Mariah
As much time as I had missed from work, I was surprised I still had a job, but when I walked into the news station, I was greeted with half-smiles and whispers, not in the mood for the shit, as I wasn’t feeling the best.
It felt like all eyes were on me, and I didn’t know why.
Finally, I saw Courtney running up to me.
“Good morning. Do you know why everybody is staring at me?”
Courtney looked around, then back at me.
“Umm, how about we go to your dressing room?”
I rolled my eyes, and we turned around to take the long walk to my dressing room, with Courtney not telling me a damn thing about what was going on.
She tried to have small talk about the weather, her kids, even food, but I didn’t care. The only thing I cared about was why everybody I was passing was looking at me as if I killed their dog.
Once we got to my dressing room, I kicked my shoes off and sat in my chair.
“Okay, Courtney, what is going on?”
She delayed her answer a lil’ bit by looking around.
“I don’t know how to say this, but…Shyheim is trying to get you replaced.”
I sat straight up. “What?! What do you mean he is trying to get me replaced?”
“He said that with you being off so much, he doesn’t understand why you haven’t been replaced yet, and…they are listening to him.”
I jumped out of my chair, slid into my slippers, walked out of my dressing room and stormed down the hall to Shyheim.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” I asked him as I slammed his door shut.
He looked at me with a condescending smile. “Good morning, Mariah. Nice to see you at work.”
“Shy, don’t give me that shit. What is this I hear about you trying to get me replaced?”
He nodded like it wasn’t nothing.
“Yeah, I am. Because you are never at work.”
“They gave me time off to heal from being cheated on.”
“Okay, and that was months ago. Why are you taking time off now?”
I paused for a second, thinking about my answer.
“Because I needed space from you, from what happened.”
Shy took a sip of his coffee. “An adult would have still shown up for work. I see you like to cause problems then hide.”
“I wasn’t hiding from you,” I said low.
“Whatever you want to call it, Mariah, that is fine either way it goes,” he said, standing up and walking over to me. “I am going to get you replaced.”
For a second, everything in me went still.
Not calm, far from calm, but the kind of stillness that comes right before something breaks.
I looked at him, really looked at him, like he didn’t know what I had been dealing with. Like he wasn’t the one who had been trying to hold me up at my weakest time.
“You are really that comfortable doing that to me?” I asked, my voice low but sharp.
Shyheim shrugged like we weren’t talking about money in my pocket. “It’s business. This has nothing to do with anything…personal.”
“Business?” I let out a short, humorless laugh. “I don’t think you would be worried about replacing me if I signed them divorce papers.”
His eyes flickered for a half second, but he recovered quick. “Mariah, come on now. I just told you it’s nothing personal.”
“Bullshit, Shyheim. You are mad because we fucked and I have not left my husband for you.”
“You are being emotional,” he said, standing up and walking to his door. “And I don’t have time for that in the workplace.”
His words hit me like a punch to my chest.
“I am emotional because I thought you gave a damn about me. I trusted you at my lowest. I liked you and everything. Why didn’t you just give me some time?”
“I did—”
“No, no, you didn’t!” I said, cutting him off.
He shook his head. “This is too much for work, and I don’t want to deal with it.”
I looked him up and down, not knowing what that meant until he opened the door.
“See you on the set,” he said bluntly.
I walked out of his office, and he slammed the door behind me, making me jump. When I got back to my office, I instantly threw up.
“What the fuck is goin’ on?” I questioned as I threw up again right as Courtney was walking in.
“Oh my God, are you okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I am just tired.”
“Let me get you a car to go home and see if the standby is still in the building.”
As soon as she said that, I got myself together quickly.
“No, no. I am good,” I said, trying to get off the floor.
“Are you sure? I am sure the standby is still in the building.”
“Do not call the standby! Shyheim is trying to replace me, and I am not about to hand him my job on a silver platter. Just have hair and makeup come to me and get me some ginger ale.”
“Okay, on it.”
Courtney left, and I lay across my sofa waiting for everybody to come take care of me while I replayed the bullshit Shy said to me.
I had enough with Rosama on my plate, and I should never have started anything with somebody I worked with.
A short time passed, and the hairdresser and the makeup artist came in to get me together.
“Girl, you look like you need a bed,” the makeup artist said, tilting my chin up.
I smirked. “You have no idea.”
They worked fast, brushing, blending, trying to fix what I didn’t have the energy to care about. I sat there quietly, still thinking about everything Shy said to me, and the moments we shared before today.
The more I thought about it, my chest tightened, not because of my job, but because that choice was so easy for him to make.
“Okay, we are done,” the hairdresser said as she took a step back.
I looked in the mirror.
“Everything okay?” she asked.
I managed to smile back. “Yes, you made me look as if I am not sick as hell. I love that for me.”
They laughed, gathered all their things, and left with just enough time for me to get changed and walk down to set.
That walk to set felt different, almost heavier.
I never worried about my job, but now it almost felt like I was about to have to perform for my life.
When I got there, Shyheim was already sitting at the desk, going over notes like nothing happened earlier.
I took my seat beside him and didn’t even look his way.
“You ready?” the producer asked.
“Yep,” I said softly.
“Three… two… one…”
“Good morning, I'm Mariah—”
“And I'm Shyheim,” he said, cutting in smoothly.
We moved through the first segment like professionals, no tension showing, no cracks. Just two people doing their jobs.
But at every commercial break, we were rolling our eyes, sucking our teeth, and making smart remarks under our breath.
By the second segment, I could feel myself cracking. His voice, his calmness, his damn nerve. I glanced over at him once, laughing during the show, and he wouldn’t even look at me.
My smile that I always held on air started to fade until he kicked me under the table to read the teleprompter.
“…and that’s it for today,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady to the very end. “I'm Mariah—”
“And I'm Shyheim,” he finished. “Have a great day.”
“Cut!” the producer called.
The studio lights dimmed just a little, and the tension I had been holding in my chest all morning snapped loose.
I didn’t turn my mic off right away. I didn’t move. I just sat there for a second, staring ahead while everybody started to shuffle around, talking, moving on ‘cause it was a normal day for them, but it wasn’t for me.
I turned to say something to Shyheim, and he stood up from the table.
“Shy…Shy,” I said low, trying not to be noticeable. “Can we talk later?”
He took his earpiece off and leaned down toward me. “We have nothing to talk about.”
As he walked away from me, I stood up.
“ACTUALLY!” I yelled out, making the people around, including Shyheim, turn and look at me. “We do have something to talk about, SHYHEIM!”
All eyes went toward him.
“Mariah,” he shouted. “Don’t do this!”
I took my mic off and set it down on the table with a thud and headed down the little steps to the floor.
“You are doing some sneaky ass shit because—”
“Iight, Mariah,” he said, cutting me off as he walked up on me. “This is not the place or time,” he mumbled under his breath.
“Why not here, Shy? Everybody that you've been talking to about me is in this room or listening, so why not do it here?”
Shy looked at me as I looked around the room, backing away from him. All eyes were on me as I let out a laugh.
“You know, Shy, earlier you talked to me about professionalism. Was it professional when you had my legs spread open in the middle of your bed?!”
A few heads turned. Producers, camera operators, and other people who were pretending not to listen but definitely were.
“Mariah,” he said through his teeth, trying to get me to walk closer to him.
“Shyheim wants me gone because we been messing around, and I won’t sign my divorce papers for him.”
Silence—heavy silence took over the room.
Shyheim's mouth dropped, and his light-skinned ass was turning red.
“You lost your fuckin’ mind!” he shouted, trying to save face.
“Did I?” I shot back. “Or are you just mad because what you wanted to stay behind closed doors has been brought to light?”
“Nothing has been brought to light because you are full of shit, Mariah. You are probably on drugs right now.”
I stepped closer to him because the last thing he was going to do was play me like some nut in front of all these people.
“I was at your home, venting to you about the second hardest time in my life. I confided in you. You expressed how you have had feelings for me for years. Hell, people around here even know you did—”
“See, this is what I was talking about,” he said, cutting me off. “You are unprofessional, emotional. I can see why your husband cheated on you.”
A few gasps echoed through the room.
I looked up at Shyheim and smirked. “You are so hurt that your dick didn’t make me rush and sign them papers for you, so you are trying to take my job like a lame ass, clown-ass, goofy-ass nigga.”
I backed away while everybody was still staring at us.
“You know what, fuck it. If y’all get rid of me, fine…I don’t care anymore!”
I pushed the doors open, went to my dressing room, and was packing up some shit to take with me when Courtney walked in, and I had to stop her before she even started.
“Court, I don’t want to hear it, just let me know if I still have a job.”
She nodded, and I walked out of there, hopped in my car, and stopped at the liquor store for some Don.
Once I got home, I turned on some music, sat in the middle of the floor, opened the bottle, and took it to the head. Once I gulped down all that I could, it felt like all the feeling I had for the day was melting away when I felt myself about to get sick again.
“Shit!” I yelled as I rushed off the floor and ran into the bathroom.
After I puked up everything I had just drunk, I sat beside the toilet.
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I mumbled to myself.
I thought about everything I had been doing, everything I had eaten, and then my eyes caught my tampons, and my heart started to race.
I hopped up off the floor again and ran around the corner, sliding my shoes back on and stumbling to get my keys and walk out the door.
I drove around the corner to a CVS and ran inside and straight to the pregnancy test. I grabbed the closest one to me and went to self-pay. I ran through that store like I was doing a race and was almost out of time.
Once I got back home, I ran into the kitchen and drank water from the faucet until I felt the urge to pee, and as soon as I did, I ran into the bathroom and peed on that stick.
Three minutes felt like forever, but as soon as my timer went off and I looked at that test, I screamed.
“NOOOOOOOO!!!! NO! NO! NO!” I repeated.
“Mariah, Mariah, Mariah. What did you dooo?!!!!” I said, trying to hold back tears.
My thoughts were racing: a positive pregnancy test, my job, Shy. And then my phone dinged with a message. I looked at the screen, and it said Rosama, and I opened it.
Sign the fuckin’ papers…
I exhaled hard, thinking about this rock I threw into my plan to get my husband back.
His birthday was almost here, and I didn’t care what I had going on; I was going to his party to get my husband. Everything else could wait till later.