Nylah
Isat in my room all night crying. I cried even harder when I heard him knocking at my door.
I couldn’t believe Rosama would do that shit to me. That nigga had been stepping behind me, taking care of me, making me smile constantly, all to leave my bed and get neck by some random bitch.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I wasn’t shit. Like I wasn’t good enough or deserved to be treated like that.
Rosama called all through the night. I had to put my phone in the bedroom to make sure I didn’t answer. The next morning, when I finally walked back into my room to get clothes out for work, my phone was still ringing, and it was him.
I must have had over fifty missed calls from him and more texts.
After I pulled out some clothes for work, I sat on the edge of the bed and read through some of the messages.
Rosama: I'm so sorry, Nylah.
I didn’t mean for no shit like that to happen.
Blaze mad ‘cause you didn’t want him and set me up. I didn’t do anything.
I meant what I said when I said I wanted you. I want you and only you, Princess.
My eyes filled with tears again, and I put the phone down and went into the bathroom to get dressed.
Once I got myself together and felt like my face wasn’t as puffy as it felt, I left out with fabric for work and school and headed to the store.
I stopped on my way there; I felt like I needed a drink and grabbed me a bottle of Henny from the liquor store across the street before I walked into work.
“What was you ova there getting?” Denise asked as soon as I opened the door.
“A bottle and a soda,” I said bluntly, no enthusiasm in my voice at all.
I unloaded my shit, and Denise just stared at me.
“Are you okay?”
I shook my head. “No, not really. Ro keeps callin’ and texting.”
“So I take it that the talk didn’t go well?”
I took a seat after fixing me a glass of Henny and Coke at nine in the morning.
“In the text, he is tellin’ me that he was set up, that Blaze was mad ‘cause I didn’t want him, which I can see. Blaze had been on some other shit since I had been comin’ around with Rosama, but that still don’t answer why he was even there. We were in bed that night. He fucked me to sleep.”
“The only person that can give you the answer is Rosama. Are you going to talk to him?”
I took a sip. “I don’t know. Denise, I was falling for that man. Thinkin’ he might be the one for me, and then this shit happens.”
“So why won’t you talk to him and hear him out if you think this is all Blaze doin'?”
“’Cause what if it’s not and I forgive him too fast? What if he really did that shit and I'm bein’ dumb and in love?”
Denise laughed a lil’ and fixed herself a cup of Henny. “I loved seeing you happy with Rosama, but at the same time, I don’t want you to be with somebody that is not gonna do you right.”
“So what do I do? I feel like my heart is too wrapped up in this to think straight.”
Denise nodded. “I think you need to focus on work today so you don’t drown yourself thinking about him, and then when you get home, get comfortable and weigh your options.
If you need to make a pros and cons list, then decide if you are goin to talk to him, but at the end of the day, nobody can make this choice but you. ”
I agreed with her.
The morning went smoothly. We had some customers come in here and there. We sold a few items, and I got a custom dress order.
By lunch, Rosama was back to calling my phone. Denise took it from me and put it in her office.
“Focus on what is in front of you. He can wait.”
I smiled and fixed another cup.
Toward the end of the day, Ari and Raven came by for the tea. Denise filled them in while I took somebody's measurements. I got my client taken care of and set up for her next fitting, then walked her to the door so I could go and join the conversation about myself.
“So, I said,” sitting down and grabbing my cup off the table. “What have y’all figured out for me?”
“That you need to fuck pit bull eyes up!” Raven said.
I laughed. “I got some licks in, trust me.”
They laughed.
“I agree with Denise,” Ari said, “I think you gonna have to figure out what you want.”
“I think that you should leave him the fuck alone,” Raven voiced.
“It’s not that easy. That man has been supporting me and my dream, gave me a place to store fabric and work, been payin’ my bills, date nights.
When I just wanted somebody around, he was there.
Shit, he even cleaned my porch after Kyron hating ass trashed it.
I been told him that I was falling for him. ”
“So do you forgive and move forward or forgive and let go for yourself?” Denise asked.
I shook my head. “That is what I don’t know. My feelings haven’t been like this for a nigga in a long time.”
The girls stayed way past closing, then we ordered some food and turned up the music. I didn’t mind, though. It kept me from thinking about Rosama as much as I was.
But when it was time to go, and Denise handed me my phone, reality set in when I saw all the missed calls and the messages.
“This nigga is not going to stop,” I said, reading through the same shit he already said.
“You better hurry up and figure out what you are going to do before he pops up on you.”
I agreed.
Once I got home, I did what Denise suggested. I took my shower, put on some comfy clothes, ordered some dinner, rolled up, and found a good, old Lifetime movie to watch as I ate and thought about that nigga.
I read through his messages some more. He talked about how me missed me and just wanted to talk to explain what was going on. I kept reading, and he called as I was reading.
I stared at the red and the lime green button for a long-ass second, then I answered.
“Nylah,” he said before I could speak. “Oh my God, thank you for answering.
“What do you want, Rosama?” I asked softly.
“You, I want you, baby.”
Tears instantly fell hearing them words ‘cause I didn’t feel like he meant them anymore.
“Ro…you really hurt me.”
“I know I did, baby girl, and I am so sorry. I neva meant to hurt you. But if you lemme come through, we can talk, and I can explain everything.”
I shook my head even though he couldn’t see it.
“Not right now. I need space to think right now.”
“Think about what?” Rosama asked. “Nylah, you are not leavin’ me.”
“If I'm not supposed to leave you ova cheating, then what am I supposed to leave you ova?”
“I didn’t cheat, Nylah. I just got some head.”
I looked at the phone and hung up. Clearly, my feelings were tied to a nigga that had no real feelings at all.
After a while of me trying to get back into my movie, I got a text from Rosama.
Rosama: I didn’t mean to say that. Please, Nylah, give me another chance. I promise I won't do you wrong. I haven’t been.
I stared at the message. My mind was telling me to leave him alone while my heart was telling me to give him another chance, and that’s when the idea came to me, and I smiled at myself as I FaceTimed my girls, wanting to get there okay before I made a move.
“Hey,” I said as they were coming onto the call. “So, I have been sitting here thinking, then Rosama called me and said he didn’t cheat. It was just head.”
All of their eyes got big.
“I know the fuck he didn’t,” Denise said.
“So, he’s admitting to doin’ it? Clown,” Raven added.
“What did you say?” Ari asked.
“I didn’t say shit. I think I am goin’ to forgive him,” I said with a smile.
“WHAT!” they all said at the same time.
“Wait, she’s smilin’,” Raven said. “What do you have up your sleeve?”
“Tame the dog in that nigga!”
They all laughed and clapped.
“That’s my NyNy,” Denise said.
I nodded. “I can’t stop myself from falling for him, and I do want us to build. But for us to do that, he needs to know, and will learn, that I am not the bitch to be playin’ with.”
“And you know what?” Ari said. “Hell yeah, I think you should.”
Me and my girl laughed and talked shit for about an hour, but when we hung up the phone, I was back alone with the thoughts in my head, but this time, I wasn’t sad.
I was about to text Rosama back, but instead I decided to let him sweat it out a lil’ bit longer.
Payback was a bitch, and I am her.