Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
A WHALE OF A TALE
T homas and Jack waited on the other side of the large outdoor curtain for Jack’s moment to go on.
“Stop peeking. They’ll see you.”
“I can’t help it, Thomas. They’re so pretty.”
“As are you.”
Jack was about to thank his best mate until he realized Thomas was taking a cheap shot at his makeup.
“Oh, grow up, Thomas. It’s sympathy powder, okay? I just figured if it’s all the women could wear, they’d feel more comfortable if I was wearing some, too.”
“And the rosy red cheeks?” Thomas teased.
“It’s sympathy rouge!”
“Shhh!”
“It’s dapper,” Jack whispered.
“It’s darling,” Thomas teased.
Maybe Thomas was right. Jack had gone a little overboard with the rouge, but it wasn’t his fault. While in makeup, Mick handed him a handful of flashcards to help him get to know the girls. And studying was distracting. Every time the makeup lady asked Jack a question, he looked up and answered in the affirmative. He didn’t realize she kept asking if he’d like any more feminine beauty products applied to his face.
The two flashcards Jack was supposed to have focused on most were the pair with stars next to the pictures. The stars indicated Mick’s belief they showed the most promise of the remaining eight. The first was Connie B. She was Canadian, a veterinarian, and a vegetarian. Apparently, she was the most down-to-earth and sweet of the group. Physically, she wasn’t quite everything Jack was looking for, as he preferred brunettes to blondes, but he was willing to give her a chance.
Next was Naia K. She was a model and musician from Hawaii. Mick’s notes highlighted the fact that she was always smiling with her eyes and that of everyone in the group; she seemed to be the most optimistic and naturally joyful. As Jack spotted her from the gap in the curtain, he discovered Mick wasn’t lying. Even amongst her competition, she seemed to be jovial and warm, a natural at making friends.
Then there was Mackenzie J, the bodybuilder from Los Angeles; Izumi H, the fashion designer from New York; Chloe M, Cliff Clifton’s ex; Lily S, the news anchor from Australia; Elena G, the single mum from Miami; and Zuri B, the Balrog from the abyss. However, the one woman Jack kept coming back to was Dani M, the artist from Castle Combe.
Castle Combe was a picturesque little village hidden in southcentral England. With a population of no more than five hundred people, it had served Jack’s family as an annual holiday away from holidays: that is, up until the year Jack’s father passed away. He felt like he knew the people - that he loved the people despite the simplicity and monotony of their lives. And as such, he felt like he already knew and had a place in his heart for Dani. The artist thing was…well…whatever…but throw in that physique, those oversized brown eyes, and pouty lips, and Jack felt something close to what he’d felt with Ensley. And he hadn’t even met Dani yet.
“Remember, Jack: you’re gonna need to explain why my sister’s there and why the other two women went home. Oh! And no more drinking.”
“I know. I know. Mick gave me some anti-anxiety gummies. Ooh! And something called…chamomile tea.”
“Was it alright?”
“A little weak, but I do feel relaxed.”
Within a few moments, “ action” was called, filming began, and Jack walked through the curtain to eight of nine women applauding him. When the clapping died down, Jack was ready to give his scripted and sanitized version of what happened the night before.
“Ladies, I want to apologize to those of you who did not get your promised fifteen minutes last night. I…”
Jack was supposed to give credence to the claims that he had called off the rest of the dates on account that he wasn’t feeling well, but that made him sound weak. Worse, the women could interpret the issue as one of digestion, making them look at him the same way he looked at Diana. No. It was the wrong call. But as Jack looked out at Zuri - powderless, rougeless, and pouting - he thought of a way to remedy the poorly written script.
“I’m sure by now you’ve all noticed the departure of two of your fellow contestants and the late addition of another: Zuri B.”
The ladies all looked back at her with mixed expressions.
“Well, last night there was a security breach,” he said as the women gasped in fear. “Please, don’t be alarmed. It was just Zuri - an old childhood acquaintance of mine who, in an act of desperation, climbed the wall of the estate, made her way past security, and found me while Ensley and I were on our date. Before security arrived, she professed her undying love for me and begged me to let her join the rest of you on the show.”
Zuri’s face was frozen in an open-mouth, bug-eyed expression of shock and horror.
“Naturally, I said, ‘No! Are you crazy?! These women deserve better than that, Zuri!’ But as security took my stalker away, Ensley must have seen in my eyes an uncertainty in my decision that not even I noticed. She said to me, ‘Mr. Adamson, I’ll always have deep… deep feelings for you…but I sense a spark between you and that strange, obsessive woman that is natural and beautiful, and…you should pursue it.’ I said, ‘I can’t. I won’t!’ But Ensley, believing she had seen something she couldn’t compete with, stood up from that table, shed a tear, and said goodbye. I then had a few drinks to help deal with the pain, partied it up with Mackenzie…and then Diana quickly came down with dysentery and had to leave the show.”
“Oh no,” Naia whispered to Chloe.
“It makes sense,” Chloe quietly replied. “She was in the bathroom a lot.”
“Yes, Chloe. She was,” Jack said. “But after she left, it made me wonder if I owed it to Ensley to allow Zuri an opportunity at love. Not for her…and not for me…but for Ensley, who sacrificed her own opportunity to find love so another could have it. The more I thought about it, the more I couldn’t deny that fate seemed to be at play in all this. Just think about it: you were all told by the end of the night there’d be nine of you. And with losing Ensley to selflessness and Diana to dysentery, the addition of another would bring that number back to nine. It all just made too much sense. So, last night, rather than go on our dates, I did a lot of soul-searching. Eventually, I spoke with Zuri as she remained in handcuffs. We had a very long and productive conversation where I told her I would allow her to participate as a contestant on the show but only to honor Ensley and only if you ladies unanimously concurred.”
The women looked around at each other as if to gauge via facial expression what the others might decide.
“Now, let me just say one last thing before we put this to a vote. I want each of you to picture nine nights from now: I’m kneeling with a ring. You’re crying tears of joy. I’m crying tears of joy. I propose. You open your mouth to answer, but as you do, Ensley’s words stop you. Because while all the other contestants have been eliminated, there is still one person somewhere out there in this great big world who had a spark with me that was so…sparky…it inspired Ensley to leave the show. Standing there nine nights from now, wouldn’t you want to go back and vote yes so you could know for certain the spark was extinguished? And that you were truly… sniff …my one?”
Jack wiped away a fake tear from the side of his nose, Connie wiped away a real one, Elena placed both hands on her heart, and Zuri shook her head. Like a good host, Mick came into the shot with perfect timing - just enough to let Jack’s speech sink in without letting the quiet drag on.
“Thank you, Jack. Ladies, it is time to vote. If you are in favor of allowing Zuri B on the show, please indicate by raising your hand.”
Naia’s hand immediately shot up. Then Dani’s. Then Connie’s. After a brief delay, the rest of the hands started going up one by one until everyone had voted Zuri in.
“Thank you,” Jack said before looking to Mick to continue.
“Well, there you have it. Zuri is now an official castmate and contestant on Vermin of the State. And while this news of an additional cast member may not be what you were hoping to hear, I do have some good news as well. The fifteen minutes you were supposed to have yesterday will be had…as soon as Mr. Adamson…takes your arm.”
Each of their eyes and mouths became noticeably larger upon hearing the news. Jack was given no predetermined order, and since he didn’t want to reveal his top choices or alienate any of the women, he decided to start with the girl closest to him: Elena. One at a time, Jack took each by the arm and led them on the same fifteen-minute loop through the front gardens, around the back of the manor, past the old chapel, and upon returning to the front lawn, he excused each with a gentleman’s bow and kiss of the hand. After which, each was permitted to await further instruction inside the mansion.
Whether the impact of the chamomile and gummies was more placebo than chemical-based, it didn’t matter. Something was working. Jack spent fifteen minutes with Elena, then Connie, then Mackenzie, all without feeling the impulse to bum a swig from Jo…’s metal flask. It was the same with Chloe, then Naia, then Izumi, then Lily. With each, he was able to exude confidence while asking questions, learning about their lives, and making them laugh. One thing they all had in common was a deep love for regency literature, but Jack enjoyed - even more - the things that made them different. He found out Izumi spoke seven languages, that Connie’s greatest fear was accidentally eating moldy bread, and Elena was one of twelve children. Jack genuinely enjoyed his time with each of them so much that he barely noticed the cameramen who accompanied them. But then he came to Dani - his favorite.
The second he let go of Lily’s hand and watched her disappear inside the house, Jack felt the terrible desire for a shot rush over him. He wanted to look at Dani but figured even that would set off a chain reaction resulting in the same catastrophic ending he’d experienced with Ensley. Still, he couldn’t just stand there and wait for her fifteen minutes to expire. Just as the sun disappeared behind the trees, Jack approached her but only at half speed - looking only at his hessian boots as he walked. A few short steps away, he stopped as if paralyzed. All the questions he’d asked and all the things he’d said to make the other women laugh were as graspable as a feather in a hurricane. Then suddenly, he felt her.
“Shall we?” Dani asked with gentility as she took Jack by the arm.
Her smile’s propensity for edification was healing. In an instant, the new Jack was back. But while she displayed a forthrightness in instigating physical touch, she demonstrated her resolve for patience in the realm of conversation. As such, Jack took the liberty to begin.
“You’re Dani, correct?”
“Mhm.”
“And…you’re from Castle Combe?”
“Yes,” she answered with surprised excitement. “How’d you know?”
“Just a hunch.”
“Oh really?”
“Mhm.”
“Hmm…so, Mr. Adamson, what other tidbits of personal information have the producers been feeding you in preparation for these fifteen minutes?”
“You mean, what other hunches am I getting about you?”
“If that’s what we’re calling it,” she giggled.
“Well, I did notice on your flats a small purple pigment foreign to the UK. That with the callus on the interior of the upper middle finger of your left hand would indicate that you, madam, are…an artist.”
“Ohhh. Very good.”
“Thank you. Guess I’m not just a pretty face,” he said with pride.
“But…”
“But what?”
“I know something you don’t know. I am not left-handed.”
“Well…shoot.”
“Plus, these flats aren’t mine. They were provided by Wardrobe, remember?”
“Plus, there’s nothing purple on them. I confess: I made it all up.”
“Hahaha. You’re kidding!” she said sarcastically. “Well, since you’ve wasted a whole minute of our afforded fifteen pretending, how about you make up for it by telling me something real?”
“Something real…let’s see…Castle Combe in winter just might be my favorite place and time in all the world.”
“Is that right?”
“That’s right. No tourists. Quiet. Beautiful. Plus, my dad used to take me golfing there.”
“Manor House Golf Club?” she asked.
“Yes...”
“I worked there during secondary school!”
“You did not!”
“I did! I suppose it shouldn’t be that surprising, though, given there are only about three hundred and fifty of us back home.”
“Did you work at the Spike Bar?”
“Pro Club. If you and your dad played there between…let’s see…between 2010 and 2014, odds are you at least saw me once in passing.”
“Hmm…maybe that’s why you seem so familiar,” Jack said, making eye contact with her for the first time.
Even in the twilight, he could see that she was blushing. Jack slowed his pace. He wanted to siphon every second he could with Dani. If their fifteen minutes expired and they weren’t back, Mick would have to come and find them. That would give him and Dani another two minutes: two minutes he was sure Zuri would be more than happy to let bleed into her fifteen.
For what felt like days, yet also a fraction of a zeptosecond, Jack and Dani took turns teasing, laughing, quoting their favorite films, and - every so often - enjoying the other’s presence in absolute quietude. However, as they approached the final turn before the front lawn, they heard a familiar voice getting closer and calling out for them.
“And here comes Mick,” Jack said with disappointment.
But rather than keep going, Dani anchored in place, stopping Jack dead in his tracks. He turned and found Dani’s longing eyes staring back at him. First, at his eyes. Then, at his lips. And finally, back to his eyes again.
“Oh, whatever,” she said, succumbing to temptation.
It all happened so fast. In an instant, Jack watched as Dani’s eyelids fell victim to gravity. Then she pressed her lips to his. It was altogether a perfect kiss - the likes of which he was certain few had ever before replicated. But then the blaring sirens sounded.