at Cam, Henry, and Emerson. All three of them are eyeing Steph like she’s something they want to eat. “Wipe the drool from your chins, men. She’s off-limits.”
Steph’s cheeks turn pink. “Actually, I’m very free and very interested to meet you guys.”
I groan. Great. My time with my sister is going to get hogged by these three flirts. “Steph, this is my roommate and best friend, Evelyn. And these troublemakers are Camden, Henry, and Emerson.”
She waves, her gaze lingering on Henry. He’s a good guy, but immature in the way college juniors are. Although that is Steph’s age. It makes sense she’d zero in on him.
“Steph, it’s a pleasure to welcome you to our home,” Henry says. “We were discussing watching a movie. Would you care to join us?”
“Yeah, I could use an easy night in,” Steph says, nodding. “But can we start it in an hour or two? My sister and I have some catching up to do.”
“Of course,” Cam says. “We’ll get snacks ready. Meet us in the theater at four.”
Steph waves her fingers, staring at Henry with a flirty smile. Good thing she’s only here for five days. Who knows the amount of trouble those two will get into in that timeframe?
“They have a theater?” Steph asks in a shocked tone.
“Oh yeah,” Evie says. “And a library, billiards room, formal and informal living and dining rooms, a ballroom, and music-slash-study room. We’re like Clue, but without any weapons or death.”
“How long have you been here, Mils?” Steph asks, her eyes wide as she takes in the massive home.
“Since May. You’re going to love it here. There are so many activities. It’s impossible to get bored.”
“I can’t wait. Let’s hurry so we can catch up with Henry.”
I roll my eyes. So much for spending the entire time with my sister. “You know he lives in Boston, right? The chances of you two meeting each other again after this week are slim?”
“So?” She shrugs. “I’m not looking for anything permanent.”
I don’t know if I find it funny or interesting how two people who are raised in the same house can have such different views on relationships. “Then just be careful, okay?”
It’s her turn to roll her eyes. “I’m twenty-one. I don’t need you to look out for me.”
Some roles are hard to set aside. Taking care of Steph being one of them. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Tell me about life in Wisconsin.”
“It’s cold.”
I laugh. “I bet.”
Steph spends the next hour and a half telling me about her college dorm in Madison, her favorite classes, her friends, and her ex, who she broke up with a month ago. She’s more open than the last time we spoke. I can’t believe Bennett brought my sister to me. My decision on what to do about Bennett is up in the air, but this gesture was sweet and proves Bennett knows and loves me.
How do I get over my insecurity and trust Bennett when he says he’s not thinking of Jen? Maybe Steph and Evie will have a few ideas for me.