Chapter 11 In Competition #3
“I’m going inside.” Jody pushes off the wall, irritated.
I watch her leave and then turn to face him, my heart speeding up all over again.
He looks hot and tired and very handsome.
I am still getting used to him without the beard, and some unhelpful part of my mind wants to touch his face to see how it feels.
“Congratulations,” I say, aiming for polite but probably sounding petty. “You guys did well.”
“Laura, listen. I’m not trying to be confusing or—I want to explain. When we were together, I really liked you.”
I want to turn and run again, but I just nod.
“I just kept thinking about…” he goes on, “I kept thinking that any second you were going to get back together with your ex, and then you didn’t, and I just kept waiting for it.
I thought that maybe if I broke things off, you would finally just pull the trigger and do it.
I didn’t want you to leave me two years into our relationship or something, so I guess I tried to find a way to make it happen sooner, so I’d be out of my misery. ”
“Your misery?” I don’t even know where to start.
“Yes!” His green-brown eyes look earnest. “It was miserable. Knowing I was falling for you, and…My wife was still in love with my brother the whole time we were married. And your ex-husband…I saw him. You told me he couldn’t be with you until he got successful, and now he is in a band that has dates at Madison Square Garden. ”
“I don’t want him. I wanted you.”
“I know that’s what you said. It was just…” He looks frustrated. “With my history, that was really hard to believe. And you said yourself that you weren’t attracted to me.”
“I was trying to cover for how embarrassed I was that I didn’t know how to talk to you.”
“I know that’s what you said.” He grimaces. I can feel skepticism radiating off him.
“I told you I loved you!”
He nods. “And then you said you didn’t mean it.”
“Oh, come on. It’s not me who rushed right back into a relationship with my ex as soon as we broke up.”
“I’m not in a relationship with Eliana.”
“She kissed you on the lips.”
“In a friendly way!”
“Oh, right.” I take a breath, trying not to blow up at him. “Quick question. When you broke things off with me, and you said that you were talking to one of your friends who didn’t think you were ready for dating yet, did that friend happen to be Eliana?”
He looks down, which is as close as I’m going to get to confirmation. I almost laugh. “It was, wasn’t it?”
“She didn’t tell me to break up with you,” he says, but he can’t meet my eyes. “She just said that any reasonable person would know that you were still in love with your ex. That I was deluding myself if I didn’t realize that.”
My jaw drops open. A number of things are coming together in my mind: Ollie’s question about Nick, Ollie’s statement that he was ‘giving me space.’ He was expecting to be dumped, and a small part of me feels sympathy for him, but the larger part of me feels outrage at Eliana.
“And you didn’t think she had any kind of ulterior motive? ”
“I didn’t think she did, no.”
“Oh, come on. Ollie, she tried warn me off you.”
“She did?” He blinks in confusion.
“She told me you were only with me because you wanted a replacement family.”
His eyes darken. “She said that?” It bothers me that he doesn’t believe me, that he might think I’m the one lying.
“Clearly you’ve decided she’s trustworthy, so I’m not going to convince you.”
I see him visibly collect himself. “Well, it doesn’t matter what she wants, because I still want to be with you, okay? I made a mistake, and I am trying to say… I’m trying to say that I want to try again. I want to apologize.”
“No.” The word comes out before I have time to think about it.
I can’t do this. “Listen, I know you have a difficult history. I know it’s hard for you to trust,” I say.
“But I have a history, too. And I am not going to put up with another man who comes in and out of my life whenever he feels like it because he isn’t sure what he wants. I deserve better than that.”
His face falls. “I know that.”
“You let your ex-girlfriend talk you out of dating me, and you accused me of being unreliable when it comes to my ex?”
“You let him stay in your apartment!”
“Yes, I did. I let Nick stay because my daughter wanted more time with him. And I helped him take his shirt off, several times. I helped him get undressed once for a shower. And you know what? I wasn’t tempted to sleep with him—not once—and I didn’t kiss him on the lips in a friendly way, not once.
Because the whole time I was thinking about how much I wanted to be with you. ”
Ollie looks a little stunned, like I really have slapped him.
“So if you wanted to test me and my feelings about my ex,” I say, “guess what? I passed the test. You didn’t.”
I turn and walk away.
When I push my way back into the cool air of the lobby, I see Jody leaning against the wall, waiting for me.
“You two getting married?”
“I told him off.”
“Good.” She nods, slowly, but doesn’t move from the wall. “So, guess what happened while you were talking to Ollie?”
“What?”
“Téa broke up with me.”
“What? Right now?”
“By text. To cancel our plans. She said I was a negative person who didn’t seem excited about her.” Jody looks miserable.
“Oh, no, Jody. I’m sorry.”
“And the worst part is that she’s right, isn’t she?”
“You’re not a negative person.” She raises her eyebrows at me. “Okay, maybe on the surface. But beneath that, you’re a loyal, caring person. You use sarcasm as a shield.”
“Yeah, well, I guess she couldn’t see the bitter interior under my bitter surface.”
“You’re not bitter.”
Jody rolls her eyes, looking like the teenager she must once have been.
“I mean it,” I say. “I mean, look at Ben—he pretty much stands for everything you hate. He’s an investment banker living in a building with a 24-hour-gym.
But it was you who noticed how sad he was.
You kept in touch with him. You watched out for him.
And you did the same for me, calling me when I was about to quit dance.
Those are not the actions of a bitter person. ”
Jody shrugs. I am surprised to see tears in her eyes; she hides her vulnerability so well that I hadn’t fully realized she had any.
“I just get so pessimistic, you know? My divorce wrecked me. Allison…my wife? She was my first girlfriend, from when I was eighteen to twenty-seven. We were roommates in college. And then she fell for someone else. Out of nowhere, you know? But the more pessimistic I get, the more it’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It’s like—my dating pool is smaller, so I feel like I can’t wait for a spark.
I have to make it work. I want to put in the work with someone, and no one wants to put in the work for me.
” She wipes at her eyes. “And don’t tell me I’ll find my one special person. Because you know it’s bullshit.”
“Hey.” I give her a hug. “I found my person. I found you, and you’re a really good friend.
I thought when my sister left there would be no one else I could rely on, but I know I can rely on you, because you’re honest, and you tell me when I mess up.
And that means a lot. And I know how special you are. ”
Jody pulls me tighter and then releases me. “Shut up, okay?”
“Okay.” I look around. “Want to ditch the social tonight? I don’t have the energy.”
She laughs. “You got it. Let’s tell Ben and Helen we’re going home.”
We don’t go straight home, though. We stop for ice cream first.
“I won’t still be able to do this as much when Hannah gets back,” I tell Jody.
She shakes her head at me. “I’ll keep dragging you out of the house. You can bring the kid if you want.”
“Promise?”
She nods. “Dragging people out of the house to do stuff they don’t want to do is my gift, Laura.”